When Arthur awoke, he found himself lying on a metal table. "What . . . what's going on?"

He tried to sit up, but Trillian held him down. "No, just lie still right now."

"I can't, I'm in pain!"

"Try not to think about it," Ford suggested.

Arthur glared at him. "Have you ever tried not to think about something? It's all you can think about!"

"Just relax and let the medi-scanner do its job," Trillian said.

"Medi-what?" Arthur looked up. "That thing? It looks like some kind of torture device!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if it were," Marvin droned.

"Can it, Marvin!" Zaphod snapped.

"Why do I suddenly get the feeling that I'm dying?" asked Arthur.

"Oh, relax! You're probably not dying."

"Probably? PROBABLY?"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist!"

"Why not? I'm only probably going to live! And my head feels like it's about to explode! And I'm suddenly freezing! Why is it so cold in here?"
"It's not," Trillian said. "Your illness seems to be affecting your perception of the environment."

"What?"

"You've got a fever," Ford explained.

"Oh. Why didn't you just say?"

"I thought I did," said Trillian.

Kalitha looked concerned. "He doesn't look good, does he?"

"I still don't understand what you're doing here," Zaphod said, glaring at her.

"You're the one who said 'Everybody into the ship!'"

"I didn't mean you!"

"What was I supposed to do, stand there and get shot?"

"That would have done for a start!"

"Is something going on between you two?" Arthur asked.

"How can anything be going on when I've never even met her?"

"Liar," said Kalitha.

"Hey, if I'd met you, I'd remember!"

"You do remember. You have to. You just don't want to admit it."

"Will you stop telling me what I know? Which, by the way, I don't?"

"How can anyone be so stupid?"

"Okay, that's enough!" Trillian said. "Both of you go to separate corners and cool down. Marvin, keep an eye on them."

"I won't enjoy it," the Paranoid Android said.

"Yes, you will. Now, go on, both of you. If you keep acting like children, you'll be treated as such. Take a time-out."

Zaphod and Kalitha gave each other dirty looks before retreating to opposite corners of the room. That problem solved, Trillian turned her attention back to Arthur . . . who was now vomiting on her shoes.

"Oh, God!"

"Sorry," Arthur groaned. "I couldn't help it . . ."

"Let's get that scan done, shall we?" She could clean up the mess later. Fortunately the shoes were wash-and-wear; no real harm done.

It took several minutes for the results to come back, and by that time Arthur was breaking out in a cold sweat, and muttering something under his breath that sounded like "bunnies".

"Arthur, are you still with us?" Ford asked.

"The bunnies! Don't let the bunnies get me!"

"We won't. You're safe here."

"Is he all right?" Trillian asked.

"I think he just dozed off. Give him a few minutes. Let's see what the scan's come up with." Ford took the readout and looked it over. What he saw wasn't very encouraging.

"What?" Kalitha asked, leaving her corner. "Is he dying?"

"No," Ford said. "Not quite."

"What's wrong with him?" Zaphod wanted to know. "It's not contagious, is it?"

"No, of course not. It's all my fault; I should never have told him the food was perfectly safe . . ."

"Hang on," said Kalitha. "What food? Where did you eat?"

"The Pink Diamond Cocktail Lounge. We had the fish special. Except for Trillian, who had—"

"You ate at the Pink Diamond?" Kalitha looked stunned.

"Yes, the Guide gave it four stars."

"Four stars for the drinks, maybe. The food's terrible. It's no wonder he got sick."

"Well, thank you so much for telling us four hours after the fact!" Zaphod shouted at her. "That's really helpful, that is!"

"Anyone could have told you! All you had to do was look around! Nobody local goes there before eight!"

"We couldn't wait that long!" Zaphod spluttered.

Trillian couldn't take any more. "Will you both stop bickering for two seconds and give me a hand?" she screamed.

There was a moment of stunned silence, then Ford and Marvin helped Trillian lift Arthur off the table and carry him to his room. This left Zaphod and Kalitha alone, but that couldn't be helped.

"Wonder what her problem is?" said Zaphod, who wasn't used to Trillian shouting.

"Gee, I wonder," Kalitha said sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You figure it out!"

"You know, forget her, what's your problem? You've been all over me since we first met! What did I ever do to you?"

"Oh, don't play games with me!" Kalitha snapped. "You know perfectly well what you did to me!"

"If I knew, I wouldn't ask, would I?"

"You might just be pretending to be stupid."

"Or I might really not know what you're talking about."

"I doubt that."

"Doubt it all you want, it's the truth."

"Why should I believe a man who lied his way into the highest public office in the galaxy?" Kalitha sighed through her nose and stood up. "When you decide to stop being an idiot, I'll be in my room."

"Fine! I'll be at the other end of the ship!" Zaphod stalked off to the main control cabin, which wasn't quite at the end of the ship but was far enough for him. "Eddie," he said.

"Hi there! What can I do for you this fine—"

"Turn us around, will you? We're taking that annoying cow home."

Meanwhile, Ford had found something useful in the medical supplies. Unless it was in the wrong bottle (Zaphod had a habit of dumping out any bottle he found lying around and refilling it with liquor), it should do the trick. Now to find a spoon . . .

"Attention all hands!" Eddie said over the ship's PA system. "We're about to make a mid-course correction, so you might want to grab something to keep yourself steady till we return to normal space!"

"We're doing what?" Ford said to thin air. He hadn't found a spoon, but he did find another type of medicine to help with Arthur's headaches. He grabbed that up as well.

Arthur was dozing when Ford came in and nudged him awake. As it turned out, he needn't have bothered; the ship suddenly banked sharply to the left, causing everything in the room that wasn't nailed down (this, unfortunately, included Arthur and Ford) to fall onto the floor. Only the quickest of motions saved both medicine bottles.

"What's going on?" Ford demanded.

Eddie's voice piped up. "We're turning round and heading back the way we came!"

"Why?"

"How should I know? I just do what I'm told, fella! And I'm happy to do it! Would you like a little light music?"

"No, we would not like a little light music! Just don't do that again, okay?"

"Whatever you say!"

Ford gave Arthur both medicines at once, ignoring the warning labels on the bottles which, if he had bothered to read them, would have told him in no uncertain terms not to do that. He was about to leave the room when a blast of noise assaulted his ears.

"I'd hardly call that light music!" he shouted at the ceiling.

"That wasn't me!" said Eddie.

"Well, where's it coming from?"

A curious expression came over Arthur's face. "Hey, I know this song! That's Spinal Tap! Ford, that's Spinal Tap! From Earth! How can that be here?"

"I know how," said Ford. "I'll be right back."

He followed the music to a locked cabin door. "Zaphod! Have you been in my satchel?"

"What?"

"Turn the music down!"

"What?"

"What?"

Kalitha was covering her ears. "Does anyone know why we've suddenly turned round—what is that noise?"

"NOISE?" Zaphod was indignant. "You have the nerve to call the greatest band since Disaster Area noise?"

"YES! Now turn it off before I pull off all four of your ears!"

"What? Turn it up?" Zaphod shouted, pretending he hadn't heard her properly, when she knew damn well he had. She glared at him as he slammed the door and the volume of the music increased. The ship actually began to shake from the vibrations of the overtaxed sound system.

And it was at that precise moment that the ship carrying the four-armed aliens caught up with the Heart of Gold.

"Uh, guys . . . ." Eddie said nervously.

Nobody heard him over the din of the Spinal Tap cassette, so Arthur hauled himself out of bed and stumbled out into the corridor to find out what the hell was going on.

He sat in a chair and took deep breaths to clear his head and help get his stomach back under control. It didn't work; he only felt worse. The sight of a massive warship on the view screen only added to his troubles.

Trillian came in, saw him slumped in the chair, and said, "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep with that racket going on, so I thought as long as I was awake anyway I might as well have a look around."

"I don't think you—"

Trillian was cut off midsentence by the KA-BOOM! of laser fire hitting the ship. That brought the rest of the crew running.

"Are we under attack?" Ford asked.

"Well, guys," said Eddie, "seems our four-armed mates have caught up with us, and this time they won't take no for an answer."

"Get us out of here!" Zaphod demanded.

"They want to talk to us."

"Well, that's a good sign," said Trillian. "Let's talk to them."

"Let's not," said Zaphod, looking considerably flustered. "I, ah . . . I have something important to do in another part of the ship."

"I thought you were in charge here!" Arthur said. He was awfully confused, which wasn't anything new.

"Putting them through," said Eddie. For once, he didn't sound happy about it.

A booming voice demanded, "We want to speak to the one called Arthur Dent."

The entire room swiveled in Arthur's direction.

Arthur wasn't sure what to say. Of all the bad days he'd ever had in his life—including the terrible Thursday when the Earth had been demolished—this one just took the frosted biscuit.