Chapter 16

Sam was nervous. It was mid Monday morning and she was about to tell Martin how she feels about him.

She was going to see him on Saturday but then he had called Danny and kyboshed that idea. Apparently Martin told Danny that he was going to be unavailable for an ass kicking until Monday at work. Danny laughed at him. He told Martin things were cool and he'd talk to him at work.

Sam had ended up spending her weekend thinking about what she was going to say to Martin and when. She knew it would have to be at work and although she didn't want to make things awkward at work for the remainder of the day, she was worried that if she didn't do it in the morning she would chicken out.

So here she was sat at her desk constantly glancing at the clock and fiddling nervously with her pen. She was running over what she wanted to say and how she was going to approach the subject in her head. He had seemed a little off this morning, something was bothering him and Sam wanted to help if she could. Or at the very least not make it worse by making him feel uncomfortable by her revelations.

But you have to tell him. It's wrong to keep him in the dark about something like this. A small voice in her head told her. And Sam knew that the voice was right but that didn't make it easier. The last thing she wanted to do was to ruin any potential friendship they may have or to make it difficult for them to work together.

She glanced over at the man in question and saw he was talking to Danny, both clearly avoiding the paper work they were supposed to be doing. But then again so was she. She looked back at the clock and tapped her pen on her coffee mug again.

Danny's phone rang and he left his perch on the edge of Martin's desk to answer it. Sam watched him move across to his desk and took a deep breath. Standing up she walked across to Martin's desk stopping beside him. "Can we talk?" She asked sounding surer than she felt.

Martin looked at her curiously trying to read the emotions crossing her face. "Sure" he turned his chair to face her leaning back to look up at her.

"Not here" She said with a small shake of her head turning away from him and walking out of the bullpen towards the balcony door. Martin glanced at Danny on the phone quickly as he was currently the only other one in the office, before following Sam.

"What's up?" Martin asked as he closed the balcony door behind him.

"Uh…I…um" Sam tried, flustered and suddenly very unsure. "Okay. This could be kind of hard or awkward anyway but I just want you to listen to me. No interruptions okay because I really need to get this out in the open. Okay?" She said hurriedly.

"Okay." Martin replied now wearing a small frown. If Sam was this worked up he couldn't see it being anything good she was about to say.

"I love you." She blurted out "That's what this is about. I've been in love with you for a really long time and you need to know that. I went through hell when you left and some of that was because of the way you left me. But I'm not mad at you for it, or not anymore anyway. It's in the past and that's where it's going to stay.

"I have dreamt of what could have been. You and me and our baby. But I'm almost certain it wouldn't have worked because at the time I wasn't ready. As hard as everything that has happened to me has been I know it's all for the best.

"I've missed you so much. Seeing you suddenly show up again with a fiancée was hard. Knowing you were prepared to have a baby with her so soon after meeting her was harder. But I am happy for you. I love you Martin and although I want to be with you, it's more important to me that you're happy.

"I know that you don't feel the same way about me and that's okay. I don't think I will ever be over you but I can move on from you and move on with my life. I really do wish you and Anna the best of luck. I want us to be friends. I understand if you don't want to be or don't think it would be a good idea but I would like to try.

"I'm telling you all of this because I don't want our professional relationship to be strained by unsaid thoughts and feelings. I'm telling you because I think you have a right to know. And because I have shared a lot of secrets over the past three years and I don't want to start keeping them with you again now. I want to be able to be as open and honest with you as I am the others. Or try at any rate.

"So that's what I wanted to say. I love you but I know that the feelings aren't reciprocated and that I'm okay with that. Well I will be." Sam finished. She had been watching his face through everything she'd said but looked at the ground as she finished. She had been confident whilst telling him her feelings but now she was nervous again to see what his reaction would be.

Martin had done as she asked and stayed silent whilst she talked. He was shocked. Shocked that she had said those three little words he had been desperate to hear for so long. He stared at her for a few moments after she finished trying to work out what he wanted to say or rather how best to say it.

"Sam" He started "I…" But he didn't get any further as the door suddenly opened making both agents jump.

"We gotta case. Need you two inside now" Vivian said heading straight back inside.

"We need to finish this later" Martin said seriously. Sam nodded her agreement as they headed after Vivian.