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The land was vast, endlessly filled with sand. With rocks, pebbles and boulders sprinkled in. Dry bushes scarcely popped out of the landscape.
In contrast to the terra firma, flat and unwrinkled, from far away, it beheld such a sight, those majestic looking rocks, only viewed and never touched, as if they could reach the clouds, I was sure anyone who saw it would marvel at the view.
Although such a sight might begin to lose its wonder, how could it? It was beautiful. Still, it was nigh antithetical, for it was in a place not so pleasant.
It could be said that it wasn't the one to blame, truly, that fault was for the genesis of the blistering heat wave, the sun. It was a repugnant feeling and, with every second that passed, sweat dripped from every crevice of my body.
'Was it an enemy stand?' I reasoned to myself that that was the case, or else I really would've given up. But no, with the presence of an enemy, even if it may not have truly been that way, even if that was merely a fabrication of the mind, was enough incentive to persist and overcome. History was my source.
There were only two sources of sound, the certain stridencies rumbled in my ears. The unending roars of countless engines, the gravely echo that came with them, and the constant blabbering of the one in front of me.
"You know, I just think it's bullshit."
From time to time, whenever he opened his mouth, two reactions would come from me: either insouciant, or I shot him an array of different conveying glares.
"It's kinda fucked up that schools do that, it's a load of bullcrap. Telling us we did a good job if we get a high score, and then fucking us over if shit ever the hits fan, even for a little…a little."
His yapping continued for so long I felt as though I lost my sense of time. I wasn't sure anymore whether it had only been minutes, or hours.
"'Do better' 'Do you want to fail?' 'Think about the future' 'You'll end up nowhere' Blah! Blah! Blah! Those fucking retards, they've been talking out of their asses since I've seen American pie."
Perhaps it was because of me not focusing or his talk going on too long that I asked myself many things, one of them was:
(How did his chicken tangent turn into this?)
"Anyway, it's probably because those bureaucrat retards wanted to please the parents, putting in crap laws in classes, they think we'd behave, well suck my dick! You fucked my childhood! Couldn't even fucking watch that show on nickelodeon, fuck, I missed that show. Maybe those commie fucks had it better than us? What do you guys think?"
He turned his head sideways and looked at our superior, with an asking glance, soon enough he turned to both me and Sean.
Our superior primarily focused on the road, so he paid no attention to the question. The both of us, on the other hand, were uncertain of what to do. Were we supposed to answer him or ignore it? We stared at each other while still undecided.
"You know what? Fuck it, I shouldn't be asking this to a chink and a beaner."
That would've been enough to create a fist fight, normally, though it seemed everyone had gotten dull…including me.
"Hey, don't give a shit about him. He's just a loud asshole, he does this all the time. You just gotta cover your ears till he stops bitching."
"Hey, fuck you Brad, my 'bitching' is called putting the truth out."
"He'll be done…eventually."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll stop, same as how chink's grandpa is the reason your grandpa stopped coming home."
"Zack."
"..."
"..."
"..."
While his eyes were still on the road, he spoke as if he was directly staring at him in the eye. I thought he was going to kill him, yet no, there weren't even any signs of a vein popping out.
"Yeah, whatever…"
In a rebellius tone, Zack had dismissed such anger with no hint of fear in him. At that point, everyone went silent. Our superior still focused on maneuvering and kept his normal stoic stare whilst driving. The overwhelming atmosphere, both Sean and I didn't know what to do, until:
"School wasn't all too bad. I met five dickheads and those assholes made me do some dumb shit, but it was awesome…I'll never forget how we baked a dick cake and fucked the principal's car…"
When he was saying all that, his smile started to widen and it began to contain a nostalgic sense to it. All while completely ignoring the tense air in the car.
"So anyway, I'm surprised beaner can speak English."
"Huh?"
Sean tilted his head in curiosity at the sentence. It caught my attention as well, even though it wasn't directed to me, but I still tilted my head.
"Well…I heard you guys don't wanna learn to speak…so…uh…yeah?"
From just that, one of Sean's eyebrows was raised, he squinted his eyes, and his lips were slightly separated.
"Uhh…it's not that we don't want to, it's just that it's hard."
"What? Pffffff. I call bullcrap, all you gotta do is say 'fuck' and 'shit' and then you're good to go."
"It's not that easy."
Zack's head swayed from side to side where his eyes glanced in different directions, avoiding eye contact, still, he kept that grin embedded on his face, until he finally looked at Sean directly.
"Errrrrrr, no, it is…also, I'd like to point out how crazy it is that you guys almost went to war with each other over soccer."
"I'm not from Honduras. Or El Salvador. And it's called football."
"Really?...but…uhh….yeah, like I said, boneless chicken is bomb."
His nonsensical ramble went on full circle. And for the next few hours, he continued spouting the same rattle. Something we had to deal with indefinitely.
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The bright sun was tinged in amber as hours had already passed. The crackling started to get louder as each meter we moved forward, the ground began to shiver stronger. Even the skies erupted as those jets freely soared overhead. The thud resounded from the footsteps of our fellow men.
Our Humvees started to decelerate and were now moving in sync with normal walking. It had caused the gravelly noise to sound more subdued. The sight of multiple buildings and structures came into view and it seemed they were only a few kilometers away. With smoke nearly engulfing its entirety, there was barely any chance to appreciate the view, at all.
There was a faint odor that I caught a whiff of. It wouldn't leave and it continued to intensify as we moved on.
"What's that smell?"
Sean put it into words as he went up and down, side to side, all while sniffing for the source.
"Oh damn!"
A shout came from someone in front of our tracks. Both Sean and I peeked from the window. In our sights were three people standing and amused at what they stared at.
"Stupid bastard, dumbass got got before we got here."
As our Humvee neared their position, I finally caught a glimpse of what they saw. The appalling stench, repugnant and nauseating, it was what you'd get with rotten eggs and vomit left to aggrandize in sewage…or so I thought. It was something different from past experiences and absurdly overpowering.
The sight that I beheld was something so against the norm, so against anything of commonplace, it was something the past me would've never expected to see. The velvet dew that it was sprayed in, no doubt that it WAS what I thought it was, yet I tried to deny it. I couldn't accept its reality.
"Smile! You son of a bitch!"
One of them actually went up to it, with himself so close to it, with his arm extended in the air with a camera held in front of him. The sound of a click was made and he got up to look at it.
My stomach felt like it was grumbling uncontrollably. I felt like something was stuck in my throat. I couldn't take it, I stuck my head out of the window and just…let it out.
"Oh fuck! The chink just hurled!"
Hearing that, the others made a fuss about it, snickering casually with the types of jokes one could think of in that situation.
"Ohhh yeah, I remember my first time, right, Sergeant?"
After regurgitating, I coughed a bit and it felt like needles were jammed into my lungs. I removed any saliva by wiping my mouth with my arm. I felt like my stomach was on fire. My heart couldn't calm itself. As though being choked, I could barely breathe. I tried to caress my neck yet nothing changed.
"They'll get used to it."
It was there, vividly displayed. Even after removing it from my sight, in my mind, it was too strong to put down. From mere seconds of peeking, it intensely engraved itself.
I took a heavy gulp, the saliva prickling my throat. I turned to my side and saw Sean with one hand on his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose, again and again, every time he opened his eyes, they were bloodshot. Looking at his open mouth, whilst he was breathing heavily, there was a string of saliva drooling from it.
"Are you okay?"
I uttered to him, and it seemed he heard me.
"I should be asking that to you, you're a mess."
He cheekily jested, with a confident looking smirk. It was obvious that he was still affected, so I retorted.
"Right now, we're both messes."
"Hehehe."
"Hehehehe."
We awkwardly laughed it off as a joke. It was a joke, but deep down we could have said otherwise.
"Bum bum ba dum bum buummm~"
"Bum bum ba dum bum buummm~"
""""Mama…just killed a man~"""
Heedless, I looked out the window and saw those three singing. The two of us looked at each other and pressed our back to the wall, we listened in as they continued.
"Put a gun against his head~"
"Pulled my trigger! Now he's dead…"
"Mama…life had just begun!"
"But now I've gone and thrown it all away!"
"Mamaaaaa!"
"""Ooooooooooooohh~~"""
"Didn't mean! To make you cryyyyyyyyy~~"
"If I'm not back again this time tomorrow!"
"Carry on~~ Carry onnnn~"
"""As if nothing really matters…"""
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When we were two kilometers away from the town, our Humvee stopped and we got out of it. The deafening uproar rupturing my ears, the gear wheels of tanks leaving tracks comparable to caterpillars, the vibrations of the ground and the thunderous jets way up high, everything had been amplified by three folds. It was as if any sound inferior to it all was practically unheard.
There were arid camouflage tents all around, mostly small ones, with three large ones connected to each other. They blended in well to the point where they would've been mistaken as giant hills of sand and stone.
"Sup you two. We heard you got stuck with the blabberer."
My attention shifted as I turned around. As he approached me, I shook his hand whilst we kept eye contact. It was then that I sported a faint smirk.
"It's sad that Marcus and Chandler got trapped with a narcissist."
"Ahaha, you bastard, that hurt."
Even with that positive response, it felt unconvincing considering how he tightened his grip. Who knew if he planned on punching me?
"Oh?"
I tilted my head to the side, facing two people who approached us. With Marcus and Chandler walking up to us, I spoke up as we closed the distance:
"What's up, you two? Thanks for babysitting Logan."
Giving Marcus a fist bump, the profoundness of the thud indicated how well timed it was, as though there weren't any misplacements at all.
"My pleasure."
He shot us an enthusiastic smug as he looked at Logan and me.
"I, uh, not gonna lie, but…uh, yeah, I'm never gonna go through that again…he's been talking about himself for hours…it started getting pitiful once he talked about his girlfriend, sheesh man."
Chandler snickered to me while having his flat hand cover his mouth. Even if his voice was whispery, it seemed that Logan was aware of what he said.
His eyebrows were pulled close together. His eyes narrowed while he glared at us, his lips curled inward, while still conveying a sour smile.
"You sons of bitches, you're conspiring against me."
His head went up and down weakly, while still giving us that sardonic glare. We ignored him and went to the supply truck.
The busy lifestyle had grown on me, as everyone had a part to play. When they didn't, they lazed around and conserved their energy, such rationalizing methods were genius, or so I thought.
There were days when all they did was joke and play around. All of that, it was definitely something I would've never done a year ago, I would've been disgusted even, but now, one could probably say that it couldn't be helped.
Everything gradually became commonplace. The practice of shoveling the ground and planting a box on it, dozens of men bringing some Vaseline to the Porta Johns back at camp, beating each other half to death, all of it became a common occurrence. No, I'd take that back, it wasn't as if everything was normal
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Night had come and under the moon I basked in its light and, while laid on the ground, there was no need to go to much length for the sake of comfortability. Plain and simple was our play.
The rumbling commotion, at that moment everything was void of sound, or perhaps I canceled everything out, deafening myself to anything outside my vision, merely staring at the stars. With the town nearby as the sole exception, there weren't any urban existences.
No towering structures covering the view when I looked up, clear and pristine. The light was enough for me to view my surroundings. Yet I focused on the above.
"Man…how is it that beautiful things are dangerous?"
Even when Sean uttered such things, I didn't look away from the celestial bodies. There were things I was too focused on: the sky, the stars, untouched and unreachable, like many things in life. There was always something you could never have, perhaps the thing you needed, or the thing you wanted.
(If fulfillment was possible…if…if it could be achieved, then…)
"Everything's at a fair price…"
It came as a whisper, but I was sure that he had heard me.
(Who was I kidding? If the gods could grant my every wish, then…things wouldn't be like this at all…)
We managed to laze about from a distance, where we were away from everything.
"Yeah? But sometimes…it's not."
The tired timbre in his voice, it gave away the image of a boy whose lunch got stolen, his favorite toy gone missing, and a never ending cycle on full repeat. It made me think about myself, as I was sure of it. There was that mirror that appeared in my mind, precious things were taken and with nothing to do, nothing to grab onto, the case went unsolved, even going so far as to continue with neither a climax nor conclusion.
Situated in the middle, in my vision, there was never a side that was preferred, just standing still and unmoving. Sean was weakly caressing his thigh, sliding his fingers slowly.
"Y'know…I don't hate him, but he's right, it was hard…it was really, really hard."
His voice was quavering, I thought for sure he was going to stutter, it sounded as though it was about to crack at any second, so sudden and of no control. Swollen, that was the word I was looking for. The mental image of a lump down his throat popped up in my mind.
"Sometimes…I think that I'm in the wrong place, wrong time, maybe I did something wrong…"
The thought of him saying that hadn't cemented itself in my mind yet. I always thought that he'd forever babble and joke, while asking me about my sister from time to time. Never did I expect those words to come from his mouth.
"Hey, what do you think? Should I just…"
He stopped his caress. His lips were shaking. His teeth were jittery. Maybe it was the cold breeze of the night. Perhaps it forced itself in his body, but no, that wasn't how it was in my eyes.
I shot him a few glances, and it was enough to see every bit of him, through his face and through his words. Slowly, I saw and heard his hand caress up and down once more. Slowly, that caress began to hold strength in it, his grip on his thigh tightened more and more, it became aggressive.
"You know…sometimes, I just think, 'What the hell's with this world?' it's just so…fucked…I can't get any peace and quiet here, obviously…but even there."
His tone dropped and it was deeper than ever. He started to stroke his glock. Without even looking, the way his fingers were tapping on it, it meant he was paying it attention.
(Could he? Would he? Should he?)
The many questions that filled my head were brimming and layered. The explanation was so vague I couldn't call it an explanation anymore. What was valid and what was not? Such halcyon was neighbored with strife.
(All of it was fragile and could be ruined. I was starting to think the same about all of this…)
If it got to him, then…I gripped his hand, tightly, as to prevent it from escaping my grasp. It seemed he had noticed and turned his head to stare at me entirely.
"Why are you listening to them?"
As he started to fixate his eyes on me, I also did the same.
"You won't see them. Ever. Again…so why bother?"
"Well…u-uh….err…"
He was trembling, I could feel it. It wasn't the visuals that I locked on, no, it wasn't that at all. I knew that the problem was starting to expose itself, if I could pull more strings then eventually-
"There you are! My guys!"
Both of us jolted. I felt the tingling surprise. We got up and sat. We had a world of our own, but then he came shouting and so, I gritted my teeth.
"Can you not do that?"
"Do what?"
I pinched the bridge of my nose, even massaged my temple, that wasn't something I normally did, was I starting to be influenced by-? No, never mind that.
"Nothing, nothing."
Logan's blank stare created the illusion of a question mark on his head, those oblivious-looking eyes and that neutral smile that hinted curiosity, "What were you guys up to? What were you guys up to? Can I join? Can I join?" That kind of thing, that kind of impression. I wanted to punch him.
"Is it because that Zack douche called him a beaner?"
"Not necessarily, but you get the idea."
(I hope.)
With his slack-jaw, he shook his head, turning to me and Sean. He then grabbed him by the shoulder and had his face real close to him.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Sean, look at me, look at me. Ignore that asshole."
"It's not him, it's…."
"We don't care about that."
The verbalization of the entire discussion, it wasn't something I would be petty about, no, never. I wanted to cut to the chase. It wasn't a full scream, still, with solemnity in my tone it held intensity. It caught the attention of both of them, with Logan nodding.
He looked at Sean, I was close enough to focus on the details of his eyes. They were moist with a tender warmth revealed in them. One could say he was the brotherly type, as his gentle smile took all of Sean's focus.
"What we do care about is each other, ok? Remember, you're our beaner."
"That's not helping."
His jaw tensed as it jutted forward slightly. He squinted his eyes and glared at me.
"Yes it is, and why don't you do it?"
"I already was, until you-"
"Dudes."
Our banter halted as soon as we heard that. We looked directly at Sean, with him wearing a big, wide curve on his face.
"Thanks for this."
If that was the case, then there wasn't anything to complain about, as long as it ended like that. If he had truly said it as it was, without the need to hide and run or coat them with sweet duplicity. If those were real and not just him trying to ease the moment, then I'd relieve myself of any worries.
My attention then went to Logan as he was grunting while his head was down. Unable to get a peek of his face, both Sean and I got closer to him.
"Alright! C'mere you two!"
He hugged the both of us, no, it was more of him seizing our necks. At the mercy of his arms he uncontrollably tightened his lock. What's more, the stench of his body, I wasn't one to talk, regardless, the smell coupled with the suffocation, I thought I was starting to hallucinate.
(Urk…erk…haaah...Am I finally going to Yomi no Kuni?)
"My dad always said 'What better way to say "Fuck it!" than to get wasted on a ski trip'. So guys, once this shit is over and we're back to civilization, we're doing just that!"
"Get off, get o-off."
"Hey! What are guys doing there?"
Chandler's shouting caused us to turn our heads as both him and Marcus were running up to us.
"Sorry guys! Required combat jerk, did we miss anything?"
With Marcus's remark, I lowered my head whilst face palming.
"Why would you say that?"
I whispered in a gravelly voice, yet it was still audible. It was frustrating to hear it.
"What?"
Anyhow, Marcus heard me.
"What?"
I responded.
"Anyway, we gotta go, it's finally time."
Marcus announced.
"Time for what?"
"For action."
When he declared so, the lack of humor in his tone was clear-cut. I gave Logan a look, and while his eyes were wide open and his mouth was slightly agape, I was still sure he wasn't all too surprised.
In that instance, Sean gave me the same look I gave Logan. We all glanced at each other. All three, no, all five of us gave each other knowing nods.
The three of us stood up, and it signaled those two to start walking. We followed suit.
Along the way, in the duration of our talk and us walking there, one simple detail was missing, and I seemed to have forgotten or ignored. It seemed to me and to all of us that the rumbling had stopped.
I didn't know where we were supposed to go. 'Call?' 'To action?' It was only a phrase. I knew that. If said in an untimely manner, it'd come off as humorous. Still, in the current context, it was heavy.
When we reached one of the big tents, dozens of men were already situated there.
(Are we late?)
"Gentlemen, just like always, we'll have air support to deal with most of them. We've already dealt with half, going by estimates."
Our officer was right beside an easel, with a map embedded on it. The surroundings were dark, it was understandable and justifiable that there wasn't any source of light, as we were surely playing possum. Though, as an exception, a lamp was situated near the map and we were given a clear view of the town's layout.
"Now, we've already bombarded them from above and fired some heavy artillery here and there, but not once in 28 hours have we sent any of you there, yet. As we've toned down on heavy fire, they might start to think that we've exhausted our forces. Well, those dumb bastards thought wrong!"
Hearing his speech, it manifested a powerful aura of authority from him, as expected. Though, as I listened, I began to envision, to simulate the plan. Bombarding them too much would've made them unwilling to surface from any of their hiding spots.
"We can't have them reach the next town! We'll have the new squad stay in their Humvees and drive down the main street. When they show up, bring them hell!"
(Very plausible, changing tactics would work…but also, if we try to wipe them clean, then-)
"The dirt would just go someplace else."
"…."
"….."
My eyes had gone bloodshot. The irregularity showing on my face was only that, while my lips were closed and my cheeks neutrally in place, my eyes enlarged.
(It came out! Why did it spill out!?)
It was merely a mutter to myself, in spite of that, with how quiet it was, no matter how inaudible it was, it was still a sound. As a result, everyone turned their heads in my direction.
(No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ,no, no, no, no!)
When our officer glanced at me, he tilted his head to the side slightly.
"Come again?"
It felt like daggers, while those eyes tightly grasped my lungs. It was like a Force choke. I believed I couldn't lie my way out at that time, I couldn't disappear in the back either anymore, considering there wasn't any.
"Uh-err, With all due respect, I've concluded that there are certain factors that may have been overlooked."
Sweat dripped from my neck, under the circumstances, it was an intense sensation. As though a snake slithered over my body and at any moment it would strangle me, adding even more pressure as it continued.
"Go on."
He crossed his arms and tilted his head upward, and with that judging stare, all I could manage was to voice my thoughts entirely.
"Firstly, we're unsure whether or not the enemies are using bunkers or any sort of safe rooms to shelter in during our bombardment. And also, since recon hasn't confirmed the amount of supplies that they hold, we aren't sure of their current conditions. They may have enough supplies to last the bombardment, and I'm certain they're smart enough to figure out that they could just dig their way out of the town…so while we're busy blowing up the town, they're on their way to go to the next one."
He turned his head sideways and, whilst not looking me in the eye, he responded:
"That's smart. You're really smart, but I've already thought of all that, and believe me kid, you still have much to learn."
"So while we waste millions, we let a few dozen go?"
I never understood what went on in my head. It was efficient and rational. Perhaps it was because I wanted that experience, to harden oneself and get used to it, all of it. Maybe it was just thinking it could've been a good change of pace, nonetheless.
"Sir, what he's suggesting is an infiltration, and it might not be a bad idea."
Our Sergeant's remark caught everyone's attention, even I glanced at him, surprised. I was sure he'd agree with everyone else…but…I placed my thoughts aside and flinched when our officer glared at me again. His grunts made me freeze in place.
"Hmm…alright, let's see how you'd do it."
I took a deep breath in an attempt to gain composure, I looked at him straight. Not once did I break eye contact with him.
"We'll have Humvees parading down the street, only as a distraction. While we have a squad going around searching for any bunkers or supplies. Once we find any, we destroy it all or make it at least useless. Once all that is done, we call for air support."
We broke eye contact. I managed to hide my sigh of relief. His judging stare, I didn't know if I could've held on for much longer.
"Okay then, what do you think, Sergeant?"
He looked to my superior. I glanced at the Sergeant as well, worriedly waiting for his opinion, I focused on his face.
"Well, considering his earlier statements, it's pretty well thought out. There is a chance that his plan is very high risk…but also very high reward."
Our officer looked at me, and looked at the Sergeant. He also let out a sigh, though I wasn't sure why.
"Alright, we're going with his plan. Now! Get to moving! Sgt. Wilkins, assemble a squad of 12. Bring the kid along."
"Yes sir."
"Let's just hope this isn't a case of good initiative, bad judgment."
He walked away and entered the tent. His last whisper, I embedded it in my mind.
"Alright, move out! Sean, Marcus, Zack, John, Brian, Roger, you're coming with us. You guys as well. Everyone else, get to the Humvees."
"Well, well, well, Chink, gotta hand it to you, you brought us closer to the action. Like, literally there."
"And looks like we're not part of it, let's go Chandler."
As I saw Logan and Chandler off, we went and started to arm ourselves. Once we were fully prepared, we snuck our way into the town. My footsteps, I tried my hardest not to make any sound.
(Time to finally use stealth Hikky again.)
For one last time, my attempt at a joke before the descent would forever be unwitty.
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It was quiet. With the sound of water flowing nearby, we reached a small stream. It was void of light, props to them for learning to hide in the shadows. Rather unfortunate for them, as we had the things they didn't. My vision was green, it was a little blurry, regardless, it was better than not having vision at all. In the east, we got in without detection.
"We're in, start the parade."
[Copy that.]
Its sound could've been translated as *Gogogogogo* in Katakana. And once the rumbling started, it was followed by commotion from the rooftops and from the ground. I knew what it was, yet at the same time, it was a different language that I had zero understanding of.
A flurry of bullets rained from both factions. It made me truly assume that at that moment, if I was any closer, my eardrums would've shattered.
We made our way to a building that resembled a hospital...or what was left of it. We made our way in as silently as possible, and as soon as we did, we checked each room for any clues.
"Find anything yet?"
"Nope."
"Check the second floor."
"There's nothing here."
*Sigh*
"Alright, there's a back door here, let's move out. Must be something in that big building over there."
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.
.
"Well, this is a big place, but no signs of any bunkers."
His voice lightly echoed. Judging from the spacious interior and the décor that was slightly lavisher than the other places, it must've been the town hall here, or akin to it. The amount of chairs and pieces of parchment scattered all throughout supported that guess.
"All these important looking pieces of paper, you think they'd at least read'em. Guess this is what happens when illiterate retards try to overthrow the government."
His deprecation of them was to be expected, though.
"And here we thought you hated the government."
When Chandler made the question, I also stared at Zack with a questioning glance. I wanted to hear his answer. For a person like him, I wanted to comprehend some of his parts and what made him tick.
"I never said that."
That was all he said. He sounded slightly confused or like he was trying to deny something. My eyebrows lifted up lightly, I'd gotten the answer, but as for what to do with it?
"!هلته"
When the shout echoed, my legs instinctually got to running, and while messily sliding down I ended up in a corner. It wasn't the smoothest, but doing nothing wasn't an option. Right after I did it, shots were fired and bullets traveled from where I was initially standing from.
My senses heightened, the adrenaline, I felt it rushing in, my heart beat hastened and my eyes were wide open. In panic, I turned my head around and saw that the others also hid in the corners, behind the chairs, tables, anything that served as cover. It was finally it, the long awaited-no, I wasn't longing for it.
"?!دوی دلته څنګه دي"
I couldn't understand it, but I could sense the surprise and fear in their voices. They kept shooting. The corner I hid in, the loud noise the bullets created, I heard it going in my direction, the sensation of it hitting the walls, it felt as though I was connected to the walls themselves.
After that rush, the noises of bullets stopped, with grunts and clunking of metal occasionally resounding. Not long after, the sound of five new shots being fired erupted in my ears. I jerked, closed my eyes for a split second, and my body tensed a bit.
*Bang*
*Bang*
*Bang*
Relentlessly showering us even when we hid. It may have been that they planned to hold us down until backup came. They shouted and shouted, but I had no idea what they said. Yet the myriad of emotions that were bore, I at least understood that nothing about it was monotone.
*Ting*
*Ting*
*Tung*
The metal that hit and rolled in the ground, I wondered what it was. It was answered when a cloud of smoke engulfed the room.
"! منډه!منډه"
With that, there was an echoing bolt with the footsteps reverberating. Followed by 3 shots.
"Tough nuts."
When I heard that, I exposed my head from the corner. Even after knowing the risks, the voice gave me a huge feeling of reassurance and safety. When I peeked out, I saw the Sergeant standing over two bodies. While the others also got out from hiding.
"Let's go, there's gotta be someplace else that we haven't looked."
"Umm, I think there's still one place we haven't gone to."
.
.
.
The collection of books scattered all throughout the ground were in an irreversible condition, and as taciturn as our footsteps were, the broken glass that we stepped on crackled faintly. Nevertheless, compared to outside, it was calm and quiet here.
No, calling it calm was like calling black bright. All of us swiftly turned and faced each room, then back again as we made our way through the corridor. The sweat dripping on my neck, the overwhelming atmosphere, my heavy breathing, though it wasn't loud, my heart was drumming intensely as I felt my veins pulsating with each passing second.
"Jesus Christ."
I was quick to react, turning my head to Marcus. I walked to his position and soon enough, I saw it.
"Sacks of rice and a fuck ton of beans. Goddamn, if there weren't any pringles, I'd be bitching by then."
"Don't forget about the ammo…fucking hell."
We went around the room, it was a considerable size, but still, an elementary school didn't need too much space. As Zack stood in the middle of the room-
"Hmm?"
He stomped on the ground multiple times.
"Hey?...This is pretty hollow..."
With each stomp, it appeared all of us were thinking the same thing: That's not how that'd sound like.
He peeled it from the ground, the huge carpet, revealing a giant wooden plank. We all looked at each other, and eventually nodded. Sean, our Sergeant, Marcus and I all went and pulled the plank out from the ground.
What came to view was a hole, dark and devoid of any light. There was a feeling that it could suck you in if you weren't careful. But inside the mouth of the hole, there was the color gray and it had a texture kindred to cement.
"Wanna go down?"
"Yeah, it's not like Michael Myers is in there…right?"
"Marcus, you watch too much of that shit."
"Let's go. Brian, Roger, John, be the rear guards. Alright, into Hell we go."
Once our sergeant gave the command, I tried to brace myself, clenching my fists and taking long deep breaths. We climbed down, there was this unnerving smell. Sweat, blood, any other body odors, they were uncountable.
"Damn, you were right."
"Lookie here."
"Some dirty looking mattresses, more rice, is that a blanket?"
"Jesus, they've been living here?"
"Hey, I think I see a corner."
I turned to where the sound came from, and he was right, another empty corner, with an entrance and a door…or lack thereof.
"Hmm…Considering how big this place is, maybe this is their only bunker? Maybe?"
"Fifty of 'em could hide in here and there'd still be some room for ammunition."
"So what he's saying is yes, Marcus, this could be their only shelter.
"!تر مرګه مبارزه وکړئ"
Bullets were shot, but unlike before, it wasn't theirs. A heavy thud resounded immediately, by how it wasn't perfectly timed, it could've been three thuds. When I turned and looked, I was right. As expected of our sergeant, the moment he heard their yelling, he wasted no time.
"Dumbasses, when will they ever learn to shut up?"
"Ahhhhhhh!"
I was jolted by the bang, and it was followed by a thud. I turned my head from side to side, like an unoiled robot, rattling uncontrollably. I laid eyes on whatever dropped on the ground, and in my sight, it was him, grunting, writhing in pain.
I raised my head to eye level, it was only 2 meters of distance, there was another of them hiding from the corner.
Whether it was impulse or not, I didn't know, yet I took my gun. I fired in its direction. I heard a thud, but I continued.
Shot after shot after shot after shot after shot after shot after shot after-
"Hey! That's enough, it's just one guy, its over."
My Sergeant placed his hand on my shoulder, immediately, my finger froze and it moved away from the trigger. Counting them now, it was eight in total.
"That was smart, huh? Are there any more of them?"
"Let me check, hand me a flash grenade."
….
...
*Flash*
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Ok we're clear."
Whilst they were doing that, I continued to stare at what I had done.
It was disoriented, my breathing was heavy to the point of becoming a fierce huffing, it felt as if my lungs weren't functioning at all. My body, my fingers, they trembled and trembled, every part of me felt tense. I could feel my eyes shaking uncontrollably. My heart was on edge, it throbbed nonstop with no sign of slowing down.
I kept staring at it, blankly. The liquid, it gushed forth from the body, oozing out. I was looking directly at it, yet everything was blurry...There was a constant ringing in my ears, everything felt different, everything felt off.
I didn't notice until then, but something was dripping onto my cheek. Somehow, it was...unfamiliar...I gave it a light brush, and in front of my face, whilst my hands shivered, it was clear what it was, and where it was from.
My teeth, to a slight extent they chattered. My eyes blinked repeatedly. "What?" That was the question in my blank canvas of thought. I wanted to continue staring, but there was something else. The violent turn to my side caused the others to take notice.
"Sean's ok, just a shot in his thigh. He's gonna be alright."
A heavy gulp slid down my throat, and I nodded fast paced and excessively. A mallet pounding my lungs, there was still that sensation, but it steadily started to settle down.
"Do you have coordinates set?"
"I do."
"Good, let's go."
"C'mon."
Our Sergeant grabbed my arm, pulling me as my still frozen state started to melt. Most everyone had already climbed up. Following them, we were once again met with the ear rupturing state of things outside.
"The hell happened to him?"
"Nothing, just got shot. We got what we came for, we're leaving"
.
.
.
After we made it out, the rumbling intensified. I was seeing everything, the bullets that traveled from nearly every direction, the fiery screams of pain, frustrating for in such times, everyone was doing it, everything became indistinct. It reflected in my eyes, the absolute anarchy, the chaos…
"Hey! Get in!"
Hearing that shout, I turned my head and saw three Humvees, an ambulance and two armament carriers.
"!زما د ورور لپاره"
The crackle was so close to me, shots rang in my ears. Instinctually flinching whilst I lowered my head, our sergeant and other superiors opened fire on them, but on the occasion that one of them was hit, another came from a corner as replacement.
"Get!"
The rest of us obeyed and dashed in great haste to reach it. It was a natural outcome, some of us staggered along the way, though the burst of adrenaline provided me enough energy that I made it. That nonstop sprint left me short of breath. I presumed my lungs were broken as the aching felt like knives in my chest.
The door was still open and so spontaneously tried to close it, only to halt my efforts, for in the two seconds that followed, our superior went up to us, entered, and closed the door for us. The bullets were so close to our bodies as they followed in our direction.
As shots rang from the closed door, what followed was an engine's roar, or rather three of them. The sensation of movement convinced me that it was finally over.
Looking to my side, I saw that only the sergeant and I were in this specific Humvee.
"Brian, Roger, where are you guys?"
[I'm here in the ambulance, there's seven of us]
[I'm in one of the armament carriers, 3 of us are here.]
"Ok, attendance check: clear. Let's get out of here."
Driving our way to the outskirts, it felt, in a way, cathartic, but I realized I was using that word loosely.
"So, how'd it go?"
The one at the wheel asked with a charismatic tone. Like a father asking his son about soccer practice.
"There was something. We got the coords, all we need is to set up laser designator once we get back."
"Damn...well, did you have a hell of a time?"
"One of us got shot, but other than that, yup…right?"
He gave me a pat on the back, while nonchalantly smiling. I just stared at him. Conflicted? Perhaps that was the case. I did nothing to amuse it or refute it. After driving for a minute, we made it back.
.
.
.
"Hell yeah! Those fuckers were tough, but they lack one thing, and that's a brain cell."
"We heard about what happened, is Sean okay?"
"Don't worry Chandler, he's patched up by now."
"Besides that, did you have a great time?"
"Logan, two words: Fuck yeah."
After everything, the spectacle of a fireworks display, leveling it all. Even from two kilometers, I saw it clearly, as if the gods hurled thunderbolts. The ground crumbled and smoke devoured that town. It was done as planned.
.
.
.
.
.
(No….)
Laying on the ground.
(No. No. No. No. No. No. No...it…was...)
(It went better than expected, they even said so. He even said so...but...it doesn't feel that way…)
(Everything's not yet set in stone in my head, but I'll eventually become like everyone else, I'll eventually become numb…I thought that was the case…that's what I hoped...still...)
I held my hand up, raising it above my face. As the pale moon lit the night, my hand was in the middle.
(I shouldn't…I could've just…again and again, If I could take back time…If I could tell myself "NO" then maybe, that wouldn't have happened…but…this was what we wanted. This was what I wanted…wasn't it?)
While closing my eyes, I took a deep, heavy breath. When it was all over, my breathing was calm and slow.
(Was there supposed to be something after all that? Something to learn, something to feel? Something…something...)
(Nothing's changed.)
(Was there some sort of difference that I just didn't notice? Has it already come? Is it different for everyone? Was it just me?)
(Do I get something from this?)
(No, I don't think so...)
(I still would've done it regardless, no mistake in that...nonetheless, that irrationality...senseless, absurd, there wasn't any need for all of that, I didn't need to do those things, did I?)
(...I...deep down...I realized...it wasn't for something noble…it was selfish, it was just to make me feel a little bigger...it was just for me…)
(So...what now? What seemed like a blunder went in a different direction, no casualties...just one person getting shot...just one shot, he's fine…...just one bullet, he's fine.)
(Hurray?...)
(NO. I'm not gonna say that, not now, not ever.)
(Let this be a warning to myself...never again...think...think...think about everything…)
(After all that wishing, here we are, I yearned for many things, and look where it left me. The "should we or should we not?" thing is over, what starts now is a straight line.)
(Back to that...at that time, I see...that may have been the case...I didn't feel liberated...it wasn't cathartic. There was never any fulfillment at all, that's why it felt empty...am I...a monster?)
(That's a loose way of saying it...but...it's not like I'm new to that moniker...maybe, possibly, perhaps it's not too far off...)
"Monster of logic...huh."
(Sure...sure, I'll play that part.)
(So that's how it's gonna be…what I feel...it doesn't matter, after all….)
(I feel nothing.)
On this very chapter, Kiryu swore to himself "Never again shall I write a chapter as long as this!". Little did he know, he was a dumb hypocrite.
Kiryu