A/n shalalalalala wow im bored! Welp…heres chapter whatever chapter im on.

Chapter 5- don't hate me

It's been so long since I've kissed Jess. It feels so good. It makes me realize how much I actually miss him. I mean, I knew I missed him a lot, but I feel like I can't let go of him because if I do he'll be gone. Then I realized something. I pulled away from him reluctantly. He looked into my eyes and saw that they were filled with water. He looked concerned. I looked away from him.

"What's wrong?" He asked me. I hate myself! You can't even fathom how much I hate myself right now. I looked back up at him and swallowed. "I have to tell you something." I said. I grabbed his hand and started dragging him out of the food court. "Hey, Paris." He said as we passed her. She still looked like she saw a ghost. I guess in a way, she sort of did.

We reached my dorm room and I pulled him inside and closed and locked the door. I told him to sit down and he did. He still looked concerned. I started pacing in front of him. I didn't know how to say this. I didn't want to say this. But I had too. I don't know why, but I feel like Jess has a right to know. He got up and grabbed my arm.

"Rory, stop. What's wrong?" Why did he get up? I told him to sit down!

"You really have to sit down." I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because it's not a good idea for you to be standing when you hear this." I told him. He let go of my arm and sat back down.

"Rory, what's wrong?" He asked for the third time. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down. It wasn't working.

"I need you to not hate me." I said.

"I could never hate you. Believe me, I tried. It's impossible." He said. I sighed.

"Trust me its possible." Jess narrowed his eyes.

"Rory, what-"

"I slept with Dean." I shut my eyes so I wouldn't see what expression would appear on his face. He didn't say anything. I opened my eyes after a minute to find him looking at me. He looked hurt, and I couldn't blame him. He wanted to be my first. I wanted him to be my first. I sat down on the floor and leaned my back against the coffee table. We were quiet for so long I almost jumped when he finally said something.

"I thought Dean got married." His voice was hoarse. It made me want to cry.

"He did." Was all I said.

"When?' He asked. I shook my head.

"You don't want to know when." I said.

"You're right. I don't. But tell me anyway." I hugged my knees to my chest. Did I mention I hate myself?

"About a week after your mom's wedding." I couldn't look at him. I knew if I looked at him I'd break down. It's a miracle I've stayed together this long. I heard him stand and my head shot up. I got up and ran to the door, blocking it with my body. He sighed and walked over to me.

"Rory, move." I shook my head.

"No." I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because if I move you're going to leave and I don't want you to leave." He shook his head.

"Rory-"

"No. Don't say anything. Please. And don't leave, either. Just…stay."

He sighed and walked back over to the center of the room, but instead of sitting on the couch like before, he took my spot on the floor and leaned his head back. I went over and sat down next to him.

"Why did you tell me that?" He asked me. I looked up at him, but he was looking straight. I looked back down at my knees.

"Because I wanted you to know about the biggest mistake of my life." I said.

"Why did you do it?" he asked me. That's a good question. Why did I do it?

"Because I was still so mad at you for leaving and I wanted to do something to hurt you even though I wasn't planning on telling you and Dean was there and I knew that the one thing you would hate the most would be for me to loose my virginity to Dean and I'm sorry, Jess. I'm so sorry." I finally broke down. I just started crying and I didn't think I could stop. He held me and let me cry into his shirt.

After what seemed like forever I stopped crying and looked up at him. "Jess?" he looked down at me. "I just want you to know that, more than anything, I wanted you to be my first." He didn't say anything. Instead, he kissed me.

"Do you hate me?" I asked when he pulled away.

"I'm mad. It was supposed to be me. But I can't hate you. I mean, if I hadn't left or yelled at you at the party it probably would have been me. I hate myself, but I don't hate you." He doesn't hate me?

"Really?" oh, please! Please please please!

"Really." He doesn't hate me! Yes! He was still holding onto me from when I was crying. I kissed him.

"Jess?" I asked when I pulled away. He started playing with my hair and I started playing with his fingers.

"Yeah?" I smiled at him.

"I love you, too." His face broke into the biggest smile I've ever seen on him. He pressed his lips against mine and I fell over. His kiss kind of caught me off guard. I started laughing for some reason. There wasn't even anything funny about this situation but I just started laughing and I could stop. Jess looked at me strangely, which made me laugh harder.

"What are you laughing at?" He asked. I tried to stop laughing but I couldn't.

"I…you…" I made a noise that sounded like shvew, which made me laugh even harder if that's possible. I was laughing so hard that I actually started crying. Jess picked now to start laughing himself. He flung one of his legs over my body so he was straddling me, and he was still laughing. And I was still laughing. And we lay there, laughing harder than either of us have probably ever laughed in our entire lives. He was leaning over me and his head was about half an inch away from mine. We both noticed that we were that close at the same time and stopped laughing.

"Hi." I said.

"Hi." He said. We really have to add a new word. He leaned in. Our lips were about to meet when the door to my dorm room flew open. Jess put his head down, annoyed. I looked over to the door and saw Paris, whose mouth was hanging open.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt. I'll just go." Paris said. She turned around to leave.

"No, Paris, its okay. Um, we'll go." I said. Jess rolled off me and we both stood. I grabbed his arm and dragged him toward the door. "I'm really sorry." Paris said again.

I shook my head. "It's fine." I said. I dragged Jess out the door. We sat down on a bench and I looked down.

"Rory?" Jess said. I looked up.

"What are we going to do?" I asked him. What were we going to do? I wanted to be with him. He wanted to be with me. But that's not enough. There are so many other things going on right now. I have a boyfriend. He might have a girlfriend. I doubt it, but he might. And he lives in New York. Would we have a long-distance relationship? I don't want a long-distance relationship. I want a short-distance relationship. What are his thoughts about all of this?

"About what?" He asked.

"About us." He didn't say anything for a minute.

"Do you love me?" he asked. Um, this wasn't really the answer I was looking for. It's not even an answer. It's a question. Why's he doing that? Why's he answering my question with a question? I hate when people do that. Either give me a straight answer or don't answer at all.

"What?" I said. I wasn't going to say anything of that to him, especially since the answer to his question/answer was yes.

"Do you love me?" He repeated.

"Yes…" What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to lie? I didn't want to lie to him. And even if I did lie he'd know it was a lie because I just kissed him and told him that I wanted him to be my first. I looked down. We were quiet for about three minutes. Then Jess made a quiet announcement.

"I'm moving back." He said. I stared at him, shocked.

"You're what?" He couldn't be serious, could he?

"I'm moving back." He said again, but louder this time.

"Jess, you can't move back. You hate Stars Hollow." I said. I couldn't let him move back to a town he hates just so we could be together. He wouldn't be happy.

"Yeah, but I want to be with you. And if moving back to that town is the only way that'll happen, then that's what I'm going to do." He's serious! He's going to move back for me! This is enough to make me want to cry. In a good way.

"Where would you live?" I asked him. He shrugged.

"Luke'll probably let me stay in the apartment above the diner 'til I find a place. He says he doesn't spend that much time there anymore, anyway."

"What will you do?" I asked.

"I work for this publishing company but I'll work something out." Wait, where does he work?

"You work for a publishing company?" I asked. He looked down, embarrassed.

"Yeah." Oh, my God. Jess, my Jess, works for a publishing company. I can't believe it.

"Wow! Jess, I'm so proud of you!" I flung my arms around him. He really has changed. I pulled away from him.

"I have to go talk to Logan." I said. Jess nodded.

"I'm going to head back to New York. I have to talk to my boss. I'll be in Stars Hollow tomorrow." I smiled and kissed him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"See you tomorrow."

A/n okay I seriously don't like this chapter. O well. Too bad for me.

Spinaround- I actually watched that episode right before I read ur review and I was like o crap I put tho goo goo dolls instead of the go gos. Thanks for telling me. and thanks for ur review.

Sarah-haha u should really start paying attention when ur babysitting. Lol thanks.

Thank you everyone else who reviewed and do it again pplease!