Chapter 35 - The Abandonment

Present day - March

Dimitri POV

I kept thinking about the few insights Rose had shared to what her life had been at the Institution. It was obvious, and also expected, that she was keeping things to herself, and I tried to think of different ways I could coax more information out of her. I knew pushing forcefully was not the way to go, and I was afraid our eagerness to learn more and get new leads would lead to her withdrawing back into her shell. Based on the little she had said, we already had a person we needed to find. Alberta.

I had never met Alberta, but I knew that she was the Captain of the school guards at St. Vladimir 's Academy, which was in line with what Rose had told us so far. There was just one thing I couldn't understand. If Alberta had taken care of Rose when she was a child, how come she hadn't tried to find Rose when she was taken? I felt perhaps an unjustified anger towards Alberta, and couldn't wait to question her. We needed to tread carefully however, since we couldn't be sure that Alberta was on our side. For all we knew, she could've been the one who set Rose up.

I got off the ground and checked the perimeter. Spiridon was sleeping in the car, and I realized we would soon need to ask Rose if she was comfortable with Spiridon and I taking turns sleeping in the tent next to her. I knew we wouldn't be able to keep this up and subject us both to terrible sleep in the long run. We needed to be strong and alert. When I approached our campsite again I noted to my dismay that Rose was having another nightmare.

I looked around us and only hesitated for a moment. The forest was dark and silent. I knew I couldn't be sure that there weren't any Strigoi out there, but we were still quite far away from Court and we hadn't found any traces of Moroi activity in this area. I got down on my haunches in front of the tent, my only intention was to check on her. I slowly opened the tent and noticed that she had rolled out of her sleeping back, half of her body on the cold ground. She was lying on her stomach twitching slightly, still caught in her nightmare. I crawled into the tent enough so that I could push her back into her sleeping bag. Instead of allowing me to gently push her back, she rolled over to her back with a gasp and flailed with her hands in front of her. She grabbed my wrist that was on her shoulder and immediately tried to scoot back away from me. It took her a few breaths until she realized that it was me.

I felt awful for imposing on her like that. I should've known I would only make her terrified. "I'm sorry Rose, I shouldn't have disturbed you."

She cleared her throat and looked a bit embarrassed. I wanted to reassure her that she had no reason whatsoever to be embarrassed by her fearful reaction, that it was I who should have known better. She scrambled back further into her sleeping bag and I couldn't help myself, I let my hands grip the zipper and pull it the rest of the way up so that she was cocooned. I was just about to retreat back out of the tent when she looked up at me shyly. I smiled without thinking, she just had that disarming effect on me.

"Maybe someday I won't flinch whenever someone is close to me," she whispered solemnly, trying to mask it with an apologetic smile of her own.

"Truthfully, I'm looking forward to that day, but until then there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's a completely natural reaction, considering-"

"Considering how guardians have behaved towards me and my friends?" she offered when I wasn't sure how to finish that sentence.

There it was again. The tension, the acidity that was creeping up my throat from the pit of my stomach. Before I knew it the words were pouring out of me. "I'm just so sorry for not finding you earlier. I should've tried harder, I should've been able to protect you when Moore first came for you. I'm just so sorry for everything." My last words were barely a whisper, and I steeled myself for her reaction. Perhaps even for her anger, disappointment and rejection.

But instead of those expected feelings, she looked at me with disbelief. "What are you talking about? Why would you even say that?"

I met her unwavering gaze and kept silent.

"Dimitri, you saved me. You never gave up on me. A lot of my memories are hazy, but I remember that night clearly. In fact, so clearly I'm kind of angry at myself for not accepting the truth before last night, I shouldn't have repressed one of the few good things in my life. You have nothing to apologize for."

Her low voice held a tone of finality, and I decided against arguing with her. "I'm still sorry for everything you had to go through."

"You know, it would've been a lot worse if Moore hadn't been interrupted, and for that I will always be grateful." This time when she smiled, it was genuine. My back and neck were starting to protest against my hunched position. I asked her the silent question and she nodded, so I closed the opening to the tent wanting to keep the cold out and laid down next to her. She rolled over to her side and was facing me with one hand tucked underneath her chin. I was still careful to keep as much distance as I could between us.

"How did you find me?" she asked.

"I tried so hard after they took you, but everywhere I turned there was just a dead-end or resistance. A few years after I had received my promise mark Commander Schonberg contacted me and I joined the Division. Your Institution was the third we found, and it was only because of a human tip. It was a baker who had seen-"

She interrupted me with a gasp. "It was me! He saw me! I went inside that bakery even if I wasn't supposed to because it smelled so good. He was so nice to me, even offered me this baked goods. Can't remember what it was called though," she said and seemed to be thinking hard.

"A vatrushka I believe it was," I filled in with a small smile. Rose and sweets seemed to go hand in hand. "Spiridon and I searched the area for weeks and weeks without finding anything. We were growing more desperate and were about to call off the search when we decided to survey the village during a market." I glanced over at her and noted that she was intently following every word I had to offer. "We split up and Spiridon stayed in the village while I took a position further away, monitoring the area with my binoculars. After a while I saw two guardians in the company of a girl, you that is, dressed in a gray jacket. I called Spiridon to inform him."

"No way, you're the girlfriend he was talking on the phone to?" she asked in disbelief and a few snort-like giggles escaped her. I couldn't help myself and I chuckled a bit at her reaction and recalled my phone call with Spiridon. Once again I noted how observant she was. "But both Moore and I checked Spiridon's neck, he didn't have any marks-'' she trailed off, realizing that we had covered them to disperse any suspicion. "Wow," she breathed. "You guys are really sneaky, I can't believe I didn't realize you covered them on purpose until now."

That sobered me up a bit. "Apparently not sneaky enough to avoid Moore's attention altogether since he saw Spiridon and your interaction." She shook her head and dismissed me with some bravado, not wanting to talk about that.

"After Spiridon had planted the tracker we followed it to your location. We realized that the ward line had been infused with compulsion, which caused us to fail to detect the Institution when we first investigated the area. We hid in the thick forest and monitored the area as we waited for back-up to arrive. That's when we saw Moore dragging you outdoors."

I noted her curling up a bit more, turning her face down in an attempt to hide. I laid down and stretched a bit before turning to my side as well. She looked at me through her thick eyelashes, but it was impossible to know what was going through her head.

"In the forest, when you pinned me down after you caught me, you said my name," she whispered. "When did you realize that it was me?"

"When we first met with the baker and he gave your description I couldn't restrain myself from asking for more details. That was the first time my control slipped and Spiridon found out about you on some level even if I evaded his questions. When we raided the Institution I kept looking for you but still I could barely allow myself to give into the hope. I was almost frantic trying to find you there. However the first time I looked into your eyes I knew for sure that it was you. I don't know if you remember but you met my gaze while still struggling against my hold and that's when I knew for sure. You had grown up, but your eyes were the same." She nodded slightly and I knew that she remembered that moment.

"I'm sorry I hit you with that rock, it's just-"

"You were afraid and followed your natural instincts. Truth to be told, I'm proud that you put up such a fight, you should always try to defend yourself against a threat. You couldn't have known that I wasn't one."

We were silent for a while, both lost in our thoughts. It was peaceful laying in the tent with her.

"I didn't stand a chance though. Not against you, or anyone else for that matter," she finally said.

"I've trained my entire life, not to mention our size difference. I weigh almost double compared to you, so you'll always be at a disadvantage. But with that said I could teach you a few things, Spiridon as well. Perhaps give you a slightly better chance of holding your own."

Fuck did the thought of Rose needing to protect herself make me uncomfortable, but in that moment I knew I meant every word. If given the opportunity I would do my absolute best to prepare herself for the worst. I could be to her what Galina had been to me.

She only nodded timidly, and I could tell something was making her hesitate. Perhaps knowing we'd be in close contact when sparring was making her uncomfortable, but it would be a long time before our training even came to that as we would need to work on her basic strength and endurance first.

I watched her blink more and more until it was harder to keep her eyes open. She didn't seem to mind my presence and the thought pleased me immensely. I wanted her to feel safe and comfortable with me. I did my best to act conspicuous and not let her know how much I was looking at her. After a few deep breaths her eyelids remained closed, and with a few more the remaining tension in her face disappeared.

Lying there she looked so much younger than eighteen, so innocent and small, and my whole being was filled with a strong protectiveness.

After a while I heard a sound from outside and immediately sat up. Rose jerked up by my sudden movement, and I held out my hand towards her, signaling that she should keep quiet. I recognized the sound of struggles coming from outside.

"Dimitri, for fuck sake. Get your ass out here," Spiridon spoke through gritted teeth. I sprung up, nearly ripping up the opening of the tent, the cold air hitting my face. My stake was already drawn before I knew what I was facing.

I approached Spiridon with steady steps, placing myself between the two remaining Strigoi and the tent. Spiridon had already managed to take one down, the dead, pale body at his feet. The two remaining ones had been attacking Spiridon but hesitated when they saw me join him, immediately being more careful in their advances.

One of them tried to grab me, but I ducked out of her claw-like hand and cut its forearm with my stake. From my periphery I saw Spiridon deliver a few well-executed hits making the Strigoi he was fighting stumble a bit. My opponent had been a Moroi, and it was clear that she was an old one with experience. The man Spiridon was fighting had most likely been a dhampir or even a human. I suspected the former based on his skills.

Not long into the fight I noticed that they were behaving differently than I was used to. They seemed to be desperate to get to the tent where Rose was, almost taking unwise risks in doing so. Spiridon and I were holding our own, but we didn't manage to get in a quick kill. I heard Spiridon's grunt when the male Strigoi tore into his shoulder with his nails, and the force of the punch that followed made Spiridon stagger enough for the Strigoi to attempt to circle around him towards the tent.

The Strigoi I was fighting immediately hissed to her peer and took a few steps towards him, splitting its attention. It was enough for me to get an opening and I launched forward, ready to press my stake through her heart. Unfortunately she managed to turn at the last second, causing my stake to narrowly miss the core of her heart. She growled in pain as she staggered back a few steps, dislocating my stake from her chest. I didn't hesitate and continued to deliver hits, going on the offensive and waiting for another opening.

Spiridon and I were herding the two Strigoi away from the tent, intent on getting them to distance themselves from Rose. It was a risky strategy, one that could backfire in case the Strigoi kept tight and worked together, but usually they weren't capable of utilizing all the leverage that was available. They were simply far too selfish and greedy to work together, and that was exactly the case now. Only exaggerated as the one in front of me shoved the male towards us, making him stagger enough for Spiridon to engage in several brutalizing hits.

"You don't know how rare those are, you really think I would share," she hissed, eyes focusing only on the other Strigoi getting staked by Spiridon at the very second. She probably thought that Spiridon and I would both focus on the one Strigoi she had pushed closer to us, ignoring her for a moment and giving her the chance to administer a lethal hit on me, but I took advantage of her split focus and this time, my stake hit home. I locked eyes with the former Moroi and saw a flicker of gratitude before that flicker went out for good, and the Strigoi crumbled at my feet.

It was silent except for the heavy breathing of Spiridon and I. He leaned down with his hands on his knees, and seemed to be wincing with every deep breath he took. I was just about to turn around and check the area to ensure no one else was around and then check on Rose, but sensing my impending movement Spiridon straightened himself up. He looked at me and I felt the shame creep up my neck. He didn't say anything but I knew. I knew that I had abandoned my post and almost gotten us all killed by doing so. After a while of just standing there, staring at each other, he started the perimeter check with a slight nod towards the tent, signaling that I should go to Rose.

I wanted to follow him, but I knew that I had already done enough damage as it was. I walked towards the tent with hesitant steps, steeling myself of what I was about to see. I lifted the broken opening of the tent, noticing that I had ripped the zippers up when I retreated out.

Rose was wrapped in a ball and it was clear that she was having a panic attack. She was halfway out of the sleeping bag again, perhaps in an attempt to be ready for whatever that was coming, not wanting to constrict her movements. Her arms were wrapped around her and tears drenched her face as she was gasping for air. I wasn't sure how much she was comfortable with so I stayed outside, kneeling by the opening. We needed to pack things up and find a more secure location, so I gently started coaxing her out of the tent, reasoning that it would be more comfortable for her to stay close to me out in the open.

It took too long to get her out on her own, long enough for Spiridon to get back. Eventually I leaned into the tent, pulled her towards me by her wrist. She was compliant to my efforts and didn't attempt to pull back. The sleeping bag dragged with her and I pulled it over her as much as I could before I gathered her in my arms and removed her from the tent. She was rigid in my arms, I could feel it through the sleeping bag and I just hoped that I wasn't making her more uncomfortable than necessary. She glanced around and found the bodies of the three Strigoi on the ground a few yards away. Her eyes grew big and her lip trembled as she took in the gruesome sight of them, eventually turning and hiding her face against my chest. I pulled her a little closer and pressed my chin against her temple, trying to soothe her. It was hard but I managed to maneuver her enough so that I could open the door to the car and settled her in the back seat.

"We're going to pack things up, wait here," I murmured quietly. Her hand was fisting my shirt and I had to gently pry open her fingers to release me. I closed the door behind me, I needed to amend things with Spiridon.

I turned around and noted that Spiridon had already packed up most of our things and was in the process of violently shoving the tent back into its pouch. I was fairly sure that he had managed to break some parts of it in the process. I couldn't remember if I had ever seen him so angry.

"I know I fucked up. I shouldn't have abandoned my watch."

It was enough for the last bit of his control to break. "I told you to get information out of her but not on your fucking watch! You've lost it man, completely! I thought I could trust you, but it's the most basic rule not to leave your watch no matter what." He threw the tent on the ground, running his hands through his unruly blond hair. "Fuck, Dimitri," he roared and finally turned towards me. "You need to get a fucking grip. This isn't about just the two of you, this is about something bigger and if you're just going to play fucking house with her from now on and ignore your duty I swear to god I will-"

"You will what?" I challenged him.

"They could've gotten to her!" he yelled and kicked the tent. If it wasn't broken by now I was sure that it would be soon if he continued to take out his aggression on it. I stepped closer in an attempt to grab the tent when I noticed his bloodied shoulder and the way he moved revealed that they had probably managed to break some of his ribs.

"Let's get you cleaned up," I said as I grabbed the first aid kit from one of our bags and led him towards a fallen tree. We both sat down and I shuffled through the kit taking out the necessary items. I was sure that the only reason he let me do it was because we both knew that his injuries needed attending and that he wouldn't be able to reach it properly on his own.

He pulled off his shirt so that I could get a better look at the wounds on his shoulder. The Strigoi hadn't managed to scrape him deeply with its nails, only enough to break the surface layer of the skin. The purple coloring already spreading on his side was a far bigger concern, but we were tough. We were built to endure hits.

"I don't know why I did that, how I could be so reckless," I murmured quietly. The guilt was starting to really settle in and weigh me down more than Spiridon's disappointment and anger.

"You've lost your focus, you stupid asshole. You're fucking lucky that I happened to wake up. Imagine my fucking surprise realizing that you were inside the tent with Rose, having a fucking slumber party with those three fuckers lurking outside. Fuck, Dimitri!"

I finished cleaning and wrapping up his wound and he got up to get a shirt from his bag.

"I can't believe I put you in danger like that," I said with regret as I took in all of his injuries.

"Not only me, you piece of shit. Her! You put her in danger! And what the fuck were you even doing in the tent with her? Do I need to worry about you?"

I winced at his words, knowing they were true. I shouldn't have abandoned my watch and by doing so I gave the Strigoi an opening they needed. I just had a moment of weakness where I allowed us to reminisce and get closer, but it had been a mistake.

"Fuck, I don't know man. You need to get your priorities right and I'm too mad to be close to you right now. I think maybe we should regroup or something. I'll go closer to Court for a while to get some more information."

I nodded, knowing that he meant that Rose was to stay with me. We had discussed the possibility of splitting up, one of us hiding Rose and ensuring that she stayed safe and the other gathering intel we needed. I just didn't think we would do it so soon.

"I'm going to look into Vasilisa."

I nodded again. I wasn't in the right state of mind to argue with him.

"I'll drop you off at a motel, I think I broke that shit tent."

The car tires screeched loudly against the asphalt as Spiridon turned onto the main road again, leaving Rose and I standing on the parking lot to the motel. It was almost noon, we had driven the whole morning to make sure we were secure again.

After clearing out the campsite, we had dealt with the Strigoi, making sure the three bodies burned down to ashes. Spiridon had gained some of his normal spirit and cracked a joke to Rose that she should prepare the marshmallows. It was obvious that she missed the meaning of it, probably never having experienced the tradition of roasting marshmallows over a fire.

She amazed me once again. It was astonishing how quickly she managed to pull herself together and act composed despite witnessing something so horrific. Perhaps the fact that she hadn't seen the actual fight had been enough to spare her from the worst of it.

I stopped dead in my tracks, causing Rose to walk straight into my back. I heard her grumble behind me, but ignored her.

If she hadn't seen the fight, staying in the tent, how had the Strigoi known that she was there?

Perhaps they had heard us talking quietly before Rose had fallen asleep, but I doubted that somehow. I thought about the encounter, how the Strigoi had acted. How desperate they had seemed to get to her.

'You don't know how rare those are, you really think I would share.'

I had thought about those words over and over again in the car, even discussing them with Spiridon. He hadn't registered that the female had spoken, too busy to stake the other one, but I had heard the words loud and clear.

She must've meant Rose. I knew that the dhampir blood attracted Strigois, Moroi blood even more so but she couldn't have meant Spiridon and I. She wasn't desperately trying to get to us, it was more like we were the annoyance keeping her from the tent. The tent with Rose in it. I knew she was special to me but maybe something in her attracted Strigoi even more. The only thing I could think of as an explanation was her sickness.

I felt Rose's hand on my back, gently nudging me forward and steering my steps towards our room for the next two nights.