Part: (13/?)
Writer: Az K Mello
Summery: Xander gets freaked out, Angel is (as always) slightly clueless.
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.
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As they drove to Spike's Angel got steadily more irritated. In his mind he was imagining things he had done back in the "good ol' days" in every thought he replaced the victim with his boy. Eventually Xander made him pull over, "Some of us," he said, "are not immortal."
"I can fix that," offered Angel in a growl, sarcastic and mean. He wasn't angry at Xander he was. . . lashing out. His anger was directed at everyone who had hurt the mortal.
Staring at him Xander said, "Not right now. Get out, I'm driving us the rest of the way."
"Why?" asked Angel with genuine bewilderment.
"Because I'm too young to die."
The reply was cold, "You're never too young to die."
"You're too angry to drive, Angel."
"I'm not angry," he didn't look the boy in the eye, "I'm just. . . angry." He pulled the keys out of the ignition and handed them to Xander. Sighing heavily he threw his head back and shut his eyes while leaning against the headrest.
Xander looked at the Cadillac, he hated bucket seats. Carefully he climbed over the stick shift and straddled Angel's lap. He kissed the vampire in a gentle way that he hoped was comforting. But Angel hardly responded to his mouth. It made the boy scared, "Care to explain the sudden moroseness?"
"It's just so fucked up." His tone was cold and Xander felt sick.
"I get it." He remembered well Angel's words in the cinema, ~~The thing is that the one big stipulation is the condition of the pet's neck. No vamp will buy a human if their neck isn't perfect.~~ Vampires wanted perfection in their possessions. Xander had no allusions about the state of his being. He was fucked up, Angel saw that now. He didn't need to be kicked to the curb, he got the message. He kissed Angel's forehead. "I love you," he said softly as he placed the keys in the vampire's hand, "Goodbye, Angel." He opened the door to leave but Angel grabbed his hips and held him in place. "Do you realize that every time I go to leave you keep holding me back?"
"That's rather poetic," said Angel and then tacked on angrily, "but where *the hell* are you leaving to?"
"I don't know. . . I'll go home. He'll let me back, after all he wouldn't want to lose his chattels."
Angel's fingers tightened on his hips. "There is no fucking way I would let you go back there!"
"It's sweet to know you care." Xander wouldn't meet his eye, he was afraid he would cry.
"What?!? Xander, what is going on here? You yourself said it was hell why would you go back there?" he left his question there though he wanted to tack on, without me, but he couldn't bare to in fear of Xander stomping on his heart.
"No *you* said it was hell. You never asked, you just assumed. Maybe I'm a cutter! Maybe every scar on my body came from my own hand! Maybe I'm my parent's golden boy and I ran away because I wanted you!"
Before he opened his mouth Angel knew he would lose if he tried to argue. He knew damn well what Xander's home life had been. And the boy knew that Angel knew. But that didn't mean that it was *alright* for Angel to know. So instead of arguing he took what was, in his mind, an easer way. "You left for me? Then why are you going?"
"I hate how you do that," Xander muttered.
"Do what?" Angel asked angrily, frustrated that he wasn't in control of the situation.
"You make it so that anyway I answer I have to bare my soul and maybe get kicked! I don't know what the right answer is," he sounded suddenly so tired, "Five minutes ago it would have been to say something mean and sarcastic and then run back to Willow's house." He looked up meeting Angel's gaze. The vampire had to stop himself from recoiling at the pain in the boy's eyes, "I don't know what you want to hear. I don't know the right answer."
"I just. . . I don't want you to get hurt." Was the vampire's cryptic reply. He didn't know what had upset the boy so badly. And if it was his anger that had set it off he felt awful. But the fear in his mortal's eyes belayed the thought that he was at the root of the issue. This was something deeper. Xander wasn't mad at Angel for being pissy, it was something else. And perhaps, thought Angel, it was best to let the boy work it out on his own.
Xander nodded, "It's ok. I'm not." The vampire watched as the boy's eyes became a cold shield, "I understand everything, I'm fine. I'm gonna go." He slide off of Angel's lap and turned to leave.
"Where? Not to him? Pease, Xan, if you must leave me don't go back to him!"
"What?" he asked slowly turning to look at Angel. Confusion was etched across the innocent visage. Did the vampire really give a damn about him? Words from a movie he had seen echoed in his head he mutters them in his own mind, "that's sweet, he never wants to see the girl again but he doesn't want her to get hacked to pieces in the underground parking lot." Now he guessed he knew how Angelina Jolie felt. The person he loved gave a damn, just not about the right things.
"Please, Christ! I mean, just don't. . . please, don't go back there, Xander." Angel was trying his hardest to give the boy space but all he wanted was to cling to him. Just a few hours ago had he honestly been thinking of this as easy?
Slowly Xander turned to the road, "I promise."
The darkness crowded around Angel as he was left sitting befuddled in his cold, empty car. Confusion didn't even start to explain what he felt. So much pain and hurt and befuddlement, He felt tears fall down his face and then reminded himself that The Scourge of Europe never cried.
Writer: Az K Mello
Summery: Xander gets freaked out, Angel is (as always) slightly clueless.
Warning: mega angst. Buffy bashing, don't read it and don't flame. I've warned you, only idiots don't read the liner notes and then bitch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As they drove to Spike's Angel got steadily more irritated. In his mind he was imagining things he had done back in the "good ol' days" in every thought he replaced the victim with his boy. Eventually Xander made him pull over, "Some of us," he said, "are not immortal."
"I can fix that," offered Angel in a growl, sarcastic and mean. He wasn't angry at Xander he was. . . lashing out. His anger was directed at everyone who had hurt the mortal.
Staring at him Xander said, "Not right now. Get out, I'm driving us the rest of the way."
"Why?" asked Angel with genuine bewilderment.
"Because I'm too young to die."
The reply was cold, "You're never too young to die."
"You're too angry to drive, Angel."
"I'm not angry," he didn't look the boy in the eye, "I'm just. . . angry." He pulled the keys out of the ignition and handed them to Xander. Sighing heavily he threw his head back and shut his eyes while leaning against the headrest.
Xander looked at the Cadillac, he hated bucket seats. Carefully he climbed over the stick shift and straddled Angel's lap. He kissed the vampire in a gentle way that he hoped was comforting. But Angel hardly responded to his mouth. It made the boy scared, "Care to explain the sudden moroseness?"
"It's just so fucked up." His tone was cold and Xander felt sick.
"I get it." He remembered well Angel's words in the cinema, ~~The thing is that the one big stipulation is the condition of the pet's neck. No vamp will buy a human if their neck isn't perfect.~~ Vampires wanted perfection in their possessions. Xander had no allusions about the state of his being. He was fucked up, Angel saw that now. He didn't need to be kicked to the curb, he got the message. He kissed Angel's forehead. "I love you," he said softly as he placed the keys in the vampire's hand, "Goodbye, Angel." He opened the door to leave but Angel grabbed his hips and held him in place. "Do you realize that every time I go to leave you keep holding me back?"
"That's rather poetic," said Angel and then tacked on angrily, "but where *the hell* are you leaving to?"
"I don't know. . . I'll go home. He'll let me back, after all he wouldn't want to lose his chattels."
Angel's fingers tightened on his hips. "There is no fucking way I would let you go back there!"
"It's sweet to know you care." Xander wouldn't meet his eye, he was afraid he would cry.
"What?!? Xander, what is going on here? You yourself said it was hell why would you go back there?" he left his question there though he wanted to tack on, without me, but he couldn't bare to in fear of Xander stomping on his heart.
"No *you* said it was hell. You never asked, you just assumed. Maybe I'm a cutter! Maybe every scar on my body came from my own hand! Maybe I'm my parent's golden boy and I ran away because I wanted you!"
Before he opened his mouth Angel knew he would lose if he tried to argue. He knew damn well what Xander's home life had been. And the boy knew that Angel knew. But that didn't mean that it was *alright* for Angel to know. So instead of arguing he took what was, in his mind, an easer way. "You left for me? Then why are you going?"
"I hate how you do that," Xander muttered.
"Do what?" Angel asked angrily, frustrated that he wasn't in control of the situation.
"You make it so that anyway I answer I have to bare my soul and maybe get kicked! I don't know what the right answer is," he sounded suddenly so tired, "Five minutes ago it would have been to say something mean and sarcastic and then run back to Willow's house." He looked up meeting Angel's gaze. The vampire had to stop himself from recoiling at the pain in the boy's eyes, "I don't know what you want to hear. I don't know the right answer."
"I just. . . I don't want you to get hurt." Was the vampire's cryptic reply. He didn't know what had upset the boy so badly. And if it was his anger that had set it off he felt awful. But the fear in his mortal's eyes belayed the thought that he was at the root of the issue. This was something deeper. Xander wasn't mad at Angel for being pissy, it was something else. And perhaps, thought Angel, it was best to let the boy work it out on his own.
Xander nodded, "It's ok. I'm not." The vampire watched as the boy's eyes became a cold shield, "I understand everything, I'm fine. I'm gonna go." He slide off of Angel's lap and turned to leave.
"Where? Not to him? Pease, Xan, if you must leave me don't go back to him!"
"What?" he asked slowly turning to look at Angel. Confusion was etched across the innocent visage. Did the vampire really give a damn about him? Words from a movie he had seen echoed in his head he mutters them in his own mind, "that's sweet, he never wants to see the girl again but he doesn't want her to get hacked to pieces in the underground parking lot." Now he guessed he knew how Angelina Jolie felt. The person he loved gave a damn, just not about the right things.
"Please, Christ! I mean, just don't. . . please, don't go back there, Xander." Angel was trying his hardest to give the boy space but all he wanted was to cling to him. Just a few hours ago had he honestly been thinking of this as easy?
Slowly Xander turned to the road, "I promise."
The darkness crowded around Angel as he was left sitting befuddled in his cold, empty car. Confusion didn't even start to explain what he felt. So much pain and hurt and befuddlement, He felt tears fall down his face and then reminded himself that The Scourge of Europe never cried.