Sing Me To Sleep Chapter 3: Cry, a harry potter fanfic

CRY

I don't own the song Cry, Amanda Stott does. I heard this song and I thought, maybe that's how Lily felt.

Lily is fighting so hard to deny what she knows is real. She suppressed her feelings so long that they're tearing her apart inside. And has she waited too long? Has James finally moved on?

Dear Ms. Evans,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been chosen as Head Girl. Enclosed is a list of your new responsibilities. You are required to meet with the Head Boy in the Head Carriage on September 1 before meeting with the Prefects to inform them of their duties.

Congratulations,

Albus Dumbledore

Lily read the letter once more as she climbed out of her parent's car at King's Cross Station. Her final year at Hogwarts was fast approaching and she had been given one of the highest honours available to a student.

Her parents didn't get out to say goodbye. They were too concerned with Petunia's upcoming wedding to realize that they wouldn't see her until Christmas. And if Vernon was there, maybe not even then.

Just like Petunia, Vernon didn't "approve" of her … abilities. That might have something to do with the Marauders' constant letters to her over the summer though. The owls they used sure didn't like him.

Lily realized that in her moping she had entered the almost vacant platform. Yes, since Petunia had decided to go dress shopping, Lily had been dropped off two hours early. The train was just pulling into the station. Great, now she would have to wait until it was ready to board.

Can't find the words
Can't find the sounds
These streets run wild
My stars are crossed
The dreams you want most
are the ones that get lost

Oh well, it could have been worse. At least Potter and Black weren't here, no wait; there is only one person on Earth with that annoying bark like laugh.

"Lilykins! How have you been? Did you not get our letters? Prongs here must have sent about a hundred of them." Sirius Black shouted running to greet her like a puppy, blowing his shaggy hair out of his eyes.

Lily's eyes swivelled to James, waiting for his customary arrogant response, but it never came. Instead he said in an almost dead voice, "Leave her be Padfoot." His eyes had lost their usual sparkle, and his half-hearted smile, wasn't anything like his trademark grin.

Lily looked to Sirius for an answer, but he just looked sad. When he met Lily's imploring gaze he seemed almost angry for a moment. As they trudged slowly towards the train Lily levitated her trunk, and headed towards her compartment.

Can't find my pride
Where did it go?
I close my eyes
The room goes round
In a river of tears
falling down on the ground

As she entered the compartment the absence of the happiness that should have filled this moment became clear. What had happened to her? Was it merely the lack of her parents' love and attention, or was it something more? Entering her last year of Hogwarts and never having a serious boyfriend might have something to do with it. Yes, she had dated, but the only guys who hadn't been frightened away by Potter's threats were imbeciles. She'd never been kissed, the boy's were always abandoned halfway through, if they even lasted that long.

As Lily opened her eyes, the room spun. She hadn't had a proper breakfast that morning. A muffin just about covered it. The tears were streaming thickly down her face now, messing up her make-up. The make-up she had carefully applied that morning to hide the dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. Of course, since there was no sign of the tears stopping, she was going to look like a racoon anyways later on. The corners of her vision had gone black by the time she sat heavily onto the bench.

Every time I walk away
something you say
always pulls me back
And I see my whole life
right before my eyes
Every time I try to break away
Baby it's a lie
When I look into your eyes
I just wanna cry...
I just wanna cry

The door to the Heads Carriage slowly opened. Lily was still on the bench sobbing. She didn't care if the Head Boy saw her tears. At this point, nothing mattered. She hadn't allowed herself to cry all summer. The pain from the fights with her parents, her sister, and the constant aching in her chest when she thought of Potter, and his stack of unopened letters sitting on her desk at home. She knew that she had to let the emotions out, then, and only then could she reasonably explain to the Head Boy why he had walked in on her crying.

Lily felt a pair of strong arms enveloping her shaking form. As she felt a tissue pressing against her cheeks, she glanced upwards. Potter's worried face hovered well above her head. She had never appreciated just how tall he was until that moment.

Forcing her way out of his arms she started to flee. "I changed you know Lily. For you, all for you. You're supposed to be happy now, not sad like me." His deep voiced echoed filling the room that was silent except for her quiet sobs. Lily stopped in her tracks, swivelling on the spot to stare him in the eyes. Memories of all the terrible things she had said and done to him over the years flashing in front of her eyes. How happy she'd been that someone would talk to her, how confused she'd been by his heartfelt confession of love. Her subsiding sobs came back in full force.

You pull me close
But you're miles away
Without your love
My heart gets cold
The thing I held near
Were the things that you stole

Before she knew what was happening Lily had thrown herself back into his arms. Holding on for dear life. But James didn't hug her back. He tried to push her away. He was scared, confused, and even angry at her actions. She had held him off for so long, insulted him, teased him, and used him. He had changed himself to the point where he didn't like who he was anymore. He had stopped pranking people, breaking the rules, picking fights with Snivellis all because he'd wanted her love. Now it was his turn to see just how much she loved him.

As James got up to leave her Lily's heart broke. Losing him was the last straw she couldn't take it anymore. As she collapsed on the seat, she lost all feeling. She went numb, and her world went black. Everything was gone. James was gone because she had been too much of a fool to see what was right in front of her eyes.

Every time I walk away
something to say
always pulls me back
And I see my whole life
right before my eyes
Every time I try to break away
Baby it's a lie
When I look into your eyes
I just wanna cry

James stared worriedly at Lily's huddled from shaking on the bench. He was supposed to leave. Sirius told him that doing so would make her realize she loved him too. He'd seen something in her eyes on the platform. But James couldn't imagine leaving her now. Not when she was so vulnerable. Besides, by now he'd probably just confuse her more by walking away. It had felt so right when he was holding her, and for once, she wasn't struggling to escape.

Looking at her now, so small reminded him of the first time they met, before she hated him. A lost little girl standing at the platform all alone. Tears had been silently streaming down her face then too. She was scared about leaving her family behind for the first time, she knew nothing and no one in the wizarding world. He had been the only one to notice her. Now, could he really leave when she was so vulnerable? What if Sirius had been wrong? What if leaving now meant losing her forever? Lily Evans was his whole life, and had been since the first moment he'd met her of Platform 9 ¾ seven years ago today.

All Lily felt was the comfort of James' arms around her once again. The rest of the world just melted away. Slowly the tears subsided leaving her feeling extremely foolish.

"Thank-you James. You know, I did notice that you had changed. But why are you so sad now? Is it because you had to keep changing, because I would never accept you? You know, that fact that you had changed so much is what scared me the most. I know you didn't mean to, but the more you changed, the more you pushed me away. I always admired you, so full of life. You represented everything I wasn't, and never will be. You weren't ever afraid to be yourself. Do I really mean that much to you? So much that you were willing to stop being you to win me?"

Lily glanced hesitantly at James. His eyes were wide, and for the first time in his life he looked truly frightened. How could Lily Evans have seen through him like that? He felt like the barrier that had protected him from all of Lily's insults and rejections over the years had crumbled around him.

Every time I think about it
I cry
Everything I lived without it
Every time...

He was a fool. Lily had been his whole life for as long as he could remember. From the first time he saw her scared and alone at the beginning of first year. The one thing he could remember no matter how hard he tried to forget was that she could see through an act as easily as she could through glass. She didn't like acts, and he had put one on to earn her affections. She knew he wasn't this serious guy he was pretending to be, just as she knew that he wasn't a total prankster, or stupid either. Maybe all she had ever wanted was for him to be honest with her.

"Lily, I don't understand, why now? Why tell me this now? I mean I'm glad to know, but what's so special about this year, today?"

"I guess I just decided it was time to stop running. It hurt so much this summer, and even at the end of last year, to think about you. I felt like I lost something I never even had. Besides, I guess with you being Head Boy, we have to spend a lot of time together. I knew it couldn't keep ignoring you if we were living in the Head's dorm together." Lily glanced nervously at James' shocked face. "So what do you say James, will you go out with me sometime?"

James looked down at Lily for a second before softly kissing her on the lips. "C'mon Evans, we have a meeting to get to."

"So, is that a yes?"

"Yes."

Lily Potter's spirit took one last look at her baby as tears streamed down her face. James was holding her as she looked down at her baby.

"I want to stay with him James, watch him grow up."

"No you don't Lily-flower, 'cause then I wouldn't have you."

With one last look at their son and tears streaming down their faces Lily and James Potter walked into whatever lay ahead together.

OMG, I am soooo sorry to everyone. For the last like two months of school we had a test like every two days, and then of course all of the studying for finals, but I am now free for two months. I honestly started writing this in April, but schoolwork kind of snowballed out of control. However, I am now going to work very hard on both of my stories over the summer. I may not write much first semester of next year, since I think my classes are going to kill me. Bio., math, French and social in one term.

Please read and review.