Chapter Seventeen

Dean slowly became aware of noises in the room, low whispering. His brothers voice, a female, Nicki? A hand in his hair, smoothing back the wisps from his face, caressing his cheek, brushing his lips.

Wait.

That better not the hell be Sam.

Cracking an eye open Dean looked up into Grace's kind eyes, she blushed slightly , smiled at him, then ran her hand across his forehead until he drifted back off to sleep, a peaceful sleep only given to those in the comfort of a mother. Or in Dean's case, a woman who had enough love to share with the motherless of the world.

Sam watched from his place at the table across from Dean's bed. He longed for that touch, longed for the love of each thumb stroke, each given look, each loving ,concerned, soothing word.

A mother.

Sam longed for his mothers touch. It always amazed him how he could miss her even though he never knew her.

How much did that mean Dean missed her? Sam's heart ached enough for the both of them.

He'd almost lost Dean.

Again.

His brother had more lives than a cat.

They had all come back when Doc Jones had finished. He'd given strict instructions for Dean's care, antibiotics, don't get the leg wound wet, plenty of sleep and lots of fussing. Sam had smiled at the last one, Grace seemed to summersault visibly at the thought of looking after him, even if it was only for a short while, she'd tried to talk Sam out of leaving the next day, had talked him into leaving the day after but he stubbornly refused to stay any longer. Dean had been barely awake when they had returned but he'd caught the look in Grace's eyes and had carefully turned his head toward her.

"Grace?"

"Yes Honey?"

"Promise me something, please?"

Puppy dog eyes , Sam watched with amusement as Grace sunk into Dean's expression.

"Anything honey"

"Promise me, you'll give me a sponge bath when I'm more awake"

If he'd looked less like death warmed up Grace would have smacked him upside his head. She settled for pinching his unbruised cheek and ruffling his hair.

"Maybe handsome, maybe"

"If not a sponge bath, I could at least use a good stiff drink"

"What you need hon is more sleep"

Grace leaned forward and kissed Dean's forehead, gently rubbing his chest until his eyes grew heavy again and he sunk back into the warmth of sleep, throwing a wink at Sam, she escorted the Doc out to his car.

"He's quite something isn't he?"

Sam smiled at Nicki as she tried to rub the impending sleep from her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah he is"

"He said nice things about you"

"Really?"

"Yeah, apparently you're a pretty good brother to have"

Sam blushed slightly and sat on Dean's bed, keeping a hand on his shoulder he turned toward Nicki.

"You did really well out there"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, most people would have run a mile, but you stood and fought, that takes courage"

"I don't feel courageous"

Sam watched the young woman as she hung her head and avoided his eyes. She began to fiddle with a lose part of her jeans. This was one girl not used to showing weakness. He admired her strength but her vulnerability shone through like a lighthouse at midnight.

"Nicki? You did well, you helped save my brother, hell, you helped save me"

"I guess you boys did need some help"

"Yeah, guess we did"

"Dean said your Mum died when you were little"

"I was only a baby, Dean was four"

"How'd she die?"

Nicki kept her head down but her heart ached to know. Since her own mother had died she'd felt a need to feel close, to know the stories of others who had to live with similar losses. She couldn't explain it, except to say that the kinship helped ease her loneliness. She wasn't the only one bereft of a parent, the only one in pain. The need to know, the finality of knowing someone else's nightmare, helped her to feel her own pain. Her mind was threatening to bury the ache deep inside her soul but she knew the moment that happened, the moment she ceased to feel the loss, she'd cease to feel at all.

Numb.

Something Nicki never wanted to be. She'd watched it happen to her father, he had closed down, shut off and tried to carry on as normal, carry on for Nicki and Connor but at the expense of his own grief, his own tears. Held so close but never set free.

Nicki wanted to set her tears free, but not for her own pain. That seemed selfish to waste them on an emotion she couldn't seem to share.

She needed to feed her grief through the emptiness of others. A sad story overheard, a movie with an ending so befitting of a tragedy, a song so full of lost hope, so devoid of faith. Through those things she could cry.

But never for herself, no, never for her own hurt.

Sam debated whether to tell this young woman the truth. After all she'd been through, it didn't seem fair to lay this new horror at her feet. But he couldn't lie to her either.

"She died in a fire, set by something unnatural."

"A ghost"

"Sort of"

"I'm so sorry"

"Thanks, I'm sorry to, about your Mum"

"It was my fault, I was driving"

"That doesn't make it your fault. I know what you're feeling, but trust me, you loved her, if there was something you could have done to save her then you would have, right?"

"I left her in the car, she was alive" Nicki spoke in barely a whisper. She didn't understand why she was opening up to Sam, but something in him seemed so familiar.

"If you could have gotten her out, would you of?"

"What?"

"Would you have saved her if you could reach her?"

"Of course I would" Nicki's voice had taken on a determined tone.

Sam smiled.

"Then it's not your fault. You just said it yourself, if you could have saved her you would have"

"How would you know?"

"My girlfriend, she, er, she died. I blamed myself for so long, but I couldn't reach her, I couldn't get to her, if I could have she'd be alive now"

Nicki smiled through her tears at Sam. Now she knew why he felt so familiar, they both carried around guilt for things they had no control over. They both carried a burden of grief that dared to slow them down should they pause to take a break.

"Guess there's something's you can't control"

"True"

"Although your brother insisted on taunting those vampires"

Sam smiled down fondly at his sleeping sibling.

"Well, yeah, he has that need to piss off the thing that he should be most scared of"

"He was so brave"

"Brave and stupid no doubt"

"You said he almost died"

"Yeah, almost" Too many times thought Sam.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know i know i'm repeating myself yet again, but honestly, each and every one of your reviews means so much so thank you for sticking with this

Theres still a way to go so keep those encouraging words coming! Love you all x