Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is not mine. Pippin is not mine. :)
Chapter Seventeen
The Fellowship and the others had only gone for about ten minutes before it started to rain. It was real rain this time, and soon it was pouring.
"Mmmmmmm, this Coke is good," Legolas said 'to himself.'
"Pepsi," Gimli argued.
"Coke."
"Pepsi."
"Coke."
"Pepsi."
"Cherry Coke."
"Cherry Pepsi."
"Vanilla Coke."
"Vanilla Pepsi."
"Diet Coke."
They both looked around, waiting for Pippin's response of "Shaken, not stirred," but the Hobbit was staring at Gandalf. Not because he had somehow managed to light his pipe in the rain, although that was certainly strange. No, the Hobbit was staring at something else.
"What is it?" Gimli asked.
"Can't you see?" Legolas said, shocked. "He's turning white!"
"Where?" Gandalf asked.
"That little patch there," Pippin pointed.
"Oh, that little thing? Probably some white chocolate."
But the little patch was growing. It spread over Gandalf's robe, his hat, his hair, and his beard. It even got his eyebrows.
Radagast shielded his eyes and knelt down before Gandalf the White. Everyone else decided it was probably a good idea, and at least they weren't walking anymore, so they followed his lead.
"I am Gandalf the White," Gandalf said, as amazed as everyone else.
Pippin looked hard at the Wizard. "I don't know. It looks more like Vanilla to me."
"What?"
Pippin stood up. "It looks more like Vanilla. Your hair's white, but your robe-thing is Vanilla."
"This is outrageous! It is not Vanilla!"
"You know," Merry grinned, "maybe he's right. Maybe it's not Vanilla. Maybe it's Cream!"
"It is not!" Gandalf bellowed.
"Gandalf the Vanilla-Cream!" Pippin teased. "Gandalf the --OW!" At that moment, he was whacked with Gandalf the Vanilla-Cream's staff.
Merry grinned. "Good one, Pip. O.W. Off-White. Gandalf the Off-White!"
"Oh, yeah?" Gandalf demanded. "Well, look at Radagast! That's not Brown! That's Beige!"
Pippin raised an eyebrow and looked hard at Radagast's robe. "Nope, that's brown."
"Legolas?" Gandalf asked hopefully.
"No, it's brown."
"Gimli?"
"Brown."
"Aragorn?"
"Brown."
Gandalf took a poll. Only five Rohan people thought it was anything other than brown. Of those five, four were color-blind and one was totally blind.
Gandalf sighed. "Okay, it's brown. And mine is white."
Pippin shook his head. "Vanilla-Cream."
Faramir smiled. "Whatever. No one ever uses his full title, anyway. They just call him Gandalf."
"Or Mithrandir," Legolas added.
Gandalf smiled, glad to have the argument over with, even if it meant being called Gandalf the Vanilla-Cream. Even the rain had stopped.
"Hey, Gandalf . . . ?" Pippin started.
"The Vanilla-Cream," Faramir added. Gandalf the Vanilla-Cream glared at him.
Pippin grinned. "Hey, Gandalf the Vanilla-Cream . . . ?"
"Just don't say 'Are we there yet?'" the wet, grumpy, Vanilla-Cream Wizard sighed.
"Well, something like that. We could be getting there a lot faster if we had horses or something."
"Should've thought of that before we left Rohan."
"Well, why can't Radagast just call his eagle friends back?"
"It would take a lot of them to get everyone to Minas Tirith," Frodo pointed out.
"Well, not all of us at once. Maybe send Gandalf first, with Boromir -- he wants to get back home -- and maybe some other people, too. And me."
"Me, too," Merry added.
"Well, I could try," Radagast nodded, and cupped his hands to his mouth. Out of them, however, came a sound that was a strange mix of a wolf's howl, a cat's purr, and a bluebird chirping.
"Ummmmm . . . try again," Gandalf suggested.
He did, and this time it was a frog's croak, a lion's roar, and an Oliphant's trumpet.
Gandalf sighed. "And all this time I thought you knew what you were doing."
Even as he said it, Radagast let loose an Eagle's screech, and ten birds came flying down out of the sky.
"Perfect," Pippin commented. "One for each of the original Fellowship. Get on, y'all."
Soon, Pippin, Merry, Frodo, Sam, Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, Boromir, Faramir, and Gandalf the Vanilla-Cream were safely on their way to Minas Tirith.
"Wonder what Father will think when we land like this," Boromir laughed.
"Oh, you know what he'll think," Faramir sighed. "He'll think it was your brilliant idea to get us back this fast, and somehow it'll be my fault that we didn't bring any more soldiers." But Faramir couldn't stay upset for long -- the view was great.
"Look down there!" Faramir called to the others. "It's the Argonath. Hey, Aragorn, it's your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-blah-blah-blah-great grandfather, aka Isildur!"
Aragorn sighed. "Don't remind me."
"The one with the bird's nest in its eye?" Legolas asked.
"How can you see a bird's nest from way up here?" Gimli grumbled, clinging hard to his eagle.
"I'm an Elf, that's how!" Legolas laughed.
Faramir grinned. "Look, the Falls of Rauros!"
"I think a stick just fell down there," Legolas teased.
Gimli growled. "Oh, yeah? Watch it, or the next one will fall on your head."
"How's it supposed to do that when we're way up here?"
"Ummm . . . maybe if we fly low enough, I'll grab one and throw it at you."
"Then it wouldn't be falling," Legolas pointed out.
"Aaaaarrrggghh! I don't care as long as it hits you on the head!"
Pippin laughed. "Can we fly lower?"
"Sure," Gandalf the Vanilla-Cream grinned. "Rewol ylf!" The eagles swooped down over the Anduin River.
Pippin stood up on his eagle's back. "I'm flying!" He spread his arms out, grinning. Legolas and Merry followed suit, joined quickly by Boromir, Faramir, and Aragorn. Frodo and Sam stood up cautiously, then Gandalf.
"No way," Gimli shook his head.
"Oh, come on," Pippin grinned. "It's not far to fall, and it's just water."
Gimli groaned and mumbled something in Dwarvish, but slowly stood up. Legolas grinned and flew his eagle over, its wing dangerously close to the Dwarf. Gimli ducked, trying to avoid the wing, but he lost his balance and fell into the river.
Seconds later, his head appeared above the water, his arms flailing wildly. "I can't swim!" he yelled.
Legolas and his eagle swooped down close to Gimli and Legolas reached out his hand. "Here!" he called, and the Dwarf took it. Legolas pulled him up onto his eagle.
Gimli shivered, clutching the eagle's feathers. "Don't ever do that again!"
"I was just having fun," Legolas smiled innocently.
"Next time, have fun without almost killing me!"
Pippin grinned, taking two cans out of a bag he was carrying. "Here, you two! Catch!"
Legolas caught both of them. He handed the Pepsi to Gimli and opened the Coke himself. "Hannon le, Pippin."
"No problem."
"Hey, everyone! Look! We're almost there!" Boromir called.
"Where?" Pippin asked.
"There."
"That's Minas Tirith?"
"Yes. What'd you expect?"
"I don't know. It looks like a huge snow fort."
"Snow fort?"
"Yeah," Pippin grinned. "It's whiter than Gandalf."
Ice Ember -- Yeah, it does kind of sound like a musical. :)
Leo of the stars -- Well, sad to say, I don't know that much Elvish. Namarie means farewell, and mae carnen means well done, and mellon nin means my friend, but that's just about it unless I want to start looking things up in the back of The Silmarillion, which really doesn't help much in a conversation, anyway. There are some sites online somewhere where they have Elvish, but I have no idea what they are. If I find any, I'll let you know.
SNAITF -- Well, that's debatable. Either Pippin's idea worked or he made up some reason for them to have burst out in song and took credit fora good idea. I'm not sure which.
The Mushroom Commander -- Yes, poor Gandalf the Vanilla-Cream. :)
The Hobbit Lass -- :) Faramir's one of my favorites, too, and I don't particularly care for what they did with him in The Two Towers. Taking Frodo and Sam to Osgiliath and trying to get the Ring to Gondor, that is. And they should've put more with him and Eowyn in The Return of the King. But, hey, they only had three or four hours to do it, so the Houses of Healing only got about ten seconds and a weird song-thing in the extended version. (grrrrr) :)
Kabuki773701 -- I'm glad people think it's funny. Things like this, you never know whether people are going to say it's funny or just plain strange. :)