Shit, what can you do? When life gets busy and you don't even have to time to sleep, your story suffers! Oh, well I am back and ready to finish this up with another chapter or two. I apologize to everyone for the lack of updates. Enjoy.

Lyrics from "Why Do I Feel So Sad?" by Alicia Keys

Friends we've been for so long
Now true colors are showing
Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does
Cuz I had to say goodbye

By now I should know
That in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

How can I adjust
To the way that things are going
It's killing me slowly
Oh I just want it to be how it used to be

Cuz I wish that I could stay
But in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

You cannot hide the way you feel inside I realize
Your actions speak much louder than words
So tell me why oh

By now I should know that
That in time things must change
So it shouldn't be it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

By now I should know
That in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

By now by now I should know
That in time things must grow
And I had to leave you behind
So why do I feel so sad
If it couldn't be that bad
Tell me why

By now I should know
That in time things must change
So it couldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad?

Swish. The ball sailed through the hoop and bounced automatically back to where Elliot was standing at the free throw line. He was on the basketball court at Astoria Park, near his family's home. He found himself coming to the park frequently on his free time, anything to guarantee him a few moments of solitude and escape from the dismal mess that had become his life. Munch had made it no secret, and told anyone who would listen, that Elliot Stabler had gotten away with murder.

Coming clean to Kathy ranked as one of the most difficult things he had ever had to do. Trying to explain to her about his past, while tediously omitting his involvement in his father's death, had proved overwhelming for Elliot and traumatic for his wife. She knew there were inconsistencies in Elliot's story and she truly couldn't understand why he hadn't turned Olivia in when she showed up as his partner, but she accepted him and his past because that was her duty as a wife to do so. And deep down inside, she truly did not want to admit her husband was capable of being involved in a murder. Not that their children had it any easier, as they had to ward off teasing and bullying from classmates about their father who "might be a murderer."

Shortly after Olivia's trial started, he had been reassigned to Queens Homicide Unit. The tension between the other detectives at SVU, particularly between he and Munch, was having a negative effect on the work environment. Cragen had summoned Elliot into his office one afternoon.

"Elliot," Cragen began, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'll get right to the point. I've noticed a rift between you and your co-workers over Olivia's…situation. To put it mildly, you aren't the most popular guy around here."

Elliot shrugged. "Nothing I can't handle," he said monotonously.

"I understand, but you know as well as I do that this is a difficult time for everyone… how would you feel about transferring to another house?"

Elliot silently stared at his captain. "When would I leave?" he asked finally.

"End of the week, after you get your cases reassigned," Cragen answered.

Elliot shook his head ruefully. "You aren't really asking me, are you?"

Cragen sighed, his admission of truth. "It would be best for the morale of this house if you no longer worked here, Elliot."

And then there was Olivia. She and her attorney had decided to take their chances at trial, citing Battered Woman's Syndrome as her defense. In retaliation, the DA was charging her with First Degree Murder. The case, which was being tried in Buffalo, had made headlines all over the state.

He thought about her every minute of the day. Her life was on the line, yet she had kept her silence about Elliot's involvement. The evidence was there if the DA chose to look for it, but apparently he was satisfied with having Olivia's head only.

Grabbing the basketball deftly, he raised for another shot, this one bouncing off the rim and flying to the left.

"That's the first one you've missed in the last ten minutes."

Elliot looked up sharply and almost lost his footing. Holding the ball was Serena Benson. She had aged considerably, but Elliot still recognized the woman, who had been a knockout in her day. Elliot felt a mix of emotions as he stared at the woman who had helped to cause so much turmoil for two families.

Serena smiled at Elliot's stunned expression. "To think, all these years and you and I have never had a conversation."

Elliot's mind flashed back to the day when he had returned Olivia's car to her after much needed repairs, but he spoke nothing of it. "Hello Ms. Benson," he said cautiously. "What can I do for you?" He thought the question sounded absurd in light of current circumstances, but he couldn't think of anything else to say.

Serena gripped the ball tightly and walked closer to Elliot. She reached out and handed him the ball. "I wanted to see how you were spending your days while Olivia is sitting in a jail cell for a crime you both committed."

The simple statement knocked the wind out of Elliot's lungs. "I … I don't know…"

Serena smiled sadly. "Don't try to insult my intelligence,' she said gently, "I know what happened that night. Olivia and I may have had the rockiest of relationships, but we are still close. She is my best friend."

"What do you want from me, Ms. Benson?" he asked hoarsely.

"I realize Olivia's…commitment to you," she said, staring over Elliot's shoulder, her eyes welling up. "But I don't want my baby to die…"

"I … don't know what I can do…" Elliot said helplessly, "Regardless…she will be in the same situation she is now…I don't want her to die either, I love her."

Their eyes connected over Elliot's excited utterance. Serena slowly nodded her head. "I guess…I wanted you to testify on her behalf."

Elliot's eyes widened. "You want me to what!"

Serena went on in a rush. "I am slated to testify too, to describe the abuse Byron inflicted on me and most importantly on Olivia. Her…her defense attorney asked me to speak with you…if you could just tell them how it was-"

"No."

Serena sputtered to a stop, her eyes threatening to spill over. "I need your help."

"I can't, there is no more Olivia where I am concerned," he stressed. "My whole life has changed since she dropped back into my life a year ago. I have to pick up the pieces and keep on for my family's sake. I said goodbye to Olivia the day she turned herself in."

"And that's it?" she said dully. "None of this is your responsibility or your problem? You just said you loved her."

Her tone set off Elliot's temper. "You are going to tell me about responsibility and blame? None of this would have happened if you didn't start sleeping with a married man," Elliot said harshly and rather irrationally. "We've all made mistakes Ms. Benson. But you made the worse one of all of us."

Serena wrinkled her brow. "I see," she said simply. She drew herself up to her full height and turned to leave. Suddenly she whirled around. "Elliot, tell me. How much better was your family's life after Byron died?"

She didn't wait for a response, as she already knew the answer. "And to think, this is the man she is willing to give her life to protect. When you think you know a person."

Not waiting for an answer or comment, she turned and left the court. And Elliot had never felt more sad or more alone.