Winter Journeys
(Author's Note: This story is part of a series that imagines the lives of the JOAN characters after May 2005. Previous stories in the series are REVELATION OF JOAN, RURAL ARCADIA, LOVE AND HONOR, and AUTUMN RITUALS, but they don't have to be read before this one.
On June 23 I made some major changes in this story, dropping the first two chapters to speed up the action. This new chapter 1 is the old chapter 3 and has been extensively revised.
Thanks to LostSchizophrenic for beta-ing this story.)
Chapter 1 Eighteen
It was Sunday, December 4, the day before Joan's 18th birthday. Her parents had decided, in honor of the special occasion, to rent the ballroom at the local hotel and invite every conceivable guest. And since it would be easier for many of those to get there on a weekend night, they had scheduled it for Sunday night, deliberately timing it to run past midnight into the actual day.
Joan, putting on her dress in her room, looked at herself in the mirror, wondering if she was showing too much décolletage. Finally she decided against it, turned toward the bed where several other dresses were laid out.
And found Judith standing behind her.
"Yikes!" shouted Joan. Then she turned around once more to stare at the mirror, wondering why she hadn't seen Judith materialize. "No reflection?"
"No, dead people don't have one. Didn't you ever watch BUFFY?"
"I don't care about the metaphysics. It's great to see you again, Judith, even if it's just on this side. When was the last visit? Halloween?"
"Yep. Been busy."
"Ghosts are busy? Doing what? Haunted-housekeeping?"
"Oh, I have missions, just like you."
"What kind of missions?"
Judith looked puzzled. "They're in the afterlife, and they're sort of hard to explain. But nothing was going to keep me from your birthday."
"Thank you. I suppose being a ghost gives you special powers?"
"Sort of. We don't really regard them as powers, just, the sort of things that go with being a ghost. Walking through walls, being invisible when we like --"
"Sounds like fun."
Something in the word "fun" seemed to sober Judith. "Maybe. But there's one thing that's totally beyond my power. I'll never be eighteen, never be an adult. Enjoy being alive, Joan."
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The number of guests at the party was impressive. Two years ago they were strangers in Arcadia; now look at Joan's circle of friends! Even some of the teachers had come: Harbison, Lischak, and old Driesbach, who had once accused her of cheating but subsequently became a staunch defender of her reputation. Other adults: Father Ken and Professor Begh (who seemed to be talking shop or something) Glynis and Friemann, now married, had come, and there was Elizabeth Groetzman who had acted with Joan in last year's musical. Of course Lily and Kevin had come, and the cousins from North Carolina. But there was one guest Joan was worried about, and ironically the worry was the result of another birthday party.
Luke was only eleven months younger than Joan, almost a fluke of nature, and they had celebrated his 17th birthday last month. The Girardis had invited Grace to stay overnight, in Kevin's old room, something she often did. But in the middle of the night, she had apparently sneaked into Luke's room and offered him a "birthday present", namely herself. It had been intended to be a secret, but Joan had found her there a couple of hours later, naked with her pajamas scattered around the floor. Joan's beloved brother and best friend had entered a new phase of life and left Joan behind.
The rest of Joan's family hadn't been very perturbed, particularly after assurances that the lovers had used "protection" and that Grace wouldn't get pregnant like Glynis. But they had felt honor-bound to tell Grace's parents what had happened, and the Polonskis had been very upset. A rabbi's daughter, losing her virginity at 17, and to a boy outside the faith? Nor were they too pleased when Grace assured them from personal observation that Luke had been circumcised. Grace was now grounded, and specifically forbidden to visit the Girardis.
Joan had been reduced to visiting the Polonskis and asking them to make an exception for her 18th birthday party, a once-in-a-lifetime occasion. They gave in, but Grace still had not shown up.
Adam and Bonnie walked in. Bonnie had been knocked up by some college jerk, and Adam's family had taken her in. She was now at seven months, and looked every day of it. Adam helped her wiggle out of her coat and took it to the cloakroom. A stranger might have thought they were a young couple starting a family. Joan winced at that image. But God had instructed her to invite Bonnie, and could scarcely blame her for coming with Adam. The catch was, she couldn't talk to Adam while Bonnie was there. Just one more barrier between them.
Finally Joan saw Grace come in, and the unconventional girl was actually wearing a dress. Like everybody else, Grace was wearing a heavy coat as protection against the December weather, and started off in the direction of the cloakroom. Joan rushed toward it.
"Hi, she said, as Grace hung up her coat. "Glad you could make it."
"That's your doing," Grace said. She turned around and startled Joan by kissing her on the cheek. "Happy Birthday, and thanks for standing up to Mom."
"Um, don't mention it."
"It's so great to get out of the house. I wish I had a job, like you."
"I don't know if that's going to last. You-know-who warned me that the store was going to need help, it's been bad lately, money-wise." You-know-who was code for God; this place was too public to discuss their secret openly.
"I'm not going to let it get me down. This is my birthday, and I'm going to enjoy it."
"Is Luke here? I need to talk to him. He won't show up at the biology closet anymore, and I want to know why."
Joan sighed, forseeing trouble. She had promised the Polonskis that she wouldn't let the lovers be alone.
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Bonnie was standing in the corner, a wallflower. She hardly knew anybody here, except for Adam, and the Girardis, with whom she was scarcely on good terms. Fortunately she had a built-in conversation piece. A kindly-looking woman had inquired "Is it your first?" and the conversation had proceeded from there. It seemed that she was a farm woman from North Carolina, distantly related to the Girardis.
"I got a couple of them," Bonnie complained, touching the sides of her belly. "There and there."
"Stretch marks. Yes, I had them when I was pregnant, years ago. Don't worry, they usually fade after you've had the baby."
"Thanks."
"Didn't your mother tell you about them?"
"My mom kicked me out when she found I was pregnant. I'm renting from another family. Nice, but they're all guys. I can't talk girl stuff with them."
"That's terrible. Maybe I can help…"
------
"Hello, Mr. Cavalos," said Grace, recognizing Luke's cousin. She and Luke had visited with the couple during the past summer. In retrospect, those two weeks seemed almost Edenic: love and nature without the complications of sex.
"Uncle Jonathan." he corrected genially.
"Okay, Uncle Jonathan. How's the farm?"
"Doing quite well. In fact, I'm planning on hiring a hand when the kids start coming back from college for Christmas."
An idea struck Grace. She had meant it when she had discussed getting a job, but she didn't want to be a wage slave to some grubby capitalist. Jonathan Cavalos was a known quantity whom she respected. "Can I apply?"
"You?"
"I may be a city girl, but I think I learned my way around last summer. Everything from riding horses to shoveling up sh--, um, stuff."
"I'm not doubting your qualifications, but I don't want to keep you away from home during Christmas."
"I'm Jewish."
"Sorry, I didn't know that. During Hanukkah then."
"I think I'm beyond the 'I made a little Dreidl' stage." Besides, Hanukkah is basically a family holiday, and I'm not exactly on good terms with my family anyway.
Uncle Jonathan apparently didn't know what a Dreidl was, but Grace had made her point. "Okay, I'll think about it. Hey, there's Luke. Are you and he still together?"
Grace glared at the boy with whom she had been intimate less than a month ago. "I'm going to find out."
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Joan saw Grace and Luke walk out toward the hallway. Remembering her promise to Mrs. Polonski, Joan dashed after them. Grace, in spite of the kiss she gave Joan half an hour earlier, didn't seem at all happy to see her now. "Butt out, Girardi."
"I promised your mother that I wouldn't leave you two alone, so my butt is staying right here." countered Joan.
Grace snorted. "Everybody is determined to honor my mother and father except me. Doesn't anybody remember 'drinking problem'? Or 'in denial'?"
"That's in the past," Luke said. "I'm trying to fix the future."
"Well, you're doing a stupid job of it. Why won't you meet me in the biology closet? Did you lose interest in me, once you got what you wanted? Now that I've let you pat my ass, a simple kiss isn't fun anymore?"
Eeew, thought Joan. I so did not need to hear that.
"That's not it at all, Grace," insisted Luke. "Your parents don't know how It actually happened. From your parents' point of view, I'm the cad who seduced their daughter and only child. And my whole family is at fault because they didn't protect your virginity. So I'm trying to be as obedient as possible, and try to win back their trust."
"You're a cold, calculating bas----."
"If you say I'm calculating, that's part of my nature, Grace. And I don't consider it cold at all."
"Fine. You don't want to meet, we won't meet. I've been offered a job out of town over the holidays, and I just might take it."
That was a surprise to Joan, since Grace had mentioned job-seeking to her less than an hour ago. But Grace marched back into the ballroom as if she had ended on a note of triumph.
Luke sank down on a hotel bench, looking like he was about to cry. "Less than two weeks after I had it all, and now I'm losing her. Maybe grownups are right; we're just not mature enough to handle sex."
"I think she'll calm down, Luke. And I bet there are some grownups who screw up a lot too."
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"Jane! There you are. Happy Birthday," said Adam in his quiet but intense way. "I made this for you." He handed her a small, round picture, a portrait of Joan herself.
"Oh, it's lovely, Adam! Thank you." She gave him a big hug.
"I was going to give it to you earlier," Adam continued after she released him and he was able to breathe again, "but I couldn't find you."
"Yeah, I must've been with Grace and Luke." After admitting that much, Joan shut her mouth firmly. She was NOT going to quote that conversation.
"Yeah, that happens a lot, doesn't it?"
"What?" said Joan, realizing that his thoughts had gone in a different direction.
"You and Grace and Luke, always together."
So now it was finally in the open. Last summer, God had finally let Luke and Grace into the secret. But Adam had not been included, and that meant that the trio had to meet to compare notes without him. Adam had noticed. Joan had tried to distract him from the obvious during the fall, even during the embarrassment of posing semi-nude for one of his paintings. But it was destined to come up sooner or later.
Adam turned his head. "Ah, there's your Mom. I don't see her often, now that she stopped teaching at school. I need to talk to her." He wandered off.
"Adam--?"
"Happy birthday, Joan," came a familiar voice. Joan turned around to see Old Lady God.
"Is this business or pleasure?" asked Joan curtly, still annoyed about Adam.
"Pleasure, of course. Though I have a word of advice--."
"Thought so."
"Be an adult," God said.
"I can't help that, can I?"
"Physically, no. But you can act like an adult, or a child. Be an adult."
"Okay. Now, I've got a question, and I wish you'd give me a straight answer, in honor of the occasion."
"Ask."
"Adam has known for months that I'm hiding something from him. If I don't tell him about You, he'll feel left out, he does already. If I do tell him, he'll still feel left out, because he's not being treated the same as Luke and Grace. Why can't Adam be in the club, so to speak?"
"It takes all kinds to make a world, Joan. I know because I made all the kinds AND the world. With you and Grace and Luke, I can make a suggestion and you will carry out. But Adam is an artist, and he serves me best by creating his works of art. His inspiration comes from within. A suggestion from another person, even one he knows to be God, won't mean much to him."
"I don't care about the artist side. I just want him to know that I'm not neglecting him. Or at least, not for a bad reason."
"Very well, Joan. In honor of the occasion, when you choose to tell Adam, I will be there to confirm it for you."
"Thanks." Joan scanned the room, looking for Adam, and instead found herself looking at an odd foursome: her rural cousins, Grace, and Bonnie. The Cavalos couple were looking at each other in surprise. Grace was standing besides Uncle Jonathan, and Bonnie by his wife, and the two girls were glaring at each other like a pair of cats about to fight over the same turf. What was THAT about?
"Attention, everybody!" Kevin called out. He held up a small alarm clock, which he had apparently concealed in his chair. "I've got this set for midnight, and now it's only one minute away!"
Joan didn't know at what time of day her mother had borne her, and it didn't really matter. At midnight, it would be December 5, 2005 and she would officially be 18 years old.
Kevin counted the last few seconds aloud, with the rest of the crowd joining in. "Five, four, three, two, one---"
RRRRING!
"There's your wake-up, Joan! Welcome to adulthood."
Joan beamed with pride at her new status. And at the back of the crowd, unnoticed by anybody else, she saw God smile upon her.