Jack walked into Sam's lab one morning. "Hey! Carter, we're leaving in fifteen…"
He heard some gagging noises coming from the bathroom to the side of the lab. "Carter?"
He heard a toilet flush. "Carter, are you okay?"
She stumbled to her feet. "Hello, sir." She said, wiping her mouth. "Sorry about the, uh…mess."
He hurried over to her. "Are you sure you're all right?"
She shook her head. "I can't keep anything down."
"You should go to the infirmary. Doc Fraiser wanted us to check in if something weird happened."
She looked at him. "Are you feeling sick too?"
He shook his head. "No."
"Well, then, it has nothing to do with that stupid machine. So, I don't need to go."
"Carter, that's an order."
She sighed. "Great."
They walked to the infirmary, and Jack quickly explained the situation to Dr. Fraiser. "Well, Sam. I think I'll run the same battery of tests that I ran last week. It's possible that something else came up."
"Colonel, you're supposed to be leaving for P4Z 536 right now." Sam reminded him as Janet left.
"Aw, crap! You're right. Well, I'll just tell General Hammond what's going on here, and maybe he'll get another team to cover it."
She smiled. "I'm fine. Okay, just the flu, I'm sure."
An hour later, Jack appeared in the doorway to Sam's lab again. "Feeling better?"
She shook her head. "Not really, but…" She looked at him. "I thought you were going off-world."
He smiled. "Nope. SG-1 is on stand-down. SG-4 took the mission."
She chuckled. "I'm sure they were thrilled."
"Actually, they were."
Suddenly, the phone on the wall rang, and Carter picked it up. "Carter."
"Sam, it's Janet. You need to come down to the infirmary. I have some…important things to discuss with you."
Sam took a deep breath and glanced at Jack. "Okay. I'll be right there."
"Carter?"
"I, uh, need to go to the infirmary. Janet has the test results in."
"And?" He asked.
"She wouldn't tell me anything."
"I'll come with." He said, opening the door.
"Why?" She asked, startled.
"Well, for one thing, I'm your commanding officer. For another, whatever is affecting you most likely will start affecting me in a matter a few days."
She shrugged. "Whatever."
They appeared in the infirmary, and Janet looked at Jack. "Sir, what are you doing here?"
"Carter told me that you had the test results in, and I was thinking I should probably come, since it's probably going to affect me."
"Well, I can pretty much guarantee that it won't, sir." Janet said.
"How?" Sam asked.
Jack saw Janet's uncomfortable expression, and guessed what the problem was. "Carter, I think the reason it's not going to affect me is because it has nothing to do with me."
She looked at him. "Huh?"
"Sam, honey, you're pregnant." Janet said.
Sam just blinked. "I'm what?"
"Yep…definitely not going to affect me..." Jack said, starting to step away from the two women.
"Jack! You get right back here." Sam ordered. "Janet, that's impossible…I haven't been with anyone…"
That was WAY too much information! Jack thought.
Just then, Daniel raced in. "Sam, I heard you were here. I just translated the glyphs surrounding the machine, and…well, as near as I can figure it, it's a device for artificial insemination."
"WHAT?" Sam and Jack asked in unison.
"I'll order an amniocentesis." Janet said, promptly.
They arrived in the General's office a few minutes later. "Colonel, Major? What's going on?"
Sam just sat there with a false smile playing on her features, while she waited for Daniel and Janet to explain what had happened.
"General, Major Carter is pregnant."
General George Hammond had learned not to be surprised, or at least not to appear surprised with what went on in the base, but he couldn't help it this time. "What?"
"And the amniocentesis confirmed that it was my child, sir." Jack continued.
"WHAT?"
"General, I think this has something to do with the device that rendered Jack and Sam unconscious last week. They were both scanned by this device that does basic artificial insemination."
"So…we didn't break the rules, sir." Jack explained.
"Doctor Jackson, keep doing research on this. Major Carter, Colonel O'Neill, take the rest of the week off while I try to process what you've just told me." He replied. "Oh, and Major, you father is scheduled to be here in a few days."
The blood drained from her face as she closed her eyes in horror. "I'm going to die. He's going to kill me!"
"Dismissed."
The Air Force officers stood. "Thank you, sir."
They walked out of the room. "Well, that went well." Jack quipped.
"By whose definition?" She asked.
"Your dad isn't going to kill you, Sam." He said.
"Oh, really? He's going to think that we fraternized…together." She finished, lamely.
"Well, your dad isn't going to come after you because he's going to be too busy coming after me!"
She looked at him. "I guess you do have a point."
"Uh huh…in other words, I'll be a hunted man the moment your father steps through that Stargate and notices that you're experiencing morning sickness."
They passed the commissary, and Sam started to gag. "Ex-cuse…" She said, before racing off.
Jack found her in the bathroom. "Carter?"
She was dry heaving.
"This isn't really fair, is it?" He asked as he knelt down beside her and put his hand on her back, moving it in small circles around her back.
She looked at him. "Ya think?"
Just then, she gagged again, only this time she managed to gag up some of the bile from her stomach.
"There's nothing left to throw up." She said, weakly.
"Carter, when I get you to your place, I'll get you some dry toast. From what Sara said, an empty stomach was the worst thing for morning sickness."
"You're going to take me home?" She asked, simply.
"Well…no offense, but…you're not exactly in a condition to operate heavy machinery." He said, with a tiny chuckle.
She groaned. "Just this once." She said. "Because after today, I'm going to carry saltine crackers in my car."