Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is not mine. This crazy Fellowship is not mine. But most of the jokes are. My sister came up with a few. :) Older sisters are good for something! Can you believe it?!? :)

Chapter Ten

"You crazy Hobbit!" Gandalf erupted. "How did you know? You're not supposed to know things like that! Someone must've told you! But no one else knew, either! How did you . . . ?"

"Relax, Mithrandir," Faramir encouraged. "Take it easy. It's not that big a deal."

"Not that big a deal!?! A Hobbit is in charge of the Fellowship! One who wants to stop every ten minutes for some reason or other! One who's always complaining! One who doesn't even know where we're going, much less how to get there! So don't you tell me it's not a big deal!"

Pippin smiled. "Well, it's pretty obvious you could fit just about anything in that hat. How do you keep something that big from falling down over your face? Doesn't it get hot? Does it protect you from sunburn or something? Speaking of which, Legolas, don't you ever get sunburn? Your skin is so pale! And how do you stay so clean? The rest of us get all covered in dirt, and you look like you just got a bath! How do you do it?"

The Elf shrugged, unsure which question he was supposed to be answering. "Elves are naturally hard to sunburn."

"Oi. Are you still answering that question?"

"Well, if you'd been listening, you'd know I hadn't answered it before."

"Why should I listen when you're not talking."

"Because silence is golden," Gandalf put in.

"Who said that."

"Some old dead person."

"See? People who say things like that always get old and die. It's because they listen too much. It wears out your ears."

"My ears hurt plenty right now and I'm still alive," Legolas pointed out.

"Oh, does it hurt to have pointed ears? Do they ever poke you in the head? Are they sharp? Here, bend down."

Legolas reluctantly bent down, and Merry and Pippin took turns feeling his ears. Then they realized they could each feel one ear and they wouldn't have to wait for a turn. The rest of the Fellowship watched in amusement as the Elf turned red.

"Hey, Gandalf, can I try on your hat?" Pippin asked when he was tired of that. Gandalf handed it over and Legolas stood up gratefully.

"Boromir, can I try your horn?" Merry asked.

"Oh, me, too," Pippin grinned.

"I asked first."

"Maybe we can both do it at once."

So they both blew in opposite ends of the horn until they were both out of breath. Pippin grinned and blew one last blast. "Yay!" everyone cheered.

Pippin couldn't have been happier. "So this is what it feels like to be in charge. I like it."

"Good," Aragorn smiled. "When we get to Minas Tirith, you can have my job."

"You don't want it?" Radagast asked.

"That's what I've been trying to tell these people."

Radagast looked over at Gandalf. "He doesn't want it. And the problem is . . . ?"

"They need him."

"What's wrong with Boromir?"

"Nothing. Denethor's the problem."

"There's nothing Aragorn can do about Denethor!"

"He can be king."

"It will take nothing short of forever to convince Denethor that he's even remotely related to Isildur, let alone a direct descendent."

"Have faith."

Boromir smiled. He knew Radagast was right. Denethor would argue forever that Isildur couldn't possibly have a direct living heir. Faramir just shrugged. Aragorn didn't even want to be king. The ranger wouldn't bother debating Denethor's opinion as long as the steward let him fight.

Pippin shrugged as they started to eat. Gondor was really far away, and they wouldn't be there for a while, if they went there at all, so no need to worry about it now.

"Wizards speak a different language," Faramir assured him understandingly. "I finally managed to learn it. Took years of intense study."

Pippin smiled. "I know. Half our meals aren't even in their vocabulary. Very primitive dialect." He glanced around. Gandalf and Radagast were still arguing, otherwise they would've been surprised that Pippin knew words like 'vocabulary' and 'dialect.' "You know," he added. "It's a good thing they didn't hear that."

punkydoolittle–I updated. :) I like these little smiley faces. :) :) :) Okay, so I'm nuts. I admit it. :)

Rhys–Hmm . . . interesting idea. Will be interesting to see if the Ring has enough time to affect Pippin before they make it to Mt. Doom, which, at this rate, will probably take a while. :)

Arsinole Selene–The question is, how long will he stay smart. :)

Ice Ember– :)