Of Raccoons and Retrospectives.

.

"Excuse me sir, but do you know your customers are getting snot and mucus along with their icecream?"

A loud disgusted 'sneeze' came out of one of the elephants as he blew out his frozen treat, as if to highlight the point. Judy could only look on proudly as the elephant at the counter paused, frowning as she laid out his health code violations and how they might go unnoticed if a certain fox was allowed to buy some ice-cream for his son.

"No," came a charming voice, dipping his biscuit multiple times into his coffee before flicking it into his grey furred mouth. "Nothing I'd do different there."

"Really Sly?" Carmelita asked, looking up from her own drink and giving him a side eye, mouth pulled up and a cunning smile.

The grey furred raccoon just shrugged, gesturing back over to Judy Hopps, sitting across the table from them. "I know perfection when I see it."

"Uh hu," Nick agreed, sitting next to Judy and across from Carmelita. "And she's mine. Mine." He leant over and grabbed her in his paws, pulling the bunny up tight next to her. "All mine." And with that he gave her a peck on the top of the head before letting her down, a few pats given for good measure.

Embarrassed or blustered, it was hard to tell. Still, the bunny had plenty of aces up her sleeve for getting her own back. "Well, in that case then, let me continue. And talk about how this mammal here swindled me out of twenty dollars."

"Oh darn it, I forget my wallet. I'd forget my head if it weren't on my shoulders, truth be told. Come on little Toot-Toot, Daddy's sorry…"

"For shame. I did not swindle you out of twenty dollars," Nick said.

"Really?" Judy asked, looking up. "Because the way I see it, you wouldn't have gone in from the start just expecting someone to buy it for you. Would you?"

"Fair point," Carm agreed. "He made what, four-hundred dollar on the whole day's operation. What is twenty off of that, huh?" Her eyes narrowed, and she extended a claw to harshly boop Nick on the nose. "You just saw this Bun come in and thought, 'oh, there is a rube if ever I saw one.'"

Both Nick and Sly spoke out. "And was I/he wrong!?"

They looked at each other, before shooting off finger guns. "Nice."

"But you admit it," Judy teased, prodding Nick in the shoulder. "You fully, one-hundred percent admit it."

"No I don't," he shrugged.

"You said yourself," Carm said, taking a sip of her coffee. "You thought this poor coneja was just a sucker you could pull twenty bucks from! Whether you were right makes no difference."

"Or wrong," Judy pointed out. The three others just looked at her, smirking, sending the bunny into a nose-twitching news.

"I promise on my mothers future grave," Nick said, holding up a Junior Ranger Scouts salute for good measure. "I did not swindle this bunny out of twenty dollars. Never did I ever."

"Okay," Judy said in an overacted moan, prodding his side. "Then what did you do?"

He smiled and turned to her. "I swindled you out of fifteen. The extra five bucks was you being generous to Mr Jumbo nuts."

There was a burst of laughter from the other side of the table.

Or rather half of the other side.

Sly, wearing a namesake grin, pinched the edge of his cap and pulled it down. "He got you there."

"Yeah," the bunny admitted. "He did."

"Honestly a lot of it was me just thinking 'hey, what will the reaction of this fox-advocate and simultaneous fox-rep-carrying bunny be," the fox smiled. "Let's see how she dices that duopoly."

"I wonder," Sly mused, looking over to Carm. "How would I react if I was trying to buy a jumbopop and a pretty vixen with Mr Zappy Tooth by her side turned up."

"Why would you ever want to buy a jumbo pop?" Carm asked, Sly shrugging.

"Birthday present for Murray."

"I…" Carm began, before shrugging. "Fair's fair."

"I know how I'd react if Judy turned up with that," Nick smiled, looking down at Carm's shock pistol before getting up and yelling. "RUN! FRICKIN' RUN!" There was a round of chuckles as Nick sat back down. "Only I wouldn't have said frickin'."

"You know that could have happened if I'd have taken the fox taser instead," Judy said.

"Urgh, overprotective parents. Don't remind me."

"Oh, Si," Carm replied, nodding along.

The chuckles and nods faded though as the relative silence of the fourth member of the group weighed itself over them. For Sly's sake, Carm cleared her throat and hurried them along. "Anyway, so what happened next?"

"Oh, I ran the usual hustle. Melt down in Sahara Square. Refreeze in paw print moulds made in the snow in Tundra Town. Sell said treats outside Lemming's Brothers Bank, then hawk the red space-in-the-middle wood to rodent construction sites in Little Rodentia."

Judy nodded. "And I, sneaking along all the while, confronted him right after."

"And there's your mistake on an otherwise perfect stealth run," Sly commented, Carmelita giving a loud 'A-hem' to his side. "Yes, Carm?"

She shrugged. "Says the mammal who famously gives his opponents a big low down 'this is why you suck' speech before doing a very full frontal beat-em-up."

"Yeah," Judy said, leaning in. "Sounds like I play the Sly Game to a T."

The raccoon raised a paw. "I plead the fourth…"

"You mean the fifth," Judy, Nick and Carm said, all at once.

Sly shook his head. "You cops. I plead the fourth. Of July."

Carm looked at him quizzically for a second before sighing. "Okay, fair point…"

"I don't…" Nick began, only for the male across from him to explain it.

"The vast majority of the time, these villains have highly inaccessible bases. To the point where they can only be access via explosive means, removing any chance of sneakiness from the get go."

"What," Nick scoffed, "you strap fireworks to your back?"

"Or shoot yourself out a cannon," Judy added.

To their… concern, Sly nodded eagerly. "Nice, two of them right off the bat."

"Si," Carm agreed. "Even when it's too damp for ignition, he's created and used a steam explosion to propel him up."

Nick and Judy's jaws hit the floor. "Have you confronted these guys in a normal way? Ever?"

"Oh sure," Sly smiled. "I took the lift up to see one. Quite the experience."

"I…" Judy said, before shaking her head. "Moving on! I then read him the riot act."

"I then read her the this is how the world really works act, and left her standing in a pool of cement next to some very annoyed beavers."

"Before, the next day, depressed to boot, I got the first real chase of my life! Duke Weaselton, through little Rodentia."

"Cue title card," Sly announced, paw up and gesturing out to the imaginary poster. "Judy Hopps! In Big Trouble in Little Rodentia!"

"Big donut in little Rodentia," Judy smiled.

"Donut?" Carm asked, as a smiling Judy gave them the whole weasel chase low down.

.

"I popped the weasel!"

"HOPPS!"

"You see," Sly said, pointing at both Judy and Carm, the vixen shooting the bunny a sympathetic look. "There's a reason why I like being the top mammal in any operation I'm in."

"Well, yeah," Judy said, ears down. "Let's just say, Bogo was NOT happy. Especially when I offered to take on Mrs Otterton's case."

"Oooh, eternal parking duty?" the vixen asked, rolling her eyes.

"Fired," the bunny said, drawing blank stares. "Followed by the order to go out there, tell the grieving otter I was a dumb upstart former bunny cop who shouldn't have spoken above her station, and then to get lost."

"You know," Sly mused. "Given that he fired you, couldn't you have just told her everything that went down… And add in a whole bunch of insults to boot?"

Judy blinked a few seconds, before tilting her head. "I mean, thinking about it I totally could have. On the other paw, I was a bit in shock having just been fired by a mammal about one-hundred times my weight."

"So," Carm asked, gesturing at the bunny. "How are you… Not fired right now."

Judy rolled her eyes. "Let's just say I had a surprise intervention by the primary antagonist."

…

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Nick looked on, very unamused, as Carm pointed at him.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The grumpy red fox todd looked down at a very smug looking Judy.

"-She hustled you!" the red vixen chortled. "She hustled you good."

"Fine, fine, the important thing is the fennec likes the baby treatment. Anyway…"

"You see this is why theft is so much better than tax evasion," Sly smiled. "You don't expect to not have hot headed cops on your tail."

Nick looked unconvinced. "Anyway, after being Shanghaied into this, the revenge began!"

…

"Pants are overrated anyway."

All eyes turned to Sly, the raccoon shrugging.

"What?" he asked. "Just speaking the truth here."

…

"This is the number one reason why Europe is better than the America's," Carm said, crossing her paws.

Judy, looking a bit concerned, cleared her throat. "You mean, the lack of sloths."

"Si!" she smiled.

"I… Uhhhh…"

"Judy," Nick leant in, teasing her. "Do you honestly believe that your DMV experience would have not been improved were other mammals employed there."

A series of confused, strained, attempting to be politically correct groans escaped from the bunny's mouth.

"Eh, can't have been that bad," Sly said.

"WHEN I GOT OUT IT WAS NIGHT!"

"Clarifier, for me. -All thanks to my ancestor B. F Cooper's time acceleration technique!"

The Zootopian duo gave the former international sneak thief a strange look as Carm rolled her eyes. "It is just a meditation technique, nothing more…"

"Sure," he huffed, giving her a look. "Denigrate my families achievements. Say we didn't find a way to slow down time…"

Carmelita pulled up a finger. "If he really did work out a way to slow time, why has Bentley not worked to harness that power? To develop it? To…"

Sly cleared his throat. "Ahem. Didn't he have one, major, project in the time department? No?"

"I…" Carmelita began, before her head tilted. "Really!? That… Used that…?"

He shrugged. "I'll leave that up to your imagination."

"Uh, Sly?" Nick asked.

"Carm?" Judy added.

The vixen and raccoon glanced at each other before turning back, laughing it off. "Ah, nothing!" they both said. "Police/Thief Business."

…

"I guess that was the moment things got serious, for me at least," Nick said, a grim look on his face. "Someone or something had caused a whole lot of mess in the back of that limo. All before this, I'd thought it was some dumb game or joke, but right then…" He sighed, looking down.

Moving over, Carm gave him a sympathetic look. "I'm not going to lie, a long time ago I was so fixated on hunting ringtail here, I kept on missing the criminal schemes of those he was pursuing at the same time. Of course, after finding the broken mammals he'd left behind and uncovering it all…" She sighed, shaking her head.

"You know," Sly said, leaning in. "It wasn't just one time. More like foooOOOPPPHH!"

He withdrew from the elbow in the chest he'd received, as Nick nodded. "Yeah," he said, sucking in a breath. "And to be fair, I very quickly got distracted too."

"What by?" Carm asked.

"The fact this limo was owned by a mob boss who really didn't like me. And then the two polar bear goons standing right outside, staring down at us. A few seconds of futile negotiations…"

"-Begging…" Judy muttered, face under paw.

"-Later," Nick carried on, "and we were being carried off."

Sly nodded. "Begging was your mistake."

"Negotiating," the fox insisted.

"Begging," Carmelita said. "And yes, had I been there we'd be out in a…" She clicked her fingers.

"How?" Nick asked, pausing as he saw the very large and angry looking shock pistol getting pulled out. "-Okay!"

Sly chuckled. "Whereas I'd have just vanished in an instant."

Judy shook her head. "Easier said than done. I don't think I'd have been able to run off then and there, Slick even less so."

"I didn't say run," Sly said, finger up. "I said vanish. Big difference."

"What?" Nick asked, only to pause. "Okay, is this going to be another thing like the 'speed up time' thing that one of your ancestors invented? Because OH MY GOD HE JUST VANISHED!"

"HOLY FRITH HE WENT INVISIBLE! HOW!? HOW!?"

.

"So wait, that was the shrew from earlier?" Sly asked, looking on as Judy nodded. "Phew. Lucky you. You didn't have to resort to an opera battle."

"Opera…" Her mouth slowly upturned. "Come on Sly, give us a taste."

"It wasn't me that sung, it was a turtle. Here, lemme show you the video!"

.

"Okay, I can understand you running since you two weren't armed," Carm carried on. "Also why I never leave without…" She gave her shock pistol a good few pats on the side.

"Still," Sly said. "Rainforest? I'd have been jumping on the branches, sliding down the vines, whisking myself just out of reach or maybe getting right above him."

"And then what?" Judy asked. "Not like you could call for backup."

He shrugged.

"Sly…" Nick began. "What ludicrous magical power would you use this time?"

"Pfffff…" He waved it off. "'Magical'. Please. My exploding hat technique is entirely technological." He pulled his blue cap off and sat it down on the table. "Watch…"

"NONONONONONO!"

.

"Okay," Sly agreed. "Now that was a 'reason you suck' speech."

Nick smiled, leaning back. "What can I say. I met the highest standard there."

"Uh-hu," he agreed. "But not in the math department…"

"Huh?"

"Yeah," Judy said, leaning in. "You said ten hours left but counted five on your fingers, and it was around fourteen by the time we went to Cliffside…"

"Does any of this really matter?" Nick asked.

Sly nodded. "Oh, if you had a Bentley on your team, it would."

.

.

The table was quiet, all eyes slowly lingering on Nick. Finally, Judy spoke. "Yeah, learning that. It was something…"

Sly nodded. "Yeah. I'm sorry bud."

Nick shrugged. "Thanks. But seriously, it was done and done long ago. Let's not get ourselves down by dwelling on such things…"

"Although," Judy said, giving the other two a glance. "Getting things like that out in the open can help. Bridge gaps… Help mammals understand each other. You know…" She rolled her paws in the air, an especial focus on Sly.

The raccoon blew her off. "You do realise Carm here had everything on my childhood in her file back at Interpol." He threw a finger at her. "There wasn't a single record from that orphanage she didn't take to study over. Not that it really mattered that much."

"Hey, I had a job to do. Bring you in first," Carmelita said, leaning over to pat him. "Ensuring 'Cooties-Coon' got regular lice treatments second."

"Bite me."

"Your medical records say you get enough of that already."

.

Looking on, nodding, Sly turned to Judy. "You're half-right." The bunny and the no-longer sign language using fox turned to him, Sly focussing on Nick. "Seriously. That's a deeply moving eulogy, but what did the life of Nelson Manedella have to do with breaking into an asylum?"

.

"-But seriously though," Sly carried on. "Nice use of a guard distraction. Not really my kind of style, by the look of the plans there's a ledge on the upstream side of the bridge I could have snuck along, getting in."

"Either way," Judy agreed. "We got in and there they were. Emmett, Manchas, the whole rest of them. All Savage. And we were there to see the mayor come in and implicate himself entirely, recording it on my phone."

"At which point her parents called and we had to flush ourselves out the toilet."

"Hey, it worked," she smiled, turning to Sly. "Can you think of a better way out."

"Ever since I learnt to swim, no."

.

"And that is why angry 'the bad guys who did this are gonna be found and pay' speeches are the best," Carm said, following on from Judy and a rather… regretful, recollection. "You can never go wrong."

"And it took you how long to capture me?" Sly asked.

"Don't tempt me," she warned, bringing out a pair of pawcuffs.

.

"So wait, you seriously didn't just Zoogle it? Not even once?"

Wilting from the twin barrage, Judy turned to Nick, arms open awaiting support.

"They got a point," he shrugged.

Her face turned sour. "I done goofed. OKAY?"

.

"The cop in me must say I'm appalled at the use of such intimidation tactics on that weasel," Carmelita said, looking at the pair sternly. "The pragmatist in me must say very well done! And hahahaha!"

"Yup, that's my favourite side of her right there," Sly said.

Carm nodded. "The other still has major issues with your 'amnesia'. Isn't that right, Inspector Cooper?"

He chuckled, pulling his collar out and glancing to the side.

.

"So, here's how I'd have done it," Carmelita began, only for Nick to cut in.

"ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!" He holstered his finger shock pistol and shrugged. "Done. Am I right?"

"N-no," she hissed, paws on her hips before she stood up, fist shaking in the air. "For a start, I'd have yelled 'CRIMINAL!'"

Sly purred a little. "Uh-hu. And yeah, I'd have snuck in. Then snuck on top. Then dived down and thwacked each one of them, one after the other before they could react. Then I'd take their goodies, take their phone so Bentley could trace the call, and leave Carmelita to clean it up and take all the credit. Again."

The vixen narrowed her eyes. "And this is why my side of the law was always better."

"Uh-hu, uh-hu. You say that, you say that…"

"Well," Nick said. "I'd have been in there, out of there, done, dusted, nothing messed up." His eyes slowly turned down. "My partner though likes mass city destruction."

Her eyes narrowed as she shot to face him. "I did not… I… -One station. One, abandoned, subway station." She threw her paws at Sly and Carm. "I mean, what have you two smashed up on your adventures, huh?"

Sly rolled his paws. "Do you include or exclude evil villain bases, lairs, or long lost vaults containing my families long lost treasures?"

Judy met him with a big happy smile of validation. "Well, I think I settle my case. One train, multiple bases…"

"Yeah, but I didn't destroy a poor innocent city owned train station," Sly replied.

"No," Carm agreed. "Though you did firework destroy an ancient dragon statue…"

"Uh…" he began, twiddling his fingers.

"Or multiple vehicles crushed after releasing other burnt out wrecks from the top of a Mesa City skyscraper…"

Chewing his lips.

"Destruction of a Prague Metro train unit…"

"Okay, I draw the line there," he said, frowning. "That was Bentley."

…

"Damage to a number of historic bridges over the Seine river. Twice…"

"-And how much ancient Chinese architecture did you blow up trying to zap me before I finally fireworked that statue out from under you?" Sly asked, jabbing a finger at her.

"I… A lot of that was owned by the bad guy there. Or was just icicles or paper, that is completely different."

"Sure," he said, rolling his eyes. "Sure. Just like that entire lot of police cars."

.

"Let me guess," Nick said, pausing as he looked at the two across from them. A finger was pointed at Carmelita as he hummed the tune from an old childhood tv show about repeated attempts by a group of wartime aviators to catch a titular messenger pigeon. "ZAP the ew-ewe. ZAP the ew-ewe."

"Oh yeah," Carm smiled. "And the goons. Dodge to the side, hide behind cover, over the shoulder, blam, blam, blam!"

Sly nodded. "As for me, I'm pretty sure there are some pipe like structures in that big hall. Pull myself up them and then run along the top level, out of a convenient window, and bring home the bootie."

"And tell me?" Judy asked, pointing at the both of them. "What happens if you were there. Together. No shock pistol. No exploding hats or crazy thief techniques. Just you two versus the homicidal ewe."

The two looked at each other, thinking it over, before Sly's ears went up.

Carmelita's went down. "No Sly."

"Oh I think yes," he smirked. "I think yes."

"I understand why, but…"

"Hey, what's good for the fox is good for the sheep."

Nick's ears perked up. "No way. Oh, I like how we did it, but that sounds so good."

"What?" Judy asked. "I'm not…"

"Muhahaha," Sly said. "Evil ewe here. Join me young bunny." He then pointed at Nick, the fox taking up the baton.

"No. I will always fight for the good side! You will never win."

"But we outnumber those big prey ten to one. Come on. Together, we will be unbeatable."

"Nick, run, run. If she gets you she'll turn you Savage."

"Wait a second," Sly smirked, picking up 'the gun'. He aimed it over his shoulders. "PEW PEW PEW!"

Carmelita facepawed slightly while Judy began grinning. "Haha, okay. Turning Bellwether and her goons savage? That's also a very good way to get out of our problem. And proves that it's not just preds."

"Sure," Carm said, rolling her eyes. "But, your plan still got her confession out on tape. Who's to say a save Dawn couldn't plead innocence, huh?"

Judy paused, nodding. "I suppose…"

"I mean, there was plenty of evidence that could be uncovered while she was waiting to be cured," Nick said.

"But it's still not a guarantee."

"And who cares right?" Sly said, leaning forward. "Do you know what I've learnt? Hindsight is twenty-twenty. But you two did pretty damn nicely."

"Yeah," Carm agreed. "You two did good. Real good."

"Thanks," Judy said back, as Nick nodded.

"And so would you two, if you'd had the chance."

The sat there, sipping their drinks and relaxing, until Sly clicked his fingers. "Okay, now your turn!"

The two across from them looked on, concerned.

.

Judy jumped up onto the rooftop, cane in paw. Up in front of her was the treasure key, locked in the same reinforced container that the massive Mugshot balloon was moored onto. Cane out, she began whacking it, breaking it apart bit by bit, all the while looking up as the dashing fox cop leapt… or rather jumped screaming… Onto the dirigible. Claws out, he dug in for grip.

POP!

The ugly inflatable model of her foe exploded into scraps, the fox left there hanging for a second, glancing up at her with a look of supreme regret on his face. And then with a whoosh gravity took him. "I'LLLL GET YOU HOOOOPPPPPSSSSSS!"

CRASH

BANG!

SHUDDER.

A few other sounds, including some pained meows, rang out, as Judy leant over the edge. "Ouch…"

And with that she shrugged, said 'eh', and back to key gathering she went.