Chapter 3

"I suppose you know why I've called you all here," Karen said in the sharp, authoritative tone the other girls had for years called her 'school-teacher voice'.

From her position sandwiched between Mary and Popuri, Ann raised one hand timidly.

"Um, I'm just here because I live here."

Karen glowered briefly at nothing in particular.

"Okay, fine. I suppose you know why I've called everyone except Ann here."

"So, I can get back to work now?" Ann asked hopefully.

"No!" Karen barked. "This concerns you, too!"

"Um, Karen," Mary piped up. "I don't know why you're so angry about this. I think Sakura seems really nice! She's been to the library to visit almost every day, and she brings me raisin bread!"

"How does she manage to make raisin bread?" Ann wondered aloud, scratching her head. "The last I heard, Old Man Davis's house didn't have a kitchen."

"Oh, she built herself one the other night when she couldn't sleep," Mary replied absently, sipping carefully at her grape juice.

"That must be what Gotz is so angry about," Elli commented sadly. "He came to the clinic to fix the door when it fell off the other day, and he seemed so irate! He grumbled the whole time about how no one appreciates the work he does, and no one understands him, and one of these days he's going to leave town and see how we all like repairing our own doors."

"We could just get Sakura to do it," Mary suggested.

"Good idea, Mary!" Elli chirped happily. Then she grew serious. "Honestly, Karen, I agree with Mary; Sakura's been really sweet to us. And she comes in for check-ups every week! I would like to see some people be so concerned about their health," she finished pointedly, eyeing the bottle of wine from which Karen was taking periodic swigs.

Karen sighed. These girls were her friends. They had been her friends for years. She was letting them know about this growing concern of hers out of the goodness of her heart. However, if they weren't going to get it the subtle, kind, gentle way, she would just have to go with…the…uh, other way.

"Okay, Elli, you make a good point. But are you sure she's visiting for the good of her health?"

"Well, it's either her health, or she's in love with the Doctor, or she's addicted to the Bodigizers," Elli laughed.

"Oh, no!" Sakura wailed in harmonious despair as her brightest cerulean eyes scanned the pile of empty Bodigizer bottles in front of her. "I need more! So…good…"
"Okay, that was weird," Karen noted as the camera cut back. Then she turned angrily to Elli. "You sure don't seem too broken up about the idea that she might be trying to steal your man!"

"My boss, Karen. My boss. Okay, yes, I have a little bit of a crush on him," she admitted, blushing brightly. "But it isn't going to destroy my life if he marries someone else. After all, I have more important things to think about than romance. And besides," she added, her blush deepening until her cheeks became nearly Rudolphian, "Gotz looks reeeally nice in a tight, sweaty white tee-shirt!"

"Oh, brother," Karen muttered amid the girlish giggles that filled the air from Ann and Popuri at this uncharacteristic comment from Elli, who was, by now, hiding behind a large glass of milk. "Well, for the rest of us, who have our priorities right, this could be a real problem!"

"But why should we care if Sakura has a thing for the Doctor?" Popuri asked, confused. "I guess he's handsome, but he's kind of…well, fifteen years older than me."

"Not. The. Doctor," Karen bit out, wondering if she should just let Ann leave so she could get her another bottle of wine to assist her in dealing with this. Hey, speaking of Ann… "Ann! Do you know how many times Sakura has been upstairs, visiting Cliff at nights in the last three weeks?"

Ann leaned forward eagerly, nearly upsetting a plate of cookies.

"No! How many?"

Karen smiled grimly.

"Almost every night."

"Wow! That's wild!" Ann squealed. "Um, just one question. Who's Cliff?"

"That guy!" Karen thundered, gesturing over to a table in the corner.

The scruffy young man, preparing to apply himself with great gusto to his drink, looked up, his drink hovering between the table and his mouth. His face grew red at the sight of five pretty young women studying him curiously.

"Oh, him!" Ann said, nodding wisely. "He's nice. A little shy, though. But I think he and Sakura would make a cute couple. She'd sure break him out of his bubble in a hurry!"

"Ann, you're supposed to break him out of his bubble," Karen said, dropping into her chair and rubbing her forehead wearily.

Ann blinked.

"Why?"

Karen flopped briefly forward to the tabletop in despair.

"Oh, come on! Cute, perky innkeeper's daughter and shy, depressed, scruffily handsome newcomer? It's Fate!"

"Well, I guess I can't argue with Fate," Ann said with a shrug. "People have been hit by lightning bolts for that in this town…"

"Good," Karen said smugly. Then she turned sharply to Mary. "And you! When does Sakura usually come by the library?"

"Some time in the afternoon," Mary replied hesitantly, as though not entirely sure she wanted to catch the meaning to Karen's question that was currently eluding her. "After she's finished with her work and has time for a shower."

"Exactly—hey, wait a second! When did Sakura get a shower?" Karen demanded, looking around the table from girl to girl.

"I think she called in a good-looking plumber from the city who is madly in love with her, but knows he has no chance and did the job for free just for the excuse to be near her," Popuri said happily, stealing one of Ann's cookies, only to be rewarded by a sharp rap across the knuckles from Elli.

"Sorry," the little nurse said sheepishly, shrinking back into her chair as Popuri turned an outraged expression on her. "It's a reflex when you have a little brother. Who likes cookies."

"Not to mention, those are my cookies," Ann pouted, pulling the plate toward her and guarding it protectively.

"Can we stay on topic?" Karen ground out with a calmness that rather suggested a hurricane wind catching its breath before really going at it.

"Eep!" said four badly frightened girls, obediently dropping their drinks and various assorted other refreshments and fixing their full attention on her.

"I'll take that as a yes," Karen said brightly.

"Close enough," Ann shrugged. "'Yes', 'please don't kill me', same thing."

"Mary!" Karen barked.

"It was Ann!" Mary wailed. "I didn't say anything!"

Karen assumed a pose and expression decidedly like someone who wanted very badly to scratch her head, but didn't wish to deal with such a blow to her dignity.

"What? No, I was in the middle of explaining why you have a stake in this, too."

"Oh, right!" Ann giggled. "And then we got distracted by Sakura's shower."

"Sakura visits the library in the afternoon, right?" Karen asked Mary, pointedly ignoring Ann. "When does Gray visit the library?"

"In the…afternoon," Mary finished, expression changing from confused to slightly sick. "Right. I don't know what to say, Karen. I like Gray a lot, but after what happened at the beginning of the season, I don't know if I can even trust myself around him!"

"Oh, Mary, it's okay," Elli assured her, patting her hand soothingly. "Gray usually knows not to try to take your book away."

"He said he doesn't hold it against me," Mary continued, shooting Elli a grateful, slightly wobbly smile. "And for some reason, he said it was kind of a turn-on to have a cute girl overpower him! But if he likes Sakura better, I can't change that."

Karen's head snapped up at these words.

"Yes, you can! And we'll talk about how in just a minute! Now. Popuri."

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to hear about why this problem involves you, too?"

"Um…I don't see how it can. The boy I like doesn't even live here," the pink-haired teen pointed out, frowning. "I mean, he lives here in the summers, but if Sakura is already hitting on four other boys, she'll probably be too busy for Kai."

"Kai likes women in general, remember?" Ann giggled. "They sound like a perfect match."

"The tramp must die," Popuri growled, her eyes glowing a demonic red as her hair turned to white-hot living flame. Seconds later, the glow (and the overwhelming heat of the hair-fire) faded and the girls breathed a sigh of relief as the gentle, bubbly girl they all knew and loved sat before them once more. "Even though she's a real sweetie, and really good with chickens, and she brings Mom flowers and milk every day. Hey, wait a second…"

"She's acting that way to put us off our guard," Karen informed her intensely. "And by the time she reveals her true nature, it'll be too late. One of our men will have fallen prey to her wicked traps, and one of us will die alone!"

"Oh, Karen, don't be silly," Elli pleaded. "Even if one of the boys does fall in love with Sakura, it doesn't mean that none of us can ever fall in love with anyone else. How do you know we'll be alone forever?"

"Call it a hunch," Karen shrugged. "Just think about it, Elli; Sakura and the Doctor will be married, living at her farmhouse with its shower and kitchen and Jacuzzi and computerized wardrobe and water slide, and you'll be all alone in that big, dark, cold clinic, night after night. Growing older, year after year, while your youth slips away from you. Year after year. All alone."

"Um…okay, I guess that could happen," Elli admitted, eyes looking suspiciously moist, fingers digging roughly into the fabric of her skirts. "But it's still wrong to plot against Sakura just because one of us might stay single a little longer."

"Ugh. You're hopeless," Karen informed her disgustedly. "How about you, Ann? Do you want to stay alone for the rest of your life?"

"Will there be lots of good food in this solitary future?" Ann asked, rubbing her chin in consideration.

"Mary?" Karen asked pleadingly.

"Um…well, if Sakura promises to treat Gray well, I'm willing to stand aside and let them be happy," Mary said despondently.

"Damn martyrs," Karen muttered, glaring at Mary and Elli in turn. "And what if she doesn't treat him well?"

"You know, Karen has a point," Ann said, a frown creasing her forehead as her eyes lit on an unsuspecting Cliff, who had finally gone back to his drink, comfortably sure that the girls had stopped making him the center of conversation. "It sounds like Sakura's hitting on every young, single guy in town. And I know that Karen'll protect Rick, and Mary'll keep an eye on Gray, and the Doctor probably won't notice that she's flirting with him. But what about Cliff? Who's going to look after him? It sounds like he's had a hard life, and the last thing he needs is some floozy who collects men like bottle caps!"

"Well-said, Ann!" Karen said with a smile of pure sentimental pride in a student well trained. "Someone needs to look after Cliff!"

"Exactly!" Ann agreed enthusiastically. "Elli! I think that if Sakura ends up with the Doctor, you should get to know Cliff a little better! He could use a nice girl like you. Especially a nurse; he seems to get sick a lot."

Four bewildered gazes affixed themselves firmly to Ann.

"U-um…what?" Elli finally asked hesitantly. "Ann, I think Karen kind of hoped that you would look after Cliff."

Ann blinked.

"Oh! I guess I could do that," she finally agreed casually.

"And anyway," Karen added grimly, "looking after them might not be enough against a succubus like this. Especially with the trend I've noticed in the last few days."

Ann, Popuri, Mary, and Elli blinked several times in perfect unison.

"Around the late-middle of Spring," Karen began dramatically, "Sakura began acting…different. She's been humming all the time, always smiling, and she's had her head in the clouds almost constantly."

"That doesn't sound that different for her," Popuri commented, head tilted adorably to one side.

"What it boils down to, is Sakura has fallen in love," Karen finished, before leaning back in her chair and awaiting the outburst that her revelation would cause.

"Oh. Um, that's nice for her," Elli said with slightly forced cheerfulness after a long moment. "I guess that means that four of us don't have to worry."

"Yeah!" Ann chirped. "I guess it's only one of our problems now. It's kind of like playing Russian Roulette!"

"Ann," Karen said warningly. "We're all best friends. We stick together. And we'll stick together now, working as one to neutralize this threat!"

"Oh, boy; looks like we've lost her," Ann sighed. "She's ranting."

The other three, meanwhile, were watching Karen warily. A strange glint had filled the girl's eye.

"We need a plan."

At that, the dimly lit, rustically comfortable main room of Doug's Inn was filled with the sound of alarm bells going off in the heads of four young women. However, since the bells were inside the heads of the four young women, the main room of the inn was, effectively, filled with no sound at all, and instead a distinctly uncomfortable, slightly panicked silence that extended even to the customers that were not involved in the discussion on Sakura and her Feminine Wiles of Purest Evil.

The chronicler of this tale thinks it necessary, at this point, to step back for a moment and document the past history of Karen and her many Plans over the years. It is a little-known fact, but one strongly held to by those who are familiar with it, that Karen and Plans do not mix.

Back in the golden glory-days of their childhood, there had been a terrifying incident, burned indelibly into the mind of each girl – as well as everyone else unlucky enough to become involved – involving Karen's Brilliant Plan to Kapture the Kappa. Mary was particularly adamant in not thinking of the incident, as her right shoulder still bore the scar inflicted by a furious Karen when she had ventured to mention that 'capture' was not spelled with a 'K'. To Karen's credit, it had not been an easy year for her family, what with the purse strings being tightened in order to compensate for the failure of certain villagers (whose names may or may not have started with 'D' and ended with 'uke') to pay their bills. The year was to become abruptly worse when, during their mid-winter attempt, a large crack had formed in the ice and abruptly swallowed up Ann, who had been half-pulled, half-lifted to safety, by a gaggle of frantically shrieking little girls and a Kappa who disliked small, loud creatures invading his lake, respectively. When Karen, Elli, Mary, and Popuri had dragged a shivering Ann into Gotz's cabin and gasped out an account of their attempt to catch the Kappa in order to train him to beat up Duke until the aforementioned wine-maker paid up, the story had gotten back to Sasha and Jeff, the former of whom had given Karen even more reasons to loathe the winter, while the latter just sort of made noises.

Buried within the early teen years of Mineral Town's bevy of lovely, bright-eyed young ladies was an equally horrifying, equally hazardous incident in which Rick had accidentally wandered into the back room of the Supermarket while Karen was in a state of distinct toplessness. And then spent a joyously dazed minute and a half drinking in every glorious detail of Karen's budding…feminine charms, until the aforementioned Karen had regained the presence of mind to throw something at him. And also, to cover up. Rick, having a lower than average sense of self-preservation, had been rather unwisely teasing and smug about the incident, and about having seen more of her than she had of him. This had sparked a decidedly unexpected urge in Karen: the urge to catch Rick with his pants down, as it were. And so, the unfortunate girls of Mineral Town had found themselves rigging up a pulley system outside of the Poultry Farm, to hoist Karen up to the window directly over Rick's bed. To cut short an overly long tale of woe and property damage, that same window had been broken during Karen's attempts to swing closer for a better look, and Karen had been treated to the sight of Rick's torso oozing blood from numerous short, deep cuts, while sprawled directly over his face as he had flailed helplessly about, unable to breathe. The girls on the ground had attempted to scatter, but in doing so had frightened the chickens into quite a lather of rage. When Harris had finally happened upon the scene, it had been to find a rain of feathers drifting peacefully down upon four girls pecked mercilessly by a horde of panicked chickens. Soon after this, Ann had developed a delicious recipe for honey-garlic wings out of revenge, and it had become a favourite of both Elli and Mary, regardless of Popuri's reproachful glances.

The next tale of woe had occurred shortly after the arrival of the handsome young Doctor Tim to Mineral Town. Karen had noticed the seventeen-year old Elli, previously immovable to the charms of the young men of the area, blushing and stammering and dropping things in the dark-haired man's presence, and decided that Something Must be Done. This, unfortunately for everyone involved, had taken the form of an elaborate and poorly-constructed Plan to arouse the Doctor's jealous instincts at the sight of someone else making successful advances on his pretty little number-one fan. After all, Karen had reasoned, Elli clearly wanted to win her boss's heart, and the quickest path to a man's heart was through his caveman instinct of "MINE!" Thus had Ann ended up helping Karen wrap herself tightly in uncomfortable bindings and some borrowed clothing from Rick (who had grown incredibly fond of Karen's usually disastrous Plans over the years), and eventually keeping careful watch in front of the clinic for the Doctor's return. When Ann's shout had reached Karen's ears, she had adjusted the lock of her own hair taped directly under her nose that served as a mustache, and hissed urgently at Elli, "hurry up and kiss me!" This command, Elli had confided blushingly to Mary later, had given her a strange tingly feeling, and she had complied automatically, giving a cross-dressing Karen far more than the stage-kiss they had talked about. When the bewildered Doctor took in this scene, he had been completely fooled not by Karen's man-disguise, but by the genuine nature of the kissing the girls were happily engaged in on the couch. Unfortunately, this had led, at great length, to his assuring Elli, in front of several shocked villagers, that she didn't need to sneak around with Karen anymore, because he at least would fully support their decision for an alternate lifestyle. At far greater length, the tangle had been eventually worked out, and the two girls had spent long hours in their respective bathtubs, attempting to vigorously scrub away all memory of the fiasco.

And now, after this lengthy step away from the sequence of relevant events, let us return to it, dear readers, as the girls have been given by far long enough to come to terms with their dismay over Karen's New Plan.

"Um…what exactly do you have in mind, Karen?" Mary asked, choking slightly over her beverage.

"Oh, not much," Karen shrugged. "First, we've got to figure out which guy she's after. So, we'd better keep a close eye on her for a while."

"Which means stalking," Mary paraphrased, sighing resignedly.

"Not stalking," Karen protested hotly. "Just some…close observation."

"Will this 'close observation' involve tailing her home and camping outside her window late at night?" Elli asked suspiciously.

"Every good plan takes a little effort," Karen said inexorably.

"Then why do we end up working so hard on your plans?" Mary murmured.

"I think it might be fun!" Popuri announced brightly. "We'll be like spies! We can make up codenames!"

The bespectacled librarian flopped facedown on the table in despair and gave an unearthly groan of despair.

"Oh, this is going to end worse than Operation Katch the Kappa…"

End Notes: Whoooooo, this scene dragged on a while longer than I expected! I think it's because I'm officially addicted to having the five girls in the same room, trying unsuccessfully to get to the point. Oh, well; next chapter, the lack-of-plot should get moving again.