Visit to a Weird 'Gate Address Revisited
Author's note: Only a bit of light fun really. What if RDA and Michael Shanks somehow ended up in the real SGC...
Richard Dean Anderson waited five seconds for a suitable wormhole effect, and stepping through the "gate".
"Is it just me, or did something weird just happen?" he asked the air in general
"Just you, Sir,"
"I felt nothing, O'Neill"
"No, he's right." Michael Shanks answered. "Where's the camera crew"
"I knew it!" Rick answered "And the director..."
"Ha, ha. Very funny, sir"
"Okay, you can stop that now, Amanda," Michael looked peeved
"Amanda!"
Rick looked alarmed, and said "Infirmary for you, Danny boy,"
"Danny boy?"
"Come on!" Rick dragged Michael down the bald SCG corridors to where the infirmary / Carter's lab / Daniel's lab / anybody else's lab was, and found a storage room full of toilet paper. He dragged the other man inside, and shut the door. "I'm right."
"What? Why did you drag me off like that? And why did you call me 'Danny boy'?"
"Because we're – somehow – in the real SGC."
"That's impossible!"
"Look around."
"What do we do?"
"Well, I'd not like to be caught, so we do what we're paid all that money to do. Act!"
"But I don't even know French!"
"Neither does anybody else, mi – Daniel. Start as we mean to go on and all that! Fake it. They'll realise as soon a we get back where we should be that we were fakes, so anything done by 'Jack O'Neill' or 'Daniel Jackson' will be redone by the real McCoy."
"Okay. But how will we get to the infirmary?"
"Watch." Rick opened the door, made sure nobody was in their stretch of corridor, looped Michael's arm around his neck and dragged him round he nearest corner. Spotting an SF, he asked for help carrying "Daniel" to the infirmary.
When they got there, Janet checked them over and pronounced "Daniel" to be in perfect health, then checked "Jack", and said "Colonel, stay off that knee. You've been abusing it. In fact, if I hadn't done it myself, I'd ask who the hell did surgery on it. Daniel, you seem a little out of it, I'll assign an SF to escort you to your quarters."
"My office, please, Te-Janet. I'm out of coffee in my quarters."
"Okay, then, but no working to hard."
"I won't! Believe me!"
"I'll go with him. Make sure he doesn't."
"Thank you, Colonel."
In Daniel's office, Rick asked why they had come here. "I can read 'my' most recent mission journals. When's the debrief?"
"I'll call Carter...Carter? I rushed out with Daniel so fast, I didn't hear the General. When's the debrief? Great...It's at 0800"
"Start reading then. You'll need to know this stuff too. Start with the sec – no, better idea. Read your own mission reports. Linguist I'm not, but I can use a computer. What would Jack's password be?"
"Charlie."
"Of course...I'm in. There ya go!"
By 0800 the next morning, the two actors had a reasonable idea what "they'd" been doing the last month, and a hazy idea of the rest. They proceeded to the debrief feeling cautiously optimistic, even joking with each other.
"Right, people, I want your mission reports on P2X 463 by next Tuesday. Your next mission is to P3Y 141. Major Carter, what do we know?"
"Well, it's a planet prone to thunderstorms, but not much else. We sent out a UAV, but that didn't find anything. No minerals, breathable atmosphere, light forests, no inhabitants...Colonel, why did you ask for this planet?"
"Felt like we deserved a rest. No minerals or yadda, but also no jungle, no predators, no radiation, no unfriendlies, no primitives, hopefully no diseases we can catch...a nice, peaceful, working-vacation planet."
"And I agreed with him. You could use the rest, but heaven forbid anybody takes a vacation around here...You ship out in ten, people."
With "Sirs" from Rick and Carter, SG-1 went to pick up its stuff.
"Nice thinking, 'Jack'," Michael said, sotto voce.
"Well, what can I say? I'm just that good!" he replied, equally softly.
"What are you to whispering about?" Carter asked, grinning.
'Daniel' promptly blushed convincingly. "Erm, Sam...there's a tear in the seat of your BDUs"
"What?" She checked herself "Oh, yes. The archaeologist is definitely not harmless!" referring to a note pinned prominently to the wall, referring to the way Danny had whumped some trainees in a "foothold" test. They had been planning to do some Dannywhumping, and boy had they been shocked. 'Daniel' just grinned innocently, and picked up his pack.
When they got to the 'gate room, Walter Harriman's voice came over the intercom.
"SG-1, there's a thunderstorm on the planet right now, are you sure you want to do this?"
"Somebody has to, and we wouldn't want to mess up that lovely schedule on your monitor, Sargent." He was heard, so maintained the SF near him, saying "perfect" and sounding sincere.
SG-1 walked up the ramp, stepped through the Stargate, Rick and Michael finally found out what wormhole travel felt like, and...
"CUT!" The actors turned around, saw the lights, crew, directors and what looked suspiciously like Jaffa in the corridor, and beamed.
"Guys, you will not believe where we've just been!"
It's a Trek joke, so sue me. If anybody cam send me a link to "Visit to a Weird Planet", I'll love them forever! Also, feedback appreciated, and be nice, this is my first fic. And if you're VERY nice, I'll write "Visit to a Weird 'Gate address".
Disclaimer: the story is mine, all mine! Muahaha! But, the actors are their own selves (or their agents'), the TV show belongs to whoever owns it, ditto Star Trek and VTAWP Revisited. No copyright infringement or plagiarism is intended, and if I have somehow, accidentally done something illegal, all I can say is "No, no, please don't sue me!"