A/N: Going with the character development over plot progression here in case anybody thinks this whole chapter is completely irrelevant. At least, that's what I think I was going for when I wrote it...thanks for your patience; it's taken longer than I intended or indeed, desired, to get this chapter published. Hope it's up to scratch
Chapter 6
"Well if I'd known what the kid was doing I wouldn't have dragged you along," Alec commented lightly as they left the headquarters for the second time that evening.
"What did you think he was doing?"
"Breaking and entering for the hell of it? What, like you've never done it before," he added off her look.
"Actually I haven't, not for the hell of it."
Alec rolled his eyes.
"And what do you mean you wouldn't have dragged me along if you'd known? You say it like you would have gone back."
He shrugged.
"Maybe."
Max stopped.
"What?"
"What?"
"You would have gone back?" Max asked almost in disbelief.
After everything that had happened, he'd go there again? But when had Alec really taken a stand against Manticore? she thought to herself. He was fighting for the transgenic cause but really, did he have that much choice? She knew he could just as happily make a life for himself and fit right in with his charismatic ways but he had chosen the life he led now, hadn't he? He had opted to fight for his right to himself, free of the persecution of the Ordinaries. Hadn't he? Or had it been something like the lesser of two evils kind of choice?
Alec stopped a few steps in front of her.
"Why not?" he shot back without thinking. He wasn't sure what had prompted him into such a rash reply. To provoke her and antagonise her, or an accidental slip of his true thoughts on the matter? Alec was going to rue that comment and he knew it.
"Why not? Alec, you would have been sent straight to psy-ops for that. Freedom? To live, to choose, any of those ring a bell?" she asked incredulously.
"Free to hide?" Alec wondered. Why he couldn't just hold his tongue and let this drop rather than encourage her to pursue it further, he didn't know. Maybe he and Ben were as twisted as each other after all, he was just more subtle about it.
"That's why we're here. We're fighting. Taking a stand."
"I said it before I'll say it again. I don't see how it was so bad. Food wasn't bad and you had roof over your head. So we had to lie to a few people and maybe break a few necks but at least it was their necks and not ours on the line."
Max looked at him like he had grown another head. Did he really just say that? To kill or be killed? That was his attitude? It didn't make sense. Surely if that was how he saw things then he wouldn't be side by side with her in the transgenic fight for freedom? But then she wondered why the possibility of Alec having that perspective shocked her so much. After all, leopards don't change their spots, what was to make her think Alec wasn't the completely unreliable jerk he had been since day one?
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, you always were right at home in murder city. Was it the satisfaction from their blood running down the blade of your knife or the sound of their neck snapping? Or maybe it was knowing that they didn't stand a chance against a highly trained genetically engineered killing machine," she spat, disgust in her voice.
She was angry. Not with Alec but herself. At what point had she thought Alec had changed, that she even knew him well enough to be capable of such a judgement? When did she let her guard down and come to expect things of him? To allow herself to be disappointed?
Alec frowned. That was almost completely out of the blue. But it didn't evoke any sort of emotional reaction from him. He wouldn't have been the highly regarded assassin that he was if he strung his feelings that loose.
He hadn't intended on getting into all this heavy duty stuff. It had started as a light-hearted joke. But the more he was forced to defend his comment, the more Alec found the idea of returning not so traitorous.
"Don't you ever get tired of this Max? Don't you ever wonder when it's all gonna end? Sure the idea of being on the right side of the law for once appeals to me but aren't you ever sick of the way people look at you like you're some sort of infectious disease? Don't get me wrong, being a freak, I can live with that. But being told I'll contaminate the gene pool? I mean, aside from the fact that they actually think I'll lower myself to that level."
Max considered him.
"Honestly? Yeah, I get sick and tired of this waiting game. Of not knowing how this is going to end, if ever. Because it does seem like it'll go on for a pretty damn long time. But I didn't escape from that place and lose most of my family down the line, just so I could go back."
Alec looked at her. And it dawned on him that for once, she wasn't running. She had said the words defiantly enough in that rather inspiring speech she had made a few weeks ago about standing firm, but she really was sticking by her guns this time.
He never really gave it much thought but a lot of the X5s had harboured a lot of resentment towards her after the escape. He supposed he was the same. After all, if her Unit hadn't broken out, his clone Ben would probably never have had the chance to go all psychotic killer. Which meant Alec wouldn't have had to be dragged in for evaluation for six months.
Even in light of that chilling memory though, Alec didn't find himself hating Max or resenting her. She had done what she thought was right. Self-preservation had been bred into them from a young age, as with a great many other things. And if she thought getting out was the only way to do that then he couldn't exactly tell her she was wrong. She had been selfish in not considering what her escape would mean for the ones she left behind but as an eleven year old child, no, soldier – however super – what was she going to do, try to single-handedly break every one of the six hundred and eighty eight others out?
In moments of weakness, he was sorely tempted to lash out and shove her face in her own idealistic preaching. She could go on all she wanted about his immoral and inconsiderate ways but he knew he could just as easily remind her of her own indiscretions. While he knew she never intended to, Max could be unbelievably self righteous when she was lecturing him on his latest misadventure which had naturally resulted in her saving his ass. Again.
Yet he never dragged her name through the mud in his self defence. He didn't know why. God knows he had plenty enough opportunity and self preserving pride to do so.
When it came to it though, Max hadn't run from her responsibility towards the residents of Terminal City. She hadn't put herself before their safety. She hadn't turned her back on them the way she had turned her back on a great deal else. Logan for starters.
Obviously Alec thought it was a bad idea but the way she treat Logan, he honestly felt bad for the poor guy. Like rolling around in a wheelchair wasn't bad enough. Then there was the time she had tried to skip town when she thought her life in Seattle had gone a little sideways. Only to get herself kidnapped by her clone.
He knew why she did it. Why she ran. Pushed people away. It was inherent in their super soldier characters to shut everyone out. It was the only way to keep them safe. He had learned that the hard way too. But unlike Max, he only had to suffer one risk gone bad. She was playing with fire with the number of friendships she had forged. She had so much to lose. And that was the price she had paid for escaping. She was free from the controlling order of Manticore but she had discovered that she was not free from herself.
"Max, this is me. I was wheelin' and dealin' even back then. Do you really think I'd go back just so I'd have to do it more carefully?"
Her gaze bored into him.
"Okay fine. Maybe your self-made duty to these people gets you up in the morning. But I'm not gonna deny I'll sleep better knowing there's an alternative to all this crap. Because at the end of the day, Manticore might have made us do things we probably wouldn't choose to, but no one is gonna have our backs the way that place did. Sure its reasons are a little off base even for my morally challenged self but nobody's perfect."
"So you entertain the thought of going back because you need a safety blanket?" Max put to him, leaving the incredulity out of her voice.
Alec looked away, considering the suggestion. After a brief pause he nodded with a shrug.
"Guess so."
Max envied his ability to be so frank. Even if she wasn't spearheading a campaign for transgenic freedom, it had never been in her nature to lay things on the line the way he sometimes did. Not that what he had just admitted to was exactly a milestone revelation but her need to protect herself would never allow for even that kind of submission.
"So when the going gets tough…er," she added in after thought, "you're gonna bail? You're gonna desert this cause and go home?"
Alec stared at her blankly.
"This is home."
Max frowned. Now she was completely lost. She had liked to think she was accustomed to Alec's idiosyncratic ways, his logic that completely defied logic. But now, she was well and truly at her wit's end in following his thought process.
"Something about not knowing what each new day will bring. Kinda reminds me of Manticore," he replied with false sentimentality, but wearing his defining grin.
Max regarded him. She had long given up trying to discern his real thoughts; a good soldier knew when a cause was lost and she had realised some time ago that the secret to uncovering him was not through reading his eyes. Because they were unfathomable to her. It bugged her to no end that he knew it but as enhanced as she was, she wasn't psychic.
"I can't believe we're standing here discussing your dishonourable intentions and all, instead of going over how this new Manticore changes things. Trust you to make it all about Alec," she said finally, shaking her head disdainfully.
"Hey, you got some Max in there too," he shot back, only mildly offended, "'sides, this 'new Manticore' doesn't change anything as far as I'm concerned."
"How can you say that? Do you really think they won't come looking for their precious billion dollar bioweapons systems?"
Alec stopped. He cocked his head then shrugged.
"Point taken."
Max rolled her eyes.
"You mean I've been working all these side deals to make ends meet when I could just put myself on the market and be set for a dozen lifetimes?" he asked, the other side of his brain that was tuned in only to money, suddenly switching on. Max stared.
"Well if you think –"
"Which clearly you don't," she interrupted.
"Clearly," he humoured before continuing, "look, if Manticore's up and running, it's up and running. As great as we are, we haven't got the resources to go take it down again. Not with the media and White on our backs. I'm sure they're gonna come collectin', but until then, we gotta bigger issues to figure out."
Max said nothing. Alec let out a breath.
"Like I said, if I'd known what the kid was up to, I wouldn't have taken you with me."
Max scowled at him. She hated conceding to him. In her opinion, it only succeeded in stoking his already too big ego. So she simply turned to continue on her way before realising she didn't actually know where she was going.
They were in the car park where freak nation was born. It was one of those extremely rare occasions where Max didn't have any pressing matters to handle, no supplies to get, no heists to pull, no missing transgenics to rescue. Of course, the ever present issue of exactly how to get out of the current siege stand off hadn't made itself scarce, but it was one in the morning and that wasn't going to be resolved any time in the next few hours. What was she going to do with herself until then?
Alec saw her hesitation, regarding her with those dancing hazel green eyes.
"Lost?" he ventured playfully, hands in pockets.
Max looked at him, eyes narrowing at his unfunny joke. Then the realisation hit her. He hadn't known what he would find when they had gone to get Gates earlier and bring him into the fold. And he hadn't exactly needed her help either since he seemed to be aware that the boy was no threat.
He had invited her along for the ride just to distract her from worrying about everything. He had seen her troubled expression earlier, had sensed her anxiety and had been the friend he figured she would need.
"Thanks."
Alec raised an eyebrow in question.
"You know what for," she answered, pressing her lips together pointedly.
Alec shrugged, glancing at his feet.
"Ah, don't worry about it. Part payment for all those times you saved my ass."
"Well that's very touching 494," a chillingly familiar voice echoed.