Title: The Lies One Tells to Make it Through the Day
Rating: R
Author: Azure K Mello
Part: (3/?)
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob. Thank you.
Summery: Spike cast a spell on Angel to distract him while he and Dru have some fun in Sunnyhell. The spell has made Angel fall head over heels for Xander. The problem is that to break the spell Xander must sleep with Angel. If the spell is not broken it will cause Angel to rape him.
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH
Spoilers/setting: High school
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing.
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"Buffy is just having a really hard time," said Willow softly, "can you imagine how it must feel to have the man you love not even see you're alive?" Xander knew exactly what it felt like but said nothing. "So what happened?"
"I drank some Mr. J. Premium and told him all about the spell. Then we had a fight, and then he kissed me, and then I left and was accosted by Spike."
"Wait! Go back! Angel had orange juice at his house?"
"I think you missed the important part."
"Which bit?"
"All the rest."
"Right, so what did Angel say? I mean how much did you tell him?"
"He said it wasn't a spell, and he got all upset. And then he hurt because he thought that if it would "cure" the spell and I *still* wouldn't be with him then there was something wrong about him."
"And what did you tell him?"
"I said that there was nothing wrong with him but that it was rape." Upon seeing Willow's confused expression Xander said, "Do you honestly think that in his right mind Angel would ever fuck me?" He laughed dryly.
"Xander, I know this must be so hard for you. You're being really strong. And what happened with Spike?"
"He just made small talk, ya know: that the spell was just a truth serum, and that Angel had always loved me, nothing big." He said sarcastically.
"Well then it wouldn't be rape!" said Willow trying, as always, to see the bright side.
"No, it's just sleeping with Buffy's honey. And anyway, Spike's probably lying. He's not a reliable source. I'm sure he's just fucking with my mind."
Worrying her lower lip, Willow nodded. She knew that Xander only ever swore when really upset and he'd been swearing a lot over the past few days. "That's true, Spike is of the evil."
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Xander said, "Thank you for letting me stay here, Will, it means a lot."
"Of course, but why couldn't you live at home?" He just shrugged. "So what else happened with Angel, you seem like a badly kicked puppy."
"Nothing, I guess I'm just tired," he said with a rueful shake of his head. Then he remembered his promise, "I have to phone Angel, just to tell him I got here ok." Willow cocked an eyebrow, since when did Xander care if Angel was worried, but said nothing as she retrieved the handset from her bedside table for him. After dialing he sighed and then said, "Hey. . . yeah I'm fine." He paused and laughed gently, "Well I told you I could get home all by myself. I actually did meet a vamp. . . No, he's not dust: he's Spike. . . I'm fine, honest. . . Well I'll come see you in the morning. . . It's Saturday, your conception of time is really warped!. . . You too. Ok, bye."
"OMG! You just told him you love him!!" she screamed.
"No I didn't," said a highly defensive Xander.
"You said 'you too' which was clearly in response to him expressing his love. I can't believe you boldface lied to him!"
"He's an old fashioned man, Willow. Saying, 'hey, Angel wanna make the beast with two backs?' isn't going to woo him. So yes, I lied. Everybody is so desperate for me to get Buffy's lapdog back to his full glory, so you're going to have to let me do it my way." He sighed heavily, "I'm gonna go patrol and try to clear my head. Killing somethin' might do me some good." He turned and left while Willow thought over his words and the position her best friend was in.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
As he walked through the cool night Xander tried desperately to organize his confused and throbbing mind. It was all a huge nebulous cloud of ideas and emotions. He hugged himself against the darkness as he marched on as a lone solider for the good fight. All of his mind was begging his better judgment to run to Angel. However one isolated, small voice was saying, "Please, please don't go back there. This isn't real and it's only going to hurt. Please don't do that to me. The rest of you are strong enough to carry on, but I entreat you to respect the fact that I am not so tough." While Xander wasn't a hundred percent sure what the word entreat *meant* he still obeyed the wishes of that soft voice and purposefully stayed on the other side of town, far away from Angel.
Before him in the road, she stood sneering. "Shouldn't you be *not* here?" asked Buffy.
"No, he needs some time to work things out in his mind and I needed some time to get myself together," replied Xander.
"Since when do you respect what Angel needs?" she asked coldly.
"I'm doing you a favor. I'm fixing your man. I'm trying my hardest. So why don't you lay off?"
"Because I don't think you *are* trying your damnedest! I think you should have already gotten this fixed! I think that you're a coward. And I don't think you care enough about me to do this. I think you're really selfish!" After delivering her indictment she flounced off into the dark.
A clapping came from behind him, "Wow," said a soft drawl he knew all too well, "what a bitch."
"What do you want now, Spike?" asked Xander as he pivoted to watch the other man.
"Just wanta chat 's all."
"Why?"
Spike groaned, "I live with Drusilla, I love her dearly but she's no great conversationalist. And when trying to figure things out she's not a good sounding board. . . unless you *want* to know what the tarot cards think of it all," he paused, "I've 'ad this idea. I was trying to figure out why he's been hiding his feeling for you. My sire, he's always gone directly for what he wanted. Then it all clicked. Vampires, we don't care who we lay with just as long as there is someone we give a damn about in our bed. It doesn't matter to us. With his soul Angel is out to pretend he's not one of us. And what better way to do that than to deny his real love and go for the relationship that your culture idolizes."
"Oh," said Xander and he turned his back to Spike.
"Don't you get it? He's loved you silently warring with himself and you've won against his self-preservation instincts."
"I didn't win, you took away his choice."
"Xander-"
"Why are you doing this, Spike?" asked the boy impatiently.
"I'm bored," Spike replied as if it were common sense.
"Well bully for you."
"I'm your ally in this! Not that bitch, not the watcher, not anyone! I am, I'm the only one who has any real idea what's going on and you could thank me!"
"Thank you? For fucking with his mind? For hurting everyone around me?"
"I'm evil, boy, but some good might come of all this, and you should damn well be grateful for what I've done."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
On a sudden whim Xander paused in his journey back to Willow's and instead went into Willy's. He smiled as the barman let out a slight yelp when he caught sight of the boy entering his fine establishment. "I'm not here on a social call," he laughed as he passed the bar and went over to the pay phone. The phone rang three times and on the third she picked up, "Willow, hi it's me. I'm gonna go and see Angel. I might not come home tonight, I just wanted to warn you."
"Ok," was the stunned reply.
His call to Angel was slightly more complicated. The vampire wanted to know what had possessed Xander to be in The Alibi Room in the middle of the night. "I just want to see you," was all Xander could say.
And sighing Angel replied, "Well I can't really find fault with that can I?" As Angel only lived a block away it was reasoned that he could get there without being eaten. When Xander arrived the vampire was sitting on the porch of his apartment. Smiling he said, "I'm so glad you're here." Xander nodded silently and followed the taller man into the house. "So why are you here? Not that I'm not thrilled, I just thought that you needed space."
"I did," replied Xander, "Spike's been stalking me all night." He saw the shock on Angel's face and added, "In an annoying rather than frightening way. And he says that the spell is just making you be honest and that you never loved Buffy."
"Thank you!" said Angel as though Spike had proven his point. He saw the look on Xander's face and instantly realized its origin, "Of course this is Spike,"
"so it could be a lie," continued Xander.
"he does that," Angel said finishing the thought. "It isn't that he lies, so much, he just confuses truth with the storied he makes up for himself and Dru." He said justifying his childe's actions as any parent does.
"Angel?"
"Yes?"
"Could we worry about the consequences later?" he asked softly. As he finished his words Angel lent down and captured the boy's mouth.
Rating: R
Author: Azure K Mello
Part: (3/?)
Disclaimer: Joss, not me. Also premises stolen from Jacob M. Bosch, story found here: who stole it from Saone. I asked for permission from Jacob. Thank you.
Summery: Spike cast a spell on Angel to distract him while he and Dru have some fun in Sunnyhell. The spell has made Angel fall head over heels for Xander. The problem is that to break the spell Xander must sleep with Angel. If the spell is not broken it will cause Angel to rape him.
Pairing: Angel/Xander SLASH
Spoilers/setting: High school
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Buffy is just having a really hard time," said Willow softly, "can you imagine how it must feel to have the man you love not even see you're alive?" Xander knew exactly what it felt like but said nothing. "So what happened?"
"I drank some Mr. J. Premium and told him all about the spell. Then we had a fight, and then he kissed me, and then I left and was accosted by Spike."
"Wait! Go back! Angel had orange juice at his house?"
"I think you missed the important part."
"Which bit?"
"All the rest."
"Right, so what did Angel say? I mean how much did you tell him?"
"He said it wasn't a spell, and he got all upset. And then he hurt because he thought that if it would "cure" the spell and I *still* wouldn't be with him then there was something wrong about him."
"And what did you tell him?"
"I said that there was nothing wrong with him but that it was rape." Upon seeing Willow's confused expression Xander said, "Do you honestly think that in his right mind Angel would ever fuck me?" He laughed dryly.
"Xander, I know this must be so hard for you. You're being really strong. And what happened with Spike?"
"He just made small talk, ya know: that the spell was just a truth serum, and that Angel had always loved me, nothing big." He said sarcastically.
"Well then it wouldn't be rape!" said Willow trying, as always, to see the bright side.
"No, it's just sleeping with Buffy's honey. And anyway, Spike's probably lying. He's not a reliable source. I'm sure he's just fucking with my mind."
Worrying her lower lip, Willow nodded. She knew that Xander only ever swore when really upset and he'd been swearing a lot over the past few days. "That's true, Spike is of the evil."
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Xander said, "Thank you for letting me stay here, Will, it means a lot."
"Of course, but why couldn't you live at home?" He just shrugged. "So what else happened with Angel, you seem like a badly kicked puppy."
"Nothing, I guess I'm just tired," he said with a rueful shake of his head. Then he remembered his promise, "I have to phone Angel, just to tell him I got here ok." Willow cocked an eyebrow, since when did Xander care if Angel was worried, but said nothing as she retrieved the handset from her bedside table for him. After dialing he sighed and then said, "Hey. . . yeah I'm fine." He paused and laughed gently, "Well I told you I could get home all by myself. I actually did meet a vamp. . . No, he's not dust: he's Spike. . . I'm fine, honest. . . Well I'll come see you in the morning. . . It's Saturday, your conception of time is really warped!. . . You too. Ok, bye."
"OMG! You just told him you love him!!" she screamed.
"No I didn't," said a highly defensive Xander.
"You said 'you too' which was clearly in response to him expressing his love. I can't believe you boldface lied to him!"
"He's an old fashioned man, Willow. Saying, 'hey, Angel wanna make the beast with two backs?' isn't going to woo him. So yes, I lied. Everybody is so desperate for me to get Buffy's lapdog back to his full glory, so you're going to have to let me do it my way." He sighed heavily, "I'm gonna go patrol and try to clear my head. Killing somethin' might do me some good." He turned and left while Willow thought over his words and the position her best friend was in.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
As he walked through the cool night Xander tried desperately to organize his confused and throbbing mind. It was all a huge nebulous cloud of ideas and emotions. He hugged himself against the darkness as he marched on as a lone solider for the good fight. All of his mind was begging his better judgment to run to Angel. However one isolated, small voice was saying, "Please, please don't go back there. This isn't real and it's only going to hurt. Please don't do that to me. The rest of you are strong enough to carry on, but I entreat you to respect the fact that I am not so tough." While Xander wasn't a hundred percent sure what the word entreat *meant* he still obeyed the wishes of that soft voice and purposefully stayed on the other side of town, far away from Angel.
Before him in the road, she stood sneering. "Shouldn't you be *not* here?" asked Buffy.
"No, he needs some time to work things out in his mind and I needed some time to get myself together," replied Xander.
"Since when do you respect what Angel needs?" she asked coldly.
"I'm doing you a favor. I'm fixing your man. I'm trying my hardest. So why don't you lay off?"
"Because I don't think you *are* trying your damnedest! I think you should have already gotten this fixed! I think that you're a coward. And I don't think you care enough about me to do this. I think you're really selfish!" After delivering her indictment she flounced off into the dark.
A clapping came from behind him, "Wow," said a soft drawl he knew all too well, "what a bitch."
"What do you want now, Spike?" asked Xander as he pivoted to watch the other man.
"Just wanta chat 's all."
"Why?"
Spike groaned, "I live with Drusilla, I love her dearly but she's no great conversationalist. And when trying to figure things out she's not a good sounding board. . . unless you *want* to know what the tarot cards think of it all," he paused, "I've 'ad this idea. I was trying to figure out why he's been hiding his feeling for you. My sire, he's always gone directly for what he wanted. Then it all clicked. Vampires, we don't care who we lay with just as long as there is someone we give a damn about in our bed. It doesn't matter to us. With his soul Angel is out to pretend he's not one of us. And what better way to do that than to deny his real love and go for the relationship that your culture idolizes."
"Oh," said Xander and he turned his back to Spike.
"Don't you get it? He's loved you silently warring with himself and you've won against his self-preservation instincts."
"I didn't win, you took away his choice."
"Xander-"
"Why are you doing this, Spike?" asked the boy impatiently.
"I'm bored," Spike replied as if it were common sense.
"Well bully for you."
"I'm your ally in this! Not that bitch, not the watcher, not anyone! I am, I'm the only one who has any real idea what's going on and you could thank me!"
"Thank you? For fucking with his mind? For hurting everyone around me?"
"I'm evil, boy, but some good might come of all this, and you should damn well be grateful for what I've done."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
On a sudden whim Xander paused in his journey back to Willow's and instead went into Willy's. He smiled as the barman let out a slight yelp when he caught sight of the boy entering his fine establishment. "I'm not here on a social call," he laughed as he passed the bar and went over to the pay phone. The phone rang three times and on the third she picked up, "Willow, hi it's me. I'm gonna go and see Angel. I might not come home tonight, I just wanted to warn you."
"Ok," was the stunned reply.
His call to Angel was slightly more complicated. The vampire wanted to know what had possessed Xander to be in The Alibi Room in the middle of the night. "I just want to see you," was all Xander could say.
And sighing Angel replied, "Well I can't really find fault with that can I?" As Angel only lived a block away it was reasoned that he could get there without being eaten. When Xander arrived the vampire was sitting on the porch of his apartment. Smiling he said, "I'm so glad you're here." Xander nodded silently and followed the taller man into the house. "So why are you here? Not that I'm not thrilled, I just thought that you needed space."
"I did," replied Xander, "Spike's been stalking me all night." He saw the shock on Angel's face and added, "In an annoying rather than frightening way. And he says that the spell is just making you be honest and that you never loved Buffy."
"Thank you!" said Angel as though Spike had proven his point. He saw the look on Xander's face and instantly realized its origin, "Of course this is Spike,"
"so it could be a lie," continued Xander.
"he does that," Angel said finishing the thought. "It isn't that he lies, so much, he just confuses truth with the storied he makes up for himself and Dru." He said justifying his childe's actions as any parent does.
"Angel?"
"Yes?"
"Could we worry about the consequences later?" he asked softly. As he finished his words Angel lent down and captured the boy's mouth.