Chapter Five: The Art Of Losing

Rory

I sat on the bench at the park, watching the sunset. I would have loved to share this with Marco, but after our little 'moment,' we split up. After he got back to the school, I left again and came right back here. Instead of thinking about Marco any longer, I let my mind drift to Rex.

I never brought up the subject of leaving again. Rex had gotten so distant that night that I decided it wasn't a good idea. I didn't want to leave without him, so I stayed put. He was the first person that made me feel safe in my life. And that was a big deal to me, especially since we were homeless in New York City.

"Hey," I said, sitting down on his bed. We were the only two people there. The other guys were out on jobs.

"I was just thinking about you," Rex said, smiling and kissing me on the cheek.

"What were you thinking?" I asked, looking at him.

"Rory, I…" he trailed off before looking away.

"What is it?" I pulled his chin so he would look at me.

"I was thinking that I want…" He sighed, unable to get the words out.

"You can tell me anything," I said, kissing his neck.

"I want to be with you," he finally said. I stopped what I was doing, but left my lips resting on his neck.

"I thought you were with me," I said, my lips grazing his skin as I spoke.

"I am. But I want us to, you know…"

"Oh," I whispered softly, pulling away from him.

"It's okay that you don't want to. I understand, I really do. The way we live doesn't really make room for that kind of thing. I just thought that I could make it different for you. I know that I can make it better," he finished, looking into my eyes.

"Rex, I think…"

"What we do is just a job. It's not supposed to feel good; it's just to make money. But I want you to be able to feel good. And I want to be the person that makes you feel good."

"I want to be with you too," I told him. "Right now."

I pulled my shirt off, and then did the same with his. We didn't really speak, we just moved in time with each other. It was one of the best experiences of my life. Rex's touch was soft and strong at the same time. Our bodies met and blended together perfectly.

I wiped a tear away as I thought of that special moment between Rex and me. It was the first and only time we had sex, but it was perfect. We were perfect together. What happened to make us so far apart?

Marco

I watched Jesse walk away from me to pick up his daughter. Rolling my eyes, I stood up and grabbed a t-shirt, pulling it on.

"Where are you going?" he asked me as I walked towards the door.

"I need some air," I said, opening the door and looking back to him.

"Marco, I'm sorry," he sighed, holding Gracie close to him while rocking her back to sleep.

"Don't be sorry," I told him. "You have bigger responsibilities now."

"I didn't mean for it to be like this. I just want us to be together. The way we used to be." He looked down at the floor, but by the time he would have looked up, I would have been gone. I left the room while he wasn't looking. I wasn't sure what else to say. I didn't plan on this either. People aren't supposed to have kids at this age.

I walked out of the building, unsure of where I was going to go. It was going to be dark soon, so I wasn't going to go walking off on my own. I finally decided to just sit down with my back against the building and watch the sunset. I instantly wished I had someone to share it with. Rory would have liked to see it.

Thinking about Rory made me think about everything that's happened since my dad sent me here. I remembered how the first time I saw Jesse, when he sat down next to me on the train, I felt something click. My first thoughts about him were that maybe he could be the one to make me forget about Dylan. And then I remembered how I instantly fell in love with everything about Andrew as soon as I'd had a conversation with him. Then how Rory and I got together to make him jealous. And I fell in love with Rory.

How can I fall in love with all these guys? It's like it's something easy for me to do. After Andrew and I broke up, I realized he wasn't the one for me. My love for him was purely friendly. He is a great friend to me. But when Rory and I broke up, the love never faded. I can still feel it there, and see it when I look at him. As much as I'd like to push it aside, I can't. It's not fair to Jesse, because I never even gave him a real chance. I'm trying to do that now, but now that he's a father, he has different priorities.

I just wish I knew what to do. I hate feeling like this, and I don't want to hurt anyone.

"You okay?" a familiar voice asked as the person sat down next to me.

"What are you doing here?"

Theresa

I really screwed up this time. Maybe if I'd told Thomas about being pregnant when it happened, he wouldn't hate me right now. I can't really blame Remy. Because I should have told him what I was planning on doing.

I've made so many mistakes that I can't take back. I just know that back in tenth grade, I wouldn't have been able to take care of a child. And I still can't do it now. The thought of having to give my child up to people I don't know is just as bad for me. So I did the one thing I knew, but it didn't help.

I sat on my bed, crying. I could feel an empty space where my baby used to be. It felt like this the last time too. I had Remy to help me through it though, and right now I have nobody. My new roommate isn't even here. She probably hates the fact that she has to room with a stupid slut like me.

I want to be different, I really do. But every time I try, I get caught up in some guy that makes me forget what I should be doing. Remy was my first love, but I screwed up everything with him. It's probably my fault that he went experimenting in ninth grade, and then decided to be gay.

That little thing I had with Thomas in tenth grade never really ended either. Our attraction towards each other is purely physical though, and we probably shouldn't have gotten together in the first place. I just needed someone to get my mind off of my failed relationship with Remy. Before we broke up, I hadn't failed at anything in my life. But now I've failed Thomas too.

I have to change before I can fail at anything else.

Ellie

"I thought I'd visit you," I told Marco. He was so surprised to see me. We hugged before he asked anything else.

"But…what about school? How are you here? Is there some random break back at DCS or something?"

"No. I left Marco, and I'm not going back," I said, tears forming in my eyes.

"What happened?" he asked, grabbing onto my hand. "Are you okay?"

"Not really," I said, letting the tears fall. "I'm so sick of people hurting me," I cried out.

"Tell me everything," he said.

"Well, it all started when we got a phone call from my dad…"

I told him the entire story, from start to finish, with much more detail than the quick summary I supplied Thomas with. I added the part about Thomas being drunk and staying the night, and about him helping me get into Theresa's school, but I left out the part where we almost kissed. It wasn't something that I wanted to discuss with him at the time.

"I'm sorry about all of it Ellie, and I don't want what I'm going to say sound selfish, but you have no idea how happy I am that you're here. I've missed you so much and I really need you," he said.

"Same here," I said, smiling and hugging him again.

"And believe me; there are much better guys here than there are in Toronto. You'll find someone who actually appreciates you," he told me.

"Thanks. I really hope so," I said, leaning against him. "Have you found that yet?" I asked.

He was silent for a minute but I didn't press the subject.

"Yeah, I guess I have," he finally answered.

Remy

A few minutes after Thomas and Theresa were gone; I got called down to the headmaster's office. I had no idea why, but as I sat in the chair waiting, I came up with a number of possibilities. The worst one was that someone had told about Kelly and me; maybe even he had told. I wasn't quite sure what he was capable of, but because of all the funerals, none of us had really been in class at all since we got back.

"Come on in Remy," Headmaster Collins said from his door.

I got up and sat down again in the chair across from his desk, nervously tapping my foot on the floor. He didn't look pleased.

"Remy, something came to my attention yesterday, and it didn't make me too happy. You've always been a good student, but I had a meeting with Mr. James, your chemistry teacher and…"

"I can explain!" I said, interrupting him. Of course I couldn't explain, but I had to say something. Maybe I could lie my way out of it.

"I'm not sure there's any way to explain the fact that you're failing Chemistry. I don't know if you got lazy, or think you don't have to work hard because graduation is approaching. I do realize that you've suffered the death of a classmate and a teacher very close to one another, but we can't just give away A's. If you don't start doing your work, there will be consequences," he explained.

"What?" I asked, in complete shock. I was so sure that he knew about Kelly and me. I felt my breath stuck in my throat, completely awed at how close I'd come to mentioning something that he had no idea about. I smiled before remembering where I was sitting.

"Mr. Michaels, I assure you that this is no joke. If you don't bring your grade up to at least a C, you will not graduate," the headmaster told me.

"Of course it isn't a joke sir. I'm sorry," I said. "What do I have to do?" I was sure that the reason I was failing was just because I hadn't been to class. I was also sure that he was going to tell me that I just needed to make up my work.

"Mr. James has suggested private tutoring. Starting Monday, you are to report to his classroom every day after school ends for and two hours. It may sound extreme, but I agree with him on this matter, and it is not optional. If that's what it takes to help you graduate, then I support the idea fully. Do you understand?" he asked.

"Yes sir," I said while nodding.

"Good, you're dismissed."

I left the office without even saying goodbye. That bastard. He's going to force me into these tutoring sessions with no alternative. He's got me right where he wants me, and I'm not sure if there's any way out of it at all. I'll be his bitch, just so I can graduate.

Jesse

Marco didn't come back for awhile. I had no idea where he went, but almost two hours later, he came back, while I was struggling to do some homework. We all had loads of makeup work to do, but I couldn't even do it while he was gone. I was afraid that he went off with someone else. And more importantly, I was afraid that he wouldn't come back.

"I was getting worried," I said, closing my math book.

"I can take care of myself," he shot back, sitting down on his bed. "Or were you worried that I was cheating on you?" he asked. I didn't answer him, so he pretty much knew what I had been thinking of. "It's nice that you don't even trust me."

"I do trust you Marco," I said, trying not to cry. "I just…"

"Well, you don't have to worry. I was with Ellie," he said before laying down and rolling over, leaving me staring at his back.

It was the first night that we didn't sleep in the same bed.

I turned my light off, got under the blankets, and cried myself to sleep.

Nate

I snuck out of Kelly's bedroom, thinking no one had seen me. As I walked away, I felt someone behind me. I wheeled around, ready to yell at whoever it was that was following me, but I just froze, staring at him.

"What were you doing in there?" he asked, glaring at me all of a sudden.

"Why do you care?" I asked him. "What are you even doing in this part of the school?"

"What makes you think I don't care?"

"Maybe the fact that you haven't even spoken to me since we got into that little fight," I said.

"Nate, what you said really hurt me. I told you my secret in confidence, thinking that you wouldn't try to blame it on me. Lindsey understood that it wasn't my fault, so why can't you?" Thomas asked.

"I don't think it was your fault. Just like I don't think what Craig did to me was my fault either. But you seemed to think so."

"No, I don't. I was just angry. I was angry that Craig did that to you, and angry that I couldn't be there to protect you. And worst of all, I was angry that you never came to me," he explained.

"I'm sorry Thomas. You're my best friend, and I don't want to lose that."

"I'm sorry too. Now will you tell me what you were doing with that guy? I'm worried about you."

"Don't be. He's tutoring me because I suck at Chemistry. You know that. I would never do anything like Remy did, trust me," I lied. I couldn't tell him the truth. He wouldn't look at me the same. "But why are you here?"

"It's a long story, having to do with a certain girlfriend. But I really need a drink."

"I'm pretty sure I have some beer in my fridge. It's leftover from Craig," I told him.

"What are we waiting for then?"

I was glad that Thomas and I made up. I could really use a friend right now.

A/N: The title of the chapter comes from the song, "The Art Of Losing" by Rise Against and they own it. It was actually one of the titles I was considering for the story.

I have to say that I'm really disappointed in my reviewers. For Take Me As I Am, I had about 8-10 reviews for every chapter...and I'm not getting nearly as much for this story. I only got 3 in a week! What happened to all my loyal reviewers? I'd like to know who'd like me to continue with the story...