Disclaimer- all the characters you recognize are Miss Rowling's. (Who else could invent such beautiful and lively characters?)

CLOSE TO MY HEART

CHAPTER 7

SNAPE'S DIARY

There was grief, it was everywhere, but Dumbledore and Harry had to forget it for the time-being. If they did not forget it right now, there would be much more of it. Lord Voldemort would be immortal. He would continue to terrorize the world. But there was one way to escape all this. Voldemort had to be killed. And the method was in Snape's Diary.

That greasy haired professor had been hated all through his life. People teased him. No one empathized with him. No one was friendly with him. Even in Hogwarts, he felt out of place. All the other teachers shared an extremely good rapport with the students, but he was the only professor whom everyone despised. Even the Slytherins; although they made a good show of the opposite. If only there was someone to love him, someone to care for him, his life would have been very different. His past was something that bothered him. It did not allow him to rest in peace. He had been very much in love with Lily Evans, but knew he could never have her. He was a lost man, a man who had lost his desire for life.

Slowly, but steadily Dumbledore and Harry made their way to Snape's house. Harry didn't even know that Snape had a house of his own. How Harry had hated that greasy potions teacher! But now that he was no more, he sort of missed him. Snape despised Harry just because he looked like his father, but he had also saved his life a time too many.

When Harry came to know how Snape met his fate, tears welled up in his eyes. He had died to save Dumbledore. The killing curse had been directed at Dumbledore, but Snape jumped in front of it. By now, tears were flowing freely. Quietly he said, "Severus, I'll miss you."

Dumbledore's calm, but grief-stricken voice said, "Harry, please come to the study, fast. We have to look for Severus's diary.

With this they entered the enormous study of Severus Snape. The ceilings were very high and the top could barely be seen. There were book shelves lined along all the walls. Harry looked closely and saw that Potions and Defence Against Dark Arts books covered most of the shelves, although it was impossible to go through all the titles. In the far corner of the room was a small rosewood table. It was piled high with papers. There was a small pen-stand in which were many quills of different kinds. Harry's gaze moved beyond the quills and wandered over to a brown leather-bound diary. The cover was old and worn out. The diary looked well-thumbed.

Slowly, he lifted the diary in his arms, and immediately regretted doing it. The diary was very heavy. Holding his breath, for what he may find in it, he opened it and went over to the first page.

And he read a very old entry. It had been entered in Snape's fifth year.

27/05

Dear Diary,

How can a Slytherin fall in love with a Gryffindor? And that too, why am I mad about Lily Evans? Those flowing red tresses, those emerald green eyes, her sight makes me completely crazy. And there are so many difficulties that I face. Nobody, not even my fellow Slytherins like me. To top it all, James Potter, the most sought after guy after Sirius Black, has also fallen for Lily. The day the O.W.L.s ended is the worst day of my life. Potter and Black tormented me in front of everyone, the whole school was there to watch. I felt so humiliated after the whole incident. Lily too saw me. It was horrible. She did say a few things to Potter and Black, but left without a word to me. I feel so helpless. The girl I love doesn't love me back. But one day I shall have her. I will do anything just to have her.

Harry's heart was beating very fast when he read this. He turned several pages without reading the contents as he was searching for the method to kill Voldemort. But his eyes fell upon another entry which Snape had written in his seventh year.

19/4

Dear Diary,

Why is she going out with him? What does he have that I don't? Why doesn't she love me instead? I love her and can give everything she wants. So why Potter? Why? She knows that I love her, still when I confessed my true feelings to her, she very calmly told me that she did not feel the same way about me. How pathetic is that! She is going out with that messy-haired show dog. She hated him all these years, and now suddenly fell for his charms. I still love her, and have done so since I set my eyes on her for the first time before our first year, in the train. That memory is still very clear. I first saw her outside platform nine and three-quarters. She and her muggle parents were desperately searching for the entrance. It was 10:58 and they were desperate to get to the platform before eleven. Just as I moved forward to help her, Potter and Black came running with their trolleys, closely followed by a panting Mr. and Mrs. Potter. Potter saw her and his heart skipped a beat. He went straight to her and showed her the way, and even offered to carry her luggage, but she politely declined. All these years, she was aghast with his big-headedness but now again she had fallen in love with him. I love her, and will never forget her. I will do whatever it takes me to bring her back to me. I love her. Love? Is it really love, or is this…lust? Well, I don't know and I sincerely don't care. I'm willing to pay any price to get her back.

Harry felt a surge of anger after reading all this. Hastily he turned a few pages and came over something that Snape had written when he was around 21.

17/10

Dear Diary,

I have taken all the wrong decisions in life. I felt this unending lust for Lily. I wanted her at any cost. And I thought that if I join Voldemort all my troubles would be over? No, my troubles began as soon as I joined that maniac who wants to rule over the world after killing its entire population. I got the dark mark, which will continue to scar me forever. I realized my mistake when Dumbledore explained everything to me. He told me that true love is all about giving, not taking. It's about being selfless. It's about dying for someone. These words of Dumbledore touched my heart, if I ever had one. If I didn't, I was starting to grow one. I just wish that Potter and Evans always live happily together. I know I will never have her, but my happiness is in her happiness. I have also taken another decision. I will spy for the Order. I will prove myself. I will take revenge from Voldemort. He will not scar my life anymore. It takes a whole lifetime to trust someone, but it just takes one act to destroy it. Fortunately, Dumbledore believes in giving second chances to everyone. I will rebuild the trust he once had in me. I am not afraid of death. I only wish to die for a good cause.

Tears started rolling down Harry's cheeks when he read this particular entry. Severus, you died for a very good cause-this was all he could think. He turned a few more pages, determined not to read anything, but what he was meant to. Finally, he came to the page for which he had been searching. The date wasn't written, but it was near the end of the diary. Therefore Harry assumed that it must have been written recently. In fact it was not even a proper diary entry. It looked like a note of some kind.

Harry, and Professor Dumbledore (if you are there),

I know you will be reading this only after I die. Harry, I would like to apologize to whatever I did to you all these years. I presume the war is not yet over, and that is why you would be going through my diary. I had willed myself that I would not tell you about this until my dying day. Harry, you are the most powerful wizard of all time, and Voldemort is your equal. Together, both of you can tear the world apart, if you start dueling again, with magic. Of course, due to the reverse spell effect, you will only be able to hurl minor hexes at each other. However, there is one way of killing Voldemort, which is destroying his essence. You must do this in order to survive and save the whole world. Voldemort feels that death is the biggest punishment that can be given to someone. He also feels that immortality is the most important thing. You job is to prove him wrong. You must tell him that love is the most important thing in this world. Death is not the most horrible punishment, nor is it the goal of life. Instead, life is a journey; it begins with love, and ends with love. It is a beautiful gift given to us, and no one has the right to take it away. Love is something the Dark Lord does not understand. You have to defeat him with love. There is a spell that works only when there is love and selflessness in the heart of the person casting it. It is from one of the ancient Indian texts. It reads, "Sneha jayate nafrat mrityuh." This is a spell which Voldemort cannot cast as he does not understand love. Saying this you must pierce an arrow though Voldemort's heart. However, due to Priori Incantatem, you cannot use your wand. You have to kill Voldemort using a wand that is an equal to your own wand. In other words, you have to kill Voldemort using his own wand. Best of luck, Harry. I know you will succeed. In the end, the good always wins over the evil.

Severus Snape.