Chapter 13

"Something's going on with you."

Donna looked up from her desk and saw Liz standing in her doorway eating a Twix bar and looking at her strangely. "What?"

"You were humming," she said with a full mouth.

She was humming? Really? She hadn't even noticed. "So… something's going on with me because I was humming?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm having lunch in…" she looked down at her watch and promptly stood up. "Crap. Ten minutes."

Liz watched with an amused look on her face as Donna stood and started shoving things into her attaché case. "No, it's something else."

Donna breezed past her with a chuckle. "Well, if you figure it out, let me know."

Liz followed her down the hall. "You smile a lot."

Donna smiled. "Well, I have a beautiful smile."

"But you use it more now."

"Ahh… you've caught me."

"Yes."

"I'm running a little late here, oh short one."

Liz took another bite of her Twix bar. "And you tease more. You're… might I say… teasy?"

"Teasy?"

"Yes."

"So I hum and smile and I'm teasy, which isn't actually a word."

"It suits our purpose either way."

"Either way? There is no way. It isn't a word."

"Whatever. You're going to bring me back some cheesecake, right?" Liz asked as they reached the elevator.

"What?" Donna asked, hitting the down arrow and looking at her watch again. "No."

"Donna," Liz said, gripping her arm as if her life depended on it. "I'm a pregnant woman. I have cravings."

"So you need me to order a piece of cheesecake to go while I'm in the middle of a meeting with two United States Congressman?" she asked, hitting the down arrow again and mumbling 'come on.'

"Yes."

"Oh good Lord."

"Cravings, Donna."

Donna looked at her skeptically. "You found out you were pregnant three days ago. You already have cravings?"

"No, I've always had them. But this is the first time I can succumb to them," she said with an innocent smile.

The elevator doors opened and Donna stepped inside. "I'm not bringing you cheesecake," she said as she hit the 'lobby' button.

"The baby's only 3 days old and already you're not spoiling it?" Liz said as the door closed. "Some godmother you're going to make!" she yelled after it was closed.

Donna shook her head and smiled as the elevator went down the nine floors to the lobby. She'd never met anyone as excited about being pregnant as Liz was; and not just the baby, but the pregnancy itself. And Tom wasn't much better; they'd known for three days and he'd already bought a camcorder and a car seat. The elevator stopped and she stepped out and around a few people waiting for it, then walked quickly through the lobby and outside to catch a cab. It was only about a fifteen minute walk to the restaurant, and with the heat finally letting up a bit she would've preferred to walk, but even taking a cab, she was going to be a few minutes late.

She lucked out with a cab and had just told the driver the name of the restaurant when her cell phone started ringing. She looked at the caller id and saw Mark Wilson's name. Crap. "Congressman," she answered cheerfully.

"Donna, I'm running a bit late for lunch. I got held up in a meeting."

She breathed a sigh of relief. "So did I, I'm on my way there now."

He chuckled. "I bet Brett's enjoying himself alone at the restaurant."

"I'm sure," she said smiling. "I should be there in two or three minutes."

"I'll probably be ten."

"That's fine, we'll see you there." She hung up and leaned back; it was the first quiet moment she'd had all day

By the time the cab dropped her off, she was five minutes late. She walked inside and a host took her to a table where Congressman Allen was already sitting. He smiled as she slid into the booth opposite him. "I'm so sorry I'm late, Congressman."

"Not a problem," he said with a smile. "Mark's not here either."

"He called. He's running late himself. He should be here in a few minutes." A busboy cameto fill her water glass and she asked for lemon.

"The education committee loves this bill, Donna. You've done a wonderful job on it."

She smiled, reminding herself not to do so shyly. This was her circle now, she belonged. It was important to remember that. "Thank you, Sir. We're pleased with it ourselves."

"I'm betting that after tomorrow, we'll be able to start courting votes. This will be your first time at that, yes?"

She nodded. "Yes. I'm looking forward to it, actually." She glanced around the restaurant then and her eyes stopped on Josh, standing in the walkway next to a table. Her face lit up and she somehow resisted holding a hand up to get his attention.

The congressman chuckled. "Yeah? Talk to me in three weeks. We'll see how you feel about it then."

She looked back at him. "If you'll excuse me, Congressman. I just need…" she put her napkin down and started to get up.

"Of course."

"I'll be right back," she said before looking back at Josh and smiling. He seemed to be looking at her, but hadn't acknowledged her, and she felt her nerves getting the best of her as she walked towards him.

"Hi," she said softly. He didn't reply and her heart sank for just a second before she noticed that he seemed… off somehow. Not like he was ignoring her, but like he didn't even see her there. She waited a few seconds, then glanced at the table he was standing next to. Sam Seaborn was sitting there looking at her and she said hello.

Sam offered his hand and she shook it, still watching Josh standing there silently. "Hi. Donna, right?" Sam asked her.

"Umm… yes. I used to…" she trailed off. "Josh," she said as softly as possible, hoping no one would hear her but him. "Are you ok?"

"Fine," he finally said in a tight voice, looking at something over her shoulder.

Sam stood up quickly. "So Donna, what brings you to DC?" he asked in an overly cheerful voice.

She looked at him, a bit peeved, and bit her tongue. Couldn't he tell that something was wrong with Josh? "I… uh…" she looked back at Josh. "I work for the Children's Rights Council here in town," she said, still trying to read Josh.

And then Josh looked at her, the first time he'd met her eyes since she'd seen him that afternoon. His were dark and almost glasslike and it gave her chills. "What?" he asked as though he'd just arrived.

She hesitated for a few seconds before answering him. "I work for the Children's Rights Council," she repeated slowly, still worried about him. He looked… she couldn't quite place it, but something wasn't right. His face was pale, he was breathing heavy enough for her to notice it, and she thought that he might have been about to pass out.

"You do?" he asked before glancing behind her again. She wondered what or who he was looking at; somebody was obviously upsetting him and she briefly wondered if Amy Gardner was there.

"Yes." She looked back at Sam, trying to read the situation, but he seemed clueless as to what was happening. "I… I actually have a meeting with you tomorrow."

"You do?" Sam asked.

Her mind was screaming not to, but she found herself lightly wrapping her hand around Josh's arm. His head didn't move, but his eyes flickered down to her hand before meeting her eyes again and the muscles in his forearms twitched. "Yes," she said to Sam. "We're working on 726 with Congressmen Allen and Wilson. In fact, we're meeting now to discuss a few last minute things before tomorrow."

"You are?" Josh asked, almost as if he was confused about something.

"Well," she tried to say casually. "We are if Congressman Wilson ever shows up. He's stuck in a meeting." She turned fully to him and leaned in. "Are you sure you're ok?" she whispered.

"Yeah. I…" He shook his head and half-smiled, his face still pale but his breathing a bit better. "I wasn't feeling well, but it's passed. I'm fine."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he said inthe reassuring voice she remembered.

She looked back at the table as Congressman Wilson slid into her spot, then looked apologetically at Josh. "I guess I better get back," she said reluctantly.

"Yeah," he said softly.

She started to turn around before remembering Sam standing there. "I'll see you tomorrow at ten, Mr. Seaborne."

"Sam," he said, shaking her hand again.

She nodded and turned back to Josh. "Maybe I'll see you there," she questioned, fighting the urge she had to bite her lip. She thought she'd grown out of that habit, but he made her feel uncertain and shy and she found herself falling back into the routine.

He nodded and spoke in a stronger voice. "Come early. I'll give you a tour."

Her eyes opened wider as the little girl inside of her squealed. She could feel her heart rate speed up and her cheeks flush and she was sure she was wearing her heart on her sleeve. "Really?" she asked, her smile lighting her face.

"Sure," he said, smiling back.

She fought the urge to lean in and hug him, backing away instead. "I'll bring breakfast." He nodded at her and sat down, watching her leave, and she took a few more steps backwards before almost tripping, then turned around and walked to her table.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"I need your help," she said instead of hello when Liz answered the phone.

"Ok…" Liz drew out. "What's up?"

"I have a meeting in the morning at the White House," she said, standing in front of her open closet.

"Yes…"

She looked behind her at her bed, four or five outfits thrown on top of it. "I don't know what to wear."

"You don't know what to wear…" Liz drew out, chuckling.

She plopped down on the end of her bed. "This is not the time for laughter."

"Donna, you have very nice business suits. Wear one."

"No," she said, shaking her head back and forth quickly even though Liz couldn't see it. "I need to look feminine, not power hungry."

It was silent for a second. "You're going into a meeting in the White House, trying to garner support for your bill, but you don't want to look powerful."

Donna stood and started pacing. "I don't want to look un-powerful either."

"I see."

"You do?" she asked. Maybe she hadn't lost it quite as much as she thought she had.

"No." Then again…

"Liz!" she shouted, stomping her foot like a six year-old. She could hear Liz laughing through the phone. "Did I or did I not bring you cheesecake back from Morton's."

"You did, but that was really for the baby."

" Elizabeth!"

"Sorry. Sorry. Ok." The line went quiet for several seconds. "You want smart feminine elegance."

"Yes! Do I have that?"

"Not really."

"Liz!"

Liz laughed again. "Does this have anything to do with the humming and the smiling and the teasing?"

"Yes…no! No, of course not. This is… I have a meeting in the White House tomorrow."

"That you don't want to look professional for."

"Right."

It was quiet for a second. "Do you have the hots for Brett Allen?"

"No, yuck."

"Mark Wilson? Cause he's married."

"There are no hots. Can we get back to the task at hand?"

Liz sighed. "A suit without the jacket and a light blouse. Simple jewelry, heels that show off your legs and wear your hair down, it makes you look younger."

"That'll work?"

"Yes. The President's married too you know."

"I'm hanging up now."

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The cab driver dropped her off at a corner a few blocks from the White House and she thanked him and got out, gripping the Baked and Wired bag in her hand so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She'd gotten little to no sleep the night before, her stomach churning and her mind wandering. At the restaurant, something had been wrong with him and she found herself wondering what it was. He'd looked better by the time she went back to her own table, where she pretended to listen to the congressmen talk about committee recommendations for 726, but she'd glanced over at him no less than fifty times in the twenty minutes before he and Sam left, and he still hadn't looked quite right.

She wondered if he was sick, which brought about even more worry. She didn't know much about his health, especially after the shooting, and she had to fight to not think the worst after seeing his pale face and hearing his shallow breathing. What if his heart wasn't well? What if the surgery had left him weak? What if he had medication he was supposed to take or a diet and exercise regime he was supposed to follow? Did his assistant help with those things? Did Amy Gardner?

Then her mind shifted and she couldn't stop the nagging feeling that it had been her who upset him. She tried to tell herself how presumptuous that was of her. That he had a million other things in his life that could've upset him, that thinking of her was probably very low on his list, but the thought still sat with her.

She'd given up the completely implausible belief that she'd never hurt him. She'd spent four years denying that to herself, telling herself that her leaving had been an inconvenience to him and nothing more, and at the time, she needed to believe it because she couldn't take both the broken heart and the guilt. But what had happened in the Baked and Wired had cracked that illusion she'd created, and Margaret's words to her a few weeks later combined with his tentative, almost reluctant behavior at the Safeway had shattered it. She had hurt him. Hurt him to save herself, and she'd been fooling herself to believe otherwise.

She walked down the sidewalk towards the front gate at the White House, taking deep breaths and telling herself to stop focusing on the worst. It couldn't have been her who upset him the day before. It couldn't have been, because he'd invited her to spend time with him that morning, and he wouldn't have done that if he wanted nothing to do with her. And while she knew he didn't want the same things from her that she wanted from him, anything would be enough. She'd eagerly give whatever he asked for.

She gave her name and id to the guard at the front gate, then stepped through when it opened slowly for her, and her focus suddenly shifted. She was at the White House. The White House. She had a meeting at the White House. It was a strange thought and she let out a long breath and smiled. Sometimes she forgot how far she'd come since working as a waitress and a file clerk, supporting a man who didn't really know her. Of course, how could she have expected him to, she didn't even know herself back then.

Her name was checked and her bags gone through before she was allowed to walk up the driveway and into the building, where the bags were then put through an x-ray machine while she walked through a metal detector. And then she was inside the White House, standing in the lobby and looking up at high ceilings as people rushed by paying her no attention.

"Ms. Moss?" she heard a minute later.

She brought her head down and found herself looking at Josh's assistant, April something. She wasn't sure she liked her, but she smiled. "April. Hi."

April smiled politely at her. "Josh said you'd be here this morning. I'll take you back."

"Thanks," Donna said, following her through the halls past several offices and into a section of the building with several glass partitions. A phone started ringing and April walked up to a desk and answered it while pointing to an office at the end of the hall.

She nodded and walked up to the open door slowly. She peeked inside and started to knock when she saw Josh sitting at his desk, but something stopped her and she found herself watching him instead. His elbows were on his desk and his head was down. There was a pen in his right hand and the fingers on his left hand were raking through his hair. She couldn't help smiling. It was like looking into the past; he could've been sitting at his desk in that make-shift office in Manchester.

"April!"

"I see you're still not a fan of the intercom," she said with a grin.

He looked up, almost surprised, and smiled widely at her, his dimples coming out, and she breathed a sigh of relief that he looked unbelievably better than he had the day before. He paused for a few seconds and then stood up and rounded his desk. "How long have you been standing there?"

She shrugged. "Just for a minute," she said softly. "Are you making the world a better place?"

He looked back at his desk and said, "I'm trying to make college affordable."

Her smile widened. "You are making the world a better place."

He looked at her, their eyes locking for several seconds, until someone cleared their throat and Josh looked up. "What?"

"You called me," April said from behind her.

"Oh. Yeah, it's nothing. Hold my calls." He tilted his head for Donna to come inside and closed the door behind them, then started taking things off a chair in his office while she looked around. He was as messy as ever, and she found that it comforted her. "You brought breakfast."

"Fruit salad and bagels," she said nervously as she realized that with the door closed, they were alone. Really truly alone for the first time in years.

He looked at her, their eyes locking again, and she bit her lip nervously as the air grew awkward. After a few seconds, he pulled the chair up to his desk and motioned for her to sit down, then took the bag from her and sat it on his desk. "Have a seat."

"I'm not keeping you from anything, am I?" she asked, hoping her voice didn't sound as nervous to him as it did to her. She looked away from him and to a few pictures on the wall that she'd never seen, wondering if the little boy in one of them was him as a child. The dimples certainly matched.

"Nah," he said, bringing a few paper plates some orange juice over to his desk. "College tax credits can wait a few minutes."

She reluctantly tore her eyes from the picture and started pulling things out of the bag, checking to make sure she put the correct container of fruit down on his side of the desk. She put a bagel and a packet of light cream cheese with it and looked inside for forks. "They forgot forks," she said rather lamely with her face down in the bag.

He raised his eyebrows, then turned and grabbed a few out of a small room attached to his office. Then he sat down and opened his fruit salad and there was another awkward pause as he ate some and she picked nervously at her bagel. "Mine doesn't have cantaloupe," he said quietly and she nearly cheered.

"Well," she said, trying to laugh without sounding like an idiot. "I know how you are about eating things with the word 'mush' in them."

He looked up at her and smiled and she fought the urge to cheer again. "Not to mention the fact that it's orange."

"Right," she said, her smile growing as the awkwardness faded.

He picked up his bagel, using a plastic knife to cut it, and started spreading cream cheese on it. "So, you work for the Children's Rights Council."

"Yes, for the last two years."

He kept spreading cream cheese, but looked up at her. "And you're in law school."

She nodded and smiled. "Yes, learning to punish the guilty and taint a jury."

"Ahh, the important things." They both laughed and he tilted his head. "I've worked on legislation with the Council before. Why haven't I seen you?"

She swallowed a bite of bagel and wiped her mouth. "I worked in programs until May. A spot became available in the legal/legislative department and they offered it to me with the understanding that it's temporary until I finish law school. This is actually my first bill."

He raised his eyebrows. "Are you nervous?"

She wondered if he could tell or if he was guessing. "Josh, I'm a professional," she admonished teasingly.

"So, yes?"

She tried to look calm and collected, but couldn't fake it well enough and looked at the desk. "Incredibly nervous."

"Don't be, Sam said it looks good."

She looked up at him. "Have you read it?" she asked eagerly.

He shook his head and said no, and she tried not to let her disappointment show. "But I skimmed through it this morning. I thought you did a great job."

"Really?" she asked with a big smile. He nodded and she bit her lip shyly.

zzzzzzzzzzzz

After they finished their breakfast he took her on the promised tour of the White House. They went to the pressroom first, where they saw Toby Ziegler. She was surprised that he recognized her immediately; smiling and asking her if she wanted to come work for him as he'd done several times while she worked for Josh.

When they left the pressroom, they started down the hall and her knees nearly buckled when she felt Josh's hand on her lower back. It was the first time he'd intentionally touched her since shaking her hand in the Shell station, and the feel of his warm hand through her shirt combined with the subtle security it offered left her breathless and wanting to kiss Liz for suggesting that Donna not wear a suit jacket. It took a concentrated effort to continue walking as he led her into a dark room with a couch and several chairs.

"This is the Mural Room," he said, dropping his hand from her back.

She took possibly her first breath since leaving the pressroom and looked around the room at the tacky wallpaper. "I can see that."

He laughed at her. "You can get this for your living room, you know."

"Oh," she said innocently. "I already have it."

He looked at her for a second. "Still very witty, I see."

"Naturally," she said, smiling slyly at him before turning from him and walking around the room to catch her breath. She stopped at a set of glass doors and looked out into what she guessed was the back yard.

He came up behind her, standing close enough that she could feel the heat from his chest through his shirt, and she felt dizzy. She wasn't going to make it out of the White House without fainting, she was sure of it. Then he reached around her, his chest brushing against her arm, and opened the door, and she thought she might not even make it out of the room. It took her several seconds to summon the strength to walk outside, and when she did, she was standing in what had to be the Rose Garden, a large grassy area with a perfectly manicured lawn, and a white gazebo with white patio furniture nearby.

"We could've eaten breakfast out here probably," he said. "I didn't…"

She looked back at him and smiled. "I liked eating in your office. It was like…" She trailed off, not wanting to push the past with him.

"Yeah," he said softly with a small smile. "Next time maybe."

She was looking at him when he said it, and she wished she hadn't been, because at the mention of a future breakfast, her face lit with a huge smile as the ten year-old in her started imagining not only a Rose Garden breakfast, but a Rose Garden wedding.

They went back inside then and he took her to the Mess and the Roosevelt room, then through what he called the Communications Bullpen, showing her Toby's and then Sam's office. Neither was in, but he introduced her to a woman named Bonnie and another named Ginger, both times as Donna Moss, with the Children's Rights Council. And each time, she looked at him and instead of looking at who he was introducing her to, he was watching her with a look in his eyes that she thought might have been pride.

Then they were in an office with two desks. "Hey Debbie," he said to a woman at one of the desks.

"Josh…"

"Is he in?"

"No, he's in the sit room."

"Debbie, this is Donna Moss."

The woman looked up and smiled at Donna. "Nice to meet you Ms. Moss."

Donna smiled back. "You too."

"I'm just gonna show her around," he said, motioning towards a door.

"Don't steal anything off his desk," the woman said, making Donna chuckle.

He shook his head put his hand on Donna's back again, opening the door and guiding her inside. She stopped suddenly and sucked in a deep breath. "This…" she trailed off. She was in the Oval Office. Of the President. Of the United States.

He laughed. "Yeah."

She took another step inside and looked at the President's desk, arranged neatly, then over at two couches and two chairs. And then it hit her; Josh was an advisor to the President in this room every day. She'd always known he was brilliant, but somehow, looking around this room, it hit home more than maybe ever before. She turned slowly and smiled at him. "You work here," she breathed out.

He smirked. "This isn't my office."

"But you do important work here." He shrugged and she turned back around and looked around the room. "He's very good," she said a minute later, her back still to him.

"Yes."

"That's due in large part to you."

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

She left the Roosevelt Room with Congressmen Wilson and Allen and Sam Seaborn, who was as nice and emphatic as she remembered him being, and debated whether or not she should stop by and say goodbye to Josh. Then she debated on whether or not she'd be able to find his office again. The congressmen said a quick goodbye and walked down the hallway and she bit her lip. She should probably go with them.

"How'd it go?"

A smile lit her face when she heard his voice and she turned around as he walked towards her. "Hi," she said, telling herself that jumping directly out of her skin right there in the White House wouldn't go over well. "It went great. We're going to start getting the votes for it. Sam's going to help."

He nodded and looked up at Sam. "Where are you going to start?"

The three of them started walking, and she wondered where they were going. "Hamilton, Jent, Dear. Maybe Walker," Sam said as they went down a hallway and into the lobby she'd come in through.

Josh nodded and looked at Donna. " Walker's not as tough as he looks."

She smiled and nodded as Sam turned around and started talking to a woman she'd met earlier named Cathy. There was a clock on the wall and she saw that her 'Child Immigration and National Law' class started in twenty minutes. "Thanks for breakfast," she said as she glanced towards the door.

He raised his eyebrows and smiled. "You brought it."

She was tempted to correct him, tell him she meant for his time. For the tour and his hand on her back and the way he'd bragged about her to Toby. For smiling at her and teasing her and making her feel more alive than she'd felt in years. Instead, she smiled and said, "Right."

"How about I buy you lunch in return?"

Her eyes widened and for a second she thought she'd just skip 'Child Immigration and National Law.' The kids could wait a day. But then she remembered that she had a test. "I can't," she said defeatedly.

"Ok," he said, his voice and facial expression shutting her immediately out. It was a huge change in his demeanor; he looked away from her towards the wall, his shoulders stiff and his arms crossed over his chest, and she spoke quickly to make him understand.

"I wish I could. I…"

"That's fine," he said cutting her off. "It's not a big deal," he said, still refusing to look at her, hitting home to her once again that she'd hurt him. It had been a long time ago, and had hurt her just as much, but that didn't take it away.

"I have class in twenty minutes. I have a test. I can't…"

He looked back at her then, his stance relaxing slightly. "Then you better get going," he said, walking her the rest of the way to the door.

"Yeah," she said, suddenly hating her class and her professor and college in general. He opened the door for her and she stepped outside, then turned back to say goodbye, and instead said, "What about Saturday?"

He smiled then, flashing his dimples and tempting her to read something into it that couldn't be the case and she couldn't emotionally afford to read. "I'll call your office."

She smiled then too, maybe wider than she ever had before. Because whether she could afford to or not, she had read into it; and what she read was that she had a date with Josh Lyman.