Okay guys this piece features the song "In My Life," by John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

This deals with the school shooting. "With Tired Minds and Souls We Slept," I think…

Haley

Nathan

And I would like to make it clear- that none of these little ficlets are directly related in any other way than just being moments in Haley and Nathan's lives, that you all get to see. Some may be two piece stories but if they are I'll say so. Okay so on with the show. Enjoy

II.

Shoot.

There was something about walking out of that tutoring center. I room so familiar, into a hall equally familiar, yet all warmth was swept away. Recognition was gone and it was like we walked different halls that day. Everything about that room was known, no dark corners- only white plaster walls and posters with colorful bolded words splaying messages like the ever corny "Knowledge is Power!" saying. And maybe Knowledge is power, but what did it matter then. That day the world just spun right off it's axis into the never ending abyss of space and time. And it just choked me up, knowing that in the next town over, in the next school over- the one we played basketball against, everything was normal. So bitterly and utterly normal. Normalcy wasn't the case here. No normal had left- ripped from the world, like the rind from an orange, left to float among the stars. I suppose normal is a relative term, but either way it wasn't here.

There are places I remember all my life,
Though some have changed,
Some forever, not for better,
Some have gone and some remain.

Basketball is mine. The court is old and known, the ball rough and cold, and it's just my court, ya know? And there's just this sense of mastery that comes over me—like this is my world come on, enter if you dare. And I'm invincible. There's no way to describe that feeling.

All I could think the whole time was, why did Nathan have to be here? Why did he have to know this, torture, this horrible gut wrenching feeling of time standing still, but only around you. Like a swirl of mist that makes everything you touch just freeze. Like on that show Charmed, where Piper flicks her wrists and space around her just stops. Piper's so cool.

This, this isn't my court.

I wish I could have used my momentary powers to stop that bullet before it hit Keith, before it hit Jimmy.

There are times, I get so mad I just want to hit something. I thought if we were in the center for another minute I was going to jump Jim, and not in the way I'd jump Haley.

When I saw Abby, I thought she look just like all of us felt.

Haley, she's so strong, I know she is. It's just I wanted so badly to grab her and pull her into a corner. Give up, just let Jim throw away his life, not like I cared as long as she's okay.

Jimmy looked so conflicted, he didn't want to hurt anyone—but the reality of the situation hit me hard about an hour into the ordeal. Did Jimmy know how to use a gun? Did he know how to put the safety on? What if he didn't know how sensitive the trigger was and accidentally shot while just threatening? What if he shot himself I couldn't bare that than, but now I've become accustom to the idea. The mind can become used to anything really.


All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living.
In my life I've loved them all.

There are times I wonder what exactly is on her mind. Like that day, was she going over the answers for the English test she should be taking next period? No, she'd be thinking about saving Jim, that's a Haley thing to do. Have a guy with a gun cocked at her and she's thinking of ways to save him. Sometimes she's a bit too naïve, thinking she can save the world one person at a time- and it gets her so down when she can't. I love her for that.

You know, I forgot to eat breakfast that day; I was in such a rush I barely got all of the shampoo out of my hair. Nathan looks like he'd taste good.

Sometimes you've got to laugh to keep from crying

That thing Jimmy said, about guys like Nathan getting away with stuff, like what he said about marring me being the biggest mistake of his life? Nathan didn't get away with it. It hurt, I must have watched it over and over again, why? I don't know. Because he said it with so much meaning and maybe I wanted to punish myself for leaving. I wanted to cry so badly when I first saw it, in the hallway- when they were familiar and warm, but than he'd see. Everyone would, I couldn't bare that I'm not much of a public crier.

I remember when things were simple, just the game, that's all that mattered. Until I grew up and fell down.

I remember when I first cried silently, I must have been seven and the sobs felt like bricks in my throat, and all that mattered was that Taylor didn't hear. Crying was for babies, now the skill can be put to good use.

We have good days, we have bad days, Jim needs to realize that and get a grip. Or maybe he just needs a Haley.


But of all these friends and lovers,
There is no one compares with you,
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new.

What I would have given for a pair of red shoes I could click together and whish myself home with. I'd crawl into bed and sleep until this day was barely but a dream with hazy details.

Don't think I didn't notice when Jim mentioned my time capsule the way Hales look down and tried to fold into herself. I didn't miss it, I noticed, and it hurt.

The sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom duller that tomorrow, there'll be sun. How can you bet one's bottom duller, does that mean you're betting that the person's butt will be less shiny?

I don't think there was a moment in that room where my hand wasn't on Haley. It was on her hand, slid down to her knee, up to her back, across her cheek, the top of her head, I grazed her nose a moment cause when I do she wrinkles it up in the most adorable way.

The guns will come out tomorrow, be your bottom duller that tomorrow there'll be guns! Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love ya tomorrow you're only a day away! (that last part was to my dog, Rupert, he's in heaven- I'm seeing him tomorrow didn't you hear?)

Sometimes I wonder what the point of life is. Pretty deep question for an essay writing challenged jock huh? Guess Haley's rubbing off on me. But I mean we live we die- it's like that song by the Flaming Lips, "everyone you know one day will die," they sing, and it's true. So why make such a big fuss about it right? The sun's gunna blow up one day anyway (Haley told me so)

When I heard that door close, it was the most beautiful and ugliest sound I heard in the world. Beautiful because it meant this would all be over soon, and I could pretend it never happened and ugly because Jimmy just got spooked. Poor Jimmy we tried to reason with him we really did, he just wouldn't listen. God what I would give to go back and just give him a hug or something. What did we do wrong? Where did it all go wrong. Mouth's right we're just kids. We're supposta grow up. Get past it. Why couldn't he? Darwin would say he wasn't strong enough. But maybe we weren't strong enough to stop him.

I could feel Haley tense beneath my fingers, and I watched as Jim walked out the door- a half-felt 'you can still go back,' on my lips. And I listened to the gun shot and I felt her crawl up onto my lap and try to disappear and I let her and I heard the second shot and the silence that followed I smelt the faint gun smoke sweet like cumin and I turned into her.

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them,
In my life I'll love you more.

School was closed the next day, and we went to Brook's party even though I didn't want to, more out of support than anything else. I saw Lucas, my best-friend Lucas, and I didn't recognize him. It seemed like little by little things were getting better the world was getting pulled back up. The news stations talked, the therapists meet with all of us in the tutoring center. I remember him clean shaven, keeper of self destructive teenagers' secrets. He asked me to tell him about my experience. I asked where was he earlier when Jimmy needed him and refused to say anything else. After and hour and a half with silence on my part he wrote a report and sent it to my parents and Nathan-seeing as I'm married. I doubt my parents ever got it. I got Nathan's report.

Threw a chair at the shrink, session ended within fifteen minutes, got Haley's report. It said she had anger issues and was severely scared. Cried.

Nathan's report stated he was unable to express himself adequately through his emotions causing bouts of rage. I thought the psychologist was lucky he walked out of the room.

I miss Keith he was always on my side, I loved him. Lucas is going through some rough times- it's to be expected I guess. Peyton's gunna be alright, she's probably making some angsty art right this second. I tried talking with Hales about the report and she said she just didn't feel like sharing her personal thoughts with a stranger whom had a pedigree. That's my girl.

There are things you never talk about, that disappear into the backs of everyone's minds. Next month class will go right on schedule Jimmy won't be mentioned and though some people wouldn't have it any other way, it makes me want to scream into my pillow. Nathan caught me doing just that and pulled me outside so we could scream together. I just need some closure I guess. But hey that's what funerals are for right?


Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before,
I know I'll often stop and think about them,
In my life I'll love you more.
In my life I'll love you more.