Chapter Five

There was a moment of complete silence. Kara stared down at the remains of her dinner and tried to pretend she wasn't there. Although in a strange way, the argument made her feel more comfortable. She wasn't sure she could fit into a perfect family that never said a cross word.

"I think I'm going to lie down for a while," said Caroline finally. Her voice sounded very faint.

"Mum-"

"I'm fine, Zak. I just need to be alone for a while."

She disappeared upstairs. Zak sat down beside Kara, swearing under his breath.

"Gods, Lee can be such a bastard sometimes. He's got no right to talk to Mum like that. I've a good mind to go out there and-"

"And do what?" said Kara sharply. "Punch him? That'll really make your mum feel better."

Zak swore again, and she took his hand. "I could go and punch him for you if you like."

That finally raised a smile, much to her relief. It unsettled her when Zak didn't smile.

"That's very sweet of you, but I'll pass. I don't want to have to take Lee down to Casualty."

"Come on," said Kara, standing up and pulling him with her. "Let's go watch a film or something. Take your mind off it."

She dragged him into the living room, and curled up next to him on the sofa. She put on the silliest comedy film she could find, and after an hour or so she was pleased to feel the tension easing out of his body and his laughter ringing out genuinely.

Caroline came back downstairs not long after, composure firmly back in place.

"Where's Lee?" she asked, looking around.

Zak shrugged, keeping his eyes fixed on the screen. "Still outside, I guess."

"Outside?"

"He's sitting on the porch," said Kara quietly. She'd had a look when she went to get a beer from the kitchen.

"He's been there all this time?" Caroline looked worried. "In this weather? He must be freezing! Maybe I should go and-"

"Just leave him, Mum," said Zak sharply, still watching the film. "There's no talking to him when he's like this, you know that."

"But-"

"Leave him. He'll come back in when he's ready."

"I suppose you're right," said Caroline, but she didn't sound convinced. Kara looked at her worried face and felt abruptly sorry for her.

"I'll go if you like."

They both turned to stare at her and Kara shifted awkwardly. Why the hell had she said that? She didn't need to get involved in their family squabbles. But Caroline had been so nice to her, and she just wanted to do something to help…

"I'll go and talk to him if you want," she said, more loudly. "It might be easier. After all, I'm a guest and a stranger. He's hardly going to shout at me."

"Well, if you don't mind-" The lines around Caroline's mouth eased slightly. "That's very kind of you, Kara."

Kara shrugged uncomfortably. "No problem. Really."

--------------------------

Lee was indeed still out on the back porch. It was freezing, but he didn't seem to notice as he sat on the bench smoking a cigarette.

Kara sat down next to him. "Zak said you didn't smoke."

"Only when the occasion calls for it." He offered the pack. "Want one?"

"Thanks." She took one and used his lighter.

"I'm sorry you had to get caught up in all that," he said after a moment.

Kara shrugged, taking a drag of her cigarette. "Families are messy. I can relate."

He half smiled at that. "I'm sure everyone can."

There was a pause, and Kara thought he wasn't going to say any more, but then he spoke.

"It just bugs me, that's all. Every time Zak gets his hopes up. Every time. And every time he gets crushed. I just – I thought he would have learnt by now."

"Sounds like you have," said Kara neutrally.

Lee laughed bitterly. "You're right there. I learnt a long time ago that it's best not to expect anything from him. From anyone. That way, you don't get hurt."

Kara turned her head slowly to look at him, struck by his words. She'd said similar things to herself more often than she could count. Whenever her dad let her down, whenever her mum got drunk, whenever another boy left her behind. Perhaps she and Lee had something in common after all.

"It just makes me so angry, the way they make excuses for him," Lee went on. "That he's busy, he has so many responsibilities, that he does his best. It's all complete bullshit." He slammed his hand down on the arm of the bench.

"It is?"

"Yes," said Lee intensely. "Because the truth is he made his choice. When he left Mum, when he left us. He chose the fleet over his family. Put what he wanted before what we needed. And there are no excuses for that."

"No there aren't," said Kara fiercely.

Lee looked at her curiously.

"My dad left me too." She smiled bitterly. "Told you I could relate."

"He walked out on you and your mum?"

"Not exactly." Kara knew she should leave it at that, but for some reason she went on. "He killed himself."

She looked up. Lee was staring at her, face full of concern, and for the first time she could see his resemblance to Zak.

She tensed, waiting for the horror, the sympathy. Poised to stalk away at the first sign of pity.

But he didn't do any of that.

"Rough," he said, and took another drag of his cigarette.

Kara relaxed. He wasn't going to smother her in sympathy then.

"So he made a choice too," she said after a moment. "Between doing what he wanted and leaving me alone with my mum. And he didn't choose me."

"You can't forgive something like that," said Lee, his voice harsh.

"No." Kara stared out at the stars, wishing she were up there. A week without flying suddenly seemed like an eternity.

"What was wrong with your mum?" Lee asked after a moment.

"What?"

"Why didn't you want to be left alone with her?"

Oh. "She drank," said Kara after a moment, and hoped the tone of her voice would stop him there.

It did. He didn't say any more, and they sat there for a while in silence as they finished their cigarettes.

Kara was wondering what had possessed her to talk about her parents. She rarely did. Not even Zak knew more than that her dad was dead and she didn't speak to her mum. She had never volunteered any details, and he had never asked. Yet for some reason she had talked about it to Lee, and she had only known him for two days.

People often said it was easier to talk to strangers. Maybe that was it. The fact that Lee was a stranger, and yet she felt comfortable with him.

It was odd. She didn't feel instantly comfortable with many people. She was glad it had happened with Zak's brother. She thought too that he felt the same. She got the feeling he didn't open up to many people, especially about his father.

She stubbed out her cigarette and smiled at Lee.

"So, are we going back in? I'm freezing out here and I haven't kicked your butt at triad enough times yet."

He smiled. Reluctantly, but he smiled. "Maybe I'll kick yours."

"I'd like to see that!" She pulled him to his feet. "No-one beats the great Starbuck, you know."

"At triad?"

She grinned cockily, challenging him. "At anything."

He was smiling properly now. "Well, we'll just have to test that theory."