"Playing with flames"

James Potter was sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room, right in front of the dying fireplace. His face was in his hands, and if you looked a little closer at his cheek in the light of the coals, you'd see a clear slap-mark there. James looked a bit unusual for himself. First of all, his hair was uncharacteristically neat, well, that is as neat as his hair could possibly get. Second of all, his clothes looked very well attended and there was no usual swarm of people around him, in whose attention he usually bathed and "raised" his head ("raised" being used here in the same sense as raising children). Today was different, today he was miserable. Yes, and to top that, his self-confidence went from hundred percent this very evening, to about hundred below zero.

You'd be wondering by now, "Who could possibly do that to our poor James? He is so adorable and charming! Who doesn't love him?" Ah, yes, love… In a way, love did that to him… that is, none other then his fellow red-headed seventh-year Lily Evans. And still, he loved her more then anything in world… her ivory skin, her fierce emerald eyes, her amazing intelligence and grace…

James sighed, looking down at the floor to his left. There was a pretty bouquet of flowers. Lilies. How ironic. And right by their side, there was a little crimson velvet box. One of those boxes which you are so eager, even giddy, to open, but how well you might already know what is inside… James picked the box up and opened it with one hand. Probably the most beautiful thing you've ever seen was sitting inside in the middle of the cushion. Pure white gold was blazing orange in the dying ambers. The gem stone was emerald green. "Just like her eyes", James thought, smiling when he saw it over his Christmas break in Hogsmead.

Lily. All along it was just Lily. He tried every way to get her. She was never, as she thought she was to him, a beautiful girl he was desperate to go out with just because he couldn't. No, she was wrong. She was a Goddess he was desperate to worship whatever it would take him, and couldn't because… because… he didn't know why. Yes, at first he was a big-headed arrogant jerk, James was quite willing to admit that. But he truly changed, starting from that encounter near the lake at the end of their fifth year. He changed for her only… but it wasn't his fault that he got extremely nervous around her and talked absolute crap… At the beginning of this year, he made an effort on himself about his nervousness, quite successfully, he would admit, but whenever he wanted to talk to her, just ask how she was doing, or even comment about the goddamned weather, she either walked away, ignoring him, or bluntly said "No", then walking away and ignoring him.

He guessed it was his fault, because he constantly asked her out, so he tried to do something about that as well. Finally, just on the eve of their seventh year Christmas break, he confronted her. He told her as fast as he could and as calmly as he could, that he is willing to do absolutely ianything/i for her to give him a one chance, one single chance! She hesitated for a bit, but James took it as a good sign that she didn't yell immediately and stormed off. But she said she will think about it over the holidays, which she was spending with her parents, and she walked to her dormitory.

It was probably the happiest day in James's life. He knew that he didn't get the chance yet to impress her, but at least he's igot a chance to get a chance/i to do so! Sirius thought him pathetic. Remus, as usual, reassured him it's going to be alright. Peter looked at him adoringly, that is being as usual.

And right at the moment, sitting by the relics of his lost love near the dying ambers, after all the effort he has made, he was more then willing to agree with Sirius. Yes, he was pathetic… pathetic and still in love.

For the first time in his life at Hogwarts Christmas was a slow torture. Even Sirius failed to cheek him up. And finally, when it ended, and he saw Lily, she told him that, yes, he got his chance. But she had a list of things she wanted James to change in himself. You, as a reader, probably would think he'd be insane to agree. But he did. Without a slight doubt or after thought. First of all, she wanted him to start dressing more acceptably and do something with his hideous hair, and certainly stop ruffling it. She promised to go to Hogsmead barber shop with him to get his haircut. Yes, Lily, dear, anything you want. And, yes, before she forgot, do not call me "dear", "honey", "baby" or anything of that sort, we aren't dating yet. Well, needless to say, James's heart soared to heavens when she said, "yet not dating", as if referring that they would be! Wasn't that enough to make a guy happy? Undoubtedly for James it was enough.

And so he began his "transformation". To most of the things on her list, involving "arrogant big-headed showing off prat", James wanted to yell, "I've already changed! You don't know, but I did, for you! Its all for you, darling!". But he didn't, because it involved risking changing her mind about his chance. And finally, after four month, after a hideous haircut (that even Lily wrinkled her nose at at first, but accepted eventually as consequence of her own choice/ barbers mistake), after all the "pratness" blown away, he couldn't wait any longer. He got the lilies…

Earlier that day he asked Lily, who was becoming less and less demanding, until she completely stopped telling him what to do, and more and more pensive and frowning this past couple of months, if she would meet him in the common room when everyone else went to bed. She looked at him confused, frowning, but agreed and strolled away in even deeper thoughtfulness then before.

So there he was, long after midnight, watching the last student depart with a sleepy nod in his direction. Lily went "to bed" hours ago, and right at the moment, with his lilies on his knees and the little velvet box in his pocket, he didn't feel as confident that she would appear. His heart did a summer salt when he saw her in her light blue PJ bottoms and a simple white cotton top (which, he noticed nervously, clung tightly to her beautifully shaped breasts, outlining them too clearly for James's nerves) on top of the stairs. She descended slowly. James noted that she looked pale. After what seemed like eons, she was standing right in front of him.

"Lily… I…" he's throat felt so dry, that he thought he would start coughing up sand any second. He cleared it. "Mm… these are for you". He thrust the flowers forward.

She looked at them, still pale, but smiled softly, "Thank you… James…" He thought she wanted to say something, maybe that he failed in getting her, that his chance was lost. He almost panicked.

"Lily, wait… I want to ask you something…" he gulped, she stared, "Lily… er… Lily, wi-will you marry me?"

He observed as her eyes gradually widened. To say she was shocked was to not say anything at all. He though she was going to say something, start yelling, crying…

"I know this might be too soon, but I mean it with all my being, when I say I lov-"

He was cut short but a slap. James saw a mass of red hair and their owner running away through the portrait hole. His knees buckled, but it wasn't because the slap hurt. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He lost her now. He lost her without even gaining. How she hated him now, despised, loathed… James cried silently. He didn't even get a chance to show her the ring.

Now, looking at the flowers at his feet, he felt emptiness greater then he ever felt. James picked the flowers up and threw them into the ashes. He picked the velvet box up, examining it for a minute, and was about to throw it in as well, when he heard the portrait open. Thinking it was a fellow student coming back from a midnight date, he was about to give him or her a careless friendly smile, so he or she would just pass without bothering him. But before he could turn his head, he felt gentle arms close around his neck and he felt lips touch his half dried cheek.

"Lily… I swear, how I wish it is Lily…" he whispered, not knowing he said it aloud. Maybe he fell asleep and was dreaming a wonderful dream… but the voice sounded real enough.

"Yes…" she whispered in his ear, which made shivers run down his spine.

"Lily…"

"I will…"

James turned his head towards her as fast as he could, almost twisting his neck. Did he start hearing things?

"Are you-?" He said, not meaning it to sound so loud, but was shushed by a light press of her finger to his lips.

"Shh", she smiled sweetly. He could see she has cried too, but now there was no trace of tears in her eyes, just… love. "Don't talk. Come with me". She whispered and, taking his hand, pulled him up.

James was more then willing to obey. They passed corridors and rooms and climbed stairs, but where and how they walked he didn't know. He was far too deep in his thoughts. He had a notion he was dreaming but he knew he wasn't.

"Wait here just a second", Lily whispered, making him stop, and turned the corner, disappearing out of sight. Where were they? They must be quite high, because he could recall climbing quite a few stairs.

"James", she called softly to him after a minute or two. James walked in the direction where she has disappeared earlier.

There was a door slightly ajar in the middle of an otherwise empty wall. He walked to it. Wait a second, he knew where it was. Seventh floor.

He peered inside. The room was of medium size. There was a fire place, crackling merrily. It was warm, but not hot or stuffy. There was a thick soft big rug in front of the fire place and a stack of fresh sheets right beside it. Lily was standing with her back to the fireplace, right on the edge of the rug. He noticed her feet were bare. The fact made him tingle all over.

"Shut the door", she said and smiled at him. He did. She beckoned to him. He came closer.

He had no idea why she has brought him here but after a second, taken by surprise, he got it. She kissed him full on the lips, first softly and gently, as if not quite daring to and exploring the grounds, but then, when he wrapped his arms around her middle, she dived into the kiss like a skilled swimmer. James, with all the happiness and confusion spinning his head, hardly kept up. They collapsed onto the rug, embracing each other, engaged in their kiss…

It was the most wonderful night in his life (so far), he thought, as he lay sleepy and so happy with Lily's head and arm on his chest, his left arm circled around her. Her breathing was quite and undisturbed. James thought she fell asleep. Who would blame her for being tired? He smiled, remembering her touch, the softness of her skin, her head-spinning scent and her silky hair… Lily stirred.

"James? What's that?" she picked up a square velvet crimson object and gave it to him.

He smiled mysteriously, opened it and took the little gleaming thing out, then took her hand and placed the ring on Lily's finger. It was perfect. She looked at it for a moment and looked at him, smiling.

"Oh, God, you are so beautiful…" he said not daring to raise his voice above a whisper. She was the Goddess he always wanted her to be, her smooth naked body illuminated only by the fire, her eyes gleaming and shimmering with emotion, just like the emerald stone on her ring, playing with flames…