Chapter Ten: A Sinking Feeling That Never Goes Away

Jesse

After some of the most amazing sex of my life, Marco and I decided to go see a movie. Of course, when we got there, we sat in the back and made out the entire time. Which led to us rushing back home for more sex. When we finally got tired, we were both drenched in sweat.

"Let's go take a shower," Marco suggested, grinning. "We still have two hours until they bring Gracie back."

Without a word, I grabbed Marco's hand and dragged him into the bathroom. We were already naked so we didn't need to bother with clothes. I quickly turned the shower on and hopped in, with Marco close behind.

"I don't ever remember feeling this good," I said, kissing him on his shoulder. The water ran down us as we started making out again. It felt great to just be with him. But it was even better to be able to kiss him and know that he was mine. I didn't have to worry about hurting anyone when I was with him. It was just us.

"Me neither," he breathed out. He ran a hand down my back and over my butt, making me want him even more. As he kissed the corner of my mouth, I knew what I wanted to do next.

I knelt down, which happened to be a bit painful, but worth it. I heard him moaning as I took him into my mouth. The water that ran into my mouth the entire time made everything twice as pleasurable. Shortly after, Marco returned the favor, and then we decided to actually get clean.

We washed each other slowly and softly to make it more fun. When we were finally finished, Marco pulled me close to him and kissed me one more time, our bodies pressed firmly together. We got out of the shower and toweled off, only to return back to our bed naked. We didn't do anything but talk after that (with maybe the occasional grab), and even if we weren't going to have sex again, we were just more comfortable without clothes on.

With one finger, I traced the lines on Marco's palm as he began to talk about everything that was going through his head.

"I know you're doing it for me," he said, "But I want you to stop ignoring Andrew. You're allowed to have guy friends."

"I know, but I just want to be with you as much as I can," I told him.

"We have to take breaks sometimes. He misses you, I can tell. So just at least hang out with him once in awhile."

"Fine," I sighed. "I'll do it because you're asking me to." I kissed the corner of his mouth and made my way down his neck. When I got to his chest, he sat up quickly, knocking himself into my nose. "Agh!" I yelled. I could feel a slow trickle of blood coming out.

"I'm so sorry!" he yelled. He rushed off to the bathroom and returned with tissues.

"Thanks," I said, using them to collect the blood.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, sitting back down and holding his head in his hands.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it, it was an accident. But why did you do that anyway?" I asked.

"I just remembered something that I wanted to tell you."

"Okay, go ahead," I replied. The blood had already stopped, so I wiped my face one last time before throwing the tissues away.

"Last week, on Saturday, Rory came to me and told me that Andrew hadn't been home in awhile. So we went to Alex's grave and found him. And on the gravestone…was your last name," he said.

"What?" I asked. I wasn't sure what to make of it. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, in big, bold letters across the top, it said DONOVAN," he told me.

"Maybe it's just a coincidence," I replied.

"That's what Rory said. But I think you should ask Andrew about it."

"I guess I will," I said. "Now, where were we?"

Marco playfully shoved me back onto the bed and climbed on top of me. He kissed my forehead, then my chin, and after that, my stomach. We were getting a little cold, so he pulled the sheet up over our heads and traveled downwards.

I felt him start to kiss the inside of my left thigh, and then move on to the right. He was teasing me and I loved it. I had just grabbed a fistful of his hair and started to guide his head when I heard someone knock on the door.

"I think they're back," I groaned, starting to move. I felt Marco hold my legs down and start anyway. "Marco…ahhh," I said, and started moaning. Then there was another knock at the door.

"Make them wait," Marco said as he took a breath. He continued as I heard Andrew call out my name.

"Just a minute!" I yelled. "Ohhh…Mmmarco!" I squealed.

"We're waiting!" Ellie called out from the other side of the door. I poked my head out from the sheet, to get some cold air into my lungs and so they could hear me better.

"I'm…" I was interrupted when the door burst open just as Marco finished. I had been about to say 'coming' but it was too late. I forced an awkward smile as Ellie and Andrew looked on in horror. They obviously knew what had just occurred by the expression on my face when they had entered.

Their mouths hung open as Marco started moving under the sheet and poked his head out of the other end. I watched him wipe his mouth off and wave at them.

"Hey guys," he said, suppressing a laugh.

Theresa

I felt my breath catch in my chest. Thomas looked like he was going to cry, and so did Lindsey's little girlfriend across the room. Her father was grinning like crazy, trying not to laugh. Bastard.

Lindsey slowly turned around to face us. Thomas shook his head at him before looking away.

"I love you," he said to Sarah, right there in front of everyone. She stood up, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"I love you too," she replied. I could tell that he wanted to go to her, but he couldn't.

Oh please, like they really loved each other.

The court marshal was talking to the judge. Everything was silent for a few minutes as the judge called Lindsey and the lawyers up to her. A few things were discussed, and there was a lot of head nodding.

And then it was all over. Lindsey walked back to his table as the judge called for dismissal. His father looked pissed.

"Great plan Thomas," I said. He just looked at me and rolled his eyes before getting up and going over to Lindsey, hugging him in that manly way that straight guys do.

"Stupid move," I heard him whisper. "But I'd do the same thing." He turned to look at me, so I joined them.

"What were you talking with the judge about?" I asked.

"Just setting a date for the sentencing hearing," his father answered. He sighed and looked at Lindsey. "What a waste," he mumbled before walking away.

"Why don't we just get out of here?" I asked the guys. "We have to at least have a going away party," I added.

"That's a stupid idea Theresa," Thomas said. "Why would he want to party when he's going to prison?"

"Actually, it's a great idea," Lindsey answered. "Let's go."

Andrew

"Well then, I can see we obviously interrupted something. Sorry, but I thought you'd like to have your baby back now…" I trailed off, staring at the two of them. As much as I wanted to be with Jesse, it made me happy to know that Marco was finally happy. The way he smiled let me know that he wasn't budging any time soon.

"Thanks," Jesse said quietly, his cheeks blushing.

"So…can I join you?" I asked.

"What?" Jesse asked, blinking his eyes a few times before staring. Marco just grinned and bit his bottom lip.

"Joking…" I trailed off before laughing at the both of them. "I'll just leave her right here on the floor, and you can get up after I'm gone."

I did as I said I would, and slowly walked out the door. I risked a look back right before I shut it, and saw that Marco was already in Jesse's lap, smothering him with kisses. I saw him shove his tongue down his throat before I pulled the door closed with a click.

That click was the end of my façade. My smile drooped and my eyes grew dark as I ran as fast as I could back to my room. Thankfully, Rory wasn't there, so I was able to do my business.

I slammed the bathroom door, over and over again, trying to get the anger out of my system. Once that was gone, it was much easier for me. All that was left was the pain, and I knew exactly how to fix my pain.

Rory had thrown away all of the razor blades I had, but he shaved his face every now and then, so I knew there'd be a blade somewhere. I found the blue little piece of plastic with my escape tucked neatly inside of it.

I pulled apart the plastic, using my fingers and my teeth, which was actually a lot easier than it should have been. My arms were used up, full of scars and then the names on them; Alex on one arm and Marco on the other. Jesse's name wasn't there; yet. Today wasn't the day for his name though. Today was the day I would think of as the day I learned I would never love again. Jesse was it; there was no one else for me but him, and if I couldn't have him, then I'd never have anyone.

I pulled my shirt off and looked at my bare chest in the mirror. Not a single scar covered it. Not yet anyway.

Thomas

"Get everyone together," I told Marco. As soon as we'd gotten back from court, Lindsey, Theresa, and I started planning the party. We didn't want to wait; it was going to happen tonight.

"Why?" Marco asked. The baby was asleep, and Marco and Jesse were watching TV.

I stood in front of the TV and turned it off.

"Hello? Let's go!" I shouted at them.

"Why aren't you asking Nate or something?" Jesse asked, frowning at me. He was upset that his stupid show was interrupted.

"Because, we aren't talking right now. Listen, Lindsey's going to PRISON and we're throwing him a going away party. Do you even care?"

"What?" Marco asked, jumping up. I thought he didn't do anything!" Now I had their attention.

"Yeah, well…he confessed. Don't worry about that okay? Just tell everyone there's gonna be a party at the bar down the street. You know the one," I explained. "I've got a call to make," I added.

"Sure, we'll take care of it," Jesse said, nodding his head.

I quickly walked back to my room to find Lindsey's cell phone. I knew he left it in there somewhere. At the moment, he was back with Theresa at her dorm, trying to keep his mind off of things.

After I found his phone tossed in a pile of dirty laundry, I scrolled through his contact list. It was pretty short, and I was able to find the number that I wanted. I called from the dorm phone though, because I knew that if Lindsey's number showed up on the caller ID, no one would answer.

The phone rang five times, and then she finally answered.

"There's a party for Lindsey at our bar tonight, and you better be there. With all that he's done for you, you owe him one hell of a goodbye."

I hung up the phone before she could say anything. I knew she'd show up.

Nate

"What's this?" I asked Kelly, holding up my latest chemistry exam.

"It looks like an A to me," he answered, grinning.

"That's funny, because I was sure that I failed this. I don't even understand the subject at all.

"Well, when you're tutored by the teacher himself, you end up with good grades. Now come here." He pulled me towards him and kissed me hard, shoving his tongue in my mouth. I nearly choked and tried to pull away, but he held me tightly.

"I have a boyfriend now; I don't need you," I spat.

"That's too bad isn't it?" he asked, still holding me with one strong hand, and undoing his pants with the other. "Because I'm not done with you."

The way he looked at me next made me nearly crumble. He had that kind of look that could stop anyone's heart, especially mine. Something in his eyes told me that I would be safe. He'd never hurt me, no, of course he wouldn't. I felt a sudden need to please him, and found myself sucking on his neck only moments later.

I bit down lightly as I climbed into his lap, halting his mission to take his pants off. He moaned into my ear right before my tongue found it's way into his mouth. Everything I was doing was forbidden, which was probably why I wanted it so badly. Before this day, I'd only been trying to find an outlet for the pain Craig left me with, but now…now I was just having fun. And I didn't need to take any pills this time.

Lindsey

I sat on Theresa's bed, looking around the room. She was supposed to be keeping me out of trouble, and making sure I stayed busy while Thomas planned the party, but she told me that she needed to take a shower first. Ellie wasn't in, so I was left to think about what had happened earlier that day.

I knew I'd done the right thing when I confessed, so why did I feel like crap? I was helping everyone out by not making them break the law for me. But now I had to go to prison, so I was on a kick of feeling sorry for myself.

After realizing Theresa had a mini fridge in the room, I bent down in front of it and pulled the door open. There was only a single beer inside. I pulled it out and twisted it open—of course the girls have twist open caps—sucking it down as fast as I could. I only gave me the tiniest buzz, but it at least made me feel a little better.

But then an image flashed in my mind. I was slowly remembering the last time I was drunk. I had sex with some girl. But who? Even when I was drunk, I didn't make a habit out of sleeping with completely random girls—except for Sarah of course. As I gripped the bottle, resisting the strong urge to throw it against the wall and watch it shatter, I remembered.

Theresa.

I had sex with my best friend's girlfriend. Huh. It didn't seem to faze me that much. She had been gone when I woke up the next morning, and at the time, I couldn't remember who I'd been with. And now, that same girl was showering in the next room. She was naked in there, waiting for me.

I had nothing to lose really. I was on my way to prison anyhow.

Marco

I'd gotten a hold of everyone to tell them about the party—everyone except Andrew. He wasn't answering the phone in his room, and his cell when straight to voicemail. I told Jesse he should see if Andrew was okay, but he came up with some excuse that he needed to stay with Gracie, even though she was fast asleep.

I gave up trying to force him to go, and decided that I better go see if anything was wrong. When I got to his room, the door was unlocked, so I just went right in. I couldn't see him anywhere near by.

That was when I spotted his kitten, Lola, by the bathroom door. She was mewing like crazy, and I could see the paint peeled off where she had been scratching at the bottom of the door.

I wasn't sure what I would find in there, but I had to make sure he was still alive. I was stupid to believe that he was actually happy for Jesse and me. I should have seen through the fake smile and noticed the pain in his eyes.

So I slowly turned the knob, bracing myself because I knew with Andrew it wouldn't be pretty. Even with my knowledge of how dramatic Andrew had always been, I wasn't prepared for what I saw.

A/N: I know perfectly well that in court they wouldn't set a sentencing date right in front of everyone…all whispery and crap, but it worked for this story, because I want to get the court stuff over with. Kelly has corrupted yet another student. This chapter took place on the same day as the last chapter…and so will the next one. After that, I will probably be skipping forward a bit. I really want to get past graduation because I have stuff planned for the summer. I just made it...two minutes before midnight! Sorry for the wait...I didn't even realize that it was Wednesday!