Chapter Six: When Loneliness Strikes, Grab A Beer…Or Not

Nate

"I love beer!" Thomas yelled.

"Of course you do. You're drunk, and I think that's enough for you," I told him, taking the half empty bottle away.

"Come on Nate givitbak," he slurred.

"No Thomas. You've almost drank the entire pack. You're done," I told him again.

"You take such good care of meeeeeeee," he said, smiling. We were sitting next to each other on the floor, watching TV.

"Someone has to," I said, laughing at him.

"Well, I'm glad that someone is you," he replied. He turned the TV off and we were in complete darkness.

"Thomas?" I asked into the dark. "I can't see."

"That's the whole point!" he shouted. He laughed and I could hear him moving around.

That's when I felt his lips on mine.

I pulled away, completely confused by the situation, and jumped up to turn the light on.

"What the hell was that for?" I asked, sitting far away from him on my bed.

"That was your thank youuu," he replied, following me and sitting down.

"Why did you kiss me Thomas? You're straight, and you're drunk.

"You told me that you loved me!" he yelled. "No one else does, so I figured I'd go for it," he said, grinning.

"No, you're just heartbroken over my sister and you're drunk. I think it's time you go back to your room now," I suggested.

"Nope. I'm staying right here with you. Because I know you'll never let me downnnnn," he said, dragging out his words. "You're my best friend Natey."

"Fine then. But we're going to bed now. You go over and sleep in that bed." I stripped down to my boxers and so did he, and we climbed into separate beds. I was sure he had passed out by the time I turned the light off. I was wrong though, because as soon as I rolled over towards the wall, I felt Thomas get into bed with me.

"Go back to your own bed," I ordered him.

"No," he said like a little kid. "I'm staying here." I felt his arms around me and I didn't know what to do. I'd been in love with Thomas ever since I realized I was gay. But he was straight, so that was the end of it. But now…he's willingly latching onto me. I don't know if it's the beer, or my sister's deception, or both, but I'm afraid I can't help myself.

Thomas leaned over me and kissed me again, but this time, I didn't pull away. I slid my tongue into his mouth, running it along his. My mind was screaming at me to stop, to leave, to just end it. But I couldn't. I gave in to temptation and went along for the ride.

We made out for quite awhile, until our lips were swollen and our hands had traveled over each other's bodies at least twice.

When it was over, I instantly felt guilty. I turned towards the wall once again to shut him out. He pressed up against me, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed my neck before passing out right there. I felt his breath on my chest for a long time until I fell asleep too, unaware of the consequences that lay ahead.

Lindsey

I couldn't sit and mope in the prison that is my room. I decided to go out and make some bad decisions instead of think about Sarah. I couldn't have her anymore. I had to make peace with the fact that she was never going to come back. I had my goodbye. And now I had to get drunk.

I avoided the bar that I met Sarah in. That only caused me trouble. So I went to some new place. I don't even remember what it was called. I can remember sitting down at the bar and getting drunk off my ass. Then some equally drunk girl joined me. We ended up dancing all night; our bodies pressed firmly against each other while we thought about someone else.

Then I brought her back to the dorm with me. I honestly have no clue how we got in undetected and made it past the teachers. I guess the worst aspect of the school is its pathetic security.

I don't know what else happened between the girl and me. We most likely slept together for the worst reasons. But I can't help it. There's no real cure for a broken heart.

Andrew

As much as I was sick of being the lonely, depressed gay teenager who just so happens to be suicidal and cuts himself. But there wasn't much I could do about it. Ever since Alex…I just haven't been the same. I wasn't like this before I met him. Only after he was killed. A part of me wants to track down those assholes that did it and kill them all, but I know that wouldn't bring him back. Nothing could ever bring him back to me.

I remember the last time I saw him. He was mad at me because I wouldn't kiss him in public. I just wasn't comfortable with people seeing me; the real me.

"I love you," Alex said, brushing some hair out of my face. We were standing outside the movie theater, trying to decide which movie to see.

"I love you too," I replied. He grabbed onto my hand and leaned in to kiss me, but I backed away. "There are people around," I whispered, gently loosening my hand and stepping back from him.

"I realize that Andy. We're out in a public place. That means people will be around," he said, grinning. I couldn't resist his smile. It had an effect on me that I would never forget. He tried to take my hand again, but I wouldn't let him. "Are you seriously not going to kiss me?"

"Why do I have to do it here?" I asked, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"You don't have to do anything. But I thought you might want to kiss your boyfriend whom you just said 'I love you' to. I now know that I was wrong." He started to back up from me.

"Where are you going? Why don't we just pick a movie?"

"Andy, call me when you figure out if you're ready for this. I'll always love you," was all he said. He turned around and walked away. The worst part is that I never went after him. If I had…I just should have stopped him. I should have kissed him right there, and yelled to the world that I loved him. But, as much as I did love him, I didn't go after him.

Alex died that night.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks before I realized it. It was my fault that he died. If I had kissed him, or at least gone with him, he'd be alive right now. He'd be sitting next to me right now. I wouldn't be leaning up against his grave stone, tracing the letters of his name on the stone, then tracing those same letters on my skin.

My Alex. Alexander Michael Donovan. My everything.

Theresa

I woke up and didn't know where I was. After looking around, I realized I was at Thomas' school, in bed with one of his classmates. Then, once I looked closer, I realized I was in Thomas' room. But I wasn't with Thomas. What did I do now?

I leaned over as far as I could and recognized Lindsey. Thomas' best friend. I really fucked up this time. I wanted to change, and I thought I should get one last night out before I did. And look what happened.

I knew what I had to do. There was no way I would let Lindsey find out who he spent the night with. I didn't want Thomas to find out either. I quickly grabbed my bra from the floor and changed my shirt from his back to mine. As quietly as I could, I left the room and made sure no one saw me.

Thomas

"Oh shit!" I yelled as soon as I realized who I was next to. I wasn't all that surprised. I remember getting drunk while Nate pretty much watched after we made up. And now here we are, in our boxers, all curled up together. I jumped up and pulled all of my clothes on.

"You leaving?" Nate asked sleepily, sitting up.

"Yeah, I am," I said, glaring at him. I distinctly remember him not trying to stop me last night. "I can't believe you."

"What?" he asked as if he had no idea.

"You didn't even stop me!" I yelled.

"And you kissed me. You didn't stop yourself Thomas!" he yelled right back. "You knew how I felt about you and you still did it. You're the one at fault here."

"I'm at fault? I'M at fault? I was drunk Nate. What the fuck is wrong with you? You don't take advantage of a friend who's drunk and heartbroken over your sister. Do you get that? Do you even understand that what you did was wrong?"

Nate was crying. He knew he shouldn't have done it, and I knew I shouldn't have kissed him. I don't even know why I kissed a guy in the first place. Did Theresa really mess me up that much?

"I just wanted you to love me," he whispered.

"That's bullshit Nate! You know I'll never love you. I don't like guys. I can't help that, and it's never going to happen. You have to come to terms with that," I lectured him.

"You filled me with false hope last night. I was just trying to…"

"Forget it Nate! You'll never get it. Maybe Craig beat the sense out of you!"

I should have never said it. The look he gave me was horrible. He looked like he was on the verge of killing himself, and with his past history, I wouldn't be surprised if he tried. He flew into the bathroom, slamming the door and turning the lock.

Marco

I woke up and Jesse was already gone with Gracie. The story of my life. Instead of trying to go look for him, I decided to just lie there, and think about why I was so unhappy.

I have a boyfriend, and a kind of half-daughter. I had a little family; something that I lost when my mother died. But that was the extent of my 'happiness.'

The one guy I truly loved after Dylan broke up with me. I saw him every day but couldn't do anything. My father hasn't spoken to me in nearly a year. One of my best friends, also a former boyfriend, won't stay around me long enough to just talk for a minute.

I miss those moments where Jesse and I were truly happy. The times we spent together even though we both had boyfriends. It's not like that anymore.

And I really miss the fun that Remy, Rory, Andrew, and I had on the train that first day, on our way to school. We never thought that any of this would happen to us. We never thought that we'd fail at all of our relationships, break each other's hearts, watch a friend and a teacher die…no one expects that kind of a senior year.

But I should realize how lucky I am. Jesse, Rory, Andrew, Remy, and most of my other friends are still alive. I can see them whenever I want, and talk to them if I want to. I don't have to sit at any of their gravesides and cry into the dirt about how I lost my time with them. I need to take hold of the present and be with the people I love before it's too late.

Including my father.

Rory

I burst into Marco and Jesse's room without knocking. I couldn't help it; this was an urgent situation. I saw Marco all curled up on his bed, with his back against the wall. The way he looked up at me just broke my heart. He looked like a mess. I wanted to run to him, hold him in my arms, and tell him that everything would be alright. That we would end up together and have our own 'happily ever after.' But it wasn't going to happen. I took my thoughts off of Marco and let them return to my current problem.

"What's wrong?" he finally asked after I stared at him for a minute or so.

"I'm really worried about Andrew. He wasn't back at all last night. I don't know where he went, and I think he might be in trouble," I said as fast as I could.

Marco jumped up and grabbed his jacket before pulling on his sneakers. He grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes. For a moment, the world stood still. We looked into each other's eyes and everything was quiet. But I broke the gaze and looked away.

"Come on, I'll help you find him," was all he said. I smiled without letting go of his hand, and let him lead me away. It was how I wanted things to end. With Marco taking me away from everything.

A/N: How was this chapter? Let me know if you recognized Alex's last name. So it seems that Theresa might change…at least she was good enough to not let Lindsey find out. This chapter took place partly on Saturday, January 7th, and then later on Sunday, January 8th.