Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is not mine. Pippin is not mine. Nor do I own any of the candies or drinks that will be mentioned in this chapter.
Chapter Fourteen
The Hospitality of the Golden Hall and Diet Coke, Shaken, not Stirred
"I'm hungry," Pippin complained, completely changing the subject before Gandalf could object to his remark.
"Quite right," Theoden agreed. "Gamling? Hama?"
"Right away, my lord," they said in unison. And before anyone could ask how long they had been there, they left to go find some food.
They returned shortly. "My lord . . ." Hama started.
". . . all the food . . ."
". . . it's gone . . ."
". . . it's all been replaced . . ."
". . . by pots and pots . . ."
". . . of these things," Gamling finished, tossing a small object to the startled king.
"This is Saruman's doing," Gandalf muttered.
Radagast took another one of the objects from Gamling and pulled off the paper. Before his cousin could caution him, he popped it in his mouth. "Well," the Brown Wizard grinned, his mouth full, "if so, I think we ought to thank Saruman. This is delicious!"
"Really?" Pippin asked, not waiting for an answer to get a sample of his own.
"It could be poisoned," Gandalf objected, but already the rest of the Fellowship, as well as Hama, Gamling, Theoden, and Eomer, were eating it. Wrappers littered the floor of the Golden Hall. Finally, even Gandalf joined in.
"Could you pass another . . . what was that called?"
"Snickers."
"Yeah, pass another one; they're good."
"I like the Milky Ways."
"Three Musketeers are good, too."
"And Hershey Bars!"
"And Tootsie Rolls!"
"These Lollypops are great!"
"And Starbursts!"
"And Sweettarts!"
"And Skittles!"
"And M&M's!"
"And Smarties!"
"Here, these are orange-flavored!"
"Yeah, they're good. I like the lemon ones, too."
"Hey, little brother, try this."
"Whoa, sour!"
"Exactly."
"Oooooh, pass a Kit-Kat bar!"
"Throw me some gummy bears!"
Everybody ate and ate. Finally, thirsty from all of the chocolate, Pippin called out, "Ya got anythin' to drink?"
"Oh, sure, we found these cans with the rest of the stuff," Gamling answered.
"Oooooh, throw me one!" the Hobbit soon found out that throwing it was not a good idea, however. As soon as he opened it, it flew up in his face. "Wow!"
Soon everyone was drinking these strange new drinks.
"I want another Sprite!"
"This Root Beer is excellent, but it doesn't taste like any beer I've ever had!"
"The Mountain Dew is great, too!"
"Dr. Pepper!"
"Coke is the best," Legolas put in.
"Pepsi is better," Gimli argued.
"Oh, dear," Boromir sighed. Faramir shrugged and went back to his Root Beer.
"Coke."
"Pepsi."
"Coke."
"Pepsi."
"Diet Coke."
"Diet Pepsi."
"Diet Coke."
"Shaken, not stirred," Pippin added.
"Huh?" everyone asked, but then went back to their drinks.
"Diet Pepsi."
"Diet Coke."
"Pepsi."
"Coke"
"Pepsi."
"Coke."
"Pepsi."
"Vanilla Coke."
"Vanilla Pepsi."
"Cherry Coke."
"Cherry Pepsi."
"Vanilla Cherry Coke."
"Cherry Vanilla Pepsi."
"Cherry Vanilla Coke."
"Vanilla Cherry Pepsi."
"Coke."
"Cherry Vanilla Pepsi."
"Cherry Vanilla Coke."
"Diet Cherry Vanilla Pepsi."
"Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke."
"Shaken, not stirred," Pippin added.
"Huh?"
"Look!" Gandalf shouted before the Dwarf and the Elf could start again.
"Where?" Pippin yelled.
"Out the window!"
Everyone looked. It was raining. Or snowing. No one could tell. Because whatever was falling, it was candy.
"Foul weather of Isengard," Gandalf announced.
"Foul, my foot," Gimli laughed. "This is great!"
"Don't you understand!?! They're covering us with food!"
"Great!" Pippin grinned.
"We must retreat to safety before we are all buried alive!"
"We must leave for Helm's Deep immediately," Theoden announced. No one seemed to hear him.
"If all the raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops," Pippin sang. "Oh, what a rain that would be!" Everyone stared. Pippin continued. "Standing outside with my mouth open wide. Ah ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah!"
"Fool of a Took!" Gandalf shouted. "Don't you realize this is a battle!"
"Battles, barbarous and bloody," Pippin sang.
"We have to go to Helm's Deep!" Gandalf shouted. Everyone was quiet immediately.
"Um . . . Gandalf," Pippin stammered.
"What is it, Pippin?"
"I seem to have . . . in all the partying . . . oh, Gandalf, I think I dropped the Ring!"
Faramir looked around. "Where's Boromir?"
Oooooh, muahahahahaha. The Ring is gone and so is Boromir! :) And it's raining food! If all the raindrops were lemondrops and gumdrops . . . . See, that is what I get for having a three-year-old brother. Ah ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah ah-ah-ah.
Arsinole Selene – Well, I cannot take credit for any of the weird songs. As Rhys pointed out, they are from Pippin, which I finally got a chance to see. It was interesting.
Ice Ember – Good. :) I try to be interesting.
GodsGirl2004 – Well, a duck just happened to be the first thing I thought of. :)
xwhit3staRx – Yes, I did enjoy the break. Lots of fun, got to visit my cousins that I really only see at Christmas or Thanksgiving (alternate year thing) and during the summer, so that's always fun. No, I am not ready to go back to school, but I don't have much of a choice, do I? :)
The Skunk – :)
SNAITF – Hmmm, you have a good ending for it? Well, that's farther than I've managed to think through on this one. Or any of them, for that matter. Considering this is a humorfic, it's pretty clear that no one is going to die, but other than that, I haven't got a clue. :)
Rhys – They put on Pippin where you live? Cool. I finally got to see the video when my dad got it from my aunt for Christmas, but I imagine it's a lot better onstage. And I have my suspense back, at least until next chapter. :)
Thebrunetteditz – 3 AM? So I'm not the only one who stays up that late! When my parents let me, that is. :)