Insanity rise: Hello, I have finally decided to continue on this story because I absolutely adore writing humor stories, they are sooooo fun! Anyway, this has got to be my favorite chapter and I don't know about readers but I find it purely hilarious! Today is Friday, two days before school starts and this is officially my writing day! I am going to get as much as possible down today if it kills me! Meaning I will hopefully finish that Kisame Sakura story, my Sannin song fic, and I pray my Daycare Sannin story, I have a ton of work to do! I wrote this chapter while sitting at my actual computer(not Annie's laptop as usual) and listening to my mom's Natalie Grant cd, gosh that stuff really puts you in a nice calm mood, good for happy writing, but I think i'll die if I don't get my "Within Temptation" cd soon! I need money! oh well...back to work!I hope you like this chapter and to all people who are going to flame me, I realize Kabuto is EXTREMELY out of character, and I am very sorry for that, but I find this too funny to get rid of! And sorry to Sasuke fan girls in this chapter, I have nothing personal against you! Oh and if anyone has any ideas or anything that could help my stories please let me know! Thanks a bunch! Please read and review or I will end my dancing mushrooms after you! I mean it!
Chapter 5
Orochimaru's deadly lair…or just messy…
"What did you do that for," Kabuto asked angrily as Kimimaru leaned against the wall and released his grasp on his shirt sleeve, "there are biscuits in there!"
"Kabuto," Kimimaru said sternly, at first he wanted to yell in the boy's face that his biscuits sucked, but he had second thoughts, "I just don't…oh…cheese."
"CHEESE!" Kabuto screamed suddenly, "I LIKE CHEESE, CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE!"
"SHUT UP!" Kimimaru barked, barely able to hear his own thoughts as Kabuto continued cheering. He sighed and stood up, walking down the hallway as quickly as he could as to escape. Kabuto didn't seem to realize his leaving, falling on the floor twitching and calling out the names of various dairy products. He also didn't notice when Zaku walked up to him carrying an old rope. Zaku gave him a concerned look, wondering what had driven him into his dairy based fit.
"Kabuto," he barked, "there is not any cheese in here!"
"CHEESE," Kabuto cried, sitting up, "oh…hi Zaku…"
"Yeah Hi," Zaku grumbled angrily, "did you get the flashlight or not?"
"B24," Kabuto said quietly as though in a daze, "I got Bingo…"
"KABUTO!" Zaku snarled, smacking Kabuto upside the head as to send him back to reality, "PAY ATTETNTION!"
"BINGO!" Kabuto screamed, suddenly looking up at Zaku, "oh…hi Zaku…what are you doing at senior night?"
"This is Orochimaru's house you moron," Zaku grumbled with annoyance, "did you get the flashlight or not?"
"Flashlight," Kabuto shrugged, "how should I know, I was making biscuits with Kimimaru."
"What," Zaku slammed his foot down so hard it made Kabuto jump, "YOU MEAN YOU'VE BEEN DESTROYING THE KITCHEN WHILE WORKED MY BUTT OFF TO GET THIS STUPID ROPE?"
"Is that a trick question," Kabuto squeaked, "I don't do well with trick questions…N14"
"Come on Bingo boy," Zaku snapped, taking Kabuto shirt sleeve and hoisting him to his feet, "we've got to go find a flashlight so we can laugh manically."
"031," Kabuto chuckled, "I got Bingo again suckas!"
With another groan, Zaku rushed down the hallway with Kabuto stumbled stupidly behind, calling out continuous bingo numbers and mumbling on and on about senior night (whatever that was supposed to mean). They hurried down the hallway until Zaku suddenly stopped; standing before a door they had all seen in their worst night mares. This was the opening to Orochimaru's room, a place where ninja were killed, tortured, and never came out from. And this was the only place Zaku could think of to look for a flashlight. Kabuto gave him a funny look as they stepped up to the large wooden door, obviously getting some of his wits back. Zaku took a deep breath, feeling a sudden chill of fear, and took the doorknob in his hand, only to hear Kabuto cry out.
"BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO BINGO!" Kabuto screamed before being silenced by another smack, Zaku held his hand over the demented boy's mouth, turning his cries to mumbles.
"Be quiet," Zaku hissed, "if we get caught in here we'll never come out!"
"But what about Orochimaru," Kabuto mumbled, "won't he catch us?"
"Not if we're quick," Zaku snapped, "now come on and be quiet or I'll tie you up in his closet instead of Kin!"
"K," Kabuto shrugged as Zaku opened the door.
Both nin gasped, barely able to take in the horrendous sight before them. Kabuto felt his knees shake as they entered the cluttered room, gulping down a lump In his throat. It was very obvious to them that Orochimaru never so much as even thought to tidy his room. Huge piles of junk reached the ceiling all around them, causing the room to smell of…fish tacos? If this was what Orochimaru's room looked like then his closet had definitely been an excellent choice for hiding Kin. Zaku groaned when he realized how dark it was inside the room, hoping they would find a flashlight quickly, He decided splitting up would be their best bet on finding what they were searching for quickly.
"Kabuto," he instructed in a whisper as though secrecy was required, "you go over there and I'll check over here."
"Roger," Kabuto nodded, heading in the direction Zaku had pointed in.
"I don't know anyone named Roger," Zaku sneered before turning around and sifting through a huge mass of clutter. Silence followed as both ninja searched about. Kabuto looked through a mess of paperwork, chuckling when he found a "forgotten" photo of last years Christmas party, where a certain Abumi had ended up in a dress. Smirking, he slipped the embarrassing photo in his pocket for safe keeping and possible black mail that might become very useful. Then he went to Orochimaru small dresser beside his bed, yanking on one of the drawers to find it stuck. With an agitated groan, he tugged at the handle, falling back as it flew open. Straightening his glasses, he prepared to look inside at the mess of contents, a confused look coming over his face.
"Hey Zaku," Zaku jumped when he heard Kabuto's voice, the silence breaking as he fell forward with a crash.
"What do you want," he barked, jumping up and rubbing his head painfully, "you startled me."
"Check this out," Kabuto said gleefully, causing Zaku to give him a horrified look.
"What on earth is that thing," Zaku asked shakily, pointing at the treacherous item Kabuto held in his hand.
"It's a Barbie doll!" Kabuto announced with glee, "oh I used to have such good times with these things when I was a little tike I remember one time when…what?"
He stared at Zaku who was trembling as though he'd just saw a ghost. Zaku gulped, having never seen something so terrifying. That fake hair, those always staring eyes, and that smile that never moved, like the tiny monster was planning on murder or something worse…it practically horrified him. And to think Kabuto was now hugging it lovingly.
"Gosh this thing is so pretty,' Kabuto smiled, then a confused look came over his face," but why is this in Orochimaru's room, Barbies are for innocent children…which I don't consider Orochimaru…"
"What a freak," Zaku choked, "let's burn the thing why don't we?"
"No," Kabuto ran to the plastic's defense, "she's too beautiful for that!"
"Whatever," Zaku shrugged, just get back to work."
"K," Kabuto nodded, sifting back through the door and grinning when he found something of interest.
"Look Zaku," Kabuto beamed, holding a Barbie and a Ken in his hands, "their making out!"
"STOP THAT!" Zaku screamed with rage, "that's sick!"
"Fine," Kabuto sighed, turning back to the drawer once more, that was when he found something even more exciting.
"OH MY GOSH!" He squealed like a Sasuke fan girl (they are creepy folks…very…), holding up another item for Zaku to see, "this is awesome."
"Kabuto," Zaku twitched with fear staring at the doll in Kabuto's hand, "what is that?"
"See," Kabuto held it up, "she looks just like me, see her glasses, her silver hair, and her shirt that says "Kabuto," she's like my own personal fan girl!"
"That is beyond creepy," Zaku groaned, "I think he's obsessed with you moron."
"I have always found my master rather attractive," Kabuto said thoughtfully, "maybe-"
"JUST FIND THE FLASHLIGHT!" Zaku growled, having no wish to hear anymore of Kabuto's crazy ideas.
"K," Kabuto said yet again, slipping the doll into his pocket along with a handful of chewed bubblegum. Zaku simply rolled his eyes, turning back to the mess before him. Kabuto on the other hand, continued to ransack anything he found interesting. A post card from a certain Sannin, a paper fan that was half bent, a few random coins, and a shiny whistle all when into his pocket (the little thief!) Soon enough his pockets were both bulging, Kabuto feverishly trying to stuff some green gummy bears (Orochimaru doesn't like the green ones!) into his pocket for later. Finally Zaku cried out in triumph, revealing a pink "Hello Kitty" flashlight.
"I found it," he announced loudly, "now let's get out of here!"
"B47!" Kabuto squealed with glee as he and Zaku darted from the room and down the hallway, laughing to each other in victory. If only he'd dug a bit further into that drawer, he would have discovered a certain piece of paper reading "I love Kabuto."