Mr. Trials's Random Survey

Given to David Jacobs and Francis Sullivan during second period art.

1. Pick a song that would describe your current situation and write down the song's name and the band. Then explain why it describes you at the moment.

-David: Tainted Love by Soft Cell. You should know why it describes my life right now, Mr. Trials. The whole school probably knows.

-Jack: Checkmarks by The Academy Is. Just listen to the lyrics. I'm sure you can figure it out. It isn't that hard, even for a guidance counselor who gets paid practically nothing and has to sleep on the couch because his wife is mad at him for coming home late every night because she assumes he is an affair but is actually molesting students except not really but I'm trying to drag this survey on because I didn't finish my painting which is due today.

2. What college do you plan on attending once you graduate from high school?

-David: I have been accepted into the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. I have received four scholarships that will cover a majority of the tuition fees.

-Jack: It doesn't matter what school I got into. I don't have enough money to go because I'm barely scraping up enough cash to pay rent even though I am on student welfare because my dad is in jail.

3. How do you feel people who mutilate themselves?

-David: I believe that it gives them a feeling of control in their lives. However, I do not see it as a beneficial coping skill.

-Jack: Cutting is for emo kids who actually have good lives and plenty of money but they are depressed because their parents wouldn't let them get a new car so they decided to be suicidal so everyone would feel bad for them.

4. Have you ever engaged in sexual intercourse?

-David: No comment.

-Jack: Several times. With a girl. And not a guy. That is a lie. So anyone who says that I've fucked a guy is a liar. And liars are sinners. So don't listen to them, because they are going to hell, so it doesn't matter what they say.

5. Are you religious in any way?

-David: Yes. I attend church every Sunday and I am one of the leaders of our youth group.

-Jack: Not really. I went to church until my mom died. Then my dad didn't feel like going. I don't know a whole ton about religion, except the basics of Christianity and stuff. I'm still trying to figure out with I believe in the things in the bible or not.

6. How does the following passage make you feel?

The wretched feeling of guilt clung to Jack's conscience as he stumbled up the steps of his apartment. He was in a pathetic condition that his father would recognize instantly when he walked into the door. The abrasions on Jack's arms, the gashes on his calves, the blood seeping from his swollen lips, and the bruises on his cheeks were blatant. His wounds would speak before he could even explain what happened. They would prove his father's theory about his pitiful son and suck out all his self-esteem like a parasite, leaving him with nothing but shame.

When Jack reached the top step, he sighed briefly and let his hand rest on the doorknob. If he turned it and entered the apartment, he would have to suffer through the immense interview he had become so familiar with. His father would inquire the usual "Where were you?" and "What happened?" But it wasn't answering those questions that frightened Jack. It was the fact that he would have to tell his father that he lost the fight that he had started.

He could imagine it now. His father would act furious that he picked a fight, but behind his irritated eyes, his only sentiment would be disappointment. It was the disappointment and the humiliation that made Jack tremble in fear. The poor boy felt his dignity drop as fast as a bad investment in the stock market. If he opened that door, the impact made by his father's expectations would shatter his pride.

Without realizing it, Jack had clenched his fist in animosity. Most kids his age didn't have to carry a heavy burden on expectations on their shoulders. Every day, he had to struggle with the weight of goals that were irrational and maintain his sanity. Compared to the petty problems his friends faced, he had it pretty bad. He was carrying a bundle of bricks, while everyone else pranced around with a bundle of feathers.

Jack hated each and every brick. He hated the "criminal father" brick, the "dead mother" brick, the "pity" brick, and the "don't go crazy" brick. Combine that with a few tons of stress and pressure, and you get a perfect load for a seventeen year old boy to bear. Jack suddenly felt the mass of his emotional cargo and collapsed, withering into a bloody, crying mess.

"Get up. You're making a fool of yourself."

Jack quivered and forced himself to stop sobbing. The abrupt halt made his chest ache, and he could feel a series of coughs getting ready to emerge from his throat. Gradually, he stood, wincing from the soreness in his muscles. He tried to steady himself on the handrail of the stairs, but was still woozy.

"Go get yourself-"

The chain of coughs compelled out of Jack's windpipe, interrupting his father's grumbling. Much to his surprise, his mouth did not taste of phlegm, but of the distinct metal flavor of blood.

"Go get yourself cleaned up, alright?"

Jack nodded and spit a glob of bloody saliva to his right. He stumbled inside, closing the door behind him, and was greeted by the wreck he called his home. The house smelled musky, like the stale aroma of a nursing home mixed with a tint of mold and urine.

"So what happened this time?" Jack's dad asked. To Jack's surprise, his father did not inject a threatening tone into his voice.

David: It makes me feel bad, I guess.

Jack: It makes me feel like stabbing the word "coincidence" multiple times and then strangling whoever walked into my head, stole this from my index of memories, and typed it up with figurative language.

7. What do you plan on doing this weekend?

David: I am not sure. I have a history report to finish, so I might be home all weekend.

Jack: I think I'll go over to my girlfriend's house and talk to her about all the stuff that has been going on lately.

8.Do you have a job at the moment?

David: I'm a newspaper boy.

Jack: I'm a newspaper boy.

Dear diary,

Jack came over today. He has been acting funny all week. He has avoided me in the halls and made excuses for why he cannot talk to me on the phone. So, when he finally came over, I was relieved. We talked for a bit about how graduation was coming up soon, then we watched a movie called Captain Corelli's Mandolin. Jack really liked this one actor in the movie, who's last name was something dealing with hay, I think. Whatever.

Anyways, the weird thing was, while we were watching the movie, David kept walking into the living room every five minutes and eyeing Jack. Maybe they had planned to go see a lacrosse game or something together, and I guess David was mad. He had some big history project to do though, so it isn't like he could go out. I don't know what the deal was.

So after the movie was over, Jack suggested we go swimming. David and Les came with us. Well, Jack and I were goofing around and splashing, and David was glaring at us the entire time. So I got out of the water and asked David why he was so upset. He said nothing was wrong.

But then I noticed this hickey on his neck, so I started laughing. And I was like: "Dave, are you mad because you have a girlfriend and she couldn't hang out with you this weekend?"

Then he totally flipped out. He started yelling stuff at me that didn't make a whole lotta sense. And I was just like "What's the matter with you?" And he didn't respond and jumped into the pool. Except, the thing is, David can't swim. And for some reason the lifeguard was off eating lunch, so he didn't hear David calling for help. So I started going towards the edge of the pool when I tripped over this toy dolphin some kid had left there. And I fell and hurt my hip and couldn't get up and help him.

So, catch this. David's drowning, and Jack swims over to him and drags him out of the water. And David was seriously drowning. Like, he had gone unconscious. So I was terrified and Les and terrified and all the people at the pool were terrified. So then Jack starts doing CPR, right? And then I looked close and realized David wasn't unconscious.

And I was like: "What the heck is going on?"

So Jack is giving David mouth to mouth, and David is breathing fine. Maybe a little too fine. So then I have Les help me get up and walk over there. And most of the people are on their cell phones dialing 9-1-1 and screaming at the lifeguard, so they don't notice that David is alright.

Well, anyways, I limp over there and nudge Jack, who finally snaps out of it. And David starts fake coughing (I know what it sounds like because he used to do that as a kid so he could stay home from school) and is all: "What happened?"

And then I said: "You were making out with Jack, that's what happened!"

And David acts like he doesn't know what I'm talking about, but in his eyes there were these little flecks of fear. Then Jack got up and walked away, and I noticed he was walking funny.

So I started limping after him and calling him and he's still walking funny, right? And he finally turns around, but tries to grab this towel off a chair first. Well, he reaches for the towel and goes to put it around his waist and I saw why he was walking weird. He had a fucking boner.

That boy likes my brother. My boyfriend is attracted to my brother. Jack likes David.

So now I'm all depressed. I think I'll call Spot and tell him he was right about them.

Yours truly,

Sarah.