Your Potterscope For Today
Author's Note: Hey guys! This is a little parody of the song "Your Horoscope For Today" by Weird Al. I hope that you like it!
Summary: A version of the Weird Al song, "Your Horoscope for today". This is what my mind thinks of when I'm bored to death.
Disclaimer: I no own, you no sue. Got it?
Harry!
There's travel in your future when your Firebolt gets stuck on autopilot!
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Voldie 17 hours a day!
Ron!
Try to avoid any spiders or snakes with poisonous fangs!
You are the true Lord of the owls, no matter what those idiots in Slytherin say!
Hermione!
The look on your face will be priceless when you find a 40-pound watermelon in your textbook!
Trade toothbrushes with a gnome and give a hickey to Draco Malfoy!
Cho!
You will never find Harry's love- What you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep!
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
Ginny!
Our lives will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence!
Your love life will run into trouble when Ron hurls a quill through your chest!
Lockhart!
The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest of the week in St. Mungo's!
Try not to shove your quill up your nose while signing autographs!
Dumbledore!
Now is not a good time to photocopy your face and staple it to Snape's back, oh no!
Eat a pound of Fire Crabs and wash it down with a gallon of pumpkin juice!
Crabbe!
All Slytherins are extremely calm and intelligent—except for you!
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with no more Snape!
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.
Where was I?
Voldemort!
A bloody death is just around the corner for someone who looks like a snake!
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when you trip and break your neck!
Malfoy!
Get ready for an unexpected injury when you get slashed by a hippogriff!
Work a little harder on improving your hate of mudbloods, you stupid jerk!
Snape!
All of your friends are laughing behind your back…kill them!
Take out all those naked pictures of Voldemort you've got lying in your pockets!
Hagrid!
Everyone says that you're a good, kind, and smart teacher…but, you know they're lying!
If I were you, I'd quit the job, and never never never never never teach the class again!
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
That's your Potterscope for today
I know it's bad and not funny, but I tried. So, please R&R! Flames ARE accepted, but please try to not be too harsh in them. Thanks!