My sexual past, when you down enough makers mark, that what you did the night before takes on the quality of a PBS murder mystery. Where am I, with who and why, since then I've had my fair share of sober sex, and it was sobering. The last time I remember feeling anything meaningful with a girl, it didn't exactly have a happy ending. The next day she jumped off the roof of Levinson hall. So, it's kind of made me hesitant to ever enjoy sex. Sin City's overrated.
1 Year Earlier:
Hearing the rustling noises he knew that Natalie was up and moving around. Slowly opening his eyes to what he was convinced was the blinding sunlight he slowly spoke; "Hey? Trying to sneak out on me?" he said sitting up, the sheet falling to his waist in the process.
"Well I thought you were passed out." The beautiful blonde snapped at him moving back towards the bed. "So about last night?"
'Oh no she wants to talk about it' Richard thought. Bringing his hand to his mouth trying to silence her. "Can we just not talk about this right now?" Slowly reaching over trying to find some article of clothing to pull on. Finding his boxers he slid them on moving the way to the bathroom.
"Rick, you were wasted!" Natalie said following him. "I mean I know that you like to drink but theirs a difference between drinking and drinking to forget."
'All true', he thought. "Look I didn't see you stopping me when we were out!" Richard turned the shower on letting the water warm up, while he went to the sink and began to brush his teeth, completely ignoring Natalie behind him. Maybe if he ignored her she would forget what they were fighting about. Avoiding the topic was always best from what Richard had experienced in the past
"Fine. You don't want to talk about it? I won't make you." Natalie turned to leave only to stop and finish the sentence. "Are you coming to the party tonight?"
"I don't know." he said plainly. It was clear that he didn't want to fight with her. But talking wasn't going to fix the situation either. "I'll call you." He said as she slammed the door and left.
Richard shuttered at the sound of the slamming door. It seemed like all that the couple did was fight. Fight about sex, fight about his drinking, fight just so that they could call it make up sex, even though nothing was ever resolved. Even fight about him cheating on her. It was all true. Richard had probably cheated on Natalie more times than she knew about. Moving his was back to the shower Richard tried to wash away the night before with the hot water.
He had never told Natalie how he really felt. Love wasn't an emotion expressed by the Thorne family, or at least as far as Richard had experienced.He knew that he cared about Natalie, but somewhere between the fear and the alcohol the idea and thought got lost. He knew and hoped that Natalie would soon tire from his lack of relationship stability. And she would move on to someone who would be better suited for her. Not that Richard wanted to think about his first potentially good relationship happening with someone else but it wasn't fair to Natalie. There were time's he thought he could change, but he constantly disproved his own theory. More afraid of being hurt that hurting her.
And then there was also his drinking. It just was. He had no intention of stopping and no idea how to. He had accepted, it, and eventually everyone else would too.
Getting out of the shower, Richard dressed and headed off to the Bedford Bugle. As a staff writer he spent more time at his desk writing stories than he actually did going to class. Before starting in on a story he called Natalie leaving a message to call him back. He knew that she was in class, but it wouldn't hurt to show that he cared. Soon after 11 she showed up at his desk while he was finishing up a conversation with his source. Hanging up the phone it was time to put on the charm.
"How was your test?" He asked, almost sounding like a real boyfriend.
"I'm sure I failed. But you didn't call me to ask me that now did you?" Natalie said becoming annoyed with his "fake" sense of caring.
"Okay. Um look about last night, I'm sorry. I know that I kind of went over bored on the booze. But my dad-" Richard started. He was almost shocked that he was being honest with her. Not something that he was very familiar with.
"Richard would you stop with the excuses! No one makes you drink! You choose to. I've tried to just forget about it, but I don't want to. Okay! I'm done. I can't do this anymore!" Natalie yelled attracting attention to them. "Look I'm sorry for that, but I can't do this. Richard I want a boyfriend that I can rely on. I don't want to be a babysitter. Or have to drink my night away to forget how miserable I am!"
Richard was a bit taken back by her admission. He knew it was coming but the words didn't make it less hurtful. "Please just meet me tonight. Even if it's just for you to say goodbye, just please!" Richard begged, hoping to maybe change himself for her.
"Fine, Levinson Hall, 8 pm. If you're late, don't track me down." Natalie said truly meaning it. Giving her a short kiss goodbye. He watched her walk away not knowing that it was supposed to be the last time he saw her.
It was 7:55 and Richard was stuck in a meeting. Not able to leave, afraid of upsetting his editor, he sat impatiently watching the second hand move around on the clock. 8 pm came and went. Richard furiously, tapped his pencil on his pad of paper waiting to run to his phone to tell Natalie to give him a chance. He knew that she had meant what she said earlier. Now he just had to convince her that she was wrong. Which in all honest he didn't know if she was or now. Running to his desk the second they were released, Richard picked up his phone quickly dialing Natalie's number which he did in fact have memorized. Praying that she would pick up all he heard her say was; "You're late."
"I know I'm sorry we had a break in a story down here at the office." Richard tried explaining knowing that it didn't make a difference to her.
"That's great. I might have loved you, but I'm still done." Natalie said.
Before he could say something back he heard the disconnection. Quickly hitting the redial it went straight to voicemail. "Natalie, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there. And I know what you said that it's over and trust me I believe you. You deserve so much better than I can be for you. And I hope that you can find that person. You did mean something to me, I wasn't drunk all the time. And I think that I may have loved you too. Well I think that I could have loved you. Goodbye." Hitting the end call button on his phone, Richard slumped into his desk chair. Only to have 5 minutes later here the chatter around the paper office that another girl had jumped off of Levinson hall. Getting ready to go out and report, he head the news reporting.
"19 year old Natalie Dykstra freshman at Bedford University is the most recent in the sudden suicide jumpers from Levinson Hall." The reporter began. The rest of the report and day were a blur to Richard. Because by the time he found out she had survived. He was already on his way to the bottom of the bottle. Ready too jump too.