Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.
A/N: Sorry about the wait. I'm not sure how many chapters this story is going to have, but it should be coming to an end pretty soon. Enjoy!
My Best Friend's Girlfriend
Chapter 25: Letting Go
Sora Takenouchi
Sora smiled through her sudden tears and gently squeezed Matt's hand. "How did you know?" she whispered, leaning back and gazing into her boyfriend's bright blue eyes.
Matt sighed softly and rested his cheek against her forehead. "Your face. I could tell by the look in your eyes and the expression on your face. I should have realized how you felt a long time ago, but I guess I just wasn't ready to handle the truth yet. I am now, but that doesn't really matter anymore, does it."
Sora slowly shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. No, I guess it doesn't.
She wanted to comfort her boyfriend, but she did not know what to say to make him feel better. Matt knew the truth, and there was nothing she could do to ease his pain. She loved Tai, and she could not make her feelings for the former Digidestined leader disappear no matter how hard she tried. Somehow Matt was just going to have to accept that and move on.
It's not fair. Matt shouldn't have to move on with his life. There are so many other girls out there who would gladly take my place, and yet, I'm not satisfied. What is wrong with me? He cares about me, and all I've done is hurt him. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten the Crest of Love after all...
She had never hated herself more than she did at that moment, and she had a feeling it was going to be a long time before she could look at herself in a mirror again and be happy with the person she saw staring back at her.
Why should Matt have to be the one to let go? Maybe I should be the one letting go of Tai. We'll never have a future together, and I do care about Matt even if I don't love him in the way that he wants me to, but I guess that isn't enough, is it? I know Matt inside and out. He's not going to want to date a girl who isn't willing to put her whole heart and soul into the relationship to make it work, which means he definitely isn't going to want to hang around me again after this...
"How long have you felt this way about Tai?" Matt asked quietly after a long moment of silence.
Sora sniffed back tears and buried her face against his chest. She had already made up her mind to tell him the truth no matter what kind of questions he came up with, but that did not stop her guilty conscience from wreaking havoc with her nerves. If anything, her decision made her feel even worse than she had before.
"Sora, please answer my question. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm upset, but I'm not angry. I just want to know the truth."
Sora slowly lifted her head and gazed directly into her boyfriend's cloudy, blue eyes. "I think a part of me has always loved Tai ever since the day I met him, but he never asked me out, and I realized I had to accept the fact that he would never feel the same way about me. I've moved on with my life, and I've been happy, but..."
"It isn't enough," Matt finished, his eyes sparkling with sudden emotion. "Sora, I have a question. Did you ever love me?"
Sora's mouth fell open, and she stared at her boyfriend in shock. Does he really believe I would have gone out of my way to be his girlfriend if I didn't have feelings for him? I do love him! That's not the problem. The problem is I love Tai more...
"Sora-"
"Matt, I would never have gone out with you if I didn't love you," she said firmly, interrupting him before he had a chance to get upset. "We've had a great relationship, and you'll always have a place in my heart, but my feelings for you aren't as strong as they once were. I still love you, but not in the same way that I did before. I thought my feelings for Tai would fade away eventually, but they didn't. In fact, they've only gotten stronger over the past couple of years. I can't ignore them anymore, and that's how I know he's the one who's going to stay in my heart long after any other guys who may or may not come into my life have become nothing but fond memories. Matt, I have the Crest of Love. I know, and I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have. Tai may never love me, but that doesn't give me the right to play around with your feelings either."
Matt gazed at her for several minutes and finally nodded. "I see," he said quietly. "Tai's the one who has captured your heart, not me, and you can't forget about him. You've tried, but he won't go away. He's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you know that because you have the Crest of Love. How could you not know? It doesn't matter how old you are. You have something special the rest of us don't have. You know, and you'll never truly be happy until that empty hole in your heart has been filled. I can't give you that, but Tai can."
Sora held her boyfriend tightly in her arms and gazed at him through a veil of tears. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Why?" Matt asked, frowning in confusion. "You can't change how you feel."
"What?"
Sora pulled back and stared at her boyfriend in surprise. His sparkling, blue eyes were filled with sadness, but he did not appear to be at all upset or the least bit angry. He really does understand. Maybe this won't be as painful as I'd first thought...
"Sora, you're not the type of person who would date someone just because you want to have a boyfriend. I know you would never date anyone you don't love, but I needed to hear you say it," Matt said gently. "Thank you. Now I know just how important it was for us to date each other. Our relationship has always meant a lot to you, and I feel the exact same way, but it's more than that. We were meant to be together at some point in our lives because of Tai. How would you have known for sure he was the one you wanted to be with if you had never dated me before him? You said it yourself. You think we're both great guys, and it was hard for you to choose, and yet, at the same time, it wasn't. In your mind Tai and I are equals, and you were able to choose between us without having second thoughts about who you really love. What if you had ended up dating Tai after going out with a guy who wasn't as close to your heart as I am? If he had not measured up to Tai, you might have started second guessing yourself, and in the end, you might have come to the conclusion that you only wanted to date Tai because he was better than the guy you had been with before. Now you know for sure, and I'm glad I was able to help you make up your mind."
Sora shook her head in amazement and smiled. "Matt, I will always care about you, especially when you say things like that! How could I not?"
Matt held her tightly in his arms and gazed thoughtfully at the sky. "When did you finally realize you couldn't ignore your feelings for Tai anymore?"
"I realized the truth when Tai spoke to me after you cancelled our movie date," she replied.
"What did he say?"
Sora smiled softly and shrugged. "He didn't have to say anything."
"Tell me," Matt said, giving her a smile that was surprisingly warm.
Sora quickly told him about the conversation she had had with Tai the day before and finished with a loud sigh. "I wanted to tell you earlier, but I was so confused. I needed some time to sort out my feelings."
"Don't worry about it," Matt replied, waving off her concern. "There's nothing to forgive. You told me, and that's what matters."
"You're not mad about Tai hugging me, are you?" she asked nervously.
Matt looked at her and raised his eyebrows. "No, why should I be? Tai's your friend. You're allowed to hug him, and he's allowed to hug you. You've hugged him lots of times, haven't you?"
Sora blushed and nodded.
"Sora, Tai didn't do anything wrong. In fact, he was acting exactly like a best friend should."
"What do you mean?"
Matt's eyes glittered with sudden happiness, and he kissed her forehead. "Tai has been loyal to me right from the start, and he deserves to be happy. I know what I have to do now. I guess this isn't as hard as I thought it would be. I feel sad, but I also feel really good because I'm giving up something I care about in order to help out a friend. I guess this is how Tai must have felt when he made such a huge sacrifice for me. I know I don't really have a choice anymore, but that's not the point. I love you both, and I won't stand in the way of your happiness. It's going to be hard, but it'll be worth it."
"What are you talking about?" Sora stared at her boyfriend in confusion and tightened her arms around him. Matt was acting really strange all of a sudden, and it was starting to make her nervous. "You're not upset because I kissed Tai's cheek, are you? I've done it before, and it didn't seem to bug you then."
Matt quickly shook his head and gave her a reassuring hug. "No, I'm not upset. I have no right to be angry at you, and the same goes for Tai. I can't believe he has been such a great friend to me! He didn't even try to take advantage of the situation at all! I'm such a jerk, but I'll make it up to him."
"I don't understand," Sora whispered, gazing into his eyes. "What are you trying to say?"
Matt sighed and gently took her face in his hands. "Sora, I can't force you to go out with me if you really don't want to. Are you absolutely one hundred percent sure about your feelings for Tai?"
Sora felt hot tears begin to slide down her cheeks, and she nodded. "Yes, I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
"I thought so. I guess I always knew you and Tai would end up together eventually. You guys are perfect for each other." Matt smiled softly at her and shrugged. "It's almost like the two of you were made for each other."
"There's only one problem with your theory, Matt. Tai doesn't love me. He'll never feel the same way I feel," Sora said tearfully.
Matt gently rubbed her back and smiled in amusement. "I wouldn't be too sure about that. After all, there's only one way to find out, isn't there. You have to ask him otherwise you'll never know. You don't want to give up on your one chance at true happiness, do you?"
Sora pulled away from him and let out a gasp. "Matt, are we breaking up?"
"Is there any other option?" he asked quietly. "You love Tai, and nothing I say is going to make you change your mind about your feelings for him. There's no way our relationship is going to work if your heart belongs to someone else. I care about you a lot, but let's face it. Neither one of us is going to be happy if we stay together, and I don't want to be the one who ends up ruining your chance at a relationship with Tai. Sora, I don't think you're the only one who has moved on from our relationship. I feel the same way you feel. I love you, but I don't think my feelings are as strong as they once were. Maybe that's another reason why this isn't as hard as I thought it would be. I did a lot of thinking last night, and I realized I couldn't hide from myself anymore. My feelings for you have changed. I love you the way I love Tai and the rest of my friends. You'll always be important to me, but I don't think we were really meant to be anything more than friends. I hope you don't feel bad about anything I've said. I don't want to hurt you any more than you want to hurt me."
Sora smiled brilliantly at him and shook her head. Her heart felt lighter than it had in a long time, and she had a feeling Matt felt the same way. A huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and been replaced with a sense of freedom. For the first time that day, she truly believed everything was going to turn out okay. "No, Matt, I don't feel bad at all. In fact, I'm glad you feel that way. I was afraid I was going to end up hurting you beyond forgiveness. Now I know you're going to be okay, and that means a lot to me."
"I feel the same way. We could play it safe and stay together, but I know that's not what either of us wants. I think that shows just how much we've grown as people since we starting dating each other. Sometimes the easy way out isn't always as easy as it appears to be, and in this case it would only make both of us completely miserable."
"Matt, I don't want you to be nothing but a fond memory," Sora mumbled into her friend's chest. "You mean a lot to me, and I still need you in my life. Do you think we can still be friends after this? I don't want to lose you, but I'm afraid that's exactly what's going to happen."
Matt gazed silently at her for a moment and shrugged. "It'll be hard at first, but I think we'll be able to work things out. We were friends before, and I know we can be friends again."
"I know lots of guys who have said the same thing to their girlfriends, but in the end they've always drifted away from each other," Sora said sadly.
Friendship never works when couples break up...
"Well, we're not like other people, and neither are the rest of our friends," Matt said simply. "All of us have been through so much together, and that bond is going to keep us coming back no matter how hard we try to drift away from each other. Don't worry, Sora, our friendship is still intact. I know it in my heart, and I know we'll be able to pick up from where we left off."
Sora threw her arms around Matt and hugged him as tightly as she could. "I can't even tell you how good it feels to hear you say that. I was so afraid we wouldn't be friends anymore."
"No way," Matt said firmly. "We'll always be friends. You know what you have to do now, don't you?"
Sora bit her lip and slowly nodded. "I have to tell Tai how I feel even if he doesn't feel the same way. Mimi said the same thing. She knows I'm in love with Tai, and she promised me she would keep my secret. It looks like she kept her promise."
"Yes, she did. Um...Sora? Do you mind letting me talk to Tai first? There are a few things I want to...discuss with him before you tell him how you feel. Is that okay?"
Sora hesitated for a moment, and Matt laughed. "Don't worry," he said softly, "I won't tell him your secret. Only you have the right to tell him how much you love him. You know I would never betray you like that."
Sora smiled and sent him an apologetic look. "You're right. I'm sorry. Let me know when you've finished talking to him. In the meantime, I'm going to go find Mimi."
"Mimi was acting really weird when I talked to her yesterday," Matt said, frowning in confusion. "What do you think is going on with her?"
Sora's heart filled with sadness, and she sighed. "I don't know, but I intend to find out. What did Mimi say to you?"
"Do you remember what I said earlier? We talked about how she lied to me, and I forgave her."
"That's it?"
Matt gazed silently at the grass and refused to look at her. "There's one other thing we talked about. She knows what Tai's secret is, too. Actually, now that I think about it, that explains why she has been acting so strange lately. I'm not exactly sure how she found out, but she knows, and she promised Tai she wouldn't tell anyone."
Sora's mouth fell open, and she stared at Matt in horror. Mimi knows Tai's secret, too? She must have found out when she was at his apartment a couple of days ago. Why didn't she tell me? I can understand why she wouldn't blurt out his secret, but she could have at least told me she knew what it was! She lied to me! My best friend lied to me!
Matt studied her face for a moment and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know what's going on with you and Mimi, but I think you'd better talk to her, as well. I don't want the two of you to end up in the same position that Tai and I are in."
"Alright," Sora sighed. "I guess I'll do that while you talk to Tai. Um...Matt? Is there someone else?"
Matt blushed and avoided her eyes. "What do you mean?"
"Have you fallen in love with someone else, too?"
"I'm not sure," Matt said slowly. "I think I might have feelings for another girl, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Don't worry, though. If my feelings turn out to be the real thing, you and Tai will be the first to know. I don't want to say anything until I'm absolutely certain otherwise everything's just going to get even more complicated."
Sora smiled to show him she understood and kissed his cheek. "Good luck. I hope you do find someone who will make you happy."
"Thanks," Matt said quietly. "See, Sora? We'll do everything we can to support each other and keep our friendship going. Good luck with Tai, but I don't think you'll need it."
"Matt, do you really believe Tai might have feelings for me?" she asked nervously.
Matt slowly got to his feet and held out his hand to her. "Talk to Tai," he said softly. "If he can find the courage to put friendship first then you can find the courage to tell him how you feel. Come on, let's get to class."
Sora allowed him to pull her up, and they started across the lawn towards the front doors of the school.
I can't believe how well things have turned out so far. Maybe both of us will find a way to be with the one we love, and then no one will end up suffering from heartache and sadness.
The two of them had officially broken up, but it felt more like the beginning of a new chapter in her life instead of the ending of an old one. She had no clue whether or not her conversation with Tai was going to end in happiness or disaster, but that was a risk she was going to have to take.
Unfortunately my conversation with him is going to have to wait a little while. First I have to find Mimi, and I'm not going to leave her alone until she can find the courage to tell me why she lied to me...