Chapter 15

Martin was sitting nervously on the couch. The TV was on but Martin didn't see the picture, his mind was full of what he was about to do. Anna was in the kitchen getting a drink and talking to Martin although he barely heard anything she said.

His foot was bouncing up and down on the carpet, his hands were slightly sweaty and his eyes kept sweeping to the clock. He really didn't want to hurt this woman. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve to be treated the way he had been treating her either though and Martin felt very guilty about that.

He liked to think of himself as a descent guy. A guy who wouldn't consider cheating on any girl he was dating, let alone cheating on a woman he was going to marry! He knew his feelings for Sam weren't going to change and that Anna deserved to be with someone who loved her, that didn't think of her as second best. The guilt he felt for lying to her and deceiving her was consuming his every waking, and sleeping usually, moment.

So as much as he didn't want to hurt her, he knew he was doing more harm by lying to her, to both women, and that he had to come clean.

"Do you want to do anything today? Maybe we could so and see a film? Or go for a walk through Central Park, its something I've always wanted to do" She stated with a smile.

"Anna" Martin started quietly.

"Or you could show me around New York some more? I haven't been here before and it's been years since you have so you could see what's changed since you've been gone" She continued heading for the couch, drink in hand, not hearing him.

What's changed? He thought as Anna sat on the edge of the couch flicking through the paper. Well Sam, she's happier. Danny is settling down with a woman he loves. Vivian and Elena are much the same but both seem happy. Then there's Rick. Really don't know what to make of him but Sam and Danny seem to trust him a lot and are close to him. What hasn't changed? My feelings for Sam.

"Anna" He tried again, louder and with more confidence. He had to do it now or he would lose his bottle. "We need to talk."

"Okay. What's up?" She asked growing serious as she looked at him

"I…I want out. I can't do this anymore. I've been lying to you and to myself for the past two and a half years. I don't love you." He said quickly, unable to meet her eyes.

Anna stayed silent, just watching him looking shocked.

"I'm sorry. I tried to tell myself I did because of the baby and because I thought being with you would be the right thing to do. And then we lost the baby. I wanted the comfort and I didn't think it would be fair to leave you so soon after losing the baby." Martin continued trying to explain.

"I…uhh…I don't understand? Is there someone else? Why move to New York with me if you didn't want to be with me?" Anna asked finding her voice but still struggling for words.

"When you told me there was a chance of coming to New York with your job I was thrilled because I wanted to come back. I thought coming with you would be better than coming alone." He sighed "There is someone else. I was in love with her when I left and I never stopped loving her. But it's been three years since I've seen her and I figured she be with someone else. The man she was with when I left."

"I know it's petty but I thought if I came with you then I could show her I've moved on. That way I wouldn't be coming back the way I left. Single and in love with her, unable to have her. Only she's not with that man; or any other man for that matter. I want to try again with her."

"Want to. So nothings happened between the two of you yet?" She asked voice as hard as nails.

"No." He answered too quickly.

"Really?" Anna asked in a voice that told Martin she knew he was lying to her and he had better come clean.

"Not really" He corrected. "We've kissed. Nothing serious, just a kiss. Once." And we got carried away and nearly had sex. He added silently.

"You bastard!" Her voice rising in anger. "Answer me this. Is it Samantha? The one you work with?"

"Yes." Martin looked straight in to her eyes as he said it. The pain and anger he saw there made him flinch and he looked quickly away, his guilt doubling. But he wasn't going to lie to her about Sam. He'd lied to her enough already. He needed her to see that he meant what he was saying. That they were over. There would be no second chance for them.

"You bastard! You lying, cheating son of a bitch!" She said standing up, glass still in hand. "Get out! Get the fuck out!"

"Look I'm sorry Anna. I know it doesn't mean anything but I am" He said trying to reason with her and calm her down.

"You're damn right it doesn't mean anything!"

"I never meant to hurt you. You are a beautiful, caring, fantastic, special woman. I know I should have told you this a long time ago, but I'm telling you now. You deserve better. You deserve to be loved and cared for in a way I can't. I do care about you Anna and I'm so, so sorry I've done this to you."

"Well you have! Get out! I don't want to see you again!" She screamed at him.

Martin stood, hands raised in surrender. "Okay, okay. I'll go"

"Good! Go! Go back to your whore! I hope your both very happy together!"

Martin looked at her sharply, eyes blazing "Don't you fucking talk about her that way! I know you're upset with me but that's no reason to talk about her that way."

"Yeah! Does it hurt you to hear me call her that?" She asked as a nasty smile that was full of promise of hateful things crossed her features.

"Truth? Yes it does. Happy now? I'm hurting you so you're going to hurt me by using her? Is that it?" He said taking a step towards her.

"Get out!" She repeated voice once again hard as nails as she advanced on him.

Martin started backing up towards the door. She was hurting and had every right to try and hurt him. But when she used Samantha like that he wasn't going to stand around and say nothing. But it's your fault she's hurting so much. A little voice in his head told him.

Anna stopped a few feet from Martin and he stopped as well. "I am sorry Anna. Whether you believe me or not, I am." He said quietly a few feet from the door. He stepped towards her, arms out, reaching for her to comfort her.

"Don't you fucking touch me! You bastard! Get out! Get the fuck out!" She pushed his arms away from her violently and threw the glass at him. Martin ducked just in time as the glass shattered in to the wall where his head had just been.

"I'm gone" He said quickly as he took one last look at her face. Eyes full of pain and anger, tears streaming down her cheeks and dripping on to her shirt. He went out the door.

Closing it quickly behind him he took a deep breath and let it out shakily, leaning against the door. Martin had meant it when he said he was sorry and she deserved much better. He felt twice as guilty now then he did before he told her having seen the pain and hurt in her eyes. But he also felt very relived. He'd done what he should have done years ago. He didn't have to look in to her honest and caring eyes everyday and lie to her.

Martin stood there for a few more moments taking deep breaths. He walked out of the building to his car and got in. In a sports bag in the trunk was some spare clothing, a couple of suits hung from the hooks in the back of the car and the other vital things he would require for the next few days were also safely tucked in to the bag.

Once he was sure Anna had returned to sleep that morning, he had quietly and quickly grabbed what he assumed he would need. He made sure his keys, cell phone and wallet were on his person before placing the rest in the car.

He started the engine let it run for a few seconds before turning it off again and resting his forehead on the steering wheel. He knew that Anna wouldn't take the news well and that she would be hurt but he still wasn't expecting her to react that badly. He was going to miss Anna. Leaving her hurt him too. He wasn't lying when he told her she was a special woman and that he cared about her. But he'd done what he'd had to. His thoughts slid to what was going to happen next.

What now? I can't go and stay with Danny, Em and Sam. I don't want to force my presence on her. And of course there's still the possibility Danny will kick my ass for last night. Martin thought about it for a few minuets more before deciding the best thing he could do was to go to a hotel.

He needed a little more time before talking to Sam. He needed to know how she felt about him after last night before declaring his undying love for her. But he also needed time to wind down and get over Anna. He couldn't spend two and a half years together and get over her just like that, whether he was in love with another woman or not.

Starting the engine again he pulled the car out in to the traffic and headed off in to a very uncertain future.