Chapter Twenty One: The Way to Full Life
She was shivering. Shivering like a leaf on the Whomping Willow. She hadn't been so scared in her entire life; even serving Voldemort wasn't so frightening. What was the reason, you are asking? Nothing horrible or disgusting, just three words which were written on a small piece of parchment, which was now wet because her palms were sweating from fear that overwhelmed her. Three short, simple words: it is time. Professor Halflife was slowly, step be step reaching Snape's office. She knew exactly what those words meant.
When she agreed to take the poison to cure her 'problem', she didn't think much about the consequences. She may have even wanted to show how brave and strong she was, but whom was she kidding? She was afraid of uncertainty. What would happen if the experiment doesn't work was quite clear, but what if it does? How is it to live a normal, full life with friends and relationships, maybe even a family of her own? She wasn't that old, but still she wasn't all that young and attractive to begin a social life. All her younger years were spent fighting with demons around or in herself.
Halflife was far from sure that she would manage to adapt to life without fear for tomorrow's morning. Still if she is cured, she won't find herself in a rainbow world with people who want to befriend her on every corner. She will be busy for a half of this year for certain with Voldemort on the loose. Yeah! She has nothing to loose, if she died, she'll go to Hell, if not, the Hell which is going on in the wizarding world today, will play the game of life by her rules.
With such 'optimistic' thoughts she reached the door of Snape's office. At the very moment she wanted to turn the handle, it turned on its own accord and the pale face of Snape emerged form the darkness of his office.
Without any greeting he said in his calm and emotionless voice, "We better go to my chambers. I am sure you don't want any witnesses."
She only nodded and quietly followed him through the dungeons. The walk to Snape's chambers was mute. They were moving like monks, going to perform a ritual. Still without a word they entered the chambers. The room was dim and cold as always, but peaceful at the same time. Snape gestured with his hand towards the couches. Halflife obeyed and sat almost on the edge, looking at the carpet. Snape sat on the opposite couch and intently looked at her.
'She is scared. She hesitates. Counts all possible consequences, but still wants to do it.' "Do you still want to try?"
"Huh?" she asked, as if awakened.
"Do you still want to try?" he repeated, without taking glance from her face.
"Yes," she answered with a nod as firmly as possible.
Snape gracefully stood up, his robes following him, like robes of a cardinal. After a minute he returned with a silver plate filled with grapes, plums, apples and pears. The plate looked…well, peachy. Fruits looked so ripe, tasty and tempting, in an average situation Halflife would be drooling all over them, but we are talking about poison here, that's why she was staring at the plate dumbfounded.
"What is this stuff?"
"Your dinner," Snape said hiding a smirk. 'She was thinking about a death bringing poison and now sees a treat of heaven. She must be sooo confused!' He even snickered.
"What's so funny?" she asked with a frown.
"Your face," Snape answered still smirking. "You thought I'll give you a goblet with some nasty, bubbling, green potion and you'll just drink it, right?" She nodded. "No such luck, lady. We are organizing a feast for our little 'friend'," he said the last word with disgust.
"Too much honor for such slime!" she said with anger.
"You sill need to eat to feed it or in our context to poison it."
"But why this?" she asked, looking at the fruits.
"What?"
"Fruits. Why such beautiful things must bring death?"
"How sentimental of you! I just wanted you to feel easier about the occasion, not like mounting the scaffold," Snape said in irritation.
"You mean, you wanted to do something pleasant for me?" Now it was her turn to giggle. 'Snape' and 'pleasant' in one sentence? Absurd!
"Common! Are you going to eat it or not!"
"Ok, ok," Halflife said with surrender. 'Snape' and 'angry' were too comfortable in one sentence, but others were far from comfortable from it. She took an apple in her hand and almost took it from the plate.
"Stop," Snape said sharply. Her hand shook. She tilted her head up to look at him, hearing the seriousness of his voice. "I can guarantee nothing to you, understand? Firstly, I can't guarantee that you'll come out of this alive. I don't know the consequences of the process, I have only theories. Even if I had made some experiments, still your body is specific and the final reaction could be positive. But I can absolutely guarantee you one and only one thing: even if everything works out, even if you stay alive and the curse is lifted, I can't return good memories which were taken from you," he paused for a moment.
"When you take this apple, there will be no way back. You have the last chance to abandon." He again stared at her intently, waiting for her last decision. Not only was her fate being decided now, but his also. If she dies, then he'll retire and won't mix any potion in his life because his honor of a Potion's Master will be tarnished: he'll screw up the potion he agreed to make on his own initiative. On the other hand, potions will be the reason of the death of the intelligent woman with such deep blue eyes, two dark oceans. If this happens, he'll never forgive himself.
But let's return to professor Halflife, who was making the most important decision in her unfortunate life. Her reaction to Snape's tirade about guarantees was taking the apple and scrumptiously biting it.
When she finished the first apple, she took the next one. With eyebrows a little higher then the average level, Snape asked, "Hungry, aren't you?"
"Yes," Halflife answered between chewing and swallowing. "I haven't eaten for two days."
"Are you on a diet?" Snape asked mockingly.
"No, I just felt that you'd send your message any minute. I wanted it to be hungry, so it'll eat everything in its reach," she explained chewing.
He didn't answer; he simply didn't know what to say. She suddenly stopped and sadly stared at the plate.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly.
"I know it's silly, but I can't help it. I feel so rude to have dinner and you're just sitting there eating nothing," Halflife answered shyly.
"You want me to keep you company?" Snape asked, surprised by her thinking about manners at such a moment.
"If you don't mind," she said still without looking at him.
"No problem," Snape said casually and took a bunch of grapes from the plate and ate a berry.
Halflife looked at him wide eyed. "What are you doing!" she exclaimed.
"Keeping you company, as you asked," he said matter-of-factly.
"If you are calling poisoning yourself is a pleasant fulfilling of my requirement, then you are sick here not I," she said, shaking her head.
"I am not poisoning myself," he said putting another berry in his mouth. "I have an immunity to almost all poisonous substances."
"And you are sure this poison is among them?" she asked with concern all over her face.
"Yes, I am sure," Snape answered with a small smile.
They ate silently for a while, the plate was half empty, but still there were a lot of fruits left. Halflife quietly and slowly ate everything that came to her reach. Snape was staring at her, eating grape berries without even thinking about the moves. When the pause was becoming too long and unbearable, Halflife dared to ask a question, dreading such silence.
"Why did you say 'poisoning substances', why not simply 'poisons'," she asked quietly, but knowing she'll receive the answer because it was the point of Snape's favorite topic in the world.
"Because not only poisons can harm. There are poisonous plants, snakes, mushrooms, but they contain poisons of their own. The most illustrative example of a poisonous substance is the result of werewolf's bite. Werewolf doesn't have poison in its fangs, but something, I don't even know how to call it, what makes werewolf's victim to become another werewolf. The same thing with vampires. Also different bacteria and viruses belong to poisonous substances.
When I was just beginning my potion's deep studying, about twenty years ago, Potions was a very popular subject among scientists of the magical world. It was like a Zoo back there," Snape said smirking with sparks in his black coal eyes. "There were even contests for a man who can fight the largest amount of poisonous substances in his system. It was funny. Really funny," he shook his head, remembering the good old days.
"Did you win?" she asked really interested because she knew absolutely nothing about Potions, especially its popularity and Snape's place in it.
"I don't remember exactly, I participated only a few times. I was too young to do serious poisoning," Snape mocked the last sentence as if quoting some old professor. "I just set a record once, that's all," he said trivially, but a hint of pride was still in his voice.
"A record? You're bluffing!" Halflife said playfully.
"You can not believe me, but it was a really fabulous event at that time."
"Oh yeah? And how many poisons were in your body? I bet nobody could even stand near you, you were so infectious," she said smiling.
"Well, it wasn't a lot, only 1236," Snape said with a shrug.
"1236? Are you nuts? You could've died!" she explained.
"Still I didn't. Potion Masters are all crazy a bit; it's a feature of the profession."
"Let's check it out. If you're as crazy as them, you'll remember the last poison, right?" she challenged.
"Ok, let's see," he thought for eight seconds. "It was plague."
"Plague? Those scientists are definitely insane!"
"Maybe, but they were very angry because some twenty five-year-old fellow was beating the record of a fifty-year-old respectful potions' professor."
"I am sure their faces were priceless!"
"I can assure you, they were," Snape said knowingly, nodding.
Having an interesting chat, they didn't notice that the plate was empty. When they acknowledged the fact, seriousness returned to their faces.
"What should we do now?" she whispered.
"Wait. Just wait," he whispered back.
"Maybe you can show me your poisons' collection, then?"
"Oh, ok," Snape shrugged. 'How did she find out that I even have one?'
They stood up and Snape's already headed to the cupboard where his collection was hidden (you can't keep such dangerous thing in everybody's view), when his pace was interrupted by a choked moan. He turned abruptly, colliding with Halflife, who was holding onto her stomach with pain flashing on her face.
'It has begun,' thought Snape, panic crawling into his heart. She extended her hands towards him as if asking for help. In the next second she was falling into his arms, her last glance was full of fear, hope and beg at the same time. After another few moments, she fell into unconsciousness. Snape swiftly took her into his arms and put her on his bed checking the pulse: it was weak and unsteady, but it was there. Snape sat into a nearby chair, taking his head into his hands deep in thought.
'Now is the Moment of the Truth. Will she survive or die never knowing what Fate has for her in its sleeves? All I can do now is to wait, wait, wait and wait. It won't be very long though, only a night maybe, because digestion system works fast, but I am sure it will be a loooong night.
It was a long way to this state of hers. Many sleepless nights of researching, experimenting, trying to find this damn harmless poison, especially when tests on mice all proved negative. I've come across this recipe totally by accident, but it was my last hope. If not this, then nothing else. The mouse I gave the potion to lived for three days. It was quite a progress, but three days are not a life. After some modifications the poison was ready to be more or less harmless to human's body, but there still were a lot of 'buts' and 'ifs'.' With such hopeless thoughts, Snape dozed off in the same position, sitting on the chair.
He was awakened four hours later by a quiet groaning and stirring sounds from his bed. He stood up right away and was beside her within seconds. Her forehead was sweaty, but her skin was as cold as ice. She was tossing and turning like a deer driven into a trap with no escape.
Snape understood that she was going to feel an immerse pain right now, he more felt it then understood. He couldn't do anything to relieve her suffering. He felt so useless because he couldn't even say any soothing words as she wouldn't have heard him: her life at that very moment was pure, infernal pain. This little worm didn't want to give up easily. It wanted to make as much damage as possible, and let's face it, it was succeeding.
Such torture lasted for another hour, her screams and moans filled the room, echoing in Snape's head. Every sound for him was like a stroke of a whip. It was unbearable to just stand there and do nothing, but he couldn't take his eyes off her to look on the wall or something. She was beautiful even with a grimace of pain on her features. How hasn't he seen it before? Of course he admitted that her eyes had some special allure in them, but on the whole, never. Only now he saw how gorgeous she was even with her pale skin and thin figure. He was already jealous of a man, who picks up such flower.
His complementing thoughts were again interrupted by a desperate yell, she even opened her eyes, but they showed only an insufferable pain and agony, then she fainted again and no more sound was heard from her.
Snape tried to stay calm, but wasn't very good at it. He nervously checked her pulse, which to his great joy was still weak but steady.
'She will live!' He cried in his head. "Everything is going to be ok," Snape whispered, squeezing her hand.
Now he calmed down a bit and made everything that was needed for her to stand up on both legs. Firstly he cleared her stomach from everything that was left after the worm's death (with magic!), then gave, or better to say, poured into her a tonic (of his own creation) to restore all vitamins, minerals, strength and simply all that is needed for normal organism functioning and also a sleeping potion for a long and refreshing sleep.
Snape took a deep breath, feeling great satisfaction form his work and happiness that another life was saved. He surely will somehow thank his assistants too; they did almost half of the work. Now it's time to rest. He checked for the last time Halflife's pulse and temperature, which were completely normal, even a little glow was on her cheeks, and then he tucked her in.
That night he was sleeping on the couch, but it was the greatest sleep of his life. He wasn't awakened by a streaming of sunlight through the window because there were no windows in the dungeons, but from habit worked out during years to wake up at 7 a.m. no matter what day it was. The dungeons were silent and empty as always, especially now when the only inhabitants were he and Draco. 'He must've heard the screams through the wall, but I am sure he knows everything already. He is shrewder than I want him to be.'
He got up, following his usual routine he did every morning during the last twenty years when he remembered his 'guest'. She was soundly asleep with a peaceful smile on her face. Not wanting to disturb her, because he knew how much she needed every minute of her sleep, Snape quietly walked out of his chambers, heading to the Kitchens to grab something for breakfast.
After returning from frightened to death elves, because they weren't used to his person in the Kitchens: he usually ate with the staff in the Great Hall, he was still the only awake person in the room. 'Seems to be a heavy sleeper.'
During another hour he did his least favorite thing on Saturday – checked the essays. He didn't like this, especially on a Saturday, because they ruined all possible good mood for the weekend by their absurdness and stupidity.
When a pile of 'unchecked' turned into a pile of 'with not so good marks', his ears were 'granted' with sounds of stretching out of a person after a long and full sleep.
"What a sleeping beauty you are," Snape grunted.
'Beauty?' "More like a princess on a pea to me," Halflife said sitting up in bed and shaking her head to become fully awake.
"Bad sleep?" he asked not looking at her.
"No, no, I slept just fine."
They were talking like nothing happened that night, because they didn't know how to talk about it. It was a bit funny that Snape was so calm about a woman in his bed, you can laugh all you want, but I need a chapter to finish.
"What a night," she said with exhalation and falling back on the pillows.
"A night indeed," agreed Snape. He stood up from behind his table and walked towards her. Checked her pulse and temperature, and then muttered some spell, pointing with his wand on her stomach. He was satisfied with the results of the examination.
"Is it gone?" she asked with desperate hope.
"Yes, it is," he answered firmly, only now looking into her eyes.
"You mean completely?" she said still not believing that it actually has happened.
"Absolutely. You are even cleaner than we planned," Snape said staring at her left forearm.
She followed his glance and gasped, she even touched the place with her other hand to check if she wasn't hallucinating. Her left forearm was absolutely clean: no skull, no snake, no Dark Mark.
'I am free! I am free from the curse! I am free from Voldemort! I am free to do anything I want!' Her face was glowing from happiness and excitement. "I am free," she whispered.
"Yes, you are," Snape said with a small smile, but sadness filled his eyes. His left forearm wasn't that lucky.
She looked with pity at him. 'How much more will he suffer under Voldemort's palm? Why did he even join his ranks at the first place?'
"The bathroom is there, if you need it," Snape said flatly, pointing to the left from the bed.
"Oh," she stood up and walked to the bathroom, but stopped halfway, turned and asked, "Is your scientific interest satisfied?" Snape only nodded.
He felt so sick suddenly. He felt that he was losing something, losing her. She has a new life now. She must not hide to stay alive, to just exist on this damn planet. Voldemort, as foolish as it seems, was the only connection between them. It was the thing they had in common. She asked him to lift the curse and he did it. Now she didn't need him anymore. He will be alone. Again.
The bathroom door creaked and Halflife stepped back into the room. To Snape's opinion she was even more beautiful than the night before. Refreshed and clean, she was a perfect example of a healthy young woman. Her skin was still pale, but not sickly plain, her lips were no longer white, but slightly pink and her dark blue eyes were shining like two sapphires.
After many years of training to keep his face steady feeling any possible emotion, his mouth didn't fell on the floor or anywhere even lower from such sight. Halflife came closer to his table, behind which he was sitting again.
"I want to thank you, Severus," Snape tensed, he couldn't get used to her calling him that. "You made a miracle happen, you saved my life. I don't know how, but you did it. I'll be thankful to you for all my new life. Is their any way I can ever repay you?" Her voice was full of sincere gratitude.
"When the time comes. Just save mine," was his only answer.