A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. This fic was a total blast to write, and I'm almost sorry to see it end.

And, oh, a little warning here: the parts toward the end of the chapter can get a little… gory (for lack of a better word), so if you're of a sensitive disposition, who can get queasy very easily, you might not want to read it. It's nothing really graphic or "M", however. Really.

Five

Shampoo was sure that she was caught in a hellish nightmare.

Disjointed images floated in her head, knocking into each other, resolving into visions from the depths of certain hell.

Swallowing the love pills –

Falling head-over-heels in love with someone who was not Ranma Saotome –

Getting defeated by that very person –

Silvery white hair fluttering in the wind, and the clash of steel against bamboo –

Shampoo moaned, wishing for the nightmare to end soon.

"Shampoo? Shampoo darling, are you okay?"

She opened her eyes with some effort – her vision was still blurred, but there was somebody standing over her, calling out her name in concern. Warm hands wrapped themselves around her still form, and lifted her into the air. The rush of wind immediately afterward informed her that she was being carried away… the person holding her was running… running…

She opened her eyes once again, and caught a sight of long black hair.

"R-Ranma? Airen?"

"Shampoo." A pair of beautiful green eyes met hers, and her breath was stolen away. She was sure this was Ranma. He had finally realised the long-festering love he'd had for her. The green depths she was gazing into was filled with affection of the like she had never seen before, and…

Wait.

Green eyes?

"Shampoo," he said again, his voice now high-pitched with excitement – or maybe it was relief.

Shampoo's vision cleared.

"STUPID DUCK-BOY!"

Many years later, people would still talk excitedly about the white projectile they had seen that day, moving with super-sonic speed into the stratosphere.

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Ranma watched with an almost inane fascination as the pig-turned-monster reared back its head and emitted a roar that had most of the students cringing and covering their ears with their hands. Akane had a shocked hand clamped over her open mouth, and Hiroshi and Daisuke were clutching at each other, trembling with fear.

Aw man, Ryouga, Ranma thought, shaking his head in sympathy for his fellow martial artist. This shouldn't have happened to you.

"Inu Yasha," the monk said authoritatively, "You know what this means, yes?"

"'Course I do – the bugger swallowed the shards," the white-haired man replied, scowling.

'Inu Yasha' hefted his gargantuan sword. "There's only one way to get back the shards now." With that chilling statement, he charged toward the transformed P-Chan.

With surprising agility, Ryouga avoided the initial charge, and while Inu Yasha stumbled forward with the momentum he had generated, head-butted the half-demon. Inu Yasha was sent flying, to land heavily against a nearby tree. Ranma winced, but the monk seemed to be unconcerned about his friend. A couple of seconds later, Ranma could see why: Inu Yasha got up and prepared for another charge, as if nothing had happened at all.

Hm. Very interesting, indeed.

This time it was Ryouga who took the initiative, running toward Inu Yasha, as the ground pulsed beneath his enormous hooves, as if wave after seismic wave was pulverising it. Inu Yasha blocked the charge by putting up the Tetsusaiga, and it was a battle between hanyou and beast as Ryouga tried to push beyond the unrelenting blade of the sword.

Inu Yasha was the one who finally won the battle, pushing Ryouga's gigantic form off his sword in an awesome display of strength. The students scampered for cover as P-Chan flew in their direction, finally landing with a ground-shaking and crater-causing thud.

Ryouga recovered quickly, however, and the battle recommenced once again in earnest. Ranma's concern for his friend swelled to unrecognisable levels. He noted the sheer power that went behind each stroke from that 'Inu Yasha' guy, and if this kept up – even while considering Ryouga's new body – the fanged martial artist was certainly going to face a painful death. Ranma didn't want that.

He didn't want to lose his only even remotely challenging sparring partner, dammit!

And so Ranma decided to think of a way to save Ryouga.

Obviously experience was lacking on both the 'thinking', and 'saving Ryouga' matters, but Ranma figured that there was a first time for everything. Who knew, Ryouga might give up his grudge in gratitude!

Now, that was an encouraging thought.

Didn't mean it was plausible, though – considering that it was Ryouga he was thinking about here. Ranma conveniently ignored that thought, and tried to get down to figuring out the situation at hand.

Obviously, the main object of contention here was the little pink glass pieces that had fallen from Ryouga's pocket. They didn't look very out of the ordinary – but there had to be something special about them, considering the almost maniacal fervour with which Ryouga and the two strangers fought to possess the shards.

"The bugger swallowed the shards."

Of course, it could be the fact that the shards had the ability to transform people into monsters…

He neatly sidestepped as Inu Yasha came to a crashing halt mere inches from where Ranma had been standing a couple of seconds ago. Unfazed as usual, the half-demon picked himself up again. However, Ranma noted, there was now real anger burning in Inu Yasha's amber eyes, and the pig-tailed martial artist got the sickening feeling that Inu Yasha had actually been restraining himself all this while.

What kind of guy was this Inu Yasha? … A guy who considered fighting monsters like the one Ryouga had turned into a small matter, a guy who pranced around with a sword that was more than half his size, a guy who wore dog-ears on his head…

Dog ears?

How appropriate, considering this was Nerima.

If swallowing the shards was the reason Ryouga had transformed into that monstrosity, the obvious solution would be to get the shards out of his body. The only way Ranma could think of to do that was to cut open Ryouga, and he most certainly didn't want that.

Then how…?

"Ranma?" Akane's voice startled him out of his thoughts. "How do you think that monster came here?"

Ranma shrugged. "If I knew that, the monster wouldn't even be here now."

Akane scowled slightly. "More importantly, do you think that guy is strong enough to… kill it?"

Ranma gave a short laugh. "Geez, Akane, why are you so concerned? Think you can handle that monster?" He smirked at her scowling form. "Maybe that's not such an impossible idea. I mean, all you have to do would be to…" He trailed off, and his eyes widened. "Bloody hell." His jaw dropped. "Bloody hell," he repeated.

Akane's anger morphed into concern. "Er… Ranma? What's wrong?"

"How could I have not seen it before?" Ranma said, shaking his head in disbelief. "It's the perfect solution."

Akane was starting to get exasperated. She raised her mallet threateningly. "Ranmaaa…"

In an unprecedented reaction, he turned to her, his blue eyes intense. The mallet disappeared from her hands, and she took an uncertain step back. What was the jerk up to?

"Akane," he said slowly. "May I have your lunch?"

Lunch? She looked down at the lunch box she held her hands, which she had taken from Ranma at some point during Ryouga and Inu Yasha's duel. "S-Sure." She handed it to him. "But you're not going to tease me, are you?"

"That depends," he said vaguely, carefully opening the box, wondering distantly just how anybody could make something as simple as chicken curry look like pieces of dead rat that had rotted in a lab sewer. Trying not to breathe through his flaring nostrils, Ranma turned to face the battle once again. This time, it was Inu Yasha who had Ryouga at a disadvantage, anticipating his movements and matching knowledge with powerful sword strokes as if he had been fighting monsters for years. Ranma noted that Mousse had carried away Shampoo sometime during the scuffle, and was thankful. He most certainly didn't want any interference in the execution of this plan.

He took a deep breath.

"Hey, ham-face!"

Inu Yasha and Ryouga froze mid-fight. Miroku stared at Ranma with an almost humorous intensity, while a wave of excited chattering rose among the gathered students.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you, pork-butt!"

Ryouga-turned-monster's enormous snout flared, and within its bloodshot eyes blazed the fires that promised sure death. The great, lumbering monster turned toward Ranma.

Ranma took a step forward. "Come and fight me if you can, you great piece of wrapped fat!"

He realised that he had finally reached through to the real Ryouga hidden within the crevices of the monster's mind – not to mention the seething anger that usually came whenever Ryouga set eyes on his sometime-comrade. The monster opened its mouth and let out a long, drawn-out roar of utmost rage, almost as if it were shouting, "Ranma, Prepare to die!"

Ranma's muscles tensed as he lifted the lunch box. It was now or never. He drew the box back, aiming.

"Oooooh! So many pretty ladiiieeeeaAAA!"

Ranma released the box.

A maroon, speeding blur tumbled from the trees.

Both projectiles found their way into the monster's open mouth. The jaws closed with a snap.

The monster blinked.

The crowd waited with bated breaths.

The enormous black face of the monster then started changing colour, from pitch-black to an ash-grey with ugly spots of splattered green. The grey slowly deepened into a vivid purple, whose edges were already reddening. The snouts and the depressed, barely-visible lips trembled. Ranma saw what was coming.

"All students of Furinkan High! Run, run for your bloody lives! NOW!"

The silence shattered like somebody had broken a glass, and students began to run from the clearing in a great flood, some thanking the Lord – and others bemoaning the loss of extra entertainment – that Kunou had chosen that day to catch the flu, and was not there to hold them up.

Then a horrible, horrible sound rented the air, like the cry of an enormous sick animal. Which, incidentally, was not too far from the truth.

Then it came.

The monster took in one last shuddering breath, staggered backwards a bit, then opened its mouth and let out the biggest projectile of yellow-coloured vomit that Ranma ever cared to see in his entire life. Miroku and Inu Yasha ducked and rolled out of its path, while Ranma and Akane, the only students left in the clearing, jumped onto the tallest tree they could find. "This is disgusting," Akane said, crinkling her nose with a cuteness that Ranma had never, inexplicably, noticed before.

The second outlet was even bigger than the first, and more strained – for Happosai came with this one. Ranma thanked the Gods for the unexpected foolproof seal that they had given his plan. If swallowing Akane's cooking didn't make one sick, then swallowing Happosai along with it ought to definitely do the trick. The old man, covered with vomit, blood and gore, rolled to one side, unconscious, but miraculously alive.

Ranma almost cried tears of relief that he hadn't been the unfortunate one to eat that lunch.

Finally, with one last mighty heave, the monster let out what seemed to be the last outlet of the afternoon. Two tiny pink sparks gleamed in the sunlight in that shower, and Inu Yasha and Miroku's eyes seemed to gleam along with them. They leapt to their feet as Ranma watched the monster starting to shrink. Soon, from beneath the vomit and the gore, tiny P-Chan peeked his adorable head out.

Ranma eyed Akane with some apprehension from the corner of his eye, and saw her gasping. "P-Chan was that terrible monster?"

She leapt from the tree, Ranma close at her heels, ignoring the stench of the vomit as she wrapped a discarded scarf around her hands and picked up P-Chan. Gently, she wiped his body clean, even using water from her own water bottle in the process. As she did so, she said quietly, "It was those little pink things, wasn't it?"

Ranma just nodded numbly.

Meanwhile, Inu Yasha, who seemed more accustomed to dealing with wading around in foot-deep gore than his friend, had finally found the little pink shards, and was holding them aloft with one clawed, stinking hand, shouting in triumph, as if it were a great trophy. Ranma admired that Miroku was able to show some relief even through the crinkled, disgusted mask his facial expression was currently set in.

The monk looked toward them. "Thank you for your help, and other…" His eyes flicked over the unconscious Happosai, "… services. You will have our eternal gratitude."

"Was nothin'," Ranma replied flippantly, as an impatient Inu Yasha grabbed Miroku's hand and dragged him toward the banyan tree beyond the copse of trees surrounding the clearing, and across the road. Ranma, Akane and P-Chan watched with fascination as Inu Yasha raised one clawed hand, stroking his palm against the rough surface of the tree. The bark rippled gently, and let Inu Yasha's hand right through, as if it were nothing more than the reflection of a tree on a gently rippling stream. Soon, Inu Yasha let his whole body in, and disappeared. Miroku gave a small, choked sound of joy, which sounded suspiciously like "Back to her posterior's delights."

The monk clutched the one Jewel shard Inu Yasha had given him in his hand, and turned to smile at them one last time, before he plunged his body into the bark as well. A bright flash, and the two of them had disappeared completely.

The only sound that broke the silence was Nabiki's loud efforts to close the betting of the increasingly restless students.

Finally, Ranma sighed and turned to face the school, hands in pockets. "Well, I guess we oughta go back."

Akane nodded, but made no effort to follow him. Concerned, Ranma looked back to see her still wiping and petting a whimpering P-Chan. "Aren't you comin'?"

Akane gave another vague nod, but her expression remained distantly thoughtful. "You know, Ranma, I've been thinking," she started. "I mean, this fight started off with Ryouga fighting Inu Yasha, right? But it was P-Chan who swallowed the shards, right after that water-pipe burst." Ranma felt his heart racing fast enough to beat a racecar as she looked at him with wide eyes. "Maybe Ryouga's been cursed in Jusenkyo to turn into P-Chan. That would explain a lot of things, you know?"

Sweat beaded down Ranma's forehead as he stared at her, too astonished to think of a response. After all these weeks, had she finally figured it out? He could see Ryouga enter into minor convulsions in Akane's arms.

Finally, Akane laughed.

It was loud, full-throated, hearty laughter, and it unnerved Ranma even more. What was she doing now? Was she not going to kill them both?

Akane caught her breath. "I was just joking, Ranma. Of course Ryouga's not P-Chan! I'm sure the poor dear got lost and poor little P-Chan happened to be in the wrong place in the wrong time." She smirked at her fiancé. "Geez, Ranma, you really need to lighten up sometimes."

Ryouga fainted in Akane's arms.

Ranma facefaulted.

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It was all over in what seemed to be less than an instant. Miroku had a fleeting glimpse of swirling darkness, limned by power the magnitude of which he could only predict in his most delirious dreams, before, with a loud popping sound, the both of them were sent tumbling on to the soft forest floor.

Inu Yasha flipped himself onto his feet at once, grinning despite the stench that rose off his form. "I showed those arrogant idiots from the future, didn't I?"

Miroku rose gingerly. "If you say so." He looked cautiously around them, and was relieved to note that they were indeed back to their own time. "Though I find it rather ironic that it was one of those 'arrogant idiots' who finally managed to retrieve the shards."

Inu Yasha scowled, and chose not to reply. Instead, he raised his head and sniffed at the air. "The girls are coming," he said shortly.

Soon enough, the foliage parted, and Sango and Kagome made their appearances. Immediately their faces froze into masks of utmost disgust. "What have you two been doing?" Kagome cried, her voice coming out muffled and nasal as she pinched her nose. "Been rolling around in demon puke?"

Miroku gave out a long and world-weary sigh. "Actually, that's not too far from the truth."

"What?"

"It's a long story," Inu Yasha said, rolling his eyes. "We'll tell it to you later." He paused to reconsider his words. "I mean, Miroku will tell you everything."

Traitor, Miroku thought darkly, as he bent down to retrieve his staff. "We have the Jewel Shards. All three of them, like you said, Kagome." He waved his staff in the general – and very welcome – direction of Kaede's village. "I think the most prudent course of action right now would be to get back home, and, er, clean up."

Kagome nodded. "Though I don't suspect it'll be very easy to get that stench off your robes."

Miroku opened his mouth, but Kagome interrupted him. "Yeah – even with the detergents that I brought from home."

Miroku sighed again. "Well, I suppose I'll just have to try." With that, he began to walk back toward the village. Watching his retreating back, Kagome gasped. "No way!"

"What is it, Kagome?" Sango asked, concerned, one hand already on the edge of her Hiraikotsu.

"You see that thing on Miroku's head?" Sango nodded. "It's a piece of underwear. From my time."

Kagome looked at her significantly. "Women's underwear."

Sango's eyes widened, and she raced to catch up with Miroku. Inu Yasha and Kagome winced as the sound of hand hitting cheek resounded within the forest soon after.

"Oops." Kagome smiled uneasily. "I think Sango kinda overreacted." She started to run toward Miroku and Sango's direction. "I suppose I'd better go and fix things between them."

Inu Yasha watched her leave, shaking his head and snorting at the same time, all in all producing quite a creditable imitation of a horse with acute gastric distress. He finished it off with a regally derisive "Women", adding "Especially human women" for good effect. He started to walk back toward the village as well.

A ripple of powerful energy that exploded in the vicinity in the following moment stopped Inu Yasha in his tracks. Slowly, almost fearfully, he turned around to face the banyan tree, which was now shimmering iridescently. The outlines of the strong and grand bark were fast starting to fade, and the very earth beneath his feet began to rumble. Inu Yasha was suddenly, inexplicably, possessed of a desire to get the hell away from that clearing, that tree.

Just before he leaped out the clearing, Inu Yasha could've sworn hearing the hysterical laughter of a teenaged girl resounding from within the depths of the tree as it disappeared in a flash of light.

Finis