Part: (25?)

Writer: Azure K Mello

Summery: Spike casts a spell on Angel to make him lose his soul. Things don't go as planned and instead Angel just opens up about his feelings towards Xander.

This chapter: Buffy dies Xander receives a gift.

Feedback: is adored

They woke at sunset. Xander was up first, stretching as the vampires blinked at him owlishly. Placing gentle kisses on two foreheads he said, "It's time to get up."

"We can get her back," Spike said, "I had a dream."

"A vision?" asked Angel gently stroking the childe's forehead.

"No a memory. There's a lawyer. I killed 36 people for him two years ago, his wife's side of the family. He owes me. He works at a very evil, powerful law firm. There's a ritual. It kills lots of fledges to bring her back as a human."

"So what about the slayer?" asked Xander. He couldn't say her name; his best friend wouldn't have dusted Dru out of pettiness. "If this is reversible do you still want to kill her?"

"Yes," answered the vampires in unison. "She's a threat," expounded Angel, "This won't be vengeance. It'll be quick."

"Speak for yourself," said Spike but Angel sent him a vicious look and Spike sighed, "Fine, only a few broken fingers."

"I'm gonna go to the Bronze and get Dru's ashes. They might be useful in the ritual thing, even if they're not. . . I hate the idea of them just sitting in the Bronze's parking lot."

Spike looked at the boy, knowing Angel had forbidden him from touching Xander but he didn't know what to do. He felt his sire touch on his thigh and knew he was being given permission. Surging out of bed he threw his arms around Xander and said, "Thank you, sire."

"Don't thank me yet," said Xander as he kissed Spike's mouth softly, chastely. When Spike pulled away Xander struggled to pull his shirt over his sore shoulder. It had become slightly swollen during the healing process.

"Let me?" asked Spike. He knew it was insolent to offer help to his sire. He knew he was suggesting Xander was weak but the boy couldn't get the shirt on. Xander smiled wanly and handed the offending article of clothing to his childe. "Thank you," Spike said again, knowing that if he'd made the offer to Angelus the vampire would have skinned him before accepting help. He slid the material into place with careful movements and then buttoned it up the front. The room was silent and the young vampire didn't like it, anything was better than tenseness so, in a teasing voice he said, "It's hideous."

Xander looked at the shirt, lime green with electric green swirls and said, "I like it. And that's all that really matters, childe." He laughed.

"You'll stand out in the dark, you might glow," Spike pointed out.

And Xander said, "Let's hope, then I can use all my neat new powers to kill stuff." He tapped the end of Spike's nose with a single finger saying, "Be good, have fun killing the slayer." He turned to kiss Angel who'd gotten out of bed to dress and said, "Watch yourselves."

"And you," said Angel resting his forehead against the boy's. He morphed into his real face and Xander smiled again and kissed his slowly. He turned away and left the two vampires alone.

When they heard the warehouse door shut Spike said, "Is he really alight?"

"We're killing his best friend in cold blood to eradicate a threat."

"Yeah, but we're goin' gentle on the bitch."

Angel sighed, "About that. . . let's break all her fingers."

"Agreed," Spike said firmly and then asked, "can we stake her?"

"Seems merciful enough to me."

"With a railroad spike and a stake?"

"That seems a bit much. Giles will be upset. I don't want Xander to lose him forever. The spike will have to do. Have one handy?"

"Bedside table."

"Wonderful. Let's go."

The pile was pathetic. A few inches high. A princess in ashes. He knelt down and started to gently sweep them with his hand into a jar he'd brought. The wind blew and he caught a face full. It smelled of her perfume and he thought disgustedly, "You're breathing in your childe," and then sneezed. When he opened his eyes he thought, "Fuck me," and closed them again.

The stars were huge and screaming at him. They danced in the sky. And kept saying, "You're so loved. You're so perfect. Come dance with us, Xander, you're effulgent." He finished scooping up her ashes and hurried home. Most of the way, he kept his eyes shut. He touched the buildings and they would give him directions. They would also tell him their whole history. He saw births, deaths, sex, murder, love. And it was all too beautiful and loud. But when he opened his eyes it worse because everything shone too brightly; it hurt.

When he got to the warehouse he fled upstairs and fell on the bed still wearing shoes. It was gentle and soft. He could hear the minions who'd slept there they were almost mindless and blessedly quiet. It smelled of Angel and he could feel the love encasing him as the bed itself whispered, "You're always welcome inside of me." Sleep overtook him. He dreamt.

Across town Angel halted and said, "Finish this."

Put out Spike said, "I know we said merciful but it's barely been ten minutes. Only eight of her fingers are broken. And she won't scream."

Reaching over, Angel caused a snapping noise and said, "Satisfied? Xander's in trouble hurry up."

"Sorry, love, don't mean to slight you but-" he twisted the spike that was already in her chest. She made a final whimpering sound and stopped breathing, "let's go."

Within five minutes they were running into the warehouse. Angel took the stairs three at a time and was in their room with speed imperceptible to the human eye. "Xan?"

"Angel?" asked the boy groggily. "Is it you?"

"Look at me," commanded the vampire but Xander was scared to. He didn't want to see Angel with these scary eyes.

Not looking up, not opening his eyes Xander said, "Drusilla gave me her gift."

"I need you to look at me, Xander," Angel said softly trying to sound calm and unshaken. He didn't touch the boy he knew, from experience with Drusilla, that unexpected touch would not be welcome.

Xander shook his head, "I'm too scared to see you. Everything is majorly wigging to look at."

"What do I have to do to get you to open your eyes?" Angel asked softly.

Reaching blindly Xander said, "Take my hand. It'll get me ready."

"I'm covered in slayer blood, Xand."

"Spike says it's an aphrodisiac," Xander said still reaching for his mate.

"He told you that?"

"No, he told Dru that." When he touched Angel he heard nothing more than what he normally heard through the bond. He did however, see the vampires killing Buffy and he said, "Thank you for being light to her. She didn't know what she was doing." Angel made an assenting noise and Xander opened his eyes. He gasped for air when he saw Angel. "Oh, beautiful."

"Am I all shiny?" asked Angel with a small smile, relieved that Xander could look at him. The boy's eyes were glowing gold and green but Angel didn't comment.

"No, you're just you," said Xander happily as he leaned in for a kiss. Angel was drenched in her blood and Xander could smell Buffy on him but didn't care. He kept kissing, ignoring the voice that was urging him to breathe, Angel tasted of love. "Will this go away when she comes back?"

"I don't know."

"Can we pack right now and find out very soon?" the boy sounded eager.

Angel laughed, "Yes, let me call for Spike."

The pair was thrilled when Spike said they only had to go to LA. Everything they needed was cleared out of the warehouse in under a half hour. "Are we doing the right thing?" asked Angel as Spike drove. Xander was leaning against his mate, the world outside the car was making him feel ill.

"For her or the world?" asked Spike.

"Fuck the world," Angel said emphatically.

"She wants to be back," Xander said with certainty. "She may have been born into pain but she loves her unlife. She loves Spike, and the sky, and small animals."

"You have to turn her the minute she's back," said Spike. "She can't cope with a soul."

Angel expected Xander to object but the boy murmured, "Beautiful birds, all in a row, feed with seed, punish with pitchfork." He laughed, "I've done enough. Thank me now, Spike."

"Thank you," said the young vampire obediently.

"Xander," called the older vampire softly, "need you sane for a moment." Xander opened his eyes but was careful to only look at Angel. The glow of his eyes lit the interior of the car. "Are we doing the right thing?"

Spike snorted but Xander just nodded and looked sad, "She's not in a good place, Gelus, she needs her Spiky to protect her." He shut his eyes again. Spike said nothing but pushed the accelerator.