This chapter is
dedicated to emphatic loser.
Chapter Twenty: Promise Me That We'll Be Together
Ellie
A month had passed since the accident. Thomas and I had been pretty inseparable since then. We flew back and forth between L.A. and Toronto to see Jesse, Andrew, Rory, and Marco. Andrew hasn't left Jesse's side, but Jesse still hasn't woken up yet. Marco's been spending every day with his dad.
"I love you," I whispered into Thomas' lips. It wasn't the first time I'd said it, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.
"I love you too," he replied, kissing me gently. We lay in bed together, as we did every morning, for quite some time. We'd lie there for a good hour or two after we woke up, just enjoying each other's company. Then we'd head downstairs for breakfast or lunch, depending on the time, and take part in various activities throughout the day—usually, anything I wanted since Thomas had the money.
"This has been the best summer of my life," I told Thomas truthfully. We were completely alone in the huge mansion, since Theresa spent her time in New York City, visiting Lindsey and looking around for colleges.
"Me too," he agreed, kissing my neck. I giggled as his breath tickled my skin and then pushed him down, giving me better access. I climbed right on top of him and kissed down his chest, moving myself as I got closer to his boxers. I was just about to pull them off when he put his hand down and stopped me. "Let's go swimming," he said, winking at me. "No clothes," he added when he saw me reaching for them.
I followed him out to the pool in my bathrobe, with nothing on underneath; Thomas was in his boxers. I'd never done anything like this before, so I was a little nervous, and a little excited at the same time. A tall fence surrounded the property, so I didn't have to worry about any neighbors seeing. Only Thomas.
I watched as he slipped his boxers off, giving me a nice view of his butt. He dove into the pool before I could see anything else, coming up a few feet from where he got in.
"Come on in!" he yelled. He splashed water at me but it didn't reach. I laughed and jumped back, still a bit nervous.
"Don't look," I told him, knowing full well that my cheeks were turning a nice shade of pink. He laughed and turned around, putting his hands over his eyes. I didn't give him a chance to peek, just pulled the bathrobe off as quickly as I could and jumped right in.
The water was warm, and it felt much nicer without a bathing suit on. Still blushing, I approached Thomas and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around, I splashed him in his face and swam away.
He grabbed my ankle while I swam, and pulled me towards him a little. That action jerked me under water, and I started choking. I felt Thomas pull me up and spin me around. His back was to the side wall of the pool, and he was holding me up, my knees resting on his thighs.
"Are you okay?" he asked, looking worried. "I'm so sorry."
I coughed a little more, then spit water right in his eye. I started to laugh as he splashed me back.
"Just don't do it again!" I yelled, pretending to be angry. He shut me right up with a kiss, letting his tongue pass my lips. His hands ran up and down my back and mine stayed on his cheeks, cupping his face.
"I love you," he said. We tended to say it more than once a day.
"I love you too."
I straightened my knees and let my legs fall to either side of his. As he kissed my neck, I positioned myself just right, and took control, putting him inside me. We both sighed happily as we began what would be the most memorable sex of both our lives.
Andrew
Rory, Marco, and I sat in Jesse's room while Marco's dad was resting. We didn't have much to say. Rory knew what I was going through, because he went through the same thing with Marco earlier that year. He hugged me a lot and told me that everything would be okay. I didn't necessarily believe him, but I tried to. I wanted to.
"Maybe we should get out of here for a little while," Rory suggested. "I know we could all use a break."
"Yeah, it would be nice to eat some real food," Marco added. "I'm getting a little sick of the jello." He and Rory laughed a little at that, but I couldn't tear my eyes or my thoughts away from Jesse for very long.
"I can't leave him," I said, sighing.
Rory nodded his head; he completely understood. Marco looked down at the floor, probably wondering why I hadn't felt the same way about him when he was in the hospital.
"Do you want us to bring you back something?" Jesse asked.
"Sure," I replied. "Anything's fine with me.
I moved back next to Jesse and grasped his hand, leaning back in my chair. Suddenly feeling very tired, I closed my eyes, just for a minute.
An incessant beeping filled my ears, waking me with a jolt. I was quickly shoved aside by the doctor and nurses, pushed into the corner where I would be out of their way. A car was rolled in with those paddles. I'd only seen them on TV, and they looked even scarier up close. Was this really it? Either they got his heart going or he died? I bit down hard on one of my knuckles, trying my best not to cry.
Please let him be okay, I wished silently. He had to be. We finally got together. It was my fault he left; I ruined it. Don't let the last time we talked be a fight.
Tears pushed their way out of my eyes, making my cheeks itch as they rolled their way down my cheeks. There was only one beep now. Slow and steady. I looked on as they charged up the paddles; one more time. Nothing happened. The doctor watched and waited.
"Call it," he muttered, shaking his head and putting the paddles down.
"NO!" I screamed, running at them. "He's not dead!"
"Time of death, 3:41 PM," a nurse said softly.
"NO! Do something!" I screamed. But they didn't hear me. No one heard me or saw me as they switched off the machines and left the room.
Jesse looked like he had for the past month. He was only sleeping. He would wake up. This wasn't it. It couldn't be.
After nearly an hour, it finally hit me. He wasn't coming back.
"I'll keep my promise," I said.
The discarded machine caught my attention. I would go out the same way they tried to bring him back in. I switched it on, not knowing what I was doing at all. After pushing a few buttons, I heard the machine start up. Taking one last look at Jesse, I cleared my eyes and picked up the paddles.
"Clear," I whispered to no one at all.
The moment I placed them on my chest, a jolt ran through my body. A bright light filled my vision as the pain seared through me. But I was numb to it. There was so much electricity that it didn't even hurt.
I screamed out for no reason at all, and that was it.
I opened my eyes and saw the room around me. I was soaked in tears and sweat, and a nurse stood above me, looking very worried. She was talking to me, but I couldn't hear her. My ears were full of the sound of my own screaming.
Theresa
I'd been staying in New York City for a month, but I finally had to come back home. Lindsey told me that I couldn't waste any more of my time away from my friends and family. Even though I told him that he was the only friend and family that I needed, I knew he was right. I spent one last day in the city, slept in my hotel, then caught the first plane home.
When I walked in the door, it didn't seem like anyone was around. I found Thomas and Ellie cuddling outside, soaking wet. Ellie was wearing a bathrobe and Thomas just had a towel around his waist. Ew. They had sex in the pool. Looks like I won't be swimming for the rest of the summer.
I smiled and waved at them, then went back inside. I went to my room and changed into pajamas, deciding I was going to be lazy for the rest of the day. I grabbed a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, then plopped on the couch to watch TV.
Three channels and five shows later, I put my empty ice cream carton on the coffee table and started to doze off. I heard someone come in the front door, but I didn't open my eyes. I just curled up even more. If I pretended to be asleep, then no one would bother me. I heard the TV turn off, but still didn't move. I only wanted to talk to Lindsey.
Whoever it was poked me. I pretended to groan in my sleep, then rolled over with my face to the back of the couch. He—I knew it wasn't Ellie, and she's the only girl besides me—sat next to me on the couch and poked me again.
"Go away," I whined, hoping that would make him leave. No such luck. I felt lips press against my neck and jumped up. "What's your problem?" I yelled.
Then I saw who it was. I suppressed every urge to scream, jump up and down, and cry like a baby. I couldn't believe my eyes. Maybe I was dreaming…
"Lindsey?" I whispered. He nodded and pressed his lips to mine. I pulled back and stared, wide eyed. "But…how?" I asked.
"My parole hearing was today. They let me out!" he shouted. He kissed me again, then dropped the bag he was holding onto the floor.
"You're home, for good?" I wanted to make sure. I couldn't lose him again.
"Yes. I'm on parole for the rest of my sentence—about two and a half months. I have to stay here, make sure I'm home by nine, meet with my officer every Tuesday, and get a job. As long as I do all of that, I never have to go back," he explained, grinning.
"I love you," I said, lying back on the couch and pulling him down on top of me.
"I love you too," he answered between kisses.
He started tugging on the bottom of my pajama pants; I didn't mind—we hadn't been together for six and a half months. I moved to pull his shirt off when the doorbell rang.
"Let someone else get it," I begged, kissing him again. It rang one more time, and whoever it was started banging on the door.
"I have to," Lindsey said, getting up. I groaned and grabbed his hand to go with him. I was kissing his neck when he opened the door. I didn't look up, but he pushed me off of him. I turned to see what was so important. There was a man and a girl standing there, staring.
"Sarah?" Lindsey asked. My mouth dropped open as I looked from the girl and back to Lindsey.
Fuck.
Rory
Marco's dad was still asleep when we got back from lunch, so we went back to Jesse's room. Andrew was sitting by the window, staring out of it.
"Burger?" I asked, holding the bag out to him. He pushed it away and looked up at me.
"Not hungry." I could tell he'd been crying, but I didn't ask him about it. I put the bag on the little table next to him and walked back over to Marco. I was so happy to be back with him, and every chance I got, I reminded him of that. I kissed his cheek and then his lips before pulling him into my lap in the chair by Jesse's bed.
"I love you," I whispered, running a hand through his hair.
"I love you too." He leaned down and started kissing my neck, then tracing the design of a tattoo on my shoulder. We got lost in each other, like we often did, and forgot that anyone was in the room.
Marco had just snuck his tongue into my mouth when we heard a throat clearing. We separated, throwing apologetic faces at the nurse.
"Which one of you is Rory?" she asked, holding out an envelope.
"That would be me," I said, taking it from her. She walked away as I looked it over. "It's from Nate," I announced. Lately, Ellie had been forwarding any important mail for us to the hospital.
"Read it!" Marco said excitedly. He hadn't been there when we dragged Nate into rehab. He always felt responsible for what happened with Craig, so he had a soft spot for the little guy.
I quickly opened it, knowing he would probably rip it out of my hands if I didn't hurry. I unfolded the paper—there was only one page—and started to read it out loud.
Dear Andrew, Rory, and Theresa,
I wanted to thank you guys for making me come here. It really was the best thing that anyone has ever done for me. I know Tyler had a big part in it, but I just don't think I can write anything to him yet.
The first week here was hard—really hard. I don't think I could really describe it; I'm not that good with words. But I am doing better, and I plan on somehow getting out of here before school starts, so I can go with everyone else. Of course, they'll let me leave whenever I want, but I won't leave until I know I won't go back to that stuff anymore. I'm determined not to let you down.
Some nights we get together with everyone in the program and play cheesy games or watch movies. And I met someone. Well, I didn't exactly meet him because I already knew him. And I know rehab isn't the best place to get together with someone, but I think I've already fallen in love. We've been together for almost a month now—ever since a few nights after I got here.
He's absolutely gorgeous, funny, smart, and he really understands me. We've been through pretty much the same thing. He's got black hair and green eyes and…I think by now you should know who I'm talking about. Just in case you're oblivious, I sent a picture of us with the letter.
I just want to say thanks again, and I love all of you. I don't know what I would have ever done without you. Let everyone else read this too, so they know how I'm doing. And I wouldn't mind a visit once in awhile!
Love,
Nate
As soon as I finished reading it, I looked up. We all had tears in our eyes, even Andrew. We were happy that we could have helped Nate out.
"Who's the guy?" Marco asked excitedly.
"Isn't it obvious?" I asked him, grinning. He frowned and grabbed the envelope out of my hands, digging around inside for the picture. He pulled it out, looked it over, and gasped.
"It's Remy!"
"Well duh!" Andrew said, laughing.
"They look so cute together," Marco said. "But not as cute as…"
"You and me," I finished. Yes, we were finishing each other's sentences.
I kissed him and we almost got all caught up again, but this time, Andrew stopped us just as Marco was toying with the bottom of my shirt.
Nate
It took time, as I knew it would, but I finally got used to my surroundings and started to trust the people around me. The first time we all got together, I saw Remy across the room, and felt something happen in my stomach. It was the feeling I used to get when I looked at Craig.
Our eyes met across the room, like something from a movie. We both stood perfectly still and then we each watched as a smile grew on the other's face. He stayed put, but I crossed the room quickly, stopping only inches in front of him.
"What are you doing here?" he asked reaching out and touching my arm. I think he was trying to make sure I was real.
"The same reason you are. Well, I'm sure it's not the exact same reason, but a general one anyway," I rambled. He smiled at me but said nothing. We just stood there, in a silence that wasn't all that awkward. It was peaceful.
"Do you want to…go outside or something?" he asked. We both looked around the room, at the people playing cards and yahtzee. I turned back to him and smiled, nodding my head.
There was only one place outside we were allowed to go unless we checked ourselves out. It was a little courtyard, with only one door. There were a few plastic tables with chairs around them, some flowers here and there, and a little stone bench at the far side. We walked to the stone bench, as far away as we could get, but were still watched of course. The two guys at the door turned and were looking through it at us. I blocked them out, like I'd gotten so used to doing, and faced Remy.
We talked for an hour, getting out all of our feelings about the whole Kelly ordeal. There was crying, laughing, and hugging, and I felt much closer to him afterwards. We were about to go inside when a light rain started to fall.
"Let's stay out, I love the rain," Remy said, echoing my exact thoughts.
"Come in now!" One of the guys shouted across the courtyard. Remy and I exchanged glances then laughed.
"Be right there!" I yelled back. We both stood up, but Remy climbed up and stood on the bench, turning his face towards the sky, and letting the rain drench him.
"Come on," he said, holding his hand out. I looked over at the guys. They looked annoyed, but they weren't coming out after us unless we were going to kill ourselves or something. I took hold of Remy's hand and let him pull me up. We almost fell over as our bodies collided, but I steadied myself quickly. In those few seconds that we touched, I felt something.
I mimicked Remy's actions and turned my own face up to the sky, feeling the raindrops as they gently pulsed into my skin. We faced each other and smiled as we were quickly soaked. It wasn't long before our lips met and my fingers were running through his hair, while his were hooked onto the top of my pants.
Thomas
I heard someone call my name. It wasn't Theresa because it was a male voice. I knew it wasn't my father, so who?
I stopped in my tracks when I saw Lindsey standing in the living room. Ellie gripped my hand. We were still in what we'd been wearing all day. Lindsey's gaze lost all of my attention when I realized why he had called me. I saw them, standing in the doorway. Sarah and her father.
"Yes?" I asked, approaching the door. I'd almost forgotten I was in a towel. Ellie stayed right by my hand. Mr. Williams snorted and crossed his arms over his chest.
"You two sure do move on really quickly," he observed, glaring at Theresa and Ellie. I held her closer to me and ignored what he was saying. Lindsey did the same. "How young are they?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at us.
"What do you want?" I asked, my free hand balled up into a fist.
"Well kid, you need to take responsibility for your actions," he said. "My daughter will have no part in what you did to her."
I wondered where Kate was, but said nothing. It wasn't that I still had feelings for her—I never did in the first place—but I wanted to make sure she was okay. I did feel guilty about what happened. That's what happens when you drink too much.
"Go get him," he said to Sarah. She walked away, carefully keeping her eyes off of Lindsey. We could all tell she was trying not to cry. They did love each other at one point. But he'd moved on.
She came back carrying a car seat and a diaper bag. I didn't know what to do or say. She held it—him—out to me and I took my arm from Ellie's shoulder to take hold of the car seat handle. My breath caught in my throat as I looked at my son.
He was mine. I could tell just by looking at him. He had my hair, and my eyes. The only trait of his mother's was his nose. I smiled at I unclipped him and pulled him towards me. I was afraid of dropping him, so I shakily went over to the couch and sat down.
I was so far in my own world that I never heard Mr. Williams mutter "good luck with that bastard" to Ellie. I didn't see him shove the bag at her, and I never even heard her slam the door. I was only brought out of my thoughts as she sat down next to me, and placed her hand on my arm.
"I'm a…father," I whispered, suddenly feeling very teary eyed. I just let myself cry in front of her, and Theresa and Lindsey. I didn't care. It was the best feeling I'd ever experienced. I held on tight as he fell asleep in my arms.
"Thomas, are you okay?" Ellie asked. I was sobbing, and still half naked. I suddenly felt like an idiot, and was very grateful when Theresa handed me a pair of boxers. I put the baby down—only for a moment—and slipped them on under my towel. Then I picked him right back up again. I never wanted to let him go.
Ellie started rummaging in the baby bag and pulled out a few items. There were diapers and wipes, along with a can of formula, and three other objects: a letter, a small tape from a camcorder, and his birth certificate.
After much persuasion from Ellie, I let her hold my son. I opened the letter and quickly scanned it.
Thomas,
I couldn't keep him. My father likes to think he made the decision all on his own, but I knew what I was going to do the moment I found out. What happened was a stupid mistake, but look at what you got out of it. He's beautiful, and I know that you'll love him as much as I do.
It's very hard for me to write this letter because I'm giving up my baby along with it. But he's your baby too. I hope that you'll somehow find a way to let me know how he's doing from time to time.
Sarah taped his birth and I sent the video to you. Maybe you'll want to see it, and maybe you won't, but either way, you have it now. I sent his birth certificate too. I named him myself (the first name that came to mind) and I think you'll agree that it's the only name he could have had.
He will always be in my thoughts and in my heart. Please keep him safe. I love him.
Kate
As I read the letter, I tried not to cry again. I picked up the birth certificate and looked at the name.
Thomas Harrison Prescott IV
He was born on July 30. He was only three days old.
"Ellie," I finally addressed my girlfriend. I noticed then that Lindsey and Theresa had left the room to give us privacy. "What are we going to do now?" I asked her.
"What do you mean?"
"I have this baby to take care of. He's my son. And I won't let him down the way my dad let me down. My time will be spent taking care of him. I don't want to have to put you second in my mind, but…"
"Thomas, I understand," she said, interrupting me. "Your son should be the most important person to you in the world."
"But what about you?" I asked her.
"I love you. And I love your son. I'll be right here," she said, kissing me.
We stayed like that, our arms wrapped around each other, lips pressed tightly together, and my son in between us. Maybe there really is such a thing as a happy ending.
Remy
"Do you remember our first kiss?" I asked Nate. We spent all of our visiting hours with each other because it was the only time we got since we weren't in the same group therapy.
"How could I forget? I was just thinking about it today actually," he answered, grinning and leaning down to give me a small peck. He was sitting on the couch and I was lying across it with my head in his lap.
"I love you," I suddenly blurted out. My cheeks instantly blushed. It was the first time I'd said it. And I actually meant it. Nate paused for a moment—I think he may have even stopped breathing. I wasn't sure if he loved me back, but I had to say it anyway. It's not something I'm good at holding in.
"I love you too," he finally said. I sat up and kissed him hard, wishing that I could have more. My hands traveled up his shirt and then down to his belt, but I knew it couldn't go any farther, not where we were anyway.
"Are you better?" I asked him, staring into his eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, do you think you're well enough to leave? To check out?" I asked. It had just come to mind. We could leave whenever we wanted, and I was ready. I never had anymore urges to throw anything up, and was actually pretty disgusted at the thought of it. As for eating, it would take time for me to work my way up to a full meal, but I was getting there. And I'd already gained back seven of the fifty-five pounds that I'd lost.
"I don't know, I mean, I guess I am. Are you serious about this?" he asked me.
"Of course I am. But I want to know if you're really ready. You have to be positive that you won't take another pill. Or I won't let you check out," I told him. "We can sign up for the outpatient program. It's the same thing, only we don't have to live here. We can live at Andrew's for the rest of the summer, and then I don't know where after that. But we'd drive up here three times a week for group and individual sessions. What do you think?" I asked him.
"That sounds like a great idea," he replied, kissing me one more time. "But what brought all of this on?"
"I want to be with you," I whispered in his ear. The huge grin that formed on his face let me know that he wanted it too.
"Well, when should we check out?" he asked me.
"How about now?" I suggested.
"Let's go!"
He grabbed my hand and we ran through the hallways to the front desk. No one could have stopped us if they tried.
Jesse
I opened my eyes and couldn't see anything at all. Pure darkness, all around me. Anyone who knew me knew that I didn't like the dark all that much. In fact, aside from my now non-existent family members, only Andrew knew.
Andrew.
Where was Andrew?
I love him.
But he's not here. He should be here with me.
As I thought about Andrew, I started to see a light in the distance. It got closer by the second, and soon was close enough for me to see my surroundings. I was in the desert. I looked down and saw that I was standing on train tracks. The light must be…
I looked up just before the train hit me and felt myself fly backwards. I hit the ground with a thud and looked up in awe as the train drove right over me, the wheels on either side. After it passed, I stayed down for awhile, breathing in deeply, to make sure I was still alive.
But was I? If I was alive, why didn't I feel pain from the train hitting me? Shouldn't my entire body ache?
"Jesse, I love you." I heard the voice. It sounded so far away. It was Andrew. "I meant what I said. I'll kill myself if you die." He sounded so sad. Had he seen the train hit me?
Off to my right, I saw a boy standing with his back to me. I ran toward him, but he kept getting farther away.
"Andrew?" I called out. "Come back Andrew!"
The boy stopped and turned around. It was him. He smiled and walked towards me.
"Did you hear that?" he said. "I think he just said my name!"
"Who just said your name?" I asked. He was very close to me. I reached out my hand…
And something slammed into me from behind. The train. I know I stepped off the tracks, but now my face is pressed into the cold metal of them. What's happening to me?
"Andrew?" I called out softly, groaning. I could feel the pain.
"I'm right here," he said. "Come back Jesse. I'm here."
I pulled myself up to my knees but screamed out in pain and toppled over, flat on my back. My entire body was on fire. My jaw hurt the most. It felt like the train ran over it. I opened my eyes, and a bright light filled them.
"Jesse?" Andrew asked. He was there, standing above me. I looked around and saw that I was in a hospital room.
"Andrew?" Pain shot through my jaw. And I remembered what happened. The car hit our taxi.
"He's awake!" Andrew yelled. He threw his arms around me and hugged me. Then he kissed my forehead and looked into my eyes, tears already spilling out of them. He could tell I was in pain and he kissed me ever so lightly on the lips. "Don't try to talk too much. Your jaw was crushed in the accident, and they had to wait until you woke up to fix it."
I nodded my head to show that I understood.
"How do you feel?" he asked. He handed me a small white board to write on.
Like I was hit by a train, I wrote. I laughed—I had to, considering. But it hurt.
I couldn't write the next thing on the whiteboard. I wanted to say it.
"I love you," I whispered.
"I love you too," I heard him say as the doctor and nurses filed into the room.
Lindsey
Theresa and I decided to give Thomas and Ellie some time with the baby and we went upstairs to her room. We also wanted to finish what we started down on the couch.
Being away from Theresa and all of my other friends for so long made me realized how stupid I had been. I paid for my actions though, and that made me feel better. I still didn't like how things had ended with Thomas and I, but if he really felt that way about us, then I couldn't change his mind.
I thought that when I saw Sarah next, if I saw her at all, that I'd want to be with her again. After all, you can't be convicted for the same thing twice. At least, I don't think so. Double Jeopardy or something like that. But when I saw her, standing there in the doorway, I was surprised that I didn't really feel anything at all. Maybe she was my first love—I know that I was hers—but I'd moved on. I was truly in love with Theresa and was pretty sure I always would be.
Theresa fell asleep a half hour after we finished. She was probably tired from her flight, but I really wasn't. I'd done enough sleeping and moping around. I showered and got dressed, then decided to see the baby. Who knows, maybe Thomas has had time to think and doesn't hate me anymore.
"Hey," I said as I approached Thomas and Ellie on the couch. Thomas was holding his son, who was sleeping peacefully in his arms.
"How'd you get out?" he asked. There was no hate or coldness in his voice. It was completely normal, but I couldn't tell how he really felt about seeing me.
"Parole," I answered.
"I'll give you two some time alone," Ellie said. She reached her arms out for the baby, and Thomas handed him over.
"Don't go too far," he said. Ellie smiled and kissed him.
"I won't," she replied, walking into the kitchen.
"Look, Thomas…" I began. He stood up and walked over to me. "I'm really sorry about what happened. I didn't plan for it to happen like that either," I said. "But I can't take it back. You're probably the best friend I ever had, but if you can't forgive me for that, then our friendship wasn't meant to be." I knew I sounded cheesy, but it was the only thing I could think of.
I thought he was going to punch me in the face—I really did. But when he came at me, he threw his arms around me and hugged me.
"It's good to have you back," he said.
We pulled apart and smiled at each other, both happy that we made up. He ruffled my hair in a brotherly way and laughed.
"So, I heard you're a dad," I said, grinning.
"You gotta come see him!" he said excitedly.
I followed him into the kitchen, knowing full well that nothing would ever get between us again.
Marco
My dad and I had been talking every day for a month. I filled him in on what had been going on in my life. We laughed and cried together, and I always hugged him and told him that I loved him.
I remembered the first conversation we had when I walked into his room…
"Dad?" I called out, my legs shaking and eyes full of tears.
"Marco," he whispered, holding his arms out. I ran right to him and hugged him. I never knew that this was what our first meeting in a year would be like. I thought I'd be mad at him, refuse to talk to him, and leave angry. I thought that he wouldn't want to see me. But I was wrong.
"I love you Dad," I said right away. He looked awful.
"I'm so sorry," he cried into my shoulder. "Marco, I'm sorry. I love you too," he said.
I sat down in the chair next to him and held onto his hand that whole day.
"I have to tell you something, before anything else is said," I told him, swallowing the huge lump in my throat. "Dad, I'm gay." I said. I wanted to tell him. He looked terrible, and I wasn't sure if he would live or not. And I wanted him to know before he died. I wouldn't be able to live wondering what he would have thought of me. I expected him to pull his hand away, to tell me to leave, to yell at me and say that I was wrong. But he didn't.
"I know Marco," he said, completely surprising me. "I've known for a long time."
"Even when you sent me away?" I asked.
"Yes. It was the only place I could find where I knew you'd be safe. Marco, you're my son, and I love you no matter what. I was in a bad place a year ago, and this accident is the only thing that brought me out of it. I hope you realize that I was protecting you when I sent you away," he said, struggling to explain himself.
"I know Dad, I know."
"And Marco, I don't know if I'll live through this, but if I don't, I want you to know that I'll always be with you."
"Always," I replied, letting a few tears fall.
"Don't be sad though," he said, squeezing my hand. "Just know that I'll be with your mother and we'll be watching over you," he told me.
"I know."
He fell asleep shortly after that, and I knew that I couldn't leave him.
That happened a month ago, and now, as I talked to my father, Rory sat right beside me. He'd grown quite close to him, which surprised me as well. They were pretty comfortable around each other.
He looked much better, and the doctor's said that everything looked good. I was told that he'd even be able to go home in a week or two.
"Marco, you need to go get some sleep. Go home," my dad insisted.
"I'm not leaving," I said, as stubborn as ever.
"Maybe he's right," Rory suggested. "We could use sleep in a real bed."
"You've got a smart boyfriend there Marco. He knows what he's talking about." We all laughed.
"Fine," I said, giving in. I knew I'd feel much better in the morning. Sleeping in hospital chairs wasn't very fun.
"Your room is still the way you left it," Dad told me. I hugged and kissed him.
"Goodnight Dad, I love you."
"I love you too son. Goodnight and sweet dreams."
I watched as he hugged Rory and waved as we left the room.
Being back at my house was surreal to me. It looked the same, but it also looked very different. I felt that it wasn't really my home anymore, but at the same time, it always had been. My dad was right, my room was exactly how I'd left it, and I was thankful for the familiar surroundings. It was much warmer and much more comfortable than the room in the hospital. I knew my dad would feel much better once he got back to his own room too.
Rory and I got into bed at eleven o'clock and fell asleep right away. Our arms were wrapped around each other and all I could smell was his cologne. I was grateful for the contact—I hadn't had it in awhile.
My cell phone rang near my head and woke me up. I squinted my eyes and looked at the clock. Two-thirty am. I hadn't expected the phone call at all, and I didn't know what to do once I hung it up. I didn't wake Rory up—I didn't have the heart to—so I just curled up and cried.
It was Dr. Tancretti. He called to tell me that my father passed away in his sleep at two.
A/N: I posted this early because I couldn't wait! It's definitely the longest one I've ever written. 16 and a half pages! This chapter took place on August 2nd. So, I know I said that this will be only twenty chapters. But there will be an epilogue after this, which I've just decided on. It will be in third person though to match the very first chapter of Take Me As I Am. These are the last point of views so say goodbye!
Disclaimer: I do not own Ben & Jerry's, Yahtzee, or Degrassi.