chapter 5: empty streets filled with people
Disclaimer: Don't own.
oSesshou-maru
Footsteps; pacing round the room. Bare feet on a messy floor. Hangers, books, jab into my naked soles, but I say nothing.
She sleeps.
Quivering every now and then. Mumbling every now and then.
She says my name. She says my name in her sleep, and I'm not sure what to make of it at all.
Do I really care for this stray? Even more, does she care for me? I didn't want her to. I wanted to salvage what remained of her innocence, and send her on her way after giving her a meal and a decent start. But all that changed, so much.
No one knowsall that muchabout me here. Not even her. And in turn, she shields herself from me. Maybe it's that we're both running away. Maybe we don't want the other to know.
I don't trust. Trust is for fools.
And maybe, I'm the biggest fool of all.
Sitting down on the bed once more, I sigh. The window dimly alights this room that was once mine. I barely used it anyways... Now it's hers. Ours?
I stretch my fingers, weary from typing. A few hours ago, I found myself awake, beside her. Clothed, mind you. And I had to write. Something in me was possessed, making me turn on the computer and open my file, only a can of beer as company. A vile drink, but addicting.
Finally, my hands were cramped and the clock read 5:00. And I have work tommorow/today, for humanity demands money. And the 'easy life' I could've had was given up. Was destroyed, and only two remain. Myself. And him.
I pull the covers over us, and she leans into me comfortabley. I wrap my arms around her, and hold her to me.
What a fool...
o
Kagura
This morning is so quiet it makes my head hurt. And there's only myself to make conversation, since the bastard slept in. I wish we had a cat or something. But cats cost money, money we don't have. Doesn't matter though. Even if we did have money, what would we do with it? I'm not one for shopping, and neither is Sesshou-maru, as far as I know. And it's not like I need new clothes.
That reminds me... I am never going to sleep in a tube top again. When I woke up, guess where it was? Not where it was supposed to be, that's for sure! Waking up with your boobs pressed into someone like that is a little painful. It's not like we had sex. God, there's something I am not getting into. Has he even had sex? Does he want to have sex with me? Why am I asking!
Well, at least he was asleep when it happenned (nothing happened!). Which is unlike him...
It's unlike me too, what I'm going to do. 'When the going gets tough, the tough get going', what kind of a motto is that! Sometimes, you just have to face things!
Sipping a chipped mug of coffee, my eyes wander to our phone. His phone. I dunno. I reach my hand from where it rested on the counter around to the caller history. He left... he left 5 messages yesterday. The nauseous feeling comes into me again, but I ignore it, snatching up the reciever.
I dial his number into the vastness that is dial tone. And it rings.
No turning back now, no. I'll get through it. I got through Naraku, didn't I? I still haven't healed, but I got through it. I have a future. I escaped.
Because sometimes you can't stand and fight.
"Hello Kagura."
Dammit! I should've had enough sense to make an anonymous call! On the verge of hitting my head on the cupboard, I respond.
"Hitomi."
"I thought we were past our last name familiarities... I was quite sure, in fact."
Biting my lip to keep from cursing, I slam down my coffee cup, lowering my voice.
"Your address."
I can practically hear him smirking. The bastard. His address, his address... he gives it to me, and I quickly write it down on some scrap paper. I stick it in my bra for safe keeping, and open my mouth to end the call.
"Kagura."
Shit!
I glance over to the hallway, wherein Sesshou-maru stands. His hair is messy and tangled, a slight mess. Well well well, he's human after all. It's usually washed and combed before I even get up.
Thank fast, think fast, think fast!
"Thanks Meiko," I say in morning-voice (groggy, uninterested), "I'll be over soon."
"Indeed you will, my Kagura."
I hang up the phone, trying to mask my disgust with Hitomi Kagewaki's words. Then I turn back to Sesshou-maru. He eyes me as I sip my coffee again, yawning afterwards.
He doesn't ask who called. He moves over to the cupboard, takes out some bread, and puts it in the toaster.
"I'm going over to the library," I say, grabbing the peanut-butter, "Meiko found that book I'd been looking for. For my essay."
He ignores me, looking around for a clean butter-knife.
"And I need to go shopping."
"For what?"
Look who decided to use his vocal chords. Let's give him a medal.
"Tampons."
He goes rigid even as the word is said. Oh well. I could've said something worse. Condoms, birth control. I stifle a laugh, imagining his face. I'll use those next time.
"Fine," he mutters, passing me some toast. In turn, I give him coffee. Then, stuffing the piece in my mouth, I head for my room.
10 minutes later, after a change of clothing, grooming, and rifling through my dresser for some money, I find myself at the door, still hesitant. Sesshou-maru finishes his coffee, doing nothing to heal the silence.
"I might be gone a while," I tell him, a little softer than my usual tone, "Don't worry about me."
He puts his cup in the sink and nods to me. "That doesn't mean I won't."
"I know."
Do I?
More uncomfortable silence. Before it was welcome. But this morning... I find myself doubting my lying skills.
Sesshou-maru grabs my jacket from where I left it from the couch. His movements are subtle, yet graceful. The way his hand moves, smoothly, a little flick at the end of each movement.
Maybe angels get bed-head.
I take the jacket, feeling my cheeks grow hot. He helps me put it on, and I curse my clumsy self. God, it's only 8:00! His arms near around me, he leans down, and I feel him kiss the back of my neck, where the hair is pulled up into a short ponytail.
Damn him...
"Make sure you come back," he mutters as he moves away, "You haven't paid your share of the rent yet."
Again, damn him.
The streets are busy, as people race for work, or school, or both, or neither. I fish the scrap out of my bra and squint at my writing. Nearly half-way across this mess called a city. Muck hangs to my jeans as I walk, unpleasant as the sound. A homeless girl sleeps in the slush.
I never once slept in slush. Even if I was dead tired, and had no money, I kept searching. I would not stoop to that. I wouldn't let myself. Kagura the brave wandering warrior queen. Like a gale, untamed and restless. Never stayed in one place for too long before this. Always left before things could fall apart around me.
When the going gets tough...
I reach in my pocket for change. It's not like me to be generous, but maybe I'm someone else this morning. I shake her, and she wakes up. This girl can't be more than fourteen! And yet, I'd bet my heart that she's lost her virginity, by force or money, and that she's no stranger to pot either. I can smell it on her. My nostrils sting as I shove the money into her hand.
"Make something of yourself," is all I can muster in form of a snarl, before walking away.
I bet that girl think no one cares about her. And I bet people do. But maybe I'm wrong.
My thoughs follow me, as I walk. I don't want to pay for the bus. I like walking better.
I hope I'm not gone too long.
Finally, I find myself in front of another apartment. Only these ones are nice. Hitomi lives here. Has he spent all this time tracking me? Has he told my father?
Suddenly, I don't know the answer to anything. Myself, my past. I don't even know what's going on between Sesshou-maru and I. We're not really dating, as I've said before. We're not having sex, we kiss... but...
I don't know. I'm in a void of emptiness. I wonder if this is what Kanna felt like all the time. That's how she looked to me, anyways. Just staring, watching, she learned to cope by not doing anything. By letting herself not feel.
And I don't even know if I wish I could've become like that.
Swallowing fear and dignity alike, I head away from the crowd, and into the building. I find his number, and buzz up.
"Hello, Kagura."
end chapter 5