1Disclaimer: I still do not own anything. Period. Not even the plot. Yet.

Chapter Two

Elrond was the first to notice the absence of the purpose of their Council. "Where is the Ring?" he asked in a loud voice. Everyone immediately stopped.

"Where isss Precioussss?" Gollum asked, cradling his arm. An arrow had nicked it, but no worse. The Elves had made sure of that.

"Everyone, sit down," Gandalf ordered. Aragorn and Frodo were already seated. Everyone else took their places immediately. Legolas seized Gollum's non-injured wrist and roughly dragged him over beside his chair.

"Um . . . Gandalf, where's the Ring?" a very frightened Hobbit asked.

"I don't know, Frodo. I don't have any answers."

"Please don't tell me you have to see the head of your order."

"Never again."

"Well, everyone's here. Whoever has the Ring doesn't have it on."

"Yes, that's a relief."

"Boromir, did you see who took it?" Faramir asked quietly.

"If I did, I'd be in the process of strangling whoever it was, little brother."

There was a gulp from the center of the room. All eyes turned, but saw nothing. "Oh, no," Frodo whispered.

"He won't strangle you," Faramir said gently. "Whoever you are, you can take It off."

"Are you sure?" Pippin asked.

"Yes," Gandalf said, smiling in a way only a wizard can.

"Okay." Pippin removed the Ring and placed it back on the table. Gollum tried to make a run for it, but Legolas held him fast.

"Nassssty Elf," he hissed. Legolas ignored him.

Sensing everything was calm again, Boromir rose. It is a gift," he insisted.

"My birthday pressssent," Gollum half-shrieked and half-whimpered.

"A gift to the foes of Mordor," Boromir corrected. "Why not use this ring? Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor," -- Faramir flinched at the mention of their father, but said nothing -- "kept the forces of Mordor at bay. By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe! Give Gondor the weapon of the Enemy! Let us use it against him!"

"You cannot wield it!" Aragorn was getting a little tired of Boromir's opinion that Gondor was the only place with problems. "None of us can. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master."

Faramir gave him a thumbs-up sign. Aragorn smiled a little.

"And what would a ranger know of this matter?" Boromir demanded.

"This is no mere ranger," Legolas said, rising and handing Gollum's wrist off to Haldir. "He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance."

Faramir's eyes got wide. The King of Gondor! Oh, dear. What would Denethor say? Probably that it was all Faramir's fault.

"Aragorn?" Boromir was just as surprised. "This is Isildur's heir?"

"And heir to the throne of Gondor," Legolas added.

"Havo dad, Legolas," Aragorn advised.

"Sit down," Faramir translated for Gollum, who was trying to figure out if that might mean "Give the Ring to Gollum, Legolas."

"Um . . . speaking of sitting, where am I supposed to sit?" Pippin asked.

"Where were you before?" Elrond asked, glad to change the subject before things could get wild again.

"With him." He motioned to Gollum, figuring it was best not to tell Elrond that Merry was still back there.

"Come sit next to me," Faramir suggested. "I don't think Boromir will be sitting down anytime soon."

"Funny, little brother," Boromir smiled. Then, to Aragorn, "Gondor has no King. Gondor needs no King."

"Fine!" Aragorn shot back. "I need no kingdom!"

"Yes, you do!" Elrond insisted.

"And I need no Ring!" Frodo exclaimed.

"WE do!" Gollum cried. "My Precioussss!"

Everyone jumped up again, this time arguing about who needed what, whether Gimli needed his axe, Legolas his bow, Gandalf his staff, Aragorn his sword, Gollum his Precious. Only one small Hobbit said something quietly and without screaming his head off. "At least now I have a seat," Pippin smiled.

Whoever reviewed this and didn't tell me who they were–Yes, I like Pippin. Specifically, I have a great respect for innocence. It's something quite uncommon in the world these days. So we tend to make fun of it. But rest assured that Smeagol Fasir Kenobi will dump a good share of humor on those who seem to always know what they're doing–Gandalf, Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas, to name a few. Not to mention poor Elrond.