A/N: Okay i've fixed this chapter to the way it was originally. i just messed up in trying to fix it, so yeah. thanks for pointing it out, i hadn't noticed it.

Dear Sam-

It's been two days since you sent me that memo and I haven't stopped listening to those songs. I burned them to CD, playing it in the office, the truck, at home. I play it softly at night when I go to bed. I know this sounds nothing like me, the hard-ass Colonel you're so used to, but I haven't been able to keep my emotions in check since you disappeared. It's so hard, you know? I miss you more than I realized I ever could. I miss you more than when I was stuck on Edora, of course that was only for 3 months.

Christmas is coming up. Lt. Hailey invited the team over for a party. I think she's just trying to help us out, you not being here and all. It's funny, she understands so well. She said she isn't doing it to try to take our minds off you, just to kind of keep us together during this time. I think I might go, Hailey's been too understanding through my moods.

It's funny, writing this all down makes it so much easier to say the things I want to say. I've written you a letter everyday since you left, and looking back I noticed I haven't told you the one thing I've been holding back for years. I say it to you in my mind everyday, but putting it down on paper, saying it to you, is so hard and I don't know why. Everyone says it's obvious, that it's been obvious for years, and that I should have told you, that we should have tried to work this out after Martouf died. Well, okay, not that it really had anything to do with Martouf, just the timeline. That's when we realized what we felt, and I know we could never have acted on it, but we should have talked about it. I should have let you know that I was willing to wait for our careers, for you, and also that if you ever found that you were sick of waiting around and found someone better than this broken old soldier, I'd support you, be your best friend.

You know I wish Janet would just tell me how to reach you. I mean, I want to tell you that we came across that snakehead again. He still thinks you're dead. We wouldn't have problems with him anymore, you could come home. I know you won't come back until he's dead, but I just want to tell you about all we're trying to do to bring you home. I want you here with me, forever.

Well, I have a briefing to attend, mission should be quick and painful. Maybe I'll get a chance to tell you all about it when we get back. I miss you.

Love,

Jack

Jack calmly closed the cover of the notebook and placed the pen on the desk. Another letter down. Shaking his head he stood and placed the notebook back in it's rightful spot in his filing cabinet. A letter for everyday, three notebooks already filled. He'd give them to her when she came home, he'd let her read every one of them.