Part: (24?)

Writer: Azure K Mello

Summery: Spike casts a spell on Angel to make him lose his soul. Things don't go as planned and instead Angel just opens up about his feelings towards Xander.

This chapter: Giles talks.

Feedback: is adored slash

"What's going on, Xander? I thought you hated him." asked Giles as he drove.

"No, never did. Always wanted him. The spell Spike cast was just one to make him honest about his true love. It made me so angry, I thought it was all fake, it hurt so bad to hear him say all the things I wanted to hear. And he forced me to be honest. He made me tell him why I wouldn't sleep with him if it was the supposed cure. And I told him that he hated me in real-non-spelled-life and that it was the equivalent to rape. And he asked why I cared about raping him and I told him everything. Told him I'd wanted to be with him since we'd met and then Spike told me what the spell really did and I was scared that he was lying. But we slept together because I knew that the spell needed to end and I was scared shitless. And it turned out that Spike was telling the truth."

"Why would Spike cast that spell?" asked Giles wanting to fully understand everything and keep the boy from thinking about Drusilla.

"He thought that if Angel had a moment of "pure happiness" he would lose his soul. He wanted his sire to give a fuck about him and he thought that the only way it would happen was through soul loss-age. But of course Angel's always loved his childer. So he chastised Spike and that was the end of it."

"Spike wanted him to lose his soul? Why didn't he?"

"I was so scared and it made him worry. He was too concerned for it to be perfect, we were both scared shitless. And after the whole 'celibate' thing was over it wasn't desperate enough to be perfect. So no worry there." He blushed slightly thinking about what he was telling Giles, he'd never told anyone about being gay before. Willow must have known deep down but that was different. "So anyway," he was still blushing, "he put a claim mark on me to protect me around Dru because she's kind of crazy and he wanted to make sure she wouldn't touch me. And I love him so much and it's scary how much he loves me. It's amazing."

"You claimed him too? I can feel it in your aura."

"Are you angry at me? I'm finally happy so even if your angry I can't apologize."

"I can't be angry at you for loving him. You deserve happiness. I can't begrudge you any of this and I can't say you're foolish. He protects his family, he'll keep you happy. But, Xander, isn't he too serious?"

"I'm not stupid, Giles, I can hold sentient conversations. He's serious, he's interesting, he's fun, he loves me."

"I don't think you're stupid, Xander, I know you're bright. I just think he's dull for you. He's an adult."

"No he's not. He likes cartoons and Barry Manalow. He thinks I'm funny and clever. He's not a grown up. He's just ancient."

"I just want to make sure you're happy and you know what you're doing."

"I know exactly what I'm doing and who I've tied myself to. He's all I've ever wanted and I'm happy. This is good. He's my mate. And now I have a family of him and Spike and. . . Buffy killed Drusilla."

"Well then I'm happy for you. So he's Drusilla and Spike's sire?"

"Yeah. So now I am too."

"I'm so sorry about Dru."

"Thank you." They pulled up outside the warehouse and Xander said, "You shouldn't come in. If you want Buffy to live I would get her out of the country before sunset."

"When slayer's become reckless and vengeful she's bound to die."

"Are you not telling her to leave?" Xander was shocked.

"I'm not sure," Giles admitted.

Xander got out of the car and shut the door, "I might never see you again, I don't know what's going to happen tonight. Thank you for your kindnesses. Thank you for everything." If he'd been in his right mind he would have hugged Giles but as things stood he just turned and walked in feeling half lost.

Inside he shed his shoes and dropped his jacket onto a chair. In his bedroom he saw Spike curled up against Angel. Angel just looked at him waiting. "Angel, she's dead. I'm so sorry," he said quietly knowing that nothing could ease the pain of Angel's loss or soften the blow of the news. Spike let out a painfully loud keening noise and Angel said nothing but just held Spike close. Xander crawled into bed to wrap his arms around the two men. He felt the pain, Angel's, his own, and more distantly, Spike's. They clung to each other until Spike passed out.

And then Angel stroked Xander's face and asked, "How are you?"

"I. . . barely knew her. I barely got to know her." Angel just nodded cupping the boy's cheek, "But I nearly killed Buffy right there in the hallway as she gloated about murdering her."

"Buffy?" asked Angel slowly.

Xander nodded, "She said it was petty revenge against you. She thought you'd slept with Dru at some point. She did it out of spite. She said that she wanted to be my friend but that she was angry at you. So she killed Dru. What are we going to do, Angel. She killed Dru."

"What will you be able to live with doing?" asked Angel softly.

"I can't kill her," Xander said softly. "I want to. . . but I remember her as my best friend and I can't do it. I want to."

"You want her dead?" asked Angel.

"I want her to pay ten fold."

"So Spike and I will do this, you don't even need to watch, you curl up and get so sleep. We'll make her pay and you won't have it on your soul."

"But it will be on yours," Xander argued.

"No, it would weigh me down if I didn't kill the thing that took my daughter." He pulled Xander closer still so that the boy was half laying on top of Spike and resting against Angel, "Get some rest now."

They both fell into light sleep, light enough to both comfort Spike's every whimper. They only had one childe left between them.