Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is not mine.
Chapter Fifteen
No one seemed to hear Faramir. "You lost It?" Gandalf raged. "Peregrin Took, we entrust you with the most important Ring in all of Middle-Earth! And you lose It!" The Wizard's face was turning a bright red.
"Easy, Mithrandir, I think you need something to drink," Faramir suggested, handing him a Sprite.
Gandalf promptly threw it all over Pippin's head. "Don't you realize what this means? It could be anywhere in all this mess! Do ya hear me! Anywhere! You people are such slobs. Look what you've done to the Golden Hall!"
Everyone looked. "I guess we should rename it the Candy Wrapper Hall," Theoden concluded casually. "Oh, by the way, Eomer, you're unbanished."
"Thanks, uncle."
"You're welcome, nephew."
Gandalf was still raging, and Eomer and Theoden were trading polite conversation, so Merry and Pippin ducked behind a pile of candy wrappers and drank their sodas. "Wonder when he'll realize the person he's yellin' at isn't there," Pippin laughed.
"Do you have any idea where It is?" asked a voice from behind their candy wrapper pile.
"Hey, Faramir, have a seat. And don't let them know we're here," Pippin grinned.
"I take it you have no idea."
Pippin sighed. "You're right. I have no idea. It probably fell out of my pocket when I was dancing or somethin'." He looked outside. "Still rainin'."
"You were planning on sneaking off."
"I don't want to be around when Gandalf figures out I'm not there."
"Hey, Pip, if we find It before then, maybe he won't be so mad," Merry suggested.
Pippin's face brightened up. "Want to help, Faramir?"
"Sure."
"Hey, where's your brother? I'm sure he'll help, too."
Merry looked around. "Where is Boromir?"
"And where's Strider?" Pippin added.
There was silence for a moment. "Oh, well," Pippin shrugged. "Let's look."
Aragorn looked around the halls. Where in Middle-Earth was Boromir? Suddenly, he rounded a corner and spotted him.
"Aha!" he exclaimed. "Just what do you think you're doing?"
Boromir wheeled around in surprise. "Looking for the bathroom."
"Yeah, right, I know better than that! I know you have It!"
"What?"
"The Ring!"
"Pippin lost it?"
"Yes, you know that! He lost It and you obviously found It in all the mess! Don't play innocent! Why else would you be out here?"
"To get away from all the noise, for one."
Aragorn drew his sword. "I know you have it, you lousy Gondorian!"
Boromir drew his. "Who're you calling a lousy Gondorian, you mud-covered Ranger!"
"Why don't you blow your stupid horn and call for help?"
"Why don't you go run crying to your Wizard?"
"Why don't you go back to Gondor?"
"Why don't you go back to Rivendell?"
"If yo don't have the Ring, why aren't you in there helping them look for It?"
"If I do have It, why haven't I put It on already?"
"To make me think you don't! You're trying to sneak away while we're all busy looking for It!"
"Are you calling me a coward?"
"Do I look like I'm talking to anyone else?"
"Why don't you talk to my sword, you scraggly-haired freak?"
"Armor-plated chicken!"
"Barbarian!"
"Obsessed -"
"What is going on?" Pippin interrupted. "Boy, I thought Legolas and Gimli were bad with their Coke and Pepsi!" The whole Fellowship, plus everyone else, was behind him.
"He has the Ring!" Aragorn accused.
"I do not!" Boromir insisted.
"Don't lie to them, you puffed-up armadillo!"
"Overgrown tree frog!"
"Spineless Oliphant!"
"Two-legged spider!"
"Huh?" Pippin asked.
"Stay out of this!" Aragorn snapped.
"But -"
"Don't defend him!"
"But Aragorn!"
"What is it?"
"We found It."
"What?"
"It was under a Snickers wrapper. Faramir found It." Pippin held the Ring up.
Aragorn stared. "You mean . . ?"
"Yes!" they all chorused.
"Oops." He sheathed his sword. Boromir followed suit. "So what were you doing?" Aragorn asked the Gondorian.
"Looking for the bathroom, like I said," Boromir answered.
"Down that hall, on the right," Eomer instructed.
"Thanks." He hurried off.
"Man," Aragorn sighed. "That was dumb."
"I'll say," Gimli laughed. "Spineless Oliphant?"
"Hey, he called me an overgrown tree frog!"
Gandalf smiled. "Faramir, is Boromir always so creative with his insults?"
"Not always. Usually more so with his sword." He looked the Ranger over. "I don't know where he got a tree frog from. On the other hand, I don't want to know where puffed-up armadillo came from, either."
Aragorn sighed. "You don't. Under a Snickers wrapper, huh?"
"Yeah. We actually found it before Mithrandir realized Pippin wasn't right in front of him getting yelled at."
Boromir came back. "So where'd ya say you wanted to go now?" he asked Gandalf, ruffling Pippin's hair.
"Helm's Deep," the Wizard replied.
"Let's try that again."
"Yes," Pippin agreed. "Yes, without the oops."
Everyone laughed. "Sorry, Boromir," Aragorn apologized.
"Hey, I can see where it looked suspicious. Musta seemed like too big a coincicence."
"Yeah."
"You still look a little like a tree frog."
"Yeah, about as much as you look like an armadillo."
Pippin smiled. Then he looked outside. "Um, Theoden?"
"Yes, Pippin?"
"Um . . ."
"What?" the entire fellowship, Radagast, Eomer, and Theoden asked.
"Does anyone have an umbrella?"
Gods-girl2004 – Yes, candy is good! And soda is good! I don't care what Coach says, it's good!
Arsinole Selene – Awww, I wish I had a puppy. I've got a bird. She's so sweet, but parakeets are a little hard to cuddle with. And boy, they can be loud sometimes.
xWhiteXstaRx – You get Monday and Tuesday off? Lucky. :) And I like super long comments. :)
Ice Ember – :) Boromir and Aragorn probably worked off a little bit of it just yelling at each other, huh:)