Running her hands over Luna's skin might just be both the most hellish and heavenly experience of Raven's life. Thank God for the rash, which at least dampened some of the exhilaration coursing through her veins. If she focused on the rash - and the stinky ointment - she would be fine.

Rashes are disgusting.

This is disgusting.

Touching Luna is disgusting.

Raven repeated the phrases like her very own mantra, over and over again, holding her breath.

But sometimes her hands would accidentally stray onto the path of unblemished skin, soft and smooth, and Raven's heart would seize. She wanted to linger in those patches, to memorize the sensation she would never feel again.

This fucking crush was out of control.

If it is a crush.

Could still just be an overzealous case of lust.

She tried to focus on a tattoo on the back of Luna's neck, strained to take in every inch of dark ink, the symbol distorted and obscured by the ever-advancing rash.

Failed in the next instant when Luna inhaled, her ribs expanding under Raven's hand.

She wondered what it would feel like: to hold her hand here, to experience the heaving breaths that came between kisses - whether she would feel the race of Luna's heart against her fingers.

Okay, now you're just getting perverted.

Raven moved her hand away, searching for safer pastures.

Her eyes caught a pale line of flesh, slightly raised, cutting away from Luna's spine.

Raven stared at the scar a moment, trying to picture the weapon and events that might have birthed it. Realized too late that she was only torturing herself. Clenching her jaw, she began applying the necessary ointment to its neighboring blister. Raven's eyes strayed lower. . .

And instantly regretted it.

There was another tattoo on the small of Luna's back. Dark lines, weaving into a trinity of spirals. Like ferns curled in on themselves. The rash hadn't reached this far yet, hadn't tainted it.

Raven resisted the impulse to let her hand travel, to touch.

There was an aching part of her that wanted to touch every square inch of Luna, to feel her.

That part was a masochistic clown and should be ignored at all costs.

Raven let out a shaky breath, dropping her hands.

"Alright, all done."

Thank God.

Any moment now and she was gonna pass out from lack of oxygen. Luna couldn't put her shirt on fast enough.

Raven waited.

And waited.

"Luna?"

No response.

She frowned, reaching up and squeezing her shoulder.

Raven's eyes widened as she flinched away. Had she gotten too close to the rash? Luna's entire upper body was a bit of a minefield at the moment. "Sorry. We're all done. You can, uh, put your shirt back on now."

Please.

Luna relaxed minutely and, to Raven's profound relief, began slipping her arms back into her top.

"Thankyou for doing that."

"Sure thing."

But she was so begging Abby to take the next round.

Her self-control had limits.

Raven bit her lip, ignoring the little sigh of disappointment inside her as Luna's back disappeared from view once more.

Come on, Reyes, you've seen better backs before. So many backs. Wonderful backs. Backs not covered in hideous rashes.

There is absolutely nothing special about this one.

Luna turned to face her, gaze somewhat more clouded than usual. Distant. "No, really. Thankyou."

And there she went again with that fucking gratitude.

Raven cleared her throat, searching for a deflection. "Nice tattoo."

Luna blinked, something about her still seeming a little unsteady. A little far away. "Thankyou."

"Does it mean anything?"

"It's a triskelion, the symbol of life," her voice was nothing but a low murmur, barely present. "And the symbol of my clan."

Raven wet her lips. "It's beautiful."

Because nice no longer felt accurate - not with that amount of weight attached to each dark line.

The word seemed to spark a fraction of life in Luna, some of the haze disappearing from her gaze as her lips trembled, then drew up, easing into something soft.

Something breathtaking.

"Thankyou."

Speaking of beautiful. . .

Raven suddenly became aware of just how close Luna was. Like really close.

That had been necessary before when she was applying ointment to her back but when Luna had turned around, she'd stayed within that tight bubble of space. Raven could feel the heat of her breath, make out the shifting browns in her eyes: warm and soothing, to penetratingly dark. She got stuck for a moment on her lashes, the way they fluttered under her gaze. . .

Luna was too close.

But Raven couldn't look away.

Couldn't step away either.

She tried to focus on the sheen of sweat on Luna's skin instead, how pallid her complexion was. The way the flesh under her eyes swelled, shadowed with dark stains. The edges of blistering red peeking out from behind her neck.

The effort was in vain. It did nothing to steady Raven's heart.

Luna was beautiful.

"Raven?"

She blinked, finally breaking free of her trance. "Yep?"

Luna frowned. "Are you okay? I lost you for a minute there."

Fuck. "Yeah. I'm fine, just. . . spaced out. It happens."

Especially around you.

Which was. . . not good

So very not good.

One might even say catastrophic.

Hardly Raven's fault, though, considering what she was dealing with.

It was an affront to the natural order of things that Luna could hold on to her attractiveness even in the face of being all sick and gross. Like what the fuck was up with that?

Raven had recently become intimately acquainted with the contents of her stomach for crying out loud! That should more than get rid of any pesky feelings of attraction. She should be attraction-free.

And yet. . .

Zero joy.

At this point, Luna could announce she was part amphibian and it probably wouldn't make a lick of difference.

Seemed like witchcraft to Raven. Maybe she was secretly a sea witch?

It would track.

Luna nodded, still looking concerned. "Okay."

Apparently, she hadn't been nearly as affected by their closeness. Of course she hadn't. She'd given absolutely no hint that she felt anything towards Raven that surpassed the bounds of friendship. Hell, she didn't even know if Luna was into women.

Not that it mattered.

Not that Luna being attracted to her would change anything. At most, it would just make shit even more awkward.

Raven cleared her throat. "Why did you choose that triskela thing for your clan?"

She needed a distraction. And Luna's deep and meaningful, far too well-thought-out explanations for everything sounded like just the thing.

Luna's mouth curved. "Triskelion. And I chose it because of what it means."

"Right. Life. Kind of important."

Couldn't live without life.

Obviously.

She nodded. "My people don't place a lot of value on it. Survival, yes. But not life itself. Death and war are what we measure our lives by. I didn't want that for my clan. For me."

Luna stepped back - finally departing the danger zone of their intoxicatingly tight bubble of space - and took a seat on the bed. Her eyes had dulled again and Raven knew it was the discussion of her clan, of the hope that had once been held for them.

The hope that she'd once held for herself.

Raven hesitated before taking a seat beside her. "It's a good choice."

Luna sent her a small smile, lacking in strength, before she paused, reaching out towards the tablet on the bedside table. She fiddled with it a moment, expression contorting in concentration as her fingers swiped across the screen, opening and closing various applications until she landed on the right one.

Raven had been teaching her how to use it, though until now she'd never actually seen Luna display any interest in doing so.

Raven suspected that she didn't have much fondness for technology. Understandable, really, considering what that technology had cost her.

Now she watched as Luna's finger moved over a white screen, tracing out fluid strokes of blue wherever it traveled. Soon enough, spirals came into being. "The triskelion that I used for Floukru's symbol has a circle around it, so it looks a little different. But the meaning is the same." Luna drew a blue path around the trinity of spirals, closing them in. "It looks like this."

She held out the tablet to Raven for inspection. . .

After a moment, she accepted it.

Looking down, Raven ran her fingers over the curve of each spiral, unable to stop herself from imagining what it would be like to trace darker ones, to feel the smooth rise of Luna's skin.

A part of Raven deeply regretted not diving off the edge of that cliff and allowing herself to reach out, to touch.

She would never get another opportunity.

But Luna had only given her permission to lay a hand on what areas of her body were necessary to apply the ointment. To exploit that in order to satisfy her own desire would have been a really shit thing to do.

"It means more than life," Luna murmured, voice impossibly close. Raven didn't flinch, didn't look up, knew if she did Luna's face would be near her shoulder, gazing down at the tablet.

Her cheek would be centimeters from hers.

"Oh?"

"Mmm. The triskelion is a mosaic of meaning - it's another reason why I chose it. Because things are rarely only singular, everything is full of complexities - dualities. We're not just one thing. Can never be just one thing." Ah. And here was the deep and meaningful diatribe she'd been hoping for. Raven settled in, doing her best to ignore the caress of Luna's breath, the way their shoulders lightly touched, skin against skin.

She still had yet to put her jacket back on.

(Raven hadn't decided whether she was grateful for that or dismayed)

"What else does it mean?"

"Countless things. Balance. Harmony." She reached across Raven, finger landing on one section of the trinity. She held her breath as Luna's cheek drew closer, almost touching. "The spirals are actually a continuous line, moving out from the center. Representing motion. Motion is a part of so many things. Progress. Revolution. Life itself. The three spirals together represent certain trinities: birth, the beginning of everything; life, the journey; and death, when everything ends - but death is also seen as rebirth, the cycle beginning again." Her finger ran along the length of the outer circle, start to finish - only there was no finish. It was an endless loop. "There are other trinities as well. Earth, water, sky - the world needs all three to be in balance. As much as I love the sea, I've always loved the earth too. And the sky."

Raven snorted. "Not so much I'm guessing since we arrived."

Luna's eyes creased. "There are parts of it I still find beautiful."

She turned her head, gaze connecting with Raven's. The air in her lungs froze, unable to escape, and Luna smiled. Holding the connection. Holding it for too long.

She felt like an object, suspended in space, frozen by gravity. Powerless to move. To breathe.

Fuck.

The moment lasted so long, she thought she might pass out from lack of oxygen - which would honestly just take the cake for most humiliating moment of her life - but at the last instant, Luna looked away.

Raven exhaled, shoulders falling like dead weight as she took a moment to remember how to breathe again.

No doubt about it. This woman was going to kill her.

"There are two other trinities that I think of when it comes to this symbol," Luna continued, seemingly oblivious to the chaos she'd just wreaked on Raven's respiratory system. "Past, present, and future. And creation, protection, and destruction - we're capable of all three." She hesitated. "The triskelion is a symbol of the sun. Which can both create life - and destroy it. It has that power."

And Luna did too.

Yeah. Raven could understand why she'd chosen this symbol to represent her clan. "It's a reminder."

She nodded. "To not forget what I'm capable of. But also what I'm striving towards. Progress. In myself, if not the world."

"Revolution."

Luna's mouth ticked up. "I've never been much of a revolutionary. That was more Costia's calling than mine."

There was that name again.

Costia.

Who was she?

Raven opened her mouth to ask but Luna was already continuing. "Lexa was the visionary. Whilst I was more prone to rebellion. . . I've never tried to change the world. I just want to live in it. As myself - not as who others would have me be."

She said it simply - almost matter of factly - but Raven's heart clenched at the utterance.

Sometimes simple things could be devastating.

She thought of the Flame. How they had tried to force it on her.

(made another note to talk to Clarke about it. Find out exactly what had happened. Just how much force had been involved)

Raven's hand clenched.

"I get it," she said - then paused, another thought occurring to her. "You chose it because of your brother too, didn't you? Because of the sun."

Luna didn't shy away from the question - she never shied away from anything to do with her brother - instead nodding steadily. "I did. And for someone else as well."

"Who?"

She smiled faintly. "Someone who meant even more to me."

More than a twin?

Raven opened her mouth. Closed it.

Although Luna was smiling, she could recognize the shadow in her eyes - and what it meant. Grief.

Raven decided not to push the subject. "So is that it? Because I've gotta say, when I asked you what it meant, I was expecting a one sentence answer."

Not really. This was Luna, after all.

But the comment made her chuckle, which had been Raven's aim. "Sorry."

"No, I don't mind. It's interesting." To be fair, she could listen to Luna wax lyrical about cockroaches and still say the same. Because it was Luna. And everything she said and did held Raven's attention.

(it was terrifying)

"Would you like to hear more?"

Her eyebrows flew up. "There's more?"

She nodded.

"Um, sure." It wasn't like there was anything else to do in here. Anything better to talk about. And as long as Luna was talking about this spirally symbol, she wasn't trying out her therapy techniques on Raven.

(always a risk)

Oh yeah, she could hear a little more.

A knock on the door interrupted that plan.

"It's just me," Abby greeted, not waiting to be invited in.

In that moment, it would be a lie to say that Raven didn't wish she'd locked the door. Especially when the bed shifted and Luna moved away from her. Something Raven had been praying for since the moment she'd invaded her space - but now found herself dismayed by the reality of actually receiving.

Raven shivered. Pretended it was from the cold and not the lack of heat beside her. The lack of Luna.

She should have locked the door.

A/N: So of course I researched the symbol for Floukru's clan and after I did, I couldn't not write about it since it's actually kind of perfect.

Also, I just want to warn you guys. I have covid at the moment - I did everything I could to avoid it but it's a losing battle when nobody else will mask and the government ended mandatory isolation for those who are infected - and I'm very worried about how this is going to affect my health going forward. In the past, infections have caused a progression in my disease, the damage often taking months to truly become apparent. I am still deteriorating from when I had gastro last year and was hospitalized. Add to that the fact that covid causes brain damage in almost everyone who contracts it and I really just don't know how much this is going to affect my writing going forward, and will likely not know until next year. I'm hoping and praying that it doesn't but yeah. I'm also going to be at more risk now from future infections due to the damage that covid does to the immune system. Honestly, right now I'm feeling devastated and furious. Also betrayed.