The journey with Cristina had been strained at best but this was her person so Meredith would do anything and everything for her. The brunette seemed to be in a different place as they boarded the plane. While at home Izzie had been complaining almost the whole time Meredith had been packing but a death glare from her person had the blonde backing off. With the suitcases ready and passports on hand they had soon been off. The ride to the airport had been just as silent as the one from the church to Cristina's apartment and then to Meredith's house. Even at the airport Cristina hadn't even uttered two words. Her person just went through the motions and all Meredith could do was go through them with her.

They were seated in first class, she recalled Cristina raving about it when she and Burke had scheduled the flight. She was the best so she deserved the best. Or something along those lines. She had been excited then but now she merely sat, her lightless eyes gazing out the window.

Meredith secured her seatbelt then her person's and before long they were flying out. The soft hum of the engines and the murmuring accompanied her while she let her mind wander. The jade eyes she had left back in the church seemed to be permanently tattooed onto her field of view. Addison hadn't said anything but Meredith had seen the ripple in her aquamarine gaze. She knew the redhead wanted to say something but being the way she was and having her mind already made up she didn't give Addison the chance. She had said her piece and ran away like weakling coward she had always been.

She leaned back in her seat glancing at her person, whose gaze still lingered out the window, and took a deep breath. Addison must be arriving at the airport now. Meredith had heard the redhead had already sent her things and her car down to LA, all that was left was the redhead herself. She was supposed to fly out later that evening. Still Meredith had found herself doing double takes on any redhead she'd come across in the airport. If Cristina had noticed, she hadn't said a word. But then she had barely spoken. Meredith knew it was stupid but she just couldn't help it as her even own brain worked against her.

Cristina reached for her hand, still not looking at her, and Meredith interlaced their fingers. Pain seemed to have etched itself onto every fiber of their being but at least they had each other. Not even a few minutes later, the brunette was leaning on her shoulder. A few tears wet Meredith's shirt but she didn't care. She only placed her head on top of Cristina's and together the two slept the plane ride away. What better way to push down the pain.

Tired and with a sore neck she and Cristina made it to their hotel. It was late evening by the time they arrived. Cristina looked more alive now. Her eyes still held a considerable amount of pain but Meredith knew it would be like that for a while longer. They checked in with a smiley and pleasant young lady at the counter and then headed for the elevators.

The hotel was nice and people seemed to be having a great time. Children ran around with chuckling parents and lovers holding hands made eyes at each other. It was somewhat sickening, all their joy. But Meredith knew not everyone was dark and twisty and maybe after a few days she and Cristina would be smiles and laughter too. They had only just arrived after all.

"So drunk and sad by the pool and the beach or drunk and sad at our balcony?"

"No people." Cristina replied softly, her voice rasping out from the misuse and the crying.

"Our balcony it is." Meredith said, looping her arm around her person's.

A quick elevator ride and they were rid of all prying eyes, which truthfully were doing no prying at all. Up in the room after showering and putting on comfortable clothes, Meredith led Cristina out to the balcony. The sky looked beautiful painted in warm yellows and pinks while the ocean seemed to stretch out forever. Quite the view for two hurt people. A couple bottles of tequila along a tray of fries and wings sat on the table, not much different from what they would have had at Joe's.

They didn't talk much. Words weren't necessary in order to drown the sorrows. All that was needed was a cup, a bottle, and a willing participant. In their case willing participants and maybe no cup.

They drank and drank even after the sun had completely sunk over the horizon and the lights below winked on. Most of the food remained untouched while they took swigs off the bottles. The cups forgotten after having drunk a quarter of the bottle, too much of a hassle.

Cristina hummed along to some tune coming from the lively party going on down by the pool. Meredith only looked on, flashes of red and jade invading her head. A chocked sob came out of her person before she crumbled. Dizzy with her drink Meredith managed to get into the chair with Cristina.

Despite being drunk and her head being hazy she consoled her best friend murmuring anything that would make Cristina feel better.

"You suck at this." Cristina rasped after a while.

"You too but I'm not complaining." Meredith slurred. "Want me to tell Izzie to come?"

"We're in Hawaii, moron. She can't." Cristina elbowed her.

"Oh… that's right."

"You're an idiot."

"Stop insulting me and hug me." Meredith frowned, grabbing at the brunette, who tried scurrying away.

"I don't hug. I told you that last time."

"Cristina Yang, shut up and hug me, I'm your person."

"Fine." Cristina mumbled and snuggled close. "Here's to the girls who have someone who loves them but are chickens." She said, raising her bottle.

"And here's to the girls who get left at the altar for no reason whatsoever." Meredith said and raised hers.

They cheered and took a deep swig before settling closer. Cristina stopped crying and together they stared up at the sky.

"You know it's your fault you have to drown your sorrows, right." Cristina slurred her words.

"I'm not judging your reason to drown your sorrows."

"That's because I have a good reason. You ," She poked her side, "don't. But whatever, let's drown together since we're here."

Meredith said nothing and only drank. It was annoying how even while drunk Cristina could nag about her cowardice. Maybe her person was right. No. Cristina was definitely right but Meredith just didn't want to do this all again. Giving her heart away once more. Going through it breaking into a million pieces. Because if she followed what her heart wanted and her and Addison didn't work, she was certain that the break would most definitely send her over the precipice. Forget Sadie and Derek. If she broke her heart after letting herself believe she could have Addison she would have no way of coming back. She couldn't love her. She didn't love her. She couldn't… but she did. And her heart, well, her heart was already with the redhead. Addison had taken it and Meredith doubted she'd ever get it back.

Addison's words all that time ago rang in her head. 'How's that saying go? It's better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.' The redhead's voice circled inside her head and Meredith did her best to push it away. To focus on the music below or the sound of her person humming.

It wasn't working though. Trying to ignore the memory. Addison's voice. The way she looked at her. The way she held her then. It was as if she was in their on-call room all over again. The memory hunted her now just as it did her dreams. Better to have loved . That wasn't true because if she hadn't loved then she wouldn't be like this. If she hadn't she wouldn't have to run. If she hadn't she wouldn't hurt for hurting her. She didn't want to love her. She didn't want to feel this. Any of it. It was...

"Another bottle?" Cristina said next to her, dragging her out of her spiral.

"Yes, another one."

More drink would aid in her running. Away from Addison and away from thoughts of Addison. That's what the drink would give. Her way was the coward's way. At least for tonight she wouldn't deviate. She'd drink and let the thoughts flow out and away from her as the alcohol carried her into oblivion.

The sun sank over the horizon, casting soft pink and orange hues across cloudless skies, which was new. The gentle sound of rushing waves eased her senses and almost lured her into sleep as she sat at the dock. Still she was awake and in a new place all over again. Her mind replayed the last few hours spent back in the gloomy city she had just left behind. Dinner with Richard and Callie had been pleasant enough and she had enjoyed herself or at least tried to all the while baby blue eyes seemed to weave in and out of her gaze.

"You were, and will always be, my favorite almost."

Those words seemed to echo with the waves. Her words. Painfilled baby blue eyes flashed in her head yet again. The memory brought tears to her eyes but she was refusing to cry. She didn't want to anymore. The flight down had already been spent silently crying. There really shouldn't be many more tears left.

With a huff she wiggled her toes, burying them deeper in the cool sand. She really should've accepted her friend's offer to stay at her house. It wasn't that she needed a place to stay. She already had one and it was beautiful. A beach house, already furnished and ready for her. All she had done was get a new bed and bring her things. However, being left alone only worked to spur the memories and bring up the pain she was trying so desperately to move past. Being at Naomi's would've provided the much needed distraction.

But no, she had opted to stay in her new house to marinate in her own sorrow. Something that was very typical of her. Or so Mark and Callie would've said. It wasn't as though she didn't trust her friends, it was more her not wanting to burden anyone. Even Meredith would've been angry at her choosing solitude instead of company when she clearly needed it. And there they were again, the blonde's words echoing with the waves.

"'My favorite almost.' Why did you say that, Meredith?" Her bitter question was carried by the gentle ocean breeze. "Why did you stop? Why did you look at me like that? Why did you just leave? Why?"

The tears she had been holding slid down her cheeks as her body shuddered under the ever pressuring sorrow. Bringing her knees up to her chest she hugged them resting her chin on them. She watched the sun dip completely below the ocean while her tears continued drawing gentle lines.

She didn't understand it. And she didn't think she ever would. The way her life was always a mess no matter how she tried to fix it. She had moved across the country to turn it all around and what she did was topple her whole world instead. She fell in love with the one person she should have hated. It was pathetic. She was pathetic.

Still, what she had said to Meredith remained true. What they had had. That small thing they had built in the dark and left in the dark wasn't something she could ever regret. Those little moments which brought her unimaginable pain also helped breathe. Those small instances had brought her happiness.

"Yeah. Very pathetic, Addison." She chuckled darkly. "Pathetic and so very messy."

She cried some more, letting the memories, good and bad, flow through her head and her heart, engulfing her in a swirl of everchanging emotions. The sky darkened quickly and the waves seemed to crash a bit harder upon the shore. A light drizzle began before growing a bit heavier as the seconds ticked on by. She looked up to find big and angry looking clouds above, knowing what those meant. The quick flash of light tearing through the sky told her enough about the storm which seemed to be moving towards her.

Letting out another chuckle and keeping her eyes up on the skies she allowed herself a smile, "what do you know. It rains here too. I don't think I brought my umbrella." She stood and looked out at the ocean as the rain mixed with fresh tears. "Say Mer, is it raining where you are? What are you doing right now? Drowning in tequila, no? Are you also in pain like me? Do you… do you think I'll see you again?" She asked her questions but only the rain, thunder, and crashing waves answered back. "Can I see you again… please."

And there it is. The update no one wants because everyone's waiting for FFF lol. But we will stick to the update sequence and y'all will like it. Maybe? I hope. Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed the angstiness. I think Meredith being an idiot needs to change soon, which I'm sure you all will agree with. Don't worry I think it'll happen... maybe? Stay tuned I guess. Now, the next meddison update will be FFF so be patient a little while longer and I promise it'll come. Until next time.

Stay awesome, Potatoes! ツ