Chapter Four

"No Such Thing As Forgiveness"

Challenge Prompt: prison

"Roger, you've got to do this-- he's your father for Christ's sake!" Mark reasoned, pulling on his friend's leather jacket. Roger groaned and turned away again, retreating another five steps and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Mark, I--I can't." he insisted. "Let's--let's just go home, okay? Can we do that?" Roger pleaded.

"Rog, he's dying. His last request was to ask his son for forgiveness. Now, I'm not saying you should forgive him, but at least go in there and say goodbye." Mark said. "He is your father."

"My father?" Roger scoffed loudly. "My father! Need I remind you, Marcus, that Alfred Davis left my mother and me alone, poor and homeless when I was only five years old?" he shouted. "My father hasn't given a rat's ass whether I live or die for the last twenty-fucking- years and now he wants to have a big happy fucking reunion like nothing ever happened? Fuck that!" Roger spat. "Fuck him!"

"Roger, who knows how he could have changed by now? Maybe he really is sorry." Mark said. "I mean, like you said, it's been twenty years. A lot can happen in two decades, Rog." he looked up at Roger and put his hand on his arm to steer him back towards the door. "Give him one more chance." Roger let out his breath in a long, loud hiss and rested his head on the stone wall of New York City's Edgecombe Correctional Facility, where his father was imprisoned for drug possession and solicitation.

"Fine." Roger sighed. Mark nodded proudly and led the way inside the front door.

"Hi," Mark said to the guard. "Uh--we're here to see a Mr. Alfred Davis."

"And you are?"

"His--uh--son." Mark replied before clumsily correcting himself. "Er--well--I'm not his son, he's-- his... son." he said, indicating Roger who stood awkwardly at his side, nervously fidgeting and rocking back and forth on his feet. The guard looked skeptically from Mark to Roger before nodding.

"Follow me." Mark and Roger exchanged glances and obeyed the guard, who led them down a long hallway to a door at the very end. Mark noticed Roger chewing determinedly at his bottom lip as the guard searched his keyring for the correct key. When he found it, he opened the door and grunted, "In here." Mark began to move forward, but caught Roger standing stone still outside the door, ready to turn and run. Mark sighed in exasperation.

"Roger! Come on!" he whispered harshly. Roger gave a little pout and moved his mouth as if he was attempting to protest but was unable to make even the smallest noise. Mark had never seen Roger so scared in all the time he had known him. "Rog--"

"Shut up, Mark. I'm coming." Roger said. The guard showed them inside and shut the door behind them.

"Mr.Davis?" Mark asked tentatively to the man who sat in a chair facing the window; his back was to them. The man stood upon hearing Mark's voice and turned around, a look of disbelief on his face that slowly turned to a sad smile when he saw his son standing behind the man who had addressed him.

"R-Roger?" the man asked. Roger merely nodded in a jerky, almost robotic motion. Awkwardly, the man began to raise his arms to offer his son a hug, then quickly dropped them back to his sides. "Roger--son---Look, I--" he started, unable to decide what to say or how to say it. "Come here and sit down, please." he said sincerely. Roger didn't even blink. Mark sighed and gave him a little shove towards the chair the man had offered. Roger hesitantly sat down.

"I--I'll go and leave you two a--" Mark began.

"N-n-no. Mark--?" Roger interrupted with a pitiful whimper.

"Or I can stay." Mark said, sitting down next to his terrified friend.

"Look, Roger I--" Mr. Davis sighed. "I'm sorry. For everything." he said simply."For everything I did, and, more importantly, everything I didn't do." Roger nodded again and nervously rubbed his hands together. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life...I meana lot of mistakes. I treated your mother like shit. I abandoned you. I got messed up with a lot of the wrong people...I guess what I'm trying to say is--what I did was wrong. Terribly wrong. Awful and horrible. You were such a wonderful little boy. You deserved so much better. So much more than I could have possibly given you at that point in my life. I left because I knew you'd be better off without me. Both of you." he waited for Roger to respond, when he didn't, Mr. Davis continued. "I asked you here to tell you I am so incredibly sorry, and I love you so much, Roger. I couldn't be prouder of---"

"Proud?" Roger muttered. "Proud? You--you don't even know me!"

"Roger, I--" Mr. Davis sputtered at the sudden outburst.

"Proud of the fact that I'm an ex-junkie? Proud that I fucked my life up the same way you did? Proud that I'm dying because of one little fucking mistake?" Roger was on his feet now, his rage taking over.

"Dying? Roger---"

"Yes. Dying." Roger replied. "I have AIDS. I'm going to be dead before I reach the age of thirty more than likely. I've lost two of my best friends to the goddamn thing, not to mention the girlfriend who gave it to me who slit her fucking wrists in the bathroom before the disease could take her, or the beautiful girl I buried three weeks ago because her body gave up on her too." Mr. Davis looked gaunt, and scared as Roger had moments earlier. "All my life all anyone has ever done is abandon me. They all disappear in the end. So, you wanted me to come here and forgive you for all the shit you've put me through the last twenty-five years? You want to go to your grave knowing your only son doesn't harbor any resentment, right? Well guess what, Dad? There's no such thing as forgiveness. If I've learned anything in my life, it's that. Nobody can be forgiven.

Life isn't forgiving. I shared a needle one time--made one mistake--and did life forgive me for that? No. My life is over because life won't forgive me. My little Mimi, the love of my life, was raped at the age of thirteen---thirteen fucking years old! And did life forgive her for that? No. She died when she was twenty-one because life punished her for the wrongs of the man who took her innocence and her life in one fucking swipe. Or Angel--the most loving person anyone could ever meet. He'd make even the most depressed person happy again. He's gone now because life couldn't forgive him for falling in love with another guy. Oh no. Life is too busy forgiving rapists, murderers, villains, liars and cheaters---giving all of them long, full lives---to forgive those who actually deserve it. So you know what, Dad. I can't forgive you. I'm sorry, but I can't."

With that, Roger stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Mark and Mr. Davis sat in silence for a moment before quietly and awkwardly saying goodbye.