Chapter XI

A Doubt about his Memory

I don't know the last time I was able to have a good night's sleep or that I could plunge my nose into my favourite novel, but I wish I had gotten back to it sooner. After succeeding in making Naruto drink, he and I stood in silence looking at each other for a moment before Naruto lay down on the covers of the bunk, his back to me. That's when I concluded it was time to leave him alone. Unsurprisingly, after crossing the heavy metal door, I collapsed, slumber taking me by force in its rivers of wonder; there were dreams, all forgotten.

I was brought back to my hospital bed while I was unconscious. To my delight when I woke up, I noticed my favourite books on the table waiting for me. I can't say for sure, but I suspect Sakura to be involved nor do I rule out the possibility that it was another person. Either way, I don't care.

I had missed reading a lot, as well as eating a meal when the nurse came to my bedside shortly after I regained consciousness.

My meridians still are in pain, yet the suffering is tolerable, as are the body aches. Beyond the window, twilight is gradually gaining the sky with its orange and purplish colours. I woke up late, yes, but being so serene, I lose track of time. To my surprise, no one came to visit me; I explain it by a desire to let myself recover. My physical state was not new to many, unlike my mind which I had difficulty concealing in recent days. As my body, my head is healing little by little.

However, something is bothering me and tormenting my thoughts. I don't know if Naruto ate or drank today; an unacknowledged fear and the laziness of having to reveal parts of myself like this every time to push him to do such a simple thing. I terribly wish that he will do it without my presence. I will soon have an answer to my anxieties since I hear the echo of footsteps approaching my room before the door opens. I recognize Lady Tsunade and Sakura. I put my book aside to give them my full attention. The first thing I notice is their much more jovial expression, especially in my student.

"I see that you're already feeling better, Kakashi," Godaime remarks, stepping towards me, followed by her disciple.

"Indeed," I say. "I assume you're not here for a checkup, am I wrong?"

"Absolutely," she confirms, crossing her arms. "You are expected there. Naruto just woke up."

I suspected that I would go back there at the end of the day to continue to establish a bond of trust with the sapphire-eyed boy. However, for inexplicable reasons, I hardly know how to process the information. Judging by their faces, things seem to be going well for him, but I am uncertain; I can't get rid of my pessimist.

"How is he? Is he—"

"You don't have to worry, he's better," she cuts me off. "Since your intervene yesterday, he accepts the beverages offered to him … not all of them, of course, but enough to keep him hydrated. However, he still refuses to eat. As a precaution, we mixed his water with protein powders that had no taste or texture."

"He drinks them?"

Lady Tsunade answers me with an affirmative gesture. Her words reassure me and banish anxious thoughts. If we can dupe Naruto this way, we thus remove the danger of malnutrition for the moment. Of course, this is only temporary until he accepts a suitable diet, even liquid.

"I see," I say, somewhat relieved. "Give me a few minutes."

"Don't take too long, Kakashi."

"Understood."

My acquiescence given, they turn to leave the room. It is only after a few steps that I try to hold back the young emerald-eyed kunoichi to ask if she's alright.

"Sakura, and you? How are you?"

"Don't worry about me," she reassures me, stopping in place unlike Godaime. "Focus on Naruto. That he gets better, that's all I want."

She smiles at me, but her smile is fake; I know it, I even feel it that she is worried although she has been much less so since yesterday. I can hardly blame her, I understand her in a way. Between Sasuke and Naruto, not to mention me who did as he pleased until putting myself in this state, her reactions and feelings are legitimate.

Since it is useless to insist, I confirm with a nod. For now, as she said, I have to take care of Naruto and devote all my energy to him.

Like the other day, I take the usual route. Although I'm much more lucid, less exhausted, I can't help but be nervous. To tell the truth, I don't know how to concretely get closer to my amnesiac pupil. Should I form a bond with him first? Or make him regain his memory at the same time? In doing so, will it bring to mind the traumas that visibly changed him? I suspect his brain to forget on its own any event related to his month of absence; an entire month of horror that I dread to imagine. However, is he simply ready? I know it can have disastrous consequences when a person is forced to face their demons if they are not in a mental or physical condition to do so. I greatly hesitate. Why did it fall on me? It's not my forte, far from it. I feel helpless in something foreign to me.

I meet the Anbu guarding the place who let me pass before entering the small observation room. Surprisingly, I'm greeted by Shikamaru and another member from the previous day who waves their hand at me.

"Kakashi-sensei, good evening!"

"Hello, Shikamaru."

On closer inspection, I see that he is busying his hands with a Chinese wooden puzzle, more precisely a diapason. At first glance, it seems complex. I must have lingered a little too long since the youngster noticed my curiosity.

"Oh, that? I bought it the other day. We're dead bored in here… Although I solved it a long time ago."

"I see."

With my nonchalant gait, I approach to observe what is happening on the screens. I also quickly glance at the paperwork spread out on the desk. The team has not been idle given the numerous documents, notes, parchments which occupy almost the entire surface. It's only then that I see Naruto sitting on the bed… However, one thing is different. Instead of burying his face behind his knees, he stares intently down the hallway, especially from where we enter. This observation draws a frown from me.

"You noticed it too, right?" Shikamaru asks me, guessing what I'm referring to.

He steps forward to tap on the machine. He prepares to show me a video. I give it my full attention once the screen stops crackling. What I see leaves me speechless. Instead of contemplating the void in a prone or curled up position, he is standing and seems to be pacing while waving his tail. I hear the metallic sound indicating that the door is unlocked. From then on, Naruto approaches the jail bars and tries to look at the door in question, almost sticking his head out from between the open spaces of the cage. Despite the poor quality of the image, I manage to translate his curious expression which turns into fear when the individual enters the room with a tray in their hands. As he has done since his captivity, the teenager hastens to take his place under the bed to hide there.

An obviousness strikes me.

Naruto is waiting for someone.

And that someone is me.

"It's been like this since yesterday," he confirms before crossing his arms. "Godaime was right. You're the only one who can approach him. No need to show you the videos where we tried to enter. That didn't change a bit."

If it wasn't already, this responsibility weighs on my weakened shoulders. I am both relieved and worried. In the best of all worlds, I shouldn't be the only person he offers a meagre trust. I wonder if it's not also due to the fact that—deep inside him—he recognizes me since we spent a lot of time together. Before I can ask him, the youngster beats me to it:

"I don't think he has total amnesia. If that's really the case, everything we know doesn't add up. Especially considering how he came back."

"What do you mean?" I ask with a frown.

He then observes me with a surprised pout, as if I had just asked a stupid question; at that, a hint of confusion can be read in his dark irises.

"You don't know?"

"To be honest, no."

It is true that I didn't inquire about the circumstances of his return. With my crazy head, the exhaustion… This thought never crossed my mind. I am stupid not to have sought to know the people who found him; to get answers to my questions, this information is precious.

Shikamaru lets out a sigh, but doesn't comment much about my ignorance.

"According to the reports, he returned to the village on his own. It was Izumo and Kotetsu who saw him at the entrance of Konohagakure. He was seriously injured."

Surprise wins over me and forces me to silence. No reason not to believe what he says even though my mind struggles to do so. The information seems implausible to me if we take into account what we know of his psyche.

"Do you think he unconsciously found his way back?"

"Maybe, but that doesn't explain everything."

Shikamaru searches through the mess. I hear him making silent complaints, fuming that he can't find what he's looking for. At least, until he finally gets his hands on it: Naruto's forehead protector with the damaged and slightly scorched fabric he shows me; I also notice that there is a thin crack on the metal part.

"He came back with this in his hand," he explains. "He was holding it so tightly that it took nearly three people to pull it from him while he was still unconscious."

A memory resurfaces in my mind. I remember Iruka telling me about it. This headband that once belonged to his former academy master was one of Naruto's greatest prides; a precious object that he held in the apple of his eye. To the point where he had risked his life in our first encounter with Zabuza to get it back. This demonstrates that his emotional attachment remains despite the emptiness in his brain circuitry.

"Indeed, Naruto do care a lot about it," I confirm, mechanically grabbing the forehead protector in my hands.

"My theory is that pieces of his memory persist in an abstract way."

"I think so if we factor those things into the equation."

An idea comes to my mind.

"If we give it back to him, maybe he'll remember something?"

"Doing it so soon, Godaime disagrees," Shikamaru sighs deeply. "But I won't hide that it could help us get valuable intel about all this mess. I mean, it could pass if you're the one doing it."

I nod. The decision is final. If giving it to him can help recover the Naruto I know, I'm willing to take the risk and, as the teenager said, I'm in the best position to do so. I doubt he wanted to take it with him for no reason.

As I am about to speak, I noticed the other tapping the youngster on the shoulder to get his attention.

"Don't forget to relay Godaime's order."

His eyes open wide, like an illumination that expresses itself above his head. Once again, I see him rummaging—this time—in the drawers. He pulls out bandages and an ointment that I guess is medicinal.

"Since we can't approach him to change and cleanse his wounds, it would be up to you to … try, rather."

"I'll give it a shot," I sigh, not at all serene about stepping into his personal space more than he allows me.

Aware of the importance of treating his wounds, I cannot force things either and jeopardize the progress I have with the sapphire-eyed boy.

It is time for me to enter the lair of the beast a second time.