Behind the Glass

A Firefly

That night both Fuu and Jin came back, as they always did. Mugen pretended to be asleep until they settled down, then sneaked out for some fresh air.

He just couldn't get over it. His mind was racing about the conversation he had with Jin. Not only did the guy actually talk to him, but he made sense. Until that point for all he knew, Jin could have been a philosopher or a hypersexual satyriasis... he really didn't know.

Then he says, "I haven't been wrong yet". That smug bastard actually thought he got through to me with that? Mugen thought. He doesn't know what he's talking about. When he finds that girl he won't have a clue what to say to her and that I can guarantee. How can anyone know how to put into words to a girl that when she's around, there's a stabbing in my chest that feels kind of good and your slightest touch warms my whole body and... Those are scary thoughts.

Mugen shook his shaggy hair out of his eyes and the dark green grass came back into focus when his hair fell back into place. He studied them with a blank mind.

Green, wet, sharp. These are things I know. These things will never surprise me. These things are boring.

He saw a light flicker and for a moment after he spun towards it he thought someone was standing there with a candle. But it flickered again higher in the sky, out of his reach.

A firefly.

And he was mesmerized by it. It flickered and its light was somehow simple but in the dark of night very interesting. It would shine, go out for a while, then light up again in a different part of the sky. He wondered if there were other creatures in the night watching the light like him. But he felt that they would not appreciate it in the way that he did.

It wasn't like Mugen to think like that. He grew up in a hard environment where he could feel, but it didn't affect his life more powerfully than taking over the thoughts that ran through his head before sleep. The firefly made him feel powerful and painful. It was a combination which made his gaze drift.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?"

The voice snapped Mugen from his thoughts and he focused on pale skin and dark brown eyes in the dark.

"Why are you awake, Fuu?"

She half smiled and walked in front of him to look where his gaze had been set earlier. "To see the fireflies. They're beautiful aren't they?"

Mugen shrugged. "They're not so bad in the dark. In the light they just look like bugs."

"Because they are just bugs. But when it's dark and you can't see, they light your way."

He wondered what she really meant by it all, and he knew it was a truth that made him appreciate the bugs even more.

"Haha. That's got to be a woman's thing: Making a guy realize what's right in front of his face that he would never notice on his own."

"Well that's just because we think too much." Fuu turned to look directly into his eyes through the dark. "And despite all the thinking, we don't even know what we're talking about. But I'm guessing we have more of a clue then you men because we notice. We always notice." Fuu never broke the gaze.

"And what do you notice right now?" Mugen asked, and he'd never been more curious about anything in his life.

"Fear. Wait! Don't start protesting, Mugen. It only leads to fighting. Sorry about scratching your face, by the way." She said this all pretty fast with her arms holding him still by his elbows.

"Alright, what fear?" He asked with his hands dangling strangely at his sides and still in her slight grip.

"You're afraid of change, aren't you? I know you're different than when I saw you five years ago. We all are, and you've probably changed the most. And I have to tell you I was so afraid to see the two of you because I thought you'd be completely different people. But you're not. You could never be anyone but Mugen. Showing me and Jin that you're different won't change that. So why lie about yourself?"

A firefly soared overhead.

"You're right. I did lie. And I am different. But that's not what I'm afraid of. I'm really not afraid to tell you I lied about kissing a lord's wife. I made that all up and I don't know why I did..." He paused and looked at her face, wondering if she knew it was all a lie before tonight. Her face showed no surprise, all it showed was what he thought was acceptance. "This scar on my face is really from a fight where I slipped up and got distracted. And I'm not afraid to tell you that I couldn't look at a women straight in the face in the past five years, especially those women with sad brown eyes!"

Fuu gripped his arms a bit tighter at this.

"What I am afraid of is the fact that five years ago, I would have never told you know all of these things. I'm afraid of how I will feel about these fireflies when I see them in the light. But most of all, I'm afraid of this." And he grabbed her hands off of his arms and laced them with his own. He held their hands between them.

Fuu pulled his hand towards her and kissed it. "And why are you afraid of that?"

Mugen looked and saw that her eyes were glistening. "Because people get tired. And people fall apart." And his hands fell from hers. "And in the light it's all different. That's where I fight and swear and try not to get caught thinking too much." His legs gave out to the grass. He stared at the blades for a long time. Grass never changes.

Time can stand still and everyone around you can feel like a sculpture as you walk around them. You can touch them, but they aren't even there. Mugen thought that would happen now.

"Idiot." Fuu's slipper crunched over the grass and she knelt in front of him. "You really are an idiot. Don't assume that when people get tired, others let go." Fuu grabbed Mugen's hand and pulled him towards her where she kissed the scar on his face and kept calling him "idiot" until they got tired and went to bed, wondering what would still be real in the morning light.

To be continued...

I think that was a weird chapter. How to write romance... I don't know. I've never done it before.