Title: The Lies One Tells to Make it Through the Day
Rating: R
Author: Azure K Mello
Part: (2/?)
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob. Thank you.
Part: 1/?
Summery: Spike cast a spell on Angel to distract him while he and Dru have some fun in Sunnyhell. The spell has made Angel fall head over heels for Xander. The problem is that to break the spell Xander must sleep with Angel. If the spell is not broken it will cause Angel to rape him.
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH
Spoilers/setting: High school
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Screwing up the courage Xander knocked at Angel's door and it opened with said cherub standing in the shadow.
"Xander," said the vampire his burned with happiness, "you're not here to kill me are you?" concern was etched on his face but there was also a spark of humor playing on his mouth.
"No, I have no intentions of killing you."
"Do you want to come in? Should I come out?"
"It's daylight, Angel."
"Oh, right. . . I guess I'm just a little confused seeing you here. It's good to see you here. . . why are you here?" he asked looking uncomfortable.
"I'd like to come in, thank you," said Xander pretending that that had been the last posed question.
"Good," said Angel giving a resolute nod. "Can I get you anything?" he asked as Xander stepped inside, "Coffee, orange juice, coke?"
"A glass of orange juice would be nice, actually." Xander was slightly shocked to be having a civil conversation with Angel. He sat at the man's kitchen table and studied the vampire while he went to the mundane task of pouring the young man a glass of juice. Angel placed the glass down in front of the boy and just stood there. "Sit with me?" asked Xander softly. "I came to talk to you about this spell."
"It isn't a spell! Would you stop saying that? It cheapens everything I feel for you!"
"Just for a moment, be quiet. And then you can say *whatever* you want. Ok?" Angel nodded in response. "Giles found a cure for the spell. We would. . . well we would have to sleep together."
"Oh. And you don't want to do that because you hate me?"
"That's not even a part of the reason."
"I'm a guy, I'm too old for you, you don't love me, everyone says I'm in love with. . . Muffy is it?"
"Buffy," supplied Xander. "But that's not it. What really bothers me is that this is rape."
Horror swept over Angel's face, "I would *never* do *anything* to hurt you. EVER."
"That's not what I meant." Said Xander softly looking the man in the eye and then looking down again. "Just say that it's all true, ok? This is a spell and it will be broken come the morning. How are you going to feel then? You're in love with Buffy, and you've just been duped into sleeping with me. Do you honestly think that if you weren't under the spell you would love me?"
For long minutes Angel sat thinking. "Just say it's all true," he said finally, "Why do you care? If you hate me you would still get rid of me when I don't want you anymore. Where's your problem?"
"You will have been hurt. This is the mystical equivalent of slipping Roofies into your date's drink."
"Alright, but why do you care? Everyone keeps telling me we loathe each other so what upsets you about bruising my spirit a little? Come on, Xander, prove everyone right. Say whatever the hell it is that you're not saying, *don't spare my feelings*. This is all about Buffy right? You had a crush on her and hate me for it, is that it?" the whole statement was seeped in sarcasm. His tone was harsh and cold, he felt hurt by this game that Xander was playing. One minute the boy was kind and the next cruel, he never knew where he stood and was sick of it. For his part Xander stood mute. The boy felt the back of his mouth go dry as he tried to hold back tears that so badly wanted to fall. As if reading his thoughts Angel said, "I can smell your tears, boy, cry if you want. It's no skin off my nose."
Finally Xander looked up again, tears falling freely down his face. "Fine. I know that you know. You've probably known all along, Mr. Insightful dead guy. So you want to play it this way? Well fine. If you want me to say it out loud I will, because it's not as though it's news right?" Angel just stared at him looking confused. Xander was pretty sure the look was fake, he couldn't believe that Angel didn't know the score. "Ever since the moment I met you I wanted you. And then Buffy shows up and says, 'hey meet my boyfriend,' so what was I supposed to do? So I shut up and acted like a petulant child because it's a good enough cover. It's against the rules to steal your best friend's boyfriend. And anyway, how am I supposed to compete with the slayer for you? So I gave up and let you two be happy. And then your idiot son casts the most wonderful spell ever. You say all of these *great* things to me. It's a fucking dream come true, only it's not: it's just some perverse replica because none of it is real. And when you wake up in the morning you're not just going to not want me: you're going to hate me." He got up to leave and, as he never made eye contact, he didn't realize that Angel was crying to.
Glancing out the window Angel said softly, "Xan, the sun set."
"I have a stake and a aerosol bottle of holy water."
"I could walk you," offered the vampire hopefully.
"Angel," said Xander beseechingly, hoping the vampire would understand the immense shame and ignominy he was feeling and respect his need to be alone.
Angel nodded silently and walked Xander to the door. Just before the boy left the vampire grabbed him and turned him around to kiss him full on the lips. He tangled his fingers in the boy's dark curls. "I love you," he said as they broke apart.
"I love you too," said Xander through bitter tears.
"Would you call me when you get home? Just to let me know you got there safely."
"I'm staying at Willow's I'll call you from there."
"Willows? Why?"
"My dad kicked me out of the house."
"Why?" Angel asked again. When the boy wouldn't meet his eye he continued, "Oh fuck, Xander, I'm sorry."
"Had to happen sooner or later. I'll call you." He said and with that he was gone.
Bumbling down the street Xander prayed that he wouldn't meet a vampire. He was in no fit state to slay anything but a pillow. As if reading his mind Spike suddenly was walking at his side matching his pace and stride. "And how is Big, murky, and gloomy?" he said with his typical smirk.
"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you?" said Xander. He wondered if he sounded as tired as he felt.
"Well for one thing, ye sure did look like you were enjoying his presence." A sudden boost of power flooded through Xander as he threw Spike up against a wall. "I must admit," continued the vampire, his concentration intact, "I thought it was gonna be the sweet slayer. But I guess things aren't always as they seem to be."
"What the fuck are you talking about, Deadboy?" asked Xander hotly.
"What, you mean watcher-man with all his books couldn't figure it out?" Said Spike with another sneer. His smile vanished as Xander held a stake to his chest. "The spell didn't change the direction of Angel's heart. All it did was make him more open about his, "true love," I thought he was going to be throwing himself at that little blonde bint. But I guess my sire never was into the fairer sex that much."
"Are you kidding?" asked Xander with a cold laugh.
"On my honor as a Master Vampire, I swear to you, it's all the truth. Would you now kindly let me go? Only, I think I'm getting a splinter."
Xander let the young the young vampire slide down the wall. Turning his back he walked away, heading towards Willow's, without saying a word. Thoughts slid around his head like oil. He barely registered his arrival at the house. In fact he couldn't exactly figure out where he was as he sank down on his cot in Will's bedroom. It was only when the witch walked in that he realized that he had arrived.
"Why is life so hard?" he asked looking up at her when she jolted him from his reverie.
"Did you," she started but then decided that from the look of pain on Xander's face he *had* tried to cure Angel, "It didn't work?"
"I don't know, we didn't do *that* yet." He could feel himself blushing. "All of this is so fucked up."
Willow looked slightly shocked at his French but she nodded. "We all know you're trying your best."
"Buffy doesn't," he said bitterly.
Rating: R
Author: Azure K Mello
Part: (2/?)
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob. Thank you.
Part: 1/?
Summery: Spike cast a spell on Angel to distract him while he and Dru have some fun in Sunnyhell. The spell has made Angel fall head over heels for Xander. The problem is that to break the spell Xander must sleep with Angel. If the spell is not broken it will cause Angel to rape him.
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH
Spoilers/setting: High school
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Screwing up the courage Xander knocked at Angel's door and it opened with said cherub standing in the shadow.
"Xander," said the vampire his burned with happiness, "you're not here to kill me are you?" concern was etched on his face but there was also a spark of humor playing on his mouth.
"No, I have no intentions of killing you."
"Do you want to come in? Should I come out?"
"It's daylight, Angel."
"Oh, right. . . I guess I'm just a little confused seeing you here. It's good to see you here. . . why are you here?" he asked looking uncomfortable.
"I'd like to come in, thank you," said Xander pretending that that had been the last posed question.
"Good," said Angel giving a resolute nod. "Can I get you anything?" he asked as Xander stepped inside, "Coffee, orange juice, coke?"
"A glass of orange juice would be nice, actually." Xander was slightly shocked to be having a civil conversation with Angel. He sat at the man's kitchen table and studied the vampire while he went to the mundane task of pouring the young man a glass of juice. Angel placed the glass down in front of the boy and just stood there. "Sit with me?" asked Xander softly. "I came to talk to you about this spell."
"It isn't a spell! Would you stop saying that? It cheapens everything I feel for you!"
"Just for a moment, be quiet. And then you can say *whatever* you want. Ok?" Angel nodded in response. "Giles found a cure for the spell. We would. . . well we would have to sleep together."
"Oh. And you don't want to do that because you hate me?"
"That's not even a part of the reason."
"I'm a guy, I'm too old for you, you don't love me, everyone says I'm in love with. . . Muffy is it?"
"Buffy," supplied Xander. "But that's not it. What really bothers me is that this is rape."
Horror swept over Angel's face, "I would *never* do *anything* to hurt you. EVER."
"That's not what I meant." Said Xander softly looking the man in the eye and then looking down again. "Just say that it's all true, ok? This is a spell and it will be broken come the morning. How are you going to feel then? You're in love with Buffy, and you've just been duped into sleeping with me. Do you honestly think that if you weren't under the spell you would love me?"
For long minutes Angel sat thinking. "Just say it's all true," he said finally, "Why do you care? If you hate me you would still get rid of me when I don't want you anymore. Where's your problem?"
"You will have been hurt. This is the mystical equivalent of slipping Roofies into your date's drink."
"Alright, but why do you care? Everyone keeps telling me we loathe each other so what upsets you about bruising my spirit a little? Come on, Xander, prove everyone right. Say whatever the hell it is that you're not saying, *don't spare my feelings*. This is all about Buffy right? You had a crush on her and hate me for it, is that it?" the whole statement was seeped in sarcasm. His tone was harsh and cold, he felt hurt by this game that Xander was playing. One minute the boy was kind and the next cruel, he never knew where he stood and was sick of it. For his part Xander stood mute. The boy felt the back of his mouth go dry as he tried to hold back tears that so badly wanted to fall. As if reading his thoughts Angel said, "I can smell your tears, boy, cry if you want. It's no skin off my nose."
Finally Xander looked up again, tears falling freely down his face. "Fine. I know that you know. You've probably known all along, Mr. Insightful dead guy. So you want to play it this way? Well fine. If you want me to say it out loud I will, because it's not as though it's news right?" Angel just stared at him looking confused. Xander was pretty sure the look was fake, he couldn't believe that Angel didn't know the score. "Ever since the moment I met you I wanted you. And then Buffy shows up and says, 'hey meet my boyfriend,' so what was I supposed to do? So I shut up and acted like a petulant child because it's a good enough cover. It's against the rules to steal your best friend's boyfriend. And anyway, how am I supposed to compete with the slayer for you? So I gave up and let you two be happy. And then your idiot son casts the most wonderful spell ever. You say all of these *great* things to me. It's a fucking dream come true, only it's not: it's just some perverse replica because none of it is real. And when you wake up in the morning you're not just going to not want me: you're going to hate me." He got up to leave and, as he never made eye contact, he didn't realize that Angel was crying to.
Glancing out the window Angel said softly, "Xan, the sun set."
"I have a stake and a aerosol bottle of holy water."
"I could walk you," offered the vampire hopefully.
"Angel," said Xander beseechingly, hoping the vampire would understand the immense shame and ignominy he was feeling and respect his need to be alone.
Angel nodded silently and walked Xander to the door. Just before the boy left the vampire grabbed him and turned him around to kiss him full on the lips. He tangled his fingers in the boy's dark curls. "I love you," he said as they broke apart.
"I love you too," said Xander through bitter tears.
"Would you call me when you get home? Just to let me know you got there safely."
"I'm staying at Willow's I'll call you from there."
"Willows? Why?"
"My dad kicked me out of the house."
"Why?" Angel asked again. When the boy wouldn't meet his eye he continued, "Oh fuck, Xander, I'm sorry."
"Had to happen sooner or later. I'll call you." He said and with that he was gone.
Bumbling down the street Xander prayed that he wouldn't meet a vampire. He was in no fit state to slay anything but a pillow. As if reading his mind Spike suddenly was walking at his side matching his pace and stride. "And how is Big, murky, and gloomy?" he said with his typical smirk.
"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you?" said Xander. He wondered if he sounded as tired as he felt.
"Well for one thing, ye sure did look like you were enjoying his presence." A sudden boost of power flooded through Xander as he threw Spike up against a wall. "I must admit," continued the vampire, his concentration intact, "I thought it was gonna be the sweet slayer. But I guess things aren't always as they seem to be."
"What the fuck are you talking about, Deadboy?" asked Xander hotly.
"What, you mean watcher-man with all his books couldn't figure it out?" Said Spike with another sneer. His smile vanished as Xander held a stake to his chest. "The spell didn't change the direction of Angel's heart. All it did was make him more open about his, "true love," I thought he was going to be throwing himself at that little blonde bint. But I guess my sire never was into the fairer sex that much."
"Are you kidding?" asked Xander with a cold laugh.
"On my honor as a Master Vampire, I swear to you, it's all the truth. Would you now kindly let me go? Only, I think I'm getting a splinter."
Xander let the young the young vampire slide down the wall. Turning his back he walked away, heading towards Willow's, without saying a word. Thoughts slid around his head like oil. He barely registered his arrival at the house. In fact he couldn't exactly figure out where he was as he sank down on his cot in Will's bedroom. It was only when the witch walked in that he realized that he had arrived.
"Why is life so hard?" he asked looking up at her when she jolted him from his reverie.
"Did you," she started but then decided that from the look of pain on Xander's face he *had* tried to cure Angel, "It didn't work?"
"I don't know, we didn't do *that* yet." He could feel himself blushing. "All of this is so fucked up."
Willow looked slightly shocked at his French but she nodded. "We all know you're trying your best."
"Buffy doesn't," he said bitterly.