Chapter 17 A Year Later And Painful Memories

It's been about a year since I died and came back. I got most of my memory back, but still nothing about the pain of being in limbo. I wondered if I'll ever really feel what it felt like. We have hunted a couple of things so far, but Dean and Sam thought it would be a good idea to take it easy for a while. Safe to say I didn't mind that. We were staying in a motel in Georgia. Not the best place in the world, but we've stayed in worse. I also had another chance to hang out with Krassner so that was good. I still think Dean thinks we dated, but I know Sam got that we have always just been friends.Sam and I were sitting in our motel room when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Kira?"

"Krassner. What's up?"

"I need to talk to you. Can you meet me somewhere?"

"Sure. Where?"

"There's a diner a block away from your motel. Can you meet me there in 20 minutes?"

"Sure. I'll be there."

"Ok. See ya then. Bye."

"Bye." I hung up and looked over at Sam who was watching something on Discovery channel. "What?"

"What was that about?"

"It was Krassner. I'm gonna go meet him for a while ok."

"Fine with me. You might wanna call Dean and tell him though."

"Why? It's only a block away." I looked at Sam's face. "Fine I'll call him if it'll make you happy."

"You know it will." Sam smiled at me and I called Dean.

"What's wrong Kira?"

"Um nothing why?"

"Then why did you call?"

"I was going to meet Krassner and Sammy thought it would be a good idea to call and tell you that's all."

"Oh. Where are you meeting him at?" I sware you die one time and it's protect Kira at all cost time.

"A diner a block away."

"Ok. Just be careful ok."

"I will."

"Tell Sam that I'll be back in about an hour will ya?"

"Sure. Bye."

"Later." I hung up again. Sam was in the bathroom so I went to tell him what Dean said.

"Sammy." I said knocking on the door.

"What is it Kira?"

"Dean asked me to tell you that he'll be back in an hour ok."

"Ok."

"I'm going now. I'll be back in a little while."

"Bye." I walked to the diner and Krassner was already there.

"What's up Andy?" I said as I waved to him.

"You know I hate that."

"I know. That's why I say it." I said with a huge smile. "So what is up?"

"Nothing important. Just wanted to hang out a bit."

"Oookaayy."

"What? I can't hang out with my friend?"

"Well no. It's just on the phone it sounded importand that's all." I looked over at him and smiled.

"What?"

"You know we're going bowling right?"

"I should of guessed." He said rolling his eyes. We went to the bowling alley and were there for about two hours just having fun. Then my head started to hurt so I asked him if he wanted to leave. "Sure. I'll give you a ride ok." I nodded. I felt so lightheaded and in the parking lot I fell over. "Kira are you ok?" I shook my head no.

"Something's wrong." The pain was incredable. It was all over. Then there was the visions I was getting. The sight were horrible. The pain, the fear, the sadness of people I never met before. It was too much. I knew I couldn't handle it. 'Wait! Is this what dad ment? Is this the limbo pain?' I thought as I layed, curled up in a ball in the parking lot. Krassner didn't know what to do so he did what he thought was right. Yes he called my brothers.

Krassner's POV (Yes he gets a point of view too.)

I didn't know what was wrong with her, so I did the only thing I could think of. I called her brothers.

"Hello."

"Dean?"

"Yeah and this is?"

"It's Krassner. Kira's friend."

"Ok. I thought she was meeting you or something?"

"She did listen something happened."

"What?"

'Ok dude, you didn't have to scream in my ear!' "I don't know. She just collapsed in the parking lot."

"Where are you?"

"The Idol Hours bowling alley."

"Ok. We'll be right there and Krassner."

"Yeah?"

"Don't call an ambulance."

"Ok." I hung up and wondered why he didn't want me to call for help. It didn't matter. I went back and tried to talk to Kira. I got her to my car before I called Dean. I had nothing to do but wait. I kept a close eye on her and it just looked like she was sleeping. I could tell she was in a great deal of pain just by the way she kept moving around and moaning. She was sweating so bad and I could see tears rolling down her cheeks. I just sat next to her and hoped her brothers would get here soon.

Dean's POV

"Sam come on we have to go." I said as I headed for the door.

"What happened?"

"Kira happened."

"What?"

"I don't know. That Krassner guy called and said she just dropped in the parking lot." I was scared and I could tell Sam was too.

"What if this is it Dean?" Sam asked me as we got into the car.

"What?" I had no idea what he was talking about at first and then it hit me. "Wait. You don' think." I looked over at him and he nodded. "Maybe. We'll just see how she is first before we jump to anything."

"Ok. If this is that limbo pain thing she talked about, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know Sam. I just don't know." We made it to the bowling alley in record time. 'Maybe I should try out for nascar.'

We saw Krassner waving us down and I parked next to him. We both got out and ran to our baby sister. She looked bad.

Kira's POV

It hurt. What ever this was it hurt bad. I knew what is was and it made me sick. I heard people talking and I knew it was Krassner and my brothers. I knew it was Sam that bent down and started talking to me.

"Kira. Can you hear me?" I nodded at his voice.

"It hurt's Sammy! It's too much! I can't."

"We're going to help you through this ok. Don't worry. Everything will be fine I promise." Dean said as he picked me up. He placed me in the back of the Impala and he got in with me. I was laying with my head on his lap and Sam was driving. "Your going to be ok."

"Dad." I whispered through tears.

"What about dad?"

"He feels this. He feels it all the time because of me." I was angry at myself and my father. How could he do that knowing what it would mean for him. Eternity of this kind of pain. Man that sucks.

"Why do you think it's because of you baby girl?" Dean asked very calmly.

"He brought me back. If he never did than..." I was cut off by Dean, I think he likes doing that.

"Don't think that. He did what he did to help you. He did it because he loves you so do not blame yourself." I couldn't help it. I knew that dad was suffering and it was my fault, no matter how much Dean didn't want to believe it. I just nodded to make him feel better.

"It's too much Dean! All of it. I can feel all of it!" He looked up at Sam and then back at me.

"Feel all of what Kira?"

"The pain, the sadness, the anger, the guilt. All emotion and it's too much! I can't handle this Dean, I just can't." I said squeezing his hand. He squeezed back.

"You can Kira. You have to. We can't loose you again! We can't go through that again! Not after getting you back! You can beat this I know you can." I looked up at him and he had tears rolling down his face. I smiled at him and then the pain just got too bad. I was screaming and jerking around. It wasn't my fault. It was like I was being electracuted and it didn't feel pretty. Dean held me as still as he could.

Dean's POV

She looked up at me and smiled. That smile made me believe that everything was going to be ok. Then everything went from bad to worse. She started screaming and jerking around. I tried to hold her as still as I could, but in this condition she was strong.

"Sam how long till we get to the motel!" I yelled at Sam.

"A couple more minutes. What the hell happened?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to do." And I didn't. Luckly she stopped as we pulled into the motel parking lot. I carried her to our room and Sam followed. I placed her on her bed and watched her. She was breathing hard and shaking. I looked over at Sam. (You know she's right. We do do that alot don't we? Sam want my six pack I know it! He wants all the Deany goodness!) He looked as clueless as I did.

"So what now?" Sam asked me as he sat next to Kira. I shrugged and sat on the other side of her. We sat there and just watched her. Her face was so pale. I went and got a cold cloth to wipe her face with. As I touched her head her eyes shot open.

Kira's POV

I felt something touch my head and I opened my eyes. I was looking straight at Dean. "Stop! Stop it please!"

"Kira I.."

"No. You have to stop! I can't take it! Just stop!"

"Stop what?" Sam asked. I didn't even see him there. Might be because my eye sight was a little blurry. I pushed Dean out of the way and sat in the corner. I pulled my knees up to my chin and put my head down.

"Stop worrying!" I mumbled knowing they heard me.

"What?" Dean asked as he kneeled in front of me.

"You have to stop worrying. It hurts." I said looking up at him. Sam sat next to him.

"I don't know what you mean." Sam told me.

"I can feel it. When you worry and it hurts so stop." I said that alot calmer that I thought I would. They looked at each other. (See! See! Oh Sam want's a little Dean action!)

"We'll try ok." Dean said.

"Is there anything else we can do?" Sam asked. I looked up at him.

"The journal."

"What about it?" Dean asked.

"Page 57." Sam got up and got dad's journal. He turned to the page I told him and he looked back at Dean.

"What?" He handed the journal to Dean and then they both looked at me. "You sure about this?"

"Dad said it'll be ok. To just trust him and everything will be fine."

"Well I trust him." Dean said looking at Sam. Sam nodded in agreement and looked at me. I smiled and they helped me up.

"We have to hurry though." We got in the car with Dean driving and Sam in the back with me. We had to go back home, back to Kansas, back to our fathers grave. Dean is a speed demon behind the wheel and we got there in no time. Dean ran to our dad's grave and Sam helped me walk there. I looked down at MY grave and that was a little weird.

"Look I'm visiting myself." I said with a smile. Both my brother's looked at me and my smile was spreading.

"So how are we supposed to do this?" Sam asked looking at me.

"Well from what dad told me, this is the only way to stop this." I said looking up at him. (It's been a while FIVE FOOT THREE!)

"Ok, so we have to dig him up and take his skull?" Dean asked me.

"I guess. As much as I don't wa..." I grabbed my head and fell to the ground. The pain was getting worse by the hour. Sam bent down next to me and Dean just started digging. I knew he didn't want to, hell I didn't want to, but there was no other choice. Sam placed my head on his lap and I started jerking again, worse than before. I was screaming so loud that Sam had to cover my mouth. I looked at him and our eyes met. It looked like he was in as much pain as me. I could see the tears in his eyes and I felt so bad putting them through this. He lifted his hand off my mouth once I stopped jerking around. "If I had just stayed..."

"Don't you dare finish that sentance." Sam said looking at me.

"It's true Sammy. If I just stayed dead, this never would have to happen."

"Don't think that. Don't ever say that again you hear me." Sam was mad. I felt bad. I hated making Sam of all people mad, but it was true.

"I'm sorry Sammy. I didn't mean to make you mad, it's just look what you have to do because of me, AGAIN."

"It doesn't matter what we have to do." Dean said joining us, "We'll do anything for you." I nodded and smiled at them. "I got the skull. Now what?"

"Well we have to place her on well her grave and then read this spell." Sam said.

"Oh joy! Why do I always get to have all the fun?" I said sarcastically.

"Well this time we get to join in the fun." Dean said as he read the journal.

"What?" I asked.

"It turns out that in order for this to work, Sam and I have to join right in."

"And do what exactly?"

"Not sure. Doesn't really matter so come on and let's get this over with." Sam helped me to my grave. (Ha that still sound weird!) He stood on my left and Dean took the right. Sam began the chanting crap and I didn't understand a word he said. (Don't give me that look! The chanting in different languages and researching is Sammy's deal, driving fast and picking locks is Dean's and getting hurt and making my brothers worry is my full time job. Not really I do do stuff that benifits all of us, I'm just not going to get into that now ok.) We were all surrounded by a faint blue light and it was calming. I looked up at Sam and Dean and they looked like they were in a trance. I could feel coldness running through my body and the pain leaving. That was the last thing I remember of that night.