Disclaimer: It's still not mine.

A/N: Okay, the title deserves a little explanation. I was in a play of The Hobbit a couple summers ago. I was the King Goblin (also known, for all you picky people, as . . . the Goblin King) and my only line was, "Oooh, now here's some fun." Despite how un-Tolkien-ish that line may sound, the play was a blast and I've been looking for a way to use that line for a while, so here it is . . .

Chapter Twenty-Two
Oooh, Now Here's Some Fun

Back at Minas Tirith, everyone was getting ready for war. Aragorn and Denethor were trying unsuccessfully to convince Gandalf that it would be easier for them to fight if they weren't blindfolded and tied together. Gandalf had sent the eagles back to Edoras to get all their weapons.

It was Legolas who saw Blackie first. "Look!" he cried, pointing at the sky.

"Where?" Aragorn and Denethor demanded at once. Then, deciding the Elf pointing wouldn't be of much help, they both called, "What is it?"

"You don't need to scream; I'm two feet away from you," Legolas pointed out. "And there's a Nazgûl coming towards us, fast!"

"Wait," Radagast interrupted. "There's no Nazgûl riding it. Something must have happened."

"Thank you, Radagast the Master of Stating the Obvious," Gandalf sighed.

"You're welcome, Gandalf the Vanilla-Cream," Radagast returned. Then, to the creature, "Down here, boy. Come on." He held out his arm for it to perch on, but then decided that wasn't such a good idea. He decided a little too late, however, and was soon covered in Blackie.

"Radagast!" Aragorn called. "Where'd you go?" A muffled sound came from nearby. Aragorn hurried towards it, right into Blackie. He immediately reached for his sword, but because it wasn't there, his arm ran straight into Denethor.

"Hey!" the Steward shouted. "Watch where you're going!"

"How do you expect me to watch where I'm going when I'm blindfolded?" Aragorn demanded. For that, Denethor had no answer, but simply swung wildly. By some chance, he actually hit Aragorn, and the Ranger punched him back. Soon, the two of them were rolling around on the ground like two little kids.

Blackie made a noise that sounded remotely like a sigh. "You said it," agreed Radagast, who had by now freed himself. "They're insane."

"He said that?" Frodo asked.

"Oh, yeah," Radagast nodded. Blackie proceeded to make some screeches, and the Wizard listened with great interest. "He says that Merry, Pippin, Boromir, and Faramir are all right. They're taking the Pass of Cirith Ungol, and they know about the spider." He stopped. "What spider?"

"Bilbo found some spiders in Mirkwood," Frodo offered. "Maybe one got lost somehow."

"Then the others are bound to come looking for it," Gandalf pointed out, using some backwards logic none of the others could understand. "We should go and warn them that other spiders may be on their way."

"Or," Aragorn volunteered, "we could go and intercept the spiders before they reach Cirith Ungol."

"Wait," Denethor interrupted. "Orcs and Nazgûl I'm fine with, but now we're supposed to fight giant spiders, too?"

"Of course," Aragorn grinned. "What do you think war's about? We have to fight everything under the sun!" He held out his hand, and an eagle conveniently dropped Anduril into it. Aragorn swung it wildly. "To war!" he cried, raising his arms.

Suddenly, he realized he'd encountered no resistance when raising his arms. He felt his wrists. The rope holding him to the Steward had been cut when he'd swung the sword. Instantly, he dropped it and undid his blindfold. "Free!" he shouted.

Denethor took a hint and undid his blindfold, as well. "And exactly how are we supposed to find this army of spiders?" he demanded, without so much as a thank you.

Aragorn pondered this for a moment, then pointed up at the eagles. Gimli groaned.

Soon, the Fellowship -- minus Boromir, Faramir, Merry, and Pippin -- and everyone else was happily flying over all the land between Mirkwood and Gondor, looking for an army of spiders. Almost everyone was riding an eagle, but Radagast had taken a liking to Blackie and was now perched happily on his back.

"I see something!" Aragorn shouted.

"That's an Oliphant," Legolas announced, shaking his head.

"What about that?"

"That's an army of Orcs."

"What's that over there."

"That's the Ents. I guess they decided to show up, so they can handle the Orcs. We still have to find the spiders."

"I don't think there are any," Sam whispered to Frodo.

"What?" Aragorn demanded. "Of course there are spiders. I, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Heir of Isildur and King of Gondor, have said that an army of spiders is on its way from Mirkwood. Do you dare doubt my judgment?"

"Yes," Legolas called from his eagle. "We've been up here for hours, and I haven't seen anything that even remotely resembles a spider, even from this distance. I'm going back to fight the Orcs."

"Traitor!" Aragorn called as the Elf flew away. "But, then, killing Orcs is more fun. Come on, men!" All the men followed him and Legolas.

"So what do we do?" Gandalf asked Radagast, Sam, Frodo, and Gimli.

"We'd better go with him," Radagast shrugged. "He might hurt something."

"You'd think these guys would take a hint and run," Aragorn remarked after nearly an hour of fighting. The Ents were trampling Orcs left and right. Swords were clashing and arrows were whizzing. yet the Orcs kept right on coming. There seemed to be an endless supply of them, and each just as easy to kill as the one before it. Aragorn yawned.

"Getting bored?" Denethor asked.

"Yup," Aragorn nodded, his eyes starting to close.

"Still think a diversion was a good idea. We have to sit here and fight Orcs while Pippin, Merry, Boromir, and Faramir have all the fun with a giant spider. Oh, yeah, let's create a diversion. Let's sit here fighting mindless Orcs until we're bored silly. Great plan."

"Next one to say something sarcastic will regret it," Aragorn called.

"Yeah, right," an Orc mumbled, and its head promptly fell to the ground.

"Nice one," Gimli laughed. "Hey, Legolas! I'm on three hundred and twenty six!"

"Three hundred and twenty eight!" Legolas called back.

"Don't they ever get tired of that?" Gandalf asked, absently whacking an Orc with his staff.

"Apparently not," Aragorn sighed.

"How can they even keep track that high?" Denethor asked.

"I don't think they do," Aragorn admitted. "I think Gimli just shouts out a number and Legolas picks something one or two higher. I don't think they're counting at all."

"At least they're having fun," Radagast shrugged.

"They're the only ones," Aragorn mumbled.

Gandalf shook his head. "Frodo's still having fun. He's still fascinated that his sword's a different color than everyone else's."

Suddenly, Aragorn pointed into the distance. "Look! The army of giant spiders!"

Indeed, there was an army of giant spiders, coming toward them with great speed. Aragorn grinned. Now they'd have some fun.